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shutting someone out rant - 4/22/2008 4:30:37 PM   
pahunkboy


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ok. I spoke to my brother this evening.  He is hyper-busy working.  Critical of everyone around him, and in his words "drinking alot".

I am abit dissappointed that he threw out a ceiling fan he promised me.  I dont want to live in his world, or my sisters world, or my other brothers world.  So I was told I have to "get it together". 

Not everywhere-everyone does the same thing.  Some of us actually stop and smell the roses.

Once again, he cut the call short- happens all the time.

It is nothing personal. 

So my question is this-

1. what behavior do humans do that repels you?

2. do people in your life reflect your goals, aspirations, the essence of you?

3.  how often are you content.  You "arrived" so enjoy  ?

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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/22/2008 5:00:52 PM   
DesFIP


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What do you expect from a drunk?

This is what you get when associating with people under the influence. They have no brakes on their thoughts, speech or actions. Some get sloppy, some get mean, some get hypercritical.

Next time he calls up drunk ask him to call back when sober and then hang up. And call him some time just to see how he is, not to scrounge stuff.

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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/22/2008 5:25:26 PM   
RealityLicks


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If one of my family told me to get it together, I'd be hurt too.  Not worth shutting them out for, though.  Just chill for a while.

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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/22/2008 6:14:32 PM   
heartcream


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I have heard it said that when something someone else does really annoys me, angers me, gets me riled it up it is because it is a part of me that I havent recognized in myself yet, havent accepted in myself or dealt with yet. I find that in itself annoying but true. I dont like when folks are condescending, acting superior hidden under a veil of 'positivity'. I dont like folks being incompassionate, glib, cold and mean. I dont like it when folks gang up on someone to make themselves look/feel better.

I loathe folks abusing people or children, animals, or our planet. I dont like greed, folks stepping on others for their own gain.

Honestly I dont have that many friends, I never have but I have a small handful of people who know me and love me and I feel so amazed to have these folks as dear friends. I love folks who are real, who show their emotions and speak their mind, not to hurt, or to be 'honest' but to show where they are at. I love folks with a sense of humor and creativity.

I am pretty content all around but I could get even more comfy I imagine. I aim to take myself to greater heights of comfort and joy, and share it with those I desire to.

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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/22/2008 8:30:09 PM   
Poetryinpain


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy
1. what behavior do humans do that repels you?

I am repelled by people who are inconsiderate or rude to people who are less able to take care of themselves - children, the elderly, the disabled.

quote:

2. do people in your life reflect your goals, aspirations, the essence of you?

Some do, some don't. My best friend of 35 years is perfectly happy slaving away all day at a repetitive job, but she is honest and ethical, and she pays her rent on time. Other friends reflect my joie de vivre. Others, my drive to be productive and useful. I can't say there's any one friend who's a total reflection of me (thank goodness), but each friend touches me in a different way.

quote:

3.  how often are you content.  You "arrived" so enjoy  ?

I am more often than not contented. I haven't 'arrived' yet, though. I may never arrive, but I'm enjoying the journey.

pip, a contented little pussycat (and who else remembers that book?)


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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/22/2008 10:13:53 PM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

1. what behavior do humans do that repels you?



Inhumanity, hatred and pettiness. People picking on anyone who is 'different', who doesn't 'fit in' with their version of society. People who gang up on others, the mob mentality.. as if we've got four legs and grow wool.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

2. do people in your life reflect your goals, aspirations, the essence of you?



No, they don't. People are an integral part of my dreams and hopes. I don't have goals.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

3.  how often are you content.  You "arrived" so enjoy  ?



How often am I content? At least once daily. I haven't arrived. Though you'd be welcome to my funeral and witness my arrival for yourself.


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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/23/2008 5:54:00 AM   
pahunkboy


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It repels me in the sense that I had planned to visit.  The timing isnt good.  It may never be good.  It is 12 hours drive.

Alot of moments I am happy.  My day is quite well.

He said if immigrants can make alot of money, then I should.

He works hard,maybe too hard.

The world dynamics are changing. Im plotting how to get my errends done on a bike-- that sort of thing.

He said hopefully he will be less busy in the fall.

Mom harly calls him.  Gee when one is too busy--- and cant talk- ..... Illd like to lay into him about moms kitchen sink.  He took it out to remodle, 6 months ago.    all this time she has no kitchen sink.   he is too busy to finish that.  I told mom that she HAD a sink in PA, and would still have one if she hadnt moved.

supposedly he is going to give her a extra $1000 toilet.  [is it really better then $100 toilet?]   and  she wont want to wait the time it takes since she goes alot.

I sense that major depression is coming per him.  [like before]

................................

oh well.

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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/23/2008 6:23:00 AM   
RCdc


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This is Darcy

I am repelled by laziness, intolerances like racism, sexism etc, but most of all by rudeness.

Generally the people who are in my life are those who I value, and who make my life a better place. Basically unless you are adding something to my life (and that can be in the smallest things, such as just making me smile now and again) then I'm sorry, but life is too short, and I have too many other people who do add to my life to nanny or put up with anyone who is 'hard work'.

As for being content, I am pretty much content all of the time these days. I have a wonderful partner, great friends, a good job, a fertile creative output, and the respect of my peers. Life is pretty good.

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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/23/2008 6:34:53 AM   
sirsholly


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your poor mom has been without a kitchen sink for six months and now this fool is talking about removing her toilet??? Not just 'no' but 'hell no'!!!

Think about his state of mind to leave an elderly woman without a sink for six months. Perhaps it is the drinking. Perhaps it is depression. Perhaps he is a thoughtless jerk. You mention he is working a great deal and making a good living. Then he can certainly pay a plumber to install a sink.

