Dom/Sub Intimacy

Dom/Sub Intimacy (Full Version)

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MasterSteve57 -> Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 7:56:05 PM)
I had an interesting conversation with a sub recently that got me thinking on the subject of intimacy. It seems to me that in our everyday lives we wear many different masks. We have a co-worker mask, a friend mask, and perhaps a parent mask or a child mask. And then there is that most defensive mask, the one we wear when we venture out into public. True intimacy is based on trust. Only when we are with someone we greatly trust are we able to shed ALL our masks and achieve the deep intimacy we all desire so much. Then, and only then, can we can make ourselves emotionally and psychologically naked and vulnerable. The dom/sub relationship allows me to share incredibly profound levels of intimacy with submissives. That's not surprising as it's based on the open sharing of our most personal and private fantasies and deepest erotic needs. Our fantasies feed off each other as we achieve levels of arousal and pleasure others can only dream of. Also, though every human has erotic fantasies, we doms and subs are fortunate indeed in that we have handy labels we can use to seek out and find others who share our same fantasy (or should I say a reciprocal version of the same fantasy). Sadly, the masses often go to their graves having never explored their most innermost fantasies. I feel sorry for them. =- Just some thoughts...

chamberqueen -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 8:02:48 PM)
I totally agree. There is one mask that you left out - the mask we sometimes use for ourselves. Since being in a relationship where I can truly trust someone I have found that I am peeling away the masks that I've used to pretend that I am strong and don't have to rely on anyone. It can be scary, but it is worth the risk when the one that you trust sees the results and draws even closer. I have gotten so much more out of a truly good lifestyle relationship than I ever expected.

MadRabbit -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 8:05:36 PM)
All the poor, poor unelightened vanilla people out there who never achieve what we have.... sighs

HerLord -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 8:10:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit All the poor, poor unelightened vanilla people out there who never achieve what we have.... sighs ROFLMMFAO Thanks... needed that

chaosforge -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 10:04:50 PM)
kinky people wear masks too. the ones made out of leather. okay, to be serious, we need the mask. sad but true. if we didn't need the metaphorical facade, then that would mean we'd imposed all that was "good" in our minds on to others, there by dishonoring their rights and opinions. still it is nice to come home and be ourselves... -just phoenix

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 10:36:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57 Also, though every human has erotic fantasies, we doms and subs are fortunate indeed in that we have handy labels we can use to seek out and find others who share our same fantasy (or should I say a reciprocal version of the same fantasy). Sadly, the masses often go to their graves having never explored their most innermost fantasies. I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for people who delude themselves into thinking kinky people are able to use labels and experience fantasies on any deeper or more meaningful a level than non-kinky people. It limits them so much from really understanding relationships in a broader human sense.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 10:36:18 PM)
quote: The dom/sub relationship allows me to share incredibly profound levels of intimacy with submissives. NO The dom/sub "relationship" doesn't do jack shit, any reading of this forum can tell you that. PEOPLE who allow (and even harder LEARN to make) themselves emotionally and psychologically naked and vulnerable. People do that, SOME people, few in fact.

HerLord -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 10:39:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chaosforge kinky people wear masks too. the ones made out of leather. okay, to be serious, we need the mask. sad but true. if we didn't need the metaphorical facade, then that would mean we'd imposed all that was "good" in our minds on to others, there by dishonoring their rights and opinions. still it is nice to come home and be ourselves... -just phoenix I had never really thought of it this way... maybe I should go find a mask somewhere... But then again... If Home is where the heart is... Then my Home is every where I am and hence the mask is not needed at all.

chaosforge -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/28/2008 10:53:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57 True intimacy is based on trust. Only when we are with someone we greatly trust are we able to shed ALL our masks and achieve the deep intimacy we all desire so much. Then, and only then, can we can make ourselves emotionally and psychologically naked and vulnerable. The dom/sub relationship allows me to share incredibly profound levels of intimacy with submissives. That's not surprising as it's based on the open sharing of our most personal and private fantasies and deepest erotic needs. Our fantasies feed off each other as we achieve levels of arousal and pleasure others can only dream of. Also, though every human has erotic fantasies, we doms and subs are fortunate indeed in that we have handy labels we can use to seek out and find others who share our same fantasy (or should I say a reciprocal version of the same fantasy). Sadly, the masses often go to their graves having never explored their most innermost fantasies. I feel sorry for them. =- Just some thoughts... the OP never said that deep connection and intimacy is exclusive to those with labels. He was speaking from his own expirience and observation. i serious doubt he feels that "normal" people are incapable of great relationships, though he may be aware of divorce stats.. i'm just saying that all his thoughts aren't in the wrong. intimacy does in deed require trust among other fun things. -just phoenix edited cuz i'm sleepy and forgot words.

LadyPact -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 2:24:57 AM)
Give the guy a break. While I'm not saying for a moment that kinky people have the trust/intimacy thing down so much better than our counterparts, there's nothing wrong with seeing that level of depth in a relationship, and recognizing it for what it is. Some people have it, are fortunate to be so, and have worked to obtain that in themselves and the person they share it with. I don't believe for a second that everyone has that. If we did, we'd be much happier people in general. I'm certainly not against anyone taking a step back, looking at their life, and appreciating what they have and the things they get to experience. I've done it a time or two Myself. Sitting here now, I can tell you that I'm remembering a particular morning last fall, when there was this beautiful blue sky. I was sitting on the patio, looking at the trees, quite happy and content. I'd had a wonderful evening prior, and I tend to stay rather spacey the following day when I've had a particularly wonderful bit of play the night before. I just sat there thinking about all of the delicious things I'd done, and yes, I admit it. I kept saying over and over to Myself...... This is My life, and there are a lot of people who will never know what it's like to have this moment. I'm not saying other types don't have those thoughts of how fantastic their experiences are. I'm sure skydivers certainly feel for us non-jumping lot. That we don't know the thrill, the exhilaration of what it is that they do. I'll bet they look at the marvelous adventures that they have, and realize some will never know how it makes them feel inside. I'd wager they even feel bad for us grounded types once in a while, because we don't experience what they do. What I'm saying is, if you've got something that you're fortunate enough to have, that some people might never get, appreciate it. Recognize it for what it is. Take the time to be thankful for it. If that it happens to be a who, I'll bet they'll be glad to hear it.

