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Living Life - 4/20/2008 5:54:49 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I am after peoples opinions on discovery and life.
 
The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?
 
Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?
 
Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow?
 
Does 'searching' achieve anything positive?
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction
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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 6:12:47 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i'm not sure how a person does not live the life they have.  One breath follows another and there seems to be no advantage to not living the life one has while in the process of discovering the life they want.

i have not worried overmuch about the location or destination of where my life may go but rather just to do whatever i could to make sure i was travelling forward.  i could never have defined my needs or my destination 20 or 30 or 40 years ago.  i only knew there was something odd about me and i knew there was something more i wanted but dammit all why not have fun in the meantime?  Why not see each new day as an adventure in its own right?

i remember the beautiful dress my sister-in-law bought for my new baby and how i put it away for a special occassion.  Well that child never once wore that dress because she grew out of it before i ever found that 'special' occassion.  i decided i would never be that foolish again.  Each day is a special occassion.

i've also learned that all human disappointment is the result of other people not doing or being what you expect them to.  So expectations are the seed of disappointment.  Having a direction is one thing but having expectations is completely different unless one is able to deal with disappointments in a positive and constructive way.

It was only by acting the Domme that i learned i was not and could not.  Let's face it, life isn't something that happens to you, it's what you make happen for yourself. 

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 6:13:45 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Oh hell... my life so frequently changes direction that if I waited to see exactly where things were going before I started moving... I'd have missed all my best opportunities.  Life is a process of discovery, and that requires movement.  If we stand still, waiting until we are certain of everything before we move... none of us would ever get anywhere.  I'm not advocating that people should rush into anything and everything with abandon... there's a balance to be struck.  We must all take risk, but we must all also try to minimize and manage that risk.  That is, if I make an investment I must necessarily take a risk... I minimize and manage it by doing some research on that investment first.  If I pursue a new business venture I take a risk... I minimize and manage that risk by formulating a good business plan first.  If try a dangerous new hobby or sport I take a risk... I minimize or manage that risk by learning about it from someone knowledgeable first.  If I seek a new submissive I take a risk... I minimize or manage that risk by taking my time, being selective, adhering to some personal standards and getting to know the submissive first.

I didn't sit down and contemplate my navel until I "discovered" I was dominant... I lived my life according to my own nature and then, inretrospect, realized that dominant is who I already was.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 6:26:50 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		wow, thank heavens I have had My coffee---I can only speak to My journey through life---
 
quote:

The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?

 
 
IMHO, I think you have to, we see so many people in this life and in that  life out there--spend  time and energy looking or waiting for what I call "there" ---some fantasy defined and painted life ideal---that they miss what is in front of them--I think living it whilst you search helps the search and helps your ability to see more clearly, to more clearly define and to know when you have arrived.
 
quote:

Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?


 
I think allot of us do, many of us do not understand what the "calling" is, what the missing element is and so we go along with the basics or with what society says we should--until we define whats missing or even sadly until we are so far along that we do not feel we can take a life altering path. And life has a funny way of putting things in our path we least expect---
 
quote:

Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow? 

 
Sexual, yes, intimate--no--for Me, initmacy denotes a complete sharing of one's self and if My head isn't straight or close to it, I don't bring much to the table IMHO.  I have deliberately held back from certain aspects of My life until I felt I could bring value and depth to a relationship with another beyond the sexual.
 
Expectations or going with the flow---this one was hard--because I expected that I would be married with children and a house etc etc  like My parents--so I went with the flow--however, that flow was a current that was drowning the real Me--the who I wanted to be- ( and that was not it, parts of it, but not the total)---so at a point in My life--I stopped the presses, addressed the Me and what the Me was looking for and rebuilt slowly to get to the now Me.
 
Searching accomplishes answers and knowledge---that to Me is important to make decisions, it doesn't mean I can't back out--but if I don't know, how do I know what I don't know?? At the end of My life, I want to be reliving moments not regretting what might have been.



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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 6:30:05 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I've always had a plan.
However plans don't always come to fruition.
When I realise I am not going to be able to achieve what I needed from the plan I move on.
However plans usually require more than one person to achieve.
If I can successfully dominate the others into accepting my plan as their own then I have a much better chance of succeeding. If we all get some kind of pay back then it was worth their submission. If I am the only person who gets any pay back then I feel guilty.
And guilt is not an emotion I enjoy.
It took me a very long time to understand this about myself.
In my case dominant can not equate with selfish or selflessness. Rather somewhere inbetween. The balance is always changing in any relationship.

