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percentages - 4/13/2008 4:56:42 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

im curious... what percentage of meet ups end in 'no show'. and how many relationships that start on the internet fizzle out prior to meeting up.

is this something that happens more to Dom/mes than subs.

i have been told that pre-meet up nerves amongst subs can give them the serious jitters and could this be part of the reason why some just dont turn up.

or is this 'no show' without a word of explanation just reserved for certain sorts and if so what sorts.

just seems to me that this is a bit of an issue on lots of levels, would be interesting to find out.

thanks.x

Post #: 1

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 5:19:33 AM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

No shows - 0%
Bad experiences - 0%
Fizzled relationships before a meet - 0%

I've been fortunate.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 2

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 5:22:57 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I dont kep track coseley enough to do the math for percentages. I have had a handful of noshows, I have had quite a few that have fizzled out before meeting, or whose plans kept getting pushed off and pushed off until I lost interest becasue I didnt thind theyd ever actually bother showing up. I have had this happen with male subs as well as female, and with a few dominants as well, so it really isnt a "type" as much as a mindset. If they do not think they are going to get what they want, or be able to convince you to give them what they want, they are more likely to flake on you.
From my experiences at least.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to tricia)

Post #: 3

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 5:34:25 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I've never had a no show, but I did recently stop talking to a possible slave because, after two months on speaking online, he was too "shy" to meet in real life........yet. There was no sexual talk or anything in that time, but a "yeah, we can meet for a coffee maybe" attitude on my part. He wanted to "serve me", at my house. I was supposed to give him my address, but he wouldn't give me a phone number.

I had no feelings on the matter, apart from how fucking long do some of these guys want to wait and why is my safety less important than yours?

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 4

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 5:39:46 AM

Veryleggyredhead

Posts: 27
Joined: 2/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline

Good question you have posed. The no shows for me run about 1 in 10. The online fizzle out is far more prevalent. When we communicate with someone online it is (for me anyway) with the expectation that I will ultimately meet that individual. Some aren't of that mindset or are being dishonest about their status and are anything but available beyond email, instant messages and sometimes on the phone.
I have learned to disconnect should online communication be the sole agenda for someone I am communicating with.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 5

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 6:21:32 AM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

considering how often this is tossed out, either subs must be the ones almost always causing the problems, or dom/me's are simply the ones that complain about it the most.

i don't expect the people who drift away from each other in contact are any different than any other scenario of people meeting each other, but if you had to keep close tabs on everyone you meet, you'd have to stop meeting people after like 3... i've probably got about 100+ people on my messenger alone, then you add in all the people i know from various internet relations including this site, people i knew/know from work, school, people i met from just being out... my family... my actual "friends"...

the number of people i know and have friendly relations with is surely like... 1000+, and about half of them have at one time or another said "how come you don't talk to me much?" or "why don't you talk to me all the time anymore like when we first met?". how in the hell could anyone? i'm still always fond of meeting new people on top of it, and i of course like spending time alone, but when it comes down to it... a few good comversations with a random person isn't going to mean we'll be talking for 6 hours a day everyday, or that it'll progress even if there isn't a "problem". the biggest thing to keep in mind though, is that when contact with someone fizzles, it's usually because you BOTH stop talking to each other, waiting for them to say something you hold your tongue as well, and voila, no more talking till months or years later you get a message saying "so what happened to you, we used to talk?" i'd love to have the time to do that, it's not like contact usually dwindles because people want it to happen that way.

keep in mind people's interests are piqued at first, and some people are just looking for friends, people often associate you with something like "work friend" and you only talk when you are related and around in that scenario, and some people just run out of things to say, or don't know what to tell you. i get the feeling like most people surely do, that others get bored with me after a certain amount of time and just stop talking to me anymore.

as for %, i am about 37% likely to not really know what i'm talking about, and have forgotten to include probably 87% of other stuff worth mentioning, all i know is there's a 100% likelihood that i don't have coffee with people often enough. ^_^

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 4/13/2008 6:36:26 AM >

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 6

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 6:38:24 AM

hydranmenace

Posts: 52
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

I've met one person on CM (I wrote what I thought was a fairly amusing story about it in the positive experiences thread about a week ago) and have not had the opportunity to meet anyone else. I have met people from other sites though and I would have to say that all of them resulted in good friendships. I've never expected an encounter to include play or sex of any kind though. It's always been a "lets hang out and have a good time" sort of mindset, which probably mitigates nervousness for those I do meet. Quite honestly, the idea of meeting for 'play' bothers me. Such an experience has meaning for me. A relationship would have to develop first.
As far as percentages go, everyone is different so we are all drawn to different sorts of people. It's possible that some people would be drawn more often to those who are shy or less likely or willing to actually meet in person. Personally, I've met perhaps 20 people from various online sites, and had only one person wind up being unwilling to meet when I expressed interest in doing so, after talking online for a length of time. Obviously that wouldn't include people I have messaged but gotten no reply from.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 7

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 7:07:04 AM

Deliena

Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline

I've met virtually and continued conversations and friendships with a few people, some drift in and out and one is just making contact again for the first time in ages on MSN as I type this (which is nice - cos she's a nice woman).

