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Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:02:39 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Earlier threads have gotten the rusty old gears knocked loose, and spinning once more. I'm noting a few interesting things here.
 
 Priorities in seeking relationships seem a bit skewed. Is it really such a bad thing to look at vanilla life together as the most important thing?
 
 Or do you think we see it discussed to little because it's not exciting enough?

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:09:24 PM   
patwi


Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		I have been wondering sort of the same thing myself. So many people here seem to put forth this image of themselves that BDSM (or any combo thereof) is their main focus in life, the only thing that seems really, truely important.

It got me wondering as to wether the s-types here view themselves mainly in relation to their kink? Or do *gasp* vanilla aspects of life factor into who you are as well?

As an aside - this term vanilla. Using it to describe everything that doesn't invole a sexual kink as somehow boring or less worthy, well that's insulting to me on a few levels. Does anyone else feel that way?

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:14:13 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		For my tastes, i prefer a vanilla life with kinky twists; even my current relationship is basically vanilla with a Ds slant, not counting that there's a Husband involved, LoL.

Edited to add: This is solely my perspective; i don't know how Ma'am would view it, or whether or not She would even approve of my classification of the relationship.


< Message edited by darchChylde -- 4/18/2008 8:17:01 PM >

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:15:56 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Do you know how many minds you've blown simply by seperating life and kink???   For too many they have become synonomous...trippy stuff 

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:17:30 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
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quote:

ORIGINAL: patwi

I have been wondering sort of the same thing myself. So many people here seem to put forth this image of themselves that BDSM (or any combo thereof) is their main focus in life, the only thing that seems really, truely important.

It got me wondering as to wether the s-types here view themselves mainly in relation to their kink? Or do *gasp* vanilla aspects of life factor into who you are as well?

As an aside - this term vanilla. Using it to describe everything that doesn't invole a sexual kink as somehow boring or less worthy, well that's insulting to me on a few levels. Does anyone else feel that way?



I think the term "vanilla" is an elitist conceit. Personally I see D/s as a cooperative tool in organizing life choherently.
 
And kink as nothing more than bedroom fun. Glamorizing it as a "lifestyle" is just puffing up to cover insecurities over how the public views it's stereotypes.

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:18:45 PM   
Leatherist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

Do you know how many minds you've blown simply by seperating life and kink???   For too many they have become synonomous...trippy stuff 


I bow to your realization of my prowess as a mental sadist..



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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:23:03 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		When Riff and I first started talking, the main focus of our 'getting to know each  other' was on personalities, and vanilla stuff.  Since we're both on this site, we figured the 'kink/*ahem* lifestyle'stuff was a given. That was discussed later, after we found that we had enough in common (and enough NOT in common) that we could work towards a relationship.

the kink stuff is icing, IMO.


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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:27:14 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
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Status: offline 		I was -hoping- it wasn't spoken of because it went without saying. 

It's hard to be a true real 24/7 slave with all this living life together stuff.  I'm suppose to be chained up in the basement, right?


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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:29:25 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
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From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		some people do not limit what they do, to the bedroom alone. Some people's dynamic filters through all parts of life.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

And kink as nothing more than bedroom fun. Glamorizing it as a "lifestyle" is just puffing up to cover insecurities over how the public views it's stereotypes.

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:34:09 PM   
Leatherist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

some people do not limit what they do, to the bedroom alone. Some people's dynamic filters through all parts of life.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

And kink as nothing more than bedroom fun. Glamorizing it as a "lifestyle" is just puffing up to cover insecurities over how the public views it's stereotypes.



And I can see that-we just seldom hear of the practical aspects of doing so.

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:35:11 PM   
Leatherist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I was -hoping- it wasn't spoken of because it went without saying. 

It's hard to be a true real 24/7 slave with all this living life together stuff.  I'm suppose to be chained up in the basement, right?



No, you are supposed to be chained up in the basement, and sewing the fuzzy bunny slippers.

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:36:30 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Well, that is true that day to day life non kinky non sexy doesn't seem to happen, if you will, based on all talk of nothing but sexy stuff.