If this is the way he treats his own mother please don't be suprised he is not a ray of sunshine toward you. This man has issues.


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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/23/2008 6:59:25 AM   
pahunkboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

your poor mom has been without a kitchen sink for six months and now this fool is talking about removing her toilet??? Not just 'no' but 'hell no'!!!

Think about his state of mind to leave an elderly woman without a sink for six months. Perhaps it is the drinking. Perhaps it is depression. Perhaps he is a thoughtless jerk. You mention he is working a great deal and making a good living. Then he can certainly pay a plumber to install a sink.

If this is the way he treats his own mother please don't be suprised he is not a ray of sunshine toward you. This man has issues.



this is the ugly side of him.  bothersome cos I know he has a better side in him.  He thinks  she is getting dementia/alhimers due to the cat situation, and is too busy  babysitting the grandson.

The cat episode was a downer- but give it a few weeks.  Everyone makes mistakes. This is NOT dementia.

On her grandson, I think it is wonderful she is in the kids life.  In PA she lived for the TV set. Now she is active.

It rubs me- in that I recently got a lecture on my partying thing. 

He is too much of a tightwad to pay a plumber.   Im temtped to attempt to hook it up myself.

I guess the punchline is that a negative person, a person that puts out negative vibes- isnt a magnet for people to want to be around.

I am tiffed that last year when he came with the U-haul to get my mother; I told him flat out- that her well being is in his hands. That Im passing that responsibility onto him. [as now I am accross country]

My mom can be quirky at times.  But she is still  our mom. 

I cant tell if is was too much booze, or what.

He wants this impossible, unrealistic life.   When he was a young boy, he did not get alot of attention.  [3 other siblings] 

He insists on earning alot of money.  He is talented with work skills that people willpay for.

He absolutely HATES Pennsylvania.

To me, having food, roof, heat,  the basics is happyness.



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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/23/2008 7:47:32 AM   
Termyn8or


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My Mother would KILL me if she had no kitchen sink for six months. Either that or she would plot for me a fate worse than death. (probably show up with scissors demanding my testicles or something like that lol)

A kitchen sink can be a sore spot for us, because of what happened years ago. I tore her kitchen out and found a gaping hole under it where there was supposed to be floor. It was a mess. Of course it took longer than expected because I had to fix the floor, which involved replacing about ¼ of it.

I also had to rerun the drain all the way to the main stack. I also had to upgrade her electrical panel to accomodate more circuits and a 220 line for the new central AC. And due to conditions, everything had to be in conduit.

While she can pottymouth with the best of us (oh and we are the best), she has this tone of voice, it's partial anger and partial being on the verge of tears, and she does not cuss when she gets in that mode. I would rather listen to a thousand fingernails dragged across a chalkboard than to hear this.

Anyway, shutting people out, blood means nothing. You don't want friends to drag you down, I see no reason to let family do it.

And chosen family can be just as bad. I got a few of those I choose not to speak with. One guy drinks too much, now mind you I drink, but there are limits. This guy can drive, walk, do just about anything. But his mentality becomes that of a little kid.

Oh, and the thousand dollar toilet, tell her to tell him to shove it up his, well just make sure it does not get a sunburn. My buddy schooled me on this when I went to buy one. None of them use over two gallons of water to flush so what are you buying ? Junk. It's not that you are buying junk, but you are paying about five times what something is worth.

Nominal surface area of water in the bowl is a big thing, a very important spec. The bigger the better. And I don't see any reason to pay more than $200 for something you are going to shit and piss in. Mine was $160 and it is fine.

Your Mother is a Woman I presume, as such I can't see how she would ever put up with not having a kitchen sink for more than a few days. Is this an issue destined for Judge Judy or something ?

And if your bro works so much, why doesn't he just pay someone to finish the job ? When I don't have the time to do something, that's what I do. Actually anything I don't feel like doing.

One thing's for sure, when someone gives you grief, there is nothing wrong with returning the favor. And don't lament or fret about it, you think they are when they do it to you ? Hell no. One of the things I would say to him is "Yeah, and the old phrase 'everything but the kitchen sink' takes on a whole new fucking meaning with you doesn't it !".

Watch out when you take my advice though, I come from a family of very competitive people, to the point almost of being adversarial, but certainly to the point of being quite critical of one another.

And the thing is with people who are drinking, some listen, some do not. Your words might just go out the other ear.

Actually I must admit that CM helped me. I try to use CM rules in an adversary situation. Let's say the guy is a workaholic and a drunk. Well he either knows that or he doesn't. So calling him that is futile. If he knows it, he'll just say "yup" and your words go out the other ear. If he doesn't know it he is not going to believe you and again, out the other ear.

Like here, if you think someone's viewpoint is stupid, you don't just come out and say it. Just state your case and let the conclusions be drawn by the readers. In this case it would be listeners I guess but it boils down to the same thing.

And everything boils down to this, if you think you are wrong, I really don't know what to say. But if you think you are right don't let them beat you down, don't take any shit from anyone except occasionally from your boss if you did fuck up.

If he seems to be drinking alot, well maybe you need to quaff a couple and then call him. Heaven forbid he be sober and have to listen to you for a change. I didn't say get falling down, rip roarin' piss on the floorin' drunk. Just enough to adjust your attitude for the conditions that are coming.

T

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RE: shutting someone out rant - 4/23/2008 8:34:30 AM   
kdsub


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Hi pahunkboy

I don’t know your true family situation BUT they seem to care for you enough to try and change you. Right or wrong they care.

You are lucky in some ways… there are many whose family could care less about them. They are truly alone…I mean alone and desperate for love.

I am not exactly answering your question and could be totally wrong but the above is the impression I get from you past comments about your family.

Butch

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