Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Life vs kink?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Life vs kink? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:18:08 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

Do you know how many minds you've blown simply by seperating life and kink???   For too many they have become synonomous...trippy stuff 


How many is too many?

Do you mean you feel people have forgotten that there are endeavors besides kinky ones?  Do you suggest that letting, say, a D/s dynamic be present in every aspect of a relationship is ... I don't know .. whatever you meant by trippy? Other things altogether?

I haven't gotten your point

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:25:00 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

Do you know how many minds you've blown simply by seperating life and kink???   For too many they have become synonomous...trippy stuff 


How many is too many?

Do you mean you feel people have forgotten that there are endeavors besides kinky ones?  Do you suggest that letting, say, a D/s dynamic be present in every aspect of a relationship is ... I don't know .. whatever you meant by trippy? Other things altogether?

I haven't gotten your point



Noah, you suffer from literalism. Try looking for the irony once in a while.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:34:54 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I think the term "vanilla" is an elitist conceit.


Hmm. Maybe it is in some mouths and not in others?


quote:

Personally I see D/s as a cooperative tool in organizing life choherently.


This struck me as a fine way for someone to organize their view of  D/s. I'll be giving this more thought. Thanks.
 
quote:

And kink as nothing more than bedroom fun.


If kink is only bedroom fun for you (I assume the word bedroom can be figurative there) then that's fine of course. Are you just saying this much or are you questioning/decrying anyone else's contention that for them kink can be more?

quote:

Glamorizing it as a "lifestyle" is just puffing up to cover insecurities over how the public views it's stereotypes.


I often think the word lifestyle is applied as a sort of glamourizer. Sometimes, though, I think people are grabbing it as a handy marker for a life which integrates kink more than your bedroom-only model does.

That word sets my teeth on edge, but I'll try to stop short of psychologing across a widely diverse group of people based primarily on their similar usage of a certain word.

I guess I would like there to be room in the expression "(BDSM/kinky/WIITWD) lifestyle,"  for a person or couple who manifest none of the cliched trappings, don't focus their social life on costumed get-togethers, but whose lives are genereally suffused with their kinky dynamic. As I read this, though, I recognize that it may be too late. The word may already be tied to tightly to all the familiar trappings to any longer be useful in talking about a thoroughly kinky life which happens to move around rather tha through the gothy leathery/rubbery/munch/playparty approach to life.

Since that approach is obviously meaningful and fulfilling for so many people I won't begrudge its coopting the word lifestyle. We may just have to find another one to describe differently kink-soaked approaches.



(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:37:05 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I was -hoping- it wasn't spoken of because it went without saying. 

It's hard to be a true real 24/7 slave with all this living life together stuff.  I'm suppose to be chained up in the basement, right?



Can't your owner order you to act regular a lot of the time?

And can't you comply out of slavish devotion?

Just a thought.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:39:12 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

some people do not limit what they do, to the bedroom alone. Some people's dynamic filters through all parts of life.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

And kink as nothing more than bedroom fun. Glamorizing it as a "lifestyle" is just puffing up to cover insecurities over how the public views it's stereotypes.



And I can see that-we just seldom hear of the practical aspects of doing so.


Except the more I think about it, the more posts I can recall in all sorts of threads in which people have indeed shared descritions of how their  kinky dynamics have played out beyond teh bedroom or dungeon.

But yeah, more treatment of that sort of thing might make for some good threads.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:40:59 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GothishNomad

For myself being a sub is important to how i see a relationship but I am also not a card board cut out of a sub or a woman. I have to be able to have a conversation, not just about sex or which knot works best on powder coated radiators. Play only lasts for so long & my submission will only allow me to tolerate your B.S. for so long.  After that the rest of your life & personality have to come out to play. 


There's one more view of how it operates.

(in reply to GothishNomad)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:41:10 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I tend to view the public scene/munch/ demo/kink event crowd pretty much the same way I do the sca and trekkies. An odd way to direct your focus. That's fine if it works for them, I just don't take it all that seriously.

