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Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 11:53:48 AM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability?

How do you compensate for that disability?

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability?

Being deaf I've always wondered how others compensate for their or their partners disabilities.

There's more behind the questions but for now if we could just leave it at my being mildly curious I'd appreciate it.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

Post #: 1

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:01:57 PM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I'm a Dominant in a wheelchair,how I compensate for the disability isn't really the issue for Me;it's more about deciding what I want and going after it disabilty and all. If I let the disability beat Me,restrict Me, or in some way, control Me I've lost and I'll never get what I want from this or the vanilla lifestyle.

Have I ever overlooked a disabled submissive? not intentionally, in fact I once had a girl with the same disability as Me.

The bottom line for Me is I am the master of My disability, -it- -is not- the master of Me.

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 2

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:04:34 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

To be perfectly honest it would depend on the disability and how she handles it herself. There is alot I can work around, even forget exists, if I even saw it in the first place. I once was madly in love with a double amputee. Truth be told, I forgot about it most times. The scars left on the side of his face and head that were part of the same accident, I never really saw. Others did and found them hideous.

As cliche' as it sounds, it was the person that shone through the eyes that got to me.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/1/2008 12:05:29 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 3

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:18:04 PM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

I'm a Dominant in a wheelchair,how I compensate for the disability isn't really the issue for Me;it's more about deciding what I want and going after it disabilty and all. If I let the disability beat Me,restrict Me, or in some way, control Me I've lost and I'll never get what I want from this or the vanilla lifestyle.

Have I ever overlooked a disabled submissive? not intentionally, in fact I once had a girl with the same disability as Me.

The bottom line for Me is I am the master of My disability, -it- -is not- the master of Me.

I like your attitude!

I've just gotten a few emails that leave a bad taste in my mouth. Both basically starting out addressing my being deaf and how I should be grateful for their attention in the first place.

I forget sometimes that being deaf is supposed to be a disability. Being able to read lips I'm honestly glad half the time that I can't actually hear what people are saying.

While I can speak I prefer to rely more on body language and can go days without saying a word verbally or by sign. I just forget to talk, and I've found that most people only mean half of what they say anyways.

One of the ways my X Master and I compensated for my deafness was by realizing and accepting I'm not a talker but rather a writer. While I'm not good with the written word at times I have a great love for it. So I kept a daily journal that was available for him to read at any given moment. Feelings, thoughts they were his to know.

Scenes especially where pain was involved were stopped the minute I said a word it didn't matter what word as long as it was understandably a word. My safe word was whatever word my brain and mouth could remember at that given time. Usually "slow" meaning whoa hold up a sec or "no" meaning stop.

I know how important communication is in any aspect of life but even more so in this lifestyle that I sometimes worry I won't find someone willing to work with me as much as J was.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 4

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:21:49 PM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

To be perfectly honest it would depend on the disability and how she handles it herself. There is alot I can work around, even forget exists, if I even saw it in the first place. I once was madly in love with a double amputee. Truth be told, I forgot about it most times. The scars left on the side of his face and head that were part of the same accident, I never really saw. Others did and found them hideous.

As cliche' as it sounds, it was the person that shone through the eyes that got to me.

Once again I'm speechless. The only coherent thought running thru my mind after reading your post is "My God what a beautiful soul".

From someone who has a flaw it is good to see those who accept them and even forget they exist.

I just don't want to ever feel I owe someone for paying attention to me and I don't ever want to know what its like to be with someone because they pity me.

Being deaf hasn't stopped me from living if anything its given me more of an umph to experiancing my life rather then just existing in it.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 5

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:24:47 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Haven, you dear girl, we ALL have flaws! Some are just more visable than others.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 6

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:36:10 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

I don't have a specific disability other than "my immune system is an asshole and the rest of my body functions on a level roughly equivalent to complete shit." My last doctor suspected lupus or RA, but thanks to various other events in my life I've not been able to do much on follow-up care/testing to confirm.

So my darling has had to deal with me basically at my worst. He's given me massages to help with pain, stayed by me to make sure I didn't hurt myself during a seizure, and taken a very active role in making sure I take my medicines and that I'm eating properly, exercising, et cetera... which may sound a bit odd for me to let him step in on that respect, but he knows what he's talking about and I have a horrible memory when it comes to remembering what to take. He cares for me out of love and a desire to see me healthy, not because he enjoys taking control. In a way, he serves me as my personal nutritionist/trainer. Yeeeeeah!

I don't know that I've ever really had to compensate, other than sometimes just not being well enough to do a scene or have sex... but then again I never really feel a NEED to compensate. It's not my fault, I can't do shit about it, so why blame me or expect me to go out of my way to somehow "make up for it?"

I've never discriminated against anyone with a disability. When I was sixteen I used to volunteer to teach art to people with Down's syndrome. I've gotten in people's faces before for giving someone with a physical disability a hard time. Hell, when I was working retail we had a few regular deaf customers -- my sign language is definitely not good enough to be considered fluent, but I can recognize enough of them and sign back enough to be of some help (my cousin is deaf so in order to talk to him when he was little I had to learn to sign). I'd always make damn sure that we worked out a way to communicate. Nobody else I worked with wanted to be bothered to put forth the extra effort.

Disability does not define a person and I find it pointless to treat it as if it does. I feel like high-fiving people I see who push on despite any disabilities and do amazing things, despite how many idiots there are who just go "hurr hurr, u iz crippled, roflroflrofl"

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 7

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:37:15 PM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Haven, you dear girl, we ALL have flaws! Some are just more visable than others.

My biggest flaw just happens to have paybacks.

"HAVEN did you forget to pick up my dry cleaning again girl?"

"but Sir I didn't hear you tell me to pick it up"

I'm evil I know

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:51:24 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I don't mention this on my profile, and maybe I should, but I have a foot condition that causes me to have to wear a brace on one of my feet. I will for the rest of my life. This means no heels....really limits dress-wearing. It isn't usually the first thing I mention when talking with someone. However, if it appears it could go beyond just chat, I will bring it up. "Sorry, hun, but I can't wear those killer stillettos"....can be a downer for some. I don't look at it as a disability, more like an inconvinience. I still am active and I get thru my day, but sometimes it just hurts. I finally had to "expose" the dreaded brace to a play-partner. He didn't comment and I didn't think twice about it, but you can't help but wonder.
I had a dom friend of mine say to me once that just because I can't walk in the fetish heels doesn't mean he can't tie me to the bed in them....I loved that. You gotta learn to work with what ya got.

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 9

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 12:57:01 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability?

How do you compensate for that disability?

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability?

Being deaf I've always wondered how others compensate for their or their partners disabilities.

There's more behind the questions but for now if we could just leave it at my being mildly curious I'd appreciate it.

You are an admirable soul. That you have the courage to talk about your own disability shows both maturity and courage. Now to business:

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability?
Yes. I have osteoarthritis in both knees, type 2 diabetes, a screwed immune system and suffer ED (erectile dysfunction) due to my diabetes.

How do you compensate for that disability? It’s all in the mind and a goodly application of common sense. I take reasonable precautions about reducing the severity