HerLord -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 2:32:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact What I'm saying is, if you've got something that you're fortunate enough to have, that some people might never get, appreciate it. Recognize it for what it is. Take the time to be thankful for it. If that it happens to be a who, I'll bet they'll be glad to hear it. simply poetic. and true. seldom are the two a pair.

RumpusParable -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 3:31:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57 Also, though every human has erotic fantasies, we doms and subs are fortunate indeed in that we have handy labels we can use to seek out and find others who share our same fantasy (or should I say a reciprocal version of the same fantasy). Sadly, the masses often go to their graves having never explored their most innermost fantasies. I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for people who delude themselves into thinking kinky people are able to use labels and experience fantasies on any deeper or more meaningful a level than non-kinky people. It limits them so much from really understanding relationships in a broader human sense. Spot on.

DesFIP -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 4:29:19 AM)
My uncle and aunt were married nearly 50 years. They were vanilla. They had true intimacy. Kinky people have more intimacy in a good kinky relationship because they're wired for kink. Vanilla people have more intimacy in a good vanilla relationship because they're wired for vanilla. Don't delude yourself that you're more special because you like your sex different. You aren't. Relationship skills are relationship skills; vanilla, chocolate or tutti-frutti.

OldBastardly1 -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 5:30:58 AM)
Personally, I view a collaring much like a marriage. Based on that view, I would guess that kink people have a higher "release from a collar" ratio, than vanilla people have a divorce rate. No real stats here, just a guess. And this is just my view of the significance of a collar. Some people view the significance of a collar to be more akin to "going steady". With that said, I don't think kink or vanilla have any significance on a person's ability to truly value life, the inner self , their partner or the blessings in their life. Now I need to go hug a flower or something.

lanie38 -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 5:55:35 AM)
My most intimate moments with him have absolutely nothing to do with sex....and nothing to do with trust...but all to do with acceptance, devotion and commitment...

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 7:13:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit All the poor, poor unelightened vanilla people out there who never achieve what we have.... sighs aaaaaaaw yes... the typical ... we are better post... wrapped up with pity for them..... Rather pathetic!

CreativeDominant -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 7:29:12 AM)
While I will agree with you that masks are worn for different parts of our lives and I will also agree...to a lesser extent...that it takes a certain amount of trust to drop those masks in front of others, I have to disagree with the idea that being in D/s makes it any easier or even, more acceptable. I know a D/s couple who have been together since 2001. That's seven years (hmmmm...going to have to ask her about that 7 yr. itch thing). She shows many faces to her submissive but she never drops the strength mask. She saves the side of herself that is unsure, the parts that are emotionally unsteady, for her husband and for me as her former dominant. He is allowed to see that side of her and I am allowed to see that side of her from yet another level. Yet, what she shares with her submissive is an intimacy unlike that she shares with either her husband or me. Her marriage is vanilla-based...there is no D/s between the two of them. Yet, they are a couple who have been through the monogamy route, they have been through the swinger's route, they are now involved in a vanilla-D/s twist: He has a submissive and so does she. She relates to me in a submissive manner as a friend/former submissive. As a couple, they relate to each other in a non-kink, non-D/s way. They share dreams and fantasies as a couple that have nothing to do with D/s. Sounds a bit strange I know, but it works wonderfully for them...unless they are putting on a helluva good act.

Lynnxz -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 7:33:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit All the poor, poor unelightened vanilla people out there who never achieve what we have.... sighs aaaaaaaw yes... the typical ... we are better post... wrapped up with pity for them..... Rather pathetic! I'm 99% sure he was being sarcastic. [&:]

HerLord -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 7:37:33 AM)
Lynxxx... I am glad I wasn't the only one who saw it...

MadRabbit -> RE: Dom/Sub Intimacy (4/29/2008 7:54:02 AM)
If your erotic fantasies are the deepest and most intimate level of your soul, then I would question just how shallow of a person you are. I've found intimacy to develop when I expose vulnerable parts of my psyche to someone. Emotions, bad memories, insecurities, fears, sins... That kind of vulnerability certainly is not limited to kinky people, because it has nothing to do with kink. So sorry....I don't agree with the OP and can't say my experiences relate. The intimacy I have developed with partners in the past stemmed from the open sharing of emotions and experiences, not because I confided in someone my kink for spanking that I am somewhat embaressed about. I don't take these posts seriously, because it's just simply bullshitting one's self into thinking that the sharing kink is the ultimate gateway to intimacy and one that only the kink community has. To me, this is really just a testament to the lack of self acceptance people have with their own kink, because it doesn't take a lot of rapport for me to share the details of my kink side with friends. Share the things you have done that you are most ashamed of, the things you are most afraid of, and the things you don't like about yourself and then maybe we can talk about deep intimacy and trust in a relationship

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