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Non judgement - 4/11/2008 2:21:28 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I was  thinking something, I like to think that I am not overly judgemental of many people and im way up there with the theres no one true way thing and when posts come along that are on that line i sigh and prepare for a long response. But there are some people make me think about true ways, sometimes a person will attach certain labels to themselves I will think cripes thats rubbish, there is no way that fits. This doesnt have to apply to BDSM any sub-culture really but I am thinking in these terms. I of course would try not to say it, but for example there are some people i know who I think attach labels to themselves purely because they like the sound of it, now sure it works for them thats fine, but still in my head I think god what a twat, i feel bad for saying that but I do.

I know a lot of responses will be about how its a true way for you or whatever but still the concept interests me, to what extent is it that we tell ourselves to be unjudgemental while secretly cringing? Maybe for the most part we even try to hide that cringing from ourselves, i know i do.


< Message edited by colouredin -- 4/11/2008 2:22:07 PM >

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 2:44:57 PM   
chamberqueen


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Status: offline 		Judging someone is always difficult because we can never truly know someone else's mind and heart.  It is more obvious when someone says something like:  I'm a loving Dom but my slave has no choice to do what I say without thinking or feeling.  It makes you wonder, where's the love in that?  They gave themselves the title of "loving Dom" but come across as simply domineering.

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 2:55:10 PM   
atursvcMaam


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Status: offline 		Dear Colouredin,
        Judgement is a great thing to decide who and what might appeal to you and who and what doesn't.  To think that what works for you is the only true way is a bit disconcerting.  However, imho, burying one's own judgement to "fit in" is not terribly productive either. i am a great believer in the thought that there is a hand for each hand in this world.  i also am a great believer that "One Size fits all" is a marketing myth.
         i realize that each of us has strengths and weaknesses that give us the ability to attract or repel those that show up on the desirable scale.  it is a bit of a miracle when those come together, and allow for happiness and a sense of completion.  Your personal choices may not be the same as the next person or people that you meet, but i live for the opportunity that someone is out there, and one's judgement is used to screen out the "twats".
           i also realize that in some sets of eyes i could easily and correctly be chosen as one of the screened.  were i and the one who screened me the last people on earth, that could be a bit of a problem, and my attitude might change.  otherwise what is thought or said is as valid to use as maturity, weight, age, availability, honesty and any variety of other factors.  some of which are measurable, and others are gut feeling. 
            Good luck with all, no need to cringe.

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 2:58:12 PM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		judgement is needed..in life I think. It can be good and bad. Judgement helps us also to decide.

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 4:08:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		They are not exclusive concepts.

I'm extremely judgemental, all the time.

That doesn't interfere with my ability to say and act upon "Whatever works for you, go for it"

I can judge something as stupid and wrong, and still support someone doing it (heck I'm living it right now with my roommate)

I completely support all forms of good informed judgement making procedures.


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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 4:39:21 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
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Status: offline 		People only seem to mind negative judgements.

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 4:43:11 PM   
HerLord


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Status: offline 		A negative judgement being one that the collective "they" disagree with? Screw em. Sometimes... You can judge a book by its cover. Yes, I am sure alot you think I am an ASS. You're right. But, while you're judging me, someone else is judging you. Judgement is purely subjective. Some have better than others. If only because they agree with me. (when that happens LOL)

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 4:52:14 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Your stance on things is really lovely - it's not easy not judge others, but I think it's a good thing to aim for. I'm very judgemental of myself and by extension of others, and I have been 'secretely cringing" with this, to use your own words, all my life.

I have come to the conclusion that it takes a particular frame of mind not to be judgemental, one I will probably never have, an innocent mindset, a pure outlook on life and on other people. So I have to make do with pretending I think a person is okay whilst thinking, deep down: "What a fucking tosser."

PS: you sound like a Pisces :-).

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 4:55:15 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

in my head I think god what a twat




quote:

I know a lot of responses will be about how its a true way for you or whatever but still the concept interests me, to what extent is it that we tell ourselves to be unjudgemental while secretly cringing? Maybe for the most part we even try to hide that cringing from ourselves, i know i do.


In some regards, I'm very judgemental. It does bother me, at times, but not overly.


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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 4:55:23 PM   
atursvcMaam


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

A negative judgement being one that the collective "they" disagree with? Screw em. Sometimes... You can judge a book by its cover. Yes, I am sure alot you think I am an ASS. You're right. But, while you're judging me, someone else is judging you. Judgement is purely subjective. Some have better than others. If only because they agree with me. (when that happens LOL)

i think a negative judgement is one that You don't agree with.  it is important where it effects my life, or my view of things.  i tend to reflect pretty deeply if i am told that my judgement is flawed, but if i can look at those i love, and at myself in the mirror i am at peace. agree with Your view.  it isn't consequential.  i do think that as subjective that the final judgement is, it tends to be based on the facts as they are perceived.

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Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 4:55:39 PM   
SimplyMichael


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Status: offline 		It all depends on what sort of judgements you are making. You are black therefore I judge you as inferiour is different than, I looked at your work and it sucks.