What DOES interest me, is the potential for exploiting basic D/s formats in productive ways.

IE, organizational and heirachal assignment.

Do you see what I am getting at?

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 4/18/2008 9:42:52 PM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:45:21 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		And it's not really exciting that Daddy and I went out to a discount store so I can buy bedding for a craft project, nor is it exciting or interesting to any one that I saw two dead baby birds, and got sad over it and made daddy mad, nor does any body care that he's a soda holic and leaves half ful cans all over our bedroom and half the time they spill.

You're right real life and the assundries of such just are not thta interesting. and frankly most people aren't gonna care lol.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's just boring to talk about.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:48:13 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Much of what I see and read here on the boards is from the trekkie crowd though.
The public scene/munch/demo/kink event crowd can get boring.
I see more of that crowd on here, than the non public scene/munch.demo/kink/costume wearing
crowd.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 4/18/2008 9:49:40 PM >

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:48:27 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Well, that is true that day to day life non kinky non sexy doesn't seem to happen, if you will, based on all talk of nothing but sexy stuff.




Which probably gives newcomers a really skewd and fantastical idea of how it works.
 
A false one.


Yeah. And maybe leads to well-rounded people restricting their self-expression to what they may perceive as norms here, resulting in a great deal of what seems so pathetic in any number of profiles, journals, initial contact emails and newbie conversations.

But I suppose there is a feeling of having passed through the looking glass which could make one vulnerable to assumptions about leaving some things behind when you enter here. I've been approached by some rather 2-dimensional seeming submissives who proved over time to be anything but once they moved past the stage of getting the lay of the land and got some validation for the idea that there is room here for the whole person.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:52:26 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

What DOES interest me, is the potential for exploiting basic D/s formats in productive ways.

IE, organizational and heirachal assignment.

Do you see what I am getting at?


No. Can you flesh that out a bit?

Thanks

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:54:25 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Well, that is true that day to day life non kinky non sexy doesn't seem to happen, if you will, based on all talk of nothing but sexy stuff.




Which probably gives newcomers a really skewd and fantastical idea of how it works.
 
A false one.


Yeah. And maybe leads to well-rounded people restricting their self-expression to what they may perceive as norms here, resulting in a great deal of what seems so pathetic in any number of profiles, journals, initial contact emails and newbie conversations.

But I suppose there is a feeling of having passed through the looking glass which could make one vulnerable to assumptions about leaving some things behind when you enter here. I've been approached by some rather 2-dimensional seeming submissives who proved over time to be anything but once they moved past the stage of getting the lay of the land and got some validation for the idea that there is room here for the whole person.



I sort of refer to that as "the sheeple complex".

People basing thier ideologies on some sort of vaguely formed steretoype. It's an odd sort of herd mentality that I see in public scenes to a small degree-but a much larger degree online-in a medium that encourages escapism and fantasy.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 4/18/2008 9:55:07 PM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:56:31 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		It is entirely possible to keep Ds constantly a part of, and the focus of a very "vanilla" lifestyle.  It doesn't have to be stuck in the bedroom or flash a giant kinky sign.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:57:02 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

And it's not really exciting that Daddy and I went out to a discount store so I can buy bedding for a craft project, nor is it exciting or interesting to any one that I saw two dead baby birds, and got sad over it and made daddy mad, nor does any body care that he's a soda holic and leaves half ful cans all over our bedroom and half the time they spill.

You're right real life and the assundries of such just are not thta interesting. and frankly most people aren't gonna care lol.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's just boring to talk about.


Unless on your trip to the store something happened whch didn't have any earmarks of kinkiness but which had an extra or deeper or different meaning for you because you experienced it in the special context of your special realtionship.

I suppose that part of the reason that we don't see more sharing of that sort of thing is that, as meaningful as it may be, it can be dificult to express the meaning in words without sounding silly or merely sentimental even if in the event it was very much more.