Never got into a relationship with someone from here and am happy at present.... but who knows what the future holds?

(in reply to hydranmenace)

Post #: 8

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 11:26:55 AM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

im curious... what percentage of meet ups end in 'no show'. and how many relationships that start on the internet fizzle out prior to meeting up.

I'm 2-for-3. The first person I arranged to meet had last-minute misgivings. But I met both my former and current submissives on CM and we went on to meet enthusiastically!

Les (Purveyor of a .666 batting average!)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 9

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 11:45:29 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

No shows for MEN is MUCH different for NO Shows for Women

No Shows for Domme's by male subs is different for No Shows for Doms from female subs

I know many women who have found MANY great relationships online.

Most Online female subs who have a regular Master in real life it was the first or second one they met online and there is Longevity to it.

Most Male subs I know have NEVER found a Permanent Domina or Domme through the net. MOst of the ones I know admit to beings either a Pocketbook or a Perversion to thier Online Mistress and never a serious relationship.

Most of the subs I have met online have professed wanting a serious relationship and then get scared when one is offered to them and either they sabatoge the relationship by causing a rift that I eventually try to repair and in doing so they brak it off or they simply disappear.

Percentages wise

Of the Meet ups neary 70% are no shows or NOT what they said they were and the Profile Picture was either Old or NOT them at all.

Bad Experiences I have to say has been 50/50 because when they work out well it is nice but when they don't I can't help but NOT call them a Bad experience.

Fizzled Relationship after meet 100% for Various reasons the only luck I have had was falling in love with my wife and then introducing her to this lifestyle and that is the woman I am with today, however our second girl (Soon to be anyway) was met online and still looks promising but we will see how things go next weekend when she comes out for 3 days.

SO maybe we can change that to 99.9 % in three weeks we will see.

As far as online hooks ups go I just wish more people were HONEST and ACCEPTED Other people Honesty. When a girl says she is married and the guy gets involved anyway and then gets Mad because she won't be his and only his, well this was a relationship that never should have happened in the first place.

The Problem is people get involved because they want something specific at first, either the Kink, or the Sex, or just the companionship and then they realize that in order to get that they have to take the whole person as well and well that is when things start to go sideways.

Know what I mean??

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 10

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 11:45:44 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

im curious... what percentage of meet ups end in 'no show'. and how many relationships that start on the internet fizzle out prior to meeting up.

is this something that happens more to Dom/mes than subs.

i have been told that pre-meet up nerves amongst subs can give them the serious jitters and could this be part of the reason why some just dont turn up.

or is this 'no show' without a word of explanation just reserved for certain sorts and if so what sorts.

just seems to me that this is a bit of an issue on lots of levels, would be interesting to find out.

thanks.x

This is indeed a jolly good question. I cn't see this as being BDSM of even kink related but something which happens right across the board of humanity. To some degree it can me dependent on culturat mores, ethnic restraints as much as a local soliological background in any given locality. Above everything else it involves some vcery human traits, The internet with all it's failings had been instrumental in introducing a large number of people to new ideologies and practices as well as making it easy to meet so many in cyber spance, but it has done nothing about the face to face metings and relationships.

There is no general answer to your wuestion because the probable answere will dep
end on locality and individuality rather than on the situation.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 11

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 1:57:23 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

hmm, fascinating responses..

you hear often, across the social spectrum of people meeting through the internet and eventually marrying. for me its all a bit back to front. you spend a time getting to know a person and to some extent allowing emotions to follow and yet the meeting bit, the part that historically people have always done first., ie., eyes meet over crowded room or through friends is done last.

the stakes get higher the more you connect with a person, then youre faced with the scary bit of meeting up and wondering if the chemistry, attraction will be there and maybe thats the bit people eventually baulk at.

when i hear of people saying theyre 38 when theyre really 68 or that the photo they used isnt really of them atall then you open a whole new can of worms, cos the meet then reveals theyre flagrant lies - i wonder how many 'no shows' are people like this, who just cant be anything more than the fiction they have created.

the internet has helped lots of people to meet, but with D/s i think its different, a little, cos as steel says, it isnt just the agenda of kink or sex or companionship, theres the whole person and the responsibility that you project as Dom or sub toward that person and that relationship. it isnt just sex and it isnt just kink and it isnt just companionship its the whole committment of a relationship built on tons of things that vanilla barely scratches at. there is soo much at stake, attraction and chemistry are forced to come last and yet those two things are ultimately the deciders.

i was lying in bed the other night, thinking about this. its big stuff, its another persons hopes and dreams, not just youre own and maybe the fantasists and wannabes should be more aware of this and take greater responsiblity for what they are doing. my Sir has said before that the lottery of subs, genuine or just with issues that need to be sorted for them by someone sane and safe appears out of kilter.

