|
BlackPhx -> RE: Is BDSM enough or is there more? (4/28/2008 6:58:54 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy
Has anyone found the BDSM part of your life making it impossible to get the rest ... or vice versa?
That is a yes and no answer for me.
Master wanted a submissive masochist, a partner to travel through life with, a permanent sex toy..he got me instead [:D]
I never had a problem finding someone to lay pain to my flesh, but could never find the emotional match. Yep been married several times, to submissives, switches, dominants..just never worked out, something didn't match up to the point where it broke the marriage. This has included abuse of me and children, me paying off massive debts after divorce, him becoming so much a part of his job that i could have named the company computer as co-respondant in the divorce, and the last, no sexual connection after the first year, emotional abuse and battery and finally a finding of child porn on his computer. One would think I have lousy taste in men..well I did until I met Himself. Younger than me by 15 years but extremely stable emotionally, mentally and financially. Intelligent, Sadistic, prefers older women [:D] and someone I could actually relax with not constantly look under the rug or over my shoulder to see what crisis I was going to have to handle.
Umm you do know that a lot of Switches, Submissives and even Masochists tend to be control freaks that surpass anything the Dominant may be? We tend to be responsible not only for your well being, home, health, laundry, bills, happiness but damned near everything that goes wrong as well and how to fix it. We are usually so busy trying to make your life easy I suspect it tends to be hard for you to know where your control begins and ends, after all we are doing it in your name and for you to ease your life [:D] Don't worry about us, we will happily sit here in the dark as long as you have the light you need.
So Yes it can make it hard, we need the BDSM as a part of our lives, but we often find one or the other for short periods long before we find someone to Share our lives with. The minutea of the day to day world can keep us away from that BDSM need as well as we tend, just like the vanilla's, to forget to make time for each other keeping up with everything else.
We have to fit it in around kids, jobs, housework, bills, social obligations, family holidays etc...and that means making a special effort to do just that. Poke it in every hole (NOT THOSE HOLES..SHEESH) you can..while cooking, cleaning, watching tv, paying bills. Remember to appreciate what is done for you, Top and Bottom, the meals that are your favorite, the night out at the restaurant or the pizza brought in so someone isn't cooking, the shirt ironed at 11 PM so you have it the next day, the errands run, the head held over the toilet when you are sick. Thank your partner for these, and make special time just for yourselves to explore your needs and hungers. It is so easy to forget them as you rush through the days but if you have to stop and say thank you, even if it was your due, you will find that it reminds you of how much BDSM is a part of each day.
Master thanks me every day for some of the little things that I normally consider his due as both husband and Master, and it reminds me of all the things in our lives that are part and parcel of BDSM even when we are not dancing. I thank him for the little things he does as well, for each is a gift that makes my life wonderful and reminds me of just how precious I am to him. He doesn't always understand why I say thank you if he fixes something, after all it is his house and keeping it in repair is part and parcel..but it means I rarely have to wait or ask him twice if something needs to be fixed. No Nag zone [:)] and he is always startled when he is out on the road when he comes home to grass that has been mowed ( love the neighborhood lawn boy) or something has been taken care of while he is gone. For him to come home and NOT have a thousand things to do, means we have time together, and if the dishes don't make it out of the sink for the weekend..oh well..we had more important things to do..for each other.
So yes it is possible to find it, but it takes time and growing together, it won't happen over night and if it does, it can vanish just that quickly if you don't work at it.
poenkitten ( who knows relationships are work, they don't pay off in dollars, but they do bring an abundance if you work at it)
|
|
|
|