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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:37:46 PM   
GothishNomad


Posts: 42
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		For myself being a sub is important to how i see a relationship but I am also not a card board cut out of a sub or a woman. I have to be able to have a conversation, not just about sex or which knot works best on powder coated radiators. Play only lasts for so long & my submission will only allow me to tolerate your B.S. for so long.  After that the rest of your life & personality have to come out to play. 

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 8:38:14 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Well, that is true that day to day life non kinky non sexy doesn't seem to happen, if you will, based on all talk of nothing but sexy stuff.




Which probably gives newcomers a really skewd and fantastical idea of how it works.
 
A false one.

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:00:11 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		The vanilla stuff is not a given, as I can tell you from experience.  I had a slave who was genuinely amazed that we could go out to the grocery store, come home, cook dinner, and watch TV and hang with the pets afterward.  NO SCENE?  And we were still master and slave?  (yes, this was An Early Warning Sign)

My profile starts with a lot of kink screening stuff, because I am an old lady who doesn't do what she doesn't like to do anymore.  Once I've gotten the sissies, cuck wannabes, and oralists out of the way, time to talk about Real Life.  

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:00:15 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

Do you know how many minds you've blown simply by seperating life and kink???   For too many they have become synonomous...trippy stuff 

LOL well said especially when it relates to people looking for relationship



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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:11:55 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

...
 
 Priorities in seeking relationships seem a bit skewed. Is it really such a bad thing to look at vanilla life together as the most important thing?


Well, if by relationships you mean hopefully-long-term, significant-otherish realtionships, the answer goes one way.

If the relationship in question is envisioned as more circumscribed, around some sort of BDSM exploration, development (or dare I say it: training) then the answer may go another way.


 
 
quote:

Or do you think we see it discussed to little because it's not exciting enough?

I dunno. Plenty of unexciting things get discussed around here, it seems to me.


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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:12:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's just boring to talk about. Bullwhips and fireplay and such are a lot more exciting to discuss than him picking Rocky Road when I wanted Strawberry.

As to taking out the garbage and bungee cording it to keep out the raccoons, only worth mentioning when someone forgets to and there's garbage needing to be picked up at 7:00 AM.

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:14:03 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patwi

As an aside - this term vanilla. Using it to describe everything that doesn't invole a sexual kink as somehow boring or less worthy, well that's insulting to me on a few levels. Does anyone else feel that way?



I don't recall having the impression of someone using the term as a negative evaluation. I use it (and I suppose therefore read it) as simply descriptive of stuff not falling under the WIITWD umbrella.

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RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:17:53 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

 Priorities in seeking relationships seem a bit skewed. Is it really such a bad thing to look at vanilla life together as the most important thing?

 
To me, vanilla is just a label which means non-alternative sex acts. No more, no less. Neither good or bad, but not something that I'm really into or that's a part of my life except on rare occasions. As such, I don't have a 'vanilla' life. I just have a life, period. Vanilla, for me, is certainly not the most important thing in life so for me, it would be bad were I to consider it such.

 
 
quote:

Or do you think we see it discussed to little because it's not exciting enough?


I think it's rarely discussed because this is a BDSM website. I think vanilla sex is rarely discussed on a knitting website, on a modeling website and on a pet forum. If it's not the main purpose of the site which you're on, why bring it up?

I don't consider going grocery shopping, paying bills etc part of 'vanilla' life .. just part of life and while I sometimes might talk about those things in the off topic forum, they're not the reason that I'm here.

I'd be interested to see how other folks define 'vanilla' and why. Is it about sex or is it about life, the universe and everything? For me, vanilla is just about sex. BDSM is about sex and/or play for various reasons (cumming, catharsis, art etc.) D/s & M/s are about relationships. I'm compartmentalized that way.

Does vanilla sex discussion have a place in the General BDSM discussion forum? If so, why? If not, why not? ::just curious as to what others think::

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/18/2008 9:37:53 PM >

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