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 7:04:38 AM   
pineapplesub


Posts: 39
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline 		I think that idly waiting around for the right thing to "come along" can be a huge mistake.  I'm not saying standards aren't good, but I think they are overly used.  We tend to get stuck in a rut of "This is what I want" so firmly that when something comes along that might be good for it, we refuse it because it's not the exact shade we want.  I don't think it's fair to ourselves or the other people involved.  (And I'm not talking just romantic or D/s relationships here, either.)

And I personally feel that the confusion I have about my orientation/path/position will likely get cleared up as I live life.  I'm pretty darned young, and realize that I'm likely not going to find that perfect "it" any time.  Takes time and practice.  So I'm just fine with wandering down this path and that til I find a good fit: job, position, destination, and all the rest.

Besides, what's the point of making elaborate plans if it doesn't leave you enough time to follow through with them?  I'm sort of inclined to think part of the fun is getting lost.

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 7:17:50 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It sounds like you are lost and confused.

For one thing, unless you are dead you are living life.  Maybe not fully, but you are somehow muddling through.

For most it is a style of evolution, learning more about yourself - often with the help of others, and if you are true to yourself changing your ways.  The path to fulfillment is full of twists and turns, some pot holes, but it is worth it.

You don't have to put yourself in a box, i.e. I am a submissive baby gurl with slavelike tendencies who will only be happy with a Dom with these exact qualities.  You should at least recognize the basics in yourself.  Are you happier being a top or bottom?  How much of your life to you want to be in that role?  (Part time, full time, etc.)  There is nothing wrong with dating, sex, sessions, while you are on the road to self discovery.  Just be careful to keep within your own defined integrity.

The subs that come to me with a list of exactly what they think they are, and their exact requirements for a Mistress, are the ones I am most likely to wish luck with someone else.  The true definition of the relationship should come from both parties working together and communicating well.  Your first choice may not be your final one, but if you can learn more about your own wants and needs then your time hasn't been wasted.

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 7:27:12 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Life - my life is the journey, not the destination. I never arrive at the destination because there is always more road ahead.  And if i had waited to truly live my life before i discovered my submission my life would be more than half over.

As for searching? - searching got me my kids (bless their little peapicking hearts), a life in a new country and my Sir.  Searching is great as long as you are realistic about it - for example, i am never going to be rich, i don't have the drive or ruthlessness to get there, so it would be fruitless for me to "search for wealth". I would like to be rich- oh yes i would, but my happiness isn't contingent upon that.
   One thing i was realistic about was my search for personal happiness - being happy with who i am as a person, and that search took me on a 3 year journey inside my mind with a therapist, and at the end - I am happy. I have learnt new behaviours that avoid old maladaptive ways of behaving - witness my two year relationship with my Sir - and new ways of thinking about what goes on in my head in relation to the rest of the world.   Best journey i ever took.

The thing about journeys, is that you can always change direction, and what you may find can be just as good as the original orientation.  Flexiblility is  a great thing to have!

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 7:32:38 AM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		Living life and knowing fully who you are and where you are in life can make a huge impact on happiness. I've had many vanilla relationships where I felt like "Is this all there is!?" I was unhappy, upset most of the time because I felt like there should be more. After one of my ex's made the idea of me using rope to tie him up, I blacked out for a bit, and when I came to he was running around his house screaming on the top of his lungs for the "Crazy Bitch to get the fuck away from him" lol....I guess thats when I realized that I wasn't like the others, and developed a reputation because of him. I was 16 when that happened, when I discovered I wasn't the only person who liked to Dominate and do fun (or what the normies call beyond kinky and just plain sick) things like bondage, sensory play, etc. I was relieved.

I did not feel full happiness until pet contacted me and began showing me just how deep the world of rubber can take me. I'm so happy to have found someone who can understand me and my kinks of living, who I can talk to, tell my dreams to, and soon live my life with. I guess where I was getting is that you have to discover who you are, where you stand in life, and where your the happiest. Your the only one who can make that call.

Personally I try to live life to the best of my abilities. I love to have fun, go shopping, and other things that consist of living life. Its the choices of how I choose to live life that makes a difference. I go to school, go to work, and stress just like everyone else. When I'm at home relaxing I am in my lifestyle, I'm gothic, I'm relaxed or sleeping, I'm taking walks, or telling pet all the naughty things I'll do on our next visit. Live life to its fullest because it goes by too quickly. ~Lorelei

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 7:46:13 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		 The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?
For me, yes.  It has been my finding out what I wasn't that led me in the direction of what or who I am.
 