Or, doing needle play through the lungs is bad and I judge you as incompetent is different than, you know, most people who do diaper play and eat the poo use chocolate pudding, not real poo.

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 5:02:45 PM   
masterofdrkness2


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Status: offline 		I try and not judge anyone....key word there is try.....who people are and what they do is nothing I can control.. I may not agree with them..but that is my right . 

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 5:11:42 PM   
atursvcMaam


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Joined: 5/10/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

It all depends on what sort of judgements you are making. You are black therefore I judge you as inferiour is different than, I looked at your work and it sucks.

Or, doing needle play through the lungs is bad and I judge you as incompetent is different than, you know, most people who do diaper play and eat the poo use chocolate pudding, not real poo.


Thanks, i still learn something new every day.

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live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 5:21:38 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		When people shape their character, they create an image of what they think a human being should be. It follows, thus, people cast judgement on others in the process.


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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 5:23:12 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I judge and I educate, I try to show other sides,  other ways, other options---I don't suffer fools well------I also work very had everyday to change the wrongs I see in the world---so I don't judge then say, pffttt I don't watch the news, or I don't give a damn about that---it is pervasive in everything I do---I judge, I fix, I try to fix, I give a damn and I work My butt off to make change happen--yep I judge and I care.
 
 
 

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 5:25:19 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		There's having judgement (good or poor) and there's being judgemental. They are two different things, IMO. One exercises judgement in one's choice of friends, lovers, etc. One is judgemental when one feels better in some way than another person because that other person exercises a different judgement.

pip, how's that for non-sexist?

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 5:26:03 PM   
lalbobbilynn


Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		i would like to say i do not judge folks, but that is not the case. My biggest annoyance is with folks who make the dilberate choice to be inane; that and Sunday drivers on any day other than Sunday!!

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 6:01:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I hope to God I'm judgmental. That means I've learned from experience and I know what does and doesn't work for me.

The other thing here is that the only time someone's ever said to me "You're being judgmental" is when they're doing something they know is wrong. Sorry, that doesn't cut it. You want to go around shoplifting and boast about it, fine. But telling me not to be judgmental when I say I don't associate with thieves is not going to get me to change my mind.

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RE: Non judgement - 4/11/2008 6:38:13 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
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Status: offline 		Judgment is a function of my ego.....or rather one of the processes my ego performs is judgment....most of the time.
Mostly my judgments use constructs in a world of opposites; what is, from what is not, black from white, up from down, masculine as opposed to feminine, old as opposed to new, I like it as opposed to I don't like it, danger as opposed to safe.
If I didn't judge I suppose I wouldn't still be here.
My ego tries to live in a world of absolutes (ie non opositional world) but it is difficult. Recursive thinking (going back into old patterns) is my usual logic and take on the world....and rehearsing what might happen next for new situations is also another pattern. ...it's my psycjhological comfort zone . It's hard work being truly or even partially compassionate enough and adopting or attempting to see the world from another's, the other's contructed point of view.
The only time I can really ever say my ego hasn't been in place doing this usual stuff is back in the days of hallucinogens (designed to lift the functions of the ego). Oh boy. I still love anything that shifts my consciousness and this can be anything from a good glass of wine, to a bright sunny day or substances beyond the TOS of the forum. dancing, meditative states and flashes of empathy and precognition....these are different to judgmental operations.......
Falling in love is another transformational state that somehow shifts my judgement from he/she is ok to he/she is far out, slaveringly beautiful BUT I can be out of that love frame almost as quickly in a pivotal moment, a point of no return and no going back.
But generally pain will shift my judgements and that is why I am into it. eah pain will snap me out of everyday judgmental awareness.
I once fell down a staircase mising all the steps except landing on my coccyx (scuse spelling it's late) straight on the bottom step. The shock caused green bruising to appear almost instantaeneously around my eyes but the most amazing thing was that it knocked out my sense of perception that the room was stable and square. i saw thw perspective angles and my brain wasn't doing a very good job of maintaining perceptual stability. So I guess, that even when I have stopped with the recursive thinking, when i think I am being open-minded, or when I am being mind blwingly creative I am still holding perceptional patterns in place most of the time.
Now that I am free (again) I would like to stay for a while longer than usual in a celibate state and then go for sowemthing different.....but maybe I'll fall back on what i already know again and again and again.....
as for others' judgements.........I try not to pass judgments on those as this would just be a world that would heap judgemnet upon judgement upon judgement....but I'm essentially, aren't we all? the same......I still think it's remarkable that it's a time we call 2008 and there's a swing towards cultural conformity and fascist body culture...........

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 4/11/2008 6:39:25 PM >

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RE: Non judgement - 4/12/2008 2:48:19 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
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Status: offline 		Making assessments/judging others is also part of our basic survival instinct, it's something we do subconsciously even. In others we do not know we have to go on face value, basic body language in non-verbal situations and we make snap judgements as a result. It stands to reason that follows through into other areas. But there's a huge distinction between making an observation/assessment, than simply transferring our inadequacies/insecurities onto others which is what I feel most people do and that is what we need to work on not doing.
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
When people shape their character, they create an image of what they think a human being should be. It follows, thus, people cast judgement on others in the process.


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