a Domme on here, posting is having a similar problem with 'no shows' and people fading out. in the end i spose we have to be grateful for finding the ones we do when we do - the genuines are out there, its just a bit of a lottery finding them.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 12

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 2:19:39 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i've never had a no-show but i have had several just disappear prior to setting up a day and time. Once there was one Dom who agreed to meet on tuesday and i heard from him nearly two weeks later. Told him it was perfectly okay NOT to meet if there was any hesitation and of course he got mad and said sheesh things come up and we agreed to meet that next Tuesday and guess what..... Anyway i don't count those as a no-show because an actual place and time had not been set. What percentage?? That's difficult to say because i never bothered to actually count, i have this bad habit of practically forgetting they ever existed after little stunts like that.

If you've never had the opportunity to actually pan for gold, i highly recommend it!! What you'll discover is that you are totally focused on finding that gold nugget so that you don't pay any attention to how much sand you throw away.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 13

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 2:36:42 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

dear lally
No shows - 10 % ? difficult to put a percentage on it really but usually a male sub who promised the earth...........and single feamles who (and who can blame them) grow tired of hearing the 'My Master has set me the assignment of finding us a thrid to play with.......'
Bad experiences - the last master I freed myself from beats ALL statistics
Fizzled relationships before a meet - 0% ...I never bottle out.
but
poor experiences - mostly with sub males who have promised themselves as pets/slaves and then botteld out? had jobs that kept them at work for 6 days a week?
bad experiences further into the relationship; - 80% (I always get out, walk away, free myself usually at a huge financial, emotional, often physical cost but always to retain my intehrity)
This isn't meant o be unfair to male subbies it's just my experience.
I don't think it's about percentages so much as about quality.
I'm just taking it a day at a time and thinking now que sera sera whatever will be will be.........

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 14

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 2:45:55 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

Haven't had the opportunity to meet anyone in person yet, but I've had men who all was well with until they just stopped calling/became conveniently unavailable. I don't chase after people, and I don't play head games, so it was terrifically unappealing. Meh. There's always another one.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 15

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 2:47:00 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

if you've never had the opportunity to actually pan for gold, i highly recommend it!! What you'll discover is that you are totally focused on finding that gold nugget so that you don't pay any attention to how much sand you throw away.

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Eyesopened: I love this. It's really inspired me. xx

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 16

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 2:59:21 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

for me its all a bit back to front.

It is back to front that's the whole point.
Pherenomes, eye contact, body leanguage: these are the signals that attract in real life.
With internet meets these come afterwards.
i am NOT my internet personna. I am a real woman. I am a slave type: either in vanilla marriages, as a mother, as a person in my community I serve. Dress that up with sexu\lity and emotional masochism and that's essentially what I am. I have a streak of dminant sexuality with women and that is my deepest nature and something that gets uncovered or discovered later in a relationship. But that takes time.
I'm on a celibate streak I think as quantity is SO available (many hundreds of hits a day on alt? most of them any-holes-a-goal)). But quality of character, persistence of temperament, willingness to move beyond role play and integrity is very rare.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 17

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 3:36:49 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

zero on the no shows

most introductions are done on the internet which either lead to the meet ups or we simply find we are incompatible before getting to the meet up stage and ends with either party

I have one online D/s relationship but just prior to time frame we discussed meeting up I came to realize what he wanted in an M/s relationship would cause issues that would be extremely difficult to resolve creating too much of a gamble on my financial future if things failed to work out so decided it was best to end instead amicably, .

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 18

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 3:42:13 PM

littlelostbunny

Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

I've never been a no-show for someone else, nor had someone pull a no-show on me. I've had plenty of pre-meet jitters that almost kept me from going, but I didn't want to gain a reputation of making plans and then not following through with them.

A lot of acquaintences I've made on the Internet have fizzled out very quickly before I ever met them. Part of the problem was that said acquaintences were too obsessed with the possibility of playing the day of the meeting or eventually afterwards -- though I told them time and time again that there was NO chance -- and it really put me off. I stopped talking to them and they eventually left me alone.

I have a subbie friend who has made plans to meet dominants and then several of them turned out to be no-shows, so Dom/mes aren't the only ones who get stood up.

_____________________________

-- Bunny

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 19

RE: percentages - 4/13/2008 3:52:36 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I've never had a no-show and I've never been a no-show. I met my husband online, we did the long distance thing for about 7 months, then he moved across the country to me (we met just a couple weeks after first contact and then continued meeting every 6-8 weeks thereafter). And now he is my ex husband, but the internet had nothing to do with that.

I would say there is one person that things got "serious" with that fizzled out before we ever got to meet. Certain qualities of his started emerging that weren't right for me... as my friend Les likes to say, "for the first 6 months it's your PR people talking to my PR people).

And there are others that I met that things didn't work out with for various reasons. And there are still others that if the timing had been different, we probably would have met in person.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to littlelostbunny)

Post #: 20

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