  It was painful emotionally bottoming to a man who was a Top.  I found I needed the connection, the relationship, to give emotionally and have my emotions and devotion desired and received.  But through that I found out I wasn't a bottom which led me to better understanding my submission.
  Ironically, it was also my submission that led me to an insight about some dominant tendancies I have in certain situations and how to embrace that as well as my submission.  And it has been my personal evolution that has me convinced I cannot be categorized or boxed in really.  I wouldn't have come to that revelation if I hadn't been willing to make some mistakes, take some risks, and journey down a path I wasn't really sure I "belonged" on.

Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?
Movement forward is how I see more clearly what is down my path.  Without being subjected to different positions/perspectives/ideas/options/choices where will I see my reflection?
 
Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow? Generally speaking, I think it is easier for people to have sexual relations  than it is to have intimate relationships..for some, its nice if they are both in the package.  I think it happens all the time, that sex is had or given when the participants don't have a clue who they are, what they want in life or have any expectations of the person they are doing it with.
   Intimate relationships, not so easy.  I think you have to have a certain amt of intimate knowledge and relationship with yourself before you can have/feel intimacy with another person. 
 
Does 'searching' achieve anything positive? I was going to write >"  If I am not searching how will I see what I am looking for when it comes?"  but then I thought again  because> there have been some pretty important things come to me when I wasn't even searching or looking for them/her/him/it.   So I will amend that and say >  maybe not searching,  but certainly living life with my eyes open, so I can see all the possibilities, and even what I may not know I was looking for, when it comes my way.
 
My father used the word "strive"  alot.  He would tell me>Even when you cannot see the target...have a goal.  On your way to that goal, your path may change and so might your goal, but if you stop striving, stop trying, stop moving forward, how can you get anywhere?.  
 
Cyndi

edited to say>  I don't know why my font changed so many times and I apologize..I wasn't yelling LOL and I didn't mean to steal yours : )



< Message edited by TysGalilah -- 4/20/2008 7:48:34 AM >

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galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 7:54:06 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Ones path of life is not determined by looking outward and seeing it... it is determined by each step a person takes.  Look behind... and you see your path... look ahead and you see a world of possibilities.  The important things.... is to Take the Best step you can take in the given moment!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 8:13:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you don't live it and get some experience, you'll never know what it is you need and don't need, what you absolutely cannot tolerate and what you can.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 8:30:51 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?
 
 
I think that we all are living before, during and after our "discovery". 
The logic behind this is that we are not born knowing (usually) what we are, or what it means.
I needed to live through many experiences to understand who I was.  Some of them could be labeled "submissive" some "dominant" but most of those experiences were in everyday life that had nothing to do with any type of kink.
quote:

 
Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?
 

IMO, we don't know our "path/position/orientation" without the experiences that bring us to them.  In that light, we have no choice but to move on with life so we can get to where we should be.
 
quote:


Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow?
 
Does 'searching' achieve anything positive?
 
the.dark.

 
I had a 12 year intimate and sexual relationship, completely monogamous while I was in a "holding pattern".  When I started this relationship, I had no idea what I wanted for the rest of my life and I was just riding out the "now".  It was during this relationship that I found what I didn't want.  I also went back to school and got my first degree. 
 
There was still something missing in me when I ended that relationship and a childhood friend was kind enough to remind me.  That is when I went "searching" and found that I was not the only one with a cat tail in the closet... *grins*... that maybe I wasn't completely nuts when I enjoyed straddling my boyfriend (teen years) and putting my hands around his neck....
 
So searching for me was positive- it lead me to people that understand me, that think in the same terms.  It got rid of the "outsider" feeling.
 
In the same vein though, it really makes me want to move nearer to a larger city, there is really nothing to do here. (*smiles*)
 
Lady Jag

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Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 8:31:32 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I am after peoples opinions on discovery and life.
 
The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?
 
Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation? 


I think we have no choice.  As long as you wake up every day, you have to live life, regardless of where you're at on a self-discovery level.  It's living life itself that helps us on those discovery processes.  I think it's a question of knowing where to step next and knowing one's limitations as the growth or discovery process evolves.

 
quote:

Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow?

 
I think it is possible and it is through our relationships that we learn who we are in all of this stuff.  Having said that, I think a lot of people do pursue relationships and desires without really having a clue as to what they really want or need in a relationship, or what they need from life itself.  I always think this is a bad idea because sometimes it drags another person down with you.  However, I suppose we are always changing and evolving and there's never really a perfect time to wait before doing certain things. 
I personally tend to move a bit more carefully and a bit more slowly than the average person, and I won't even embark on a relationship if I am going through a transition period in my life. 
 