(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 9:59:32 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

What DOES interest me, is the potential for exploiting basic D/s formats in productive ways.

IE, organizational and heirachal assignment.

Do you see what I am getting at?


No. Can you flesh that out a bit?

Thanks



I'm probably doing some linear thinking here. I tend to be prone to that sort of thing-one action and result leading to another. Pretty regular for the most part,but with an authority twist. Setting goals, assigning tasks and accomplishing strategies. Benchmarking same-moving on to the next goal. Planning and prioritizing. Organizational research and development.  Making life happen, rather than sitting back and letting it happen to you. Being a producer, rather than just another lacksadiasical consumer .

Boring stuff, like taking control of how you live.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 4/18/2008 10:00:09 PM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 10:01:19 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

It is entirely possible to keep Ds constantly a part of, and the focus of a very "vanilla" lifestyle.  It doesn't have to be stuck in the bedroom or flash a giant kinky sign.



Yes.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 10:04:13 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Much of what I see and read here on the boards is from the trekkie crowd though.
The public scene/munch/demo/kink event crowd can get boring.
I see more of that crowd on here, than the non public scene/munch.demo/kink/costume wearing
crowd.


Any chance we could all be one crowd with varying interests? 

I'm not much of a muncher but I have a great deal of respect and affection for various people who are able to find more reward there than I have so far.

It seems to me that the minority of knuckleheads/tiresome people are distributed equitably among all portions of the big crowd, anyway.  And I'm sure I'm the tiresome knucklehead to an interesting collection of people myself.

(in reply to VeryMercurial)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 10:10:52 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

What DOES interest me, is the potential for exploiting basic D/s formats in productive ways.

IE, organizational and heirachal assignment.

Do you see what I am getting at?


No. Can you flesh that out a bit?

Thanks



I'm probably doing some linear thinking here. I tend to be prone to that sort of thing-one action and result leading to another. Pretty regular for the most part,but with an authority twist. Setting goals, assigning tasks and accomplishing strategies. Benchmarking same-moving on to the next goal. Planning and prioritizing. Organizational research and development.  Making life happen, rather than sitting back and letting it happen to you. Being a producer, rather than just another lacksadiasical consumer .

Boring stuff, like taking control of how you live.


I think that little tag on the end started to bring your interest together for me

I have one "special friend, a switch, who has at certain times assigned herself an interval of "domming herself". I wouldn't wish to speak too much for her. She posts here occasionally. But I'm wondering if this would be an instance of what you're talking about, since the motivations have everything to do with re-asserting control over her life or some portions of it.

Why not tack an example or two on to what you've presented so far and use it to start a thread, Leatherist?



< Message edited by Noah -- 4/18/2008 10:13:39 PM >

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 10:13:04 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Some areas of BDSM are a part of my daily life and certainly the alternative lifestyles I choose to live are the core of it in principle. However I have no problems in na vanilla situation but rather I nhave a problem with the suburban "Normal" lifestyle thing wjhere it is peopled living a square same as many other folks and never looking outside and are happy where everything is "nice" in a "My Three Sons" type of way. Just updat that to modern thinking and you'll see what I mean.  I have nothing in comman with that majority of good folk and althoiugh I enjoy them for short periods, the call of the wold is too ctrong for me.. I'm the type of bloke who will either , when suburbia and vanilla normal closes in on me, bunker up and refuse to set food out of my domain except for things likre shopping, visiting friends or medical reasons, or moving home and family to where there are few people..... Nothing to do with kink but I'm happier when knik abounds.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)




(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Life vs kink? - 4/18/2008 10:15:34 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I'm tired, and my mental focus is going to shit. It's part of my a.d.d. thing. Thank god it's not as bad as it used to be. I'll try again tomorrow, when my brain can function.

I'll look forward to reading what is posted after-thanks to everyone who has replied so far.



_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Life vs kink? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.156