MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
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Strikes Me that the OP is conflicted in herself as to what she wants and who she is. Truly, I think you need to take a step backwards and work out some things and then start afresh.
1. Do you want online or real time? Make it 100% clear in your profile ... saying upfront you are looking to move to real time soon after the initial getting to know you does seem to help weed out some of the online jokers only.
2. Are you a goddess or not? If not, don't put yourself on a pedestal with that name ... there's only one way down you know, and that's to fall off. OUCH! Consider MasterFireMaam's idea of a different name ... one that is special but not quite so loaded. In My experience, boys who go down the whole goddess thing seem to be far less serious than those searching for a Domme/Domina/Maam or Mistress. (By that I mean no disrespect to others here who have chosen the Goddess tag ... this is just My experience).
3. What's with the 3rd person speak? That is more usually associated with slaves, particularly Gorean ones. I suggest you re-think that as a Dominant.
4. Don't be too hard and fast with the preliminaries ... I would go for up to 5 emails at least. Whether or not you go for a phone call is up to you ... since that's where you seem to get into trouble with attachment ... maybe not. Explain upfront that you intend to exchange a few emails to cover the basics and then you expect to have a coffee meet. No obligation beyond that until you meet and see if you connect. Use those emails to educate them about bdsm if necessary (or to check on how much they really know!) ... set reading and writing tasks. That tends to weed out the fantasy players who just want to get off ... especially if you keep it to nonwank topics such as researching safe calls, safe words, subspace, sub drop etc. Don't rush into the bdsm checklists or talking about play too early.
5. Date? What do you need a date for to merely attend a munch? Absolutely nothing wrong in going by yourself, especially as a Dominant (though lots of subs also go alone). After all, you're there to MEET people ... having someone else with you will tend to make people think you are already a couple ... you might miss out on meeting that really wonderful single male sub!
Remember, you are not alone ... most of us have had our fair share of "poof" boys. So much so, they've been given that name! Male Doms don't seem to complain about poof girls ... more likely, the sub girls complain about poof male Doms! So that should tell you something, this whole going poof thing does seem more likely with males ... as another poster said, they hate confrontation! Not all, I stress, but many. Accept that and move past it, but also take a long hard look as above, at what you might be doing to inadvertently attract the poof'ers.
Finally, remember ... every boy you meet could be "the one". You never know at the start. So try not to be jaded and don't go in expecting rejection ... or you'll get it. Go in expecting the positive ... but also with eyes open to red flags!
Good luck
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
_____________________________
Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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RE: Getting constructive feedback after rejection. - 
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