So I think it's a balance of good common sense.  There's never really a perfect time, or a time when we know everything about ourselves,  but choices should be made with consideration to all the factors that are a part of someone's life at any given time, in order to minimize damage.   

 
quote:

Does 'searching' achieve anything positive?
 
I'm not usually big on 'searching', but I think focusing on what you want is what gets things done.  I don't believe in floundering around and just expecting fate to show you what direction you should be going in.  Things happen when we make them happen. And I think searching could be a part of that because it forces you to focus upon your goal.

 


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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 8:32:27 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?

I used to tell my ex husband we spent all our time planning for life rather than living it.  Meanwhile, life is passing us by.  Yes I live life now.  I had no clue what direction I would be going when I left him, but I knew I needed to GO.  How else do we know and understand who and what we are if we are stagnant and not out there living?
 
quote:
Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?

As opposed to what?  Waiting?  Staying in place? 
Yes, you should move on with life. 
 
quote:


Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow?

It's what I call a leap of faith.  Sometimes it's the others in our lives who give us clarity so we can see what direction we should go.  I think it's always good to have expectations in life but I think you should also plan for your plans to change.   
 
 
quote:


Does 'searching' achieve anything positive?
 
Searching for what?  Self?  Others?  My dog?

Searching for self is good.  Searching for a partner, I'm not so sure about.  Maybe. It depends if you're being realistic and, most importantly, are you open to possibilities?



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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 8:43:30 AM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I am after peoples opinions on discovery and life.
 
The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?
 
Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?
 
Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow?
 
Does 'searching' achieve anything positive?
 
the.dark.

 
Not sure exactly the context of the questions -- that would probably be helpful -- but here's my .02 zlotys.
 
I don't think you can possibly know the path on which your life will take you. Even if you set yourself a goal or whatever you want to call it, your experiences along the way will likely modify what you want. I think you have to go with the life you have, try to make it what you want it to be, and be willing to see and make changes.
 
Gosh...I feel like Dr. Phil....
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 8:48:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
The question is do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?

Definitely.  I was who I was.  I am who I am.  I will be who I will become.
quote:


Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?

There's a time to wait and a time to move.  A time to reflect and a time to act.  Live moves no matter what and while I value knowing one's self very highly, part of knowing who one is is EXPERIENCING who one is.  So a balance must be found.
quote:


Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is,

Yes, though I caution against making any big choices while in that state of being.

quote:

  or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow?

Living life with expectations does not exclude going with the flow.  I don't recommend going through life itself without any expectations (for example, expecting that most people you meet will be boring sane generally nice people is a good expectation to have IMO).  

But I do think most people would be better off if they learned to enjoy going with the flow a little more.  They are usually too busy living up to too many imposed expectations.
quote:

 
Does 'searching' achieve anything positive?

It certainly can.  Again, balance.

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 9:01:18 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation?
 

 
Yes.
 
Human beings do not act on reason alone; we utilise instinct, custom and habit. It follows thus you can't place everything in a neat package, tie a ribbon 'round it and begin to live life.

Sometimes there is no rhyme nor reason; assuming there were, we can't possibly understand human/individual existence. Human behaviour is flawed in the sense that we tend to think we can find the answers. Read the works of each great philosopher, historian, psychologist, mathematician etc for every hour of the rest of your life; in the end, you'll remain mired in more questions than answers. 

And, there's an assumption in your post, Dark: the assumption that we have a path. Perhaps there is no path; perhaps we're no more than an evolving bundle of perceptions and ideas.

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 9:25:02 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		[
quote:

do you live life before you make the discovery of what you are - ie dominant, gay, poly, submissive, gorean, pet, baby, mistress etc(insertlabelhere) before you get on with your life and move forward on it?
 
how can you not?

 
quote:

Should you move on with life, without knowing your path, position or orientation
?
 
again this is an impossibility to do anything but.....

 
quote:

Do you believe it is possible to have a sexual or intimate relationship with another person when you do not understand where your life is, or may be going - or should you live your life without expectations and go with the flow?
 
 
its not either or...it's and
 

quote:

Does 'searching' achieve anything positive?
 
yes. how can it not?

 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Living Life - 4/20/2008 9:32:25 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		What is life, if it cannot be tasted.

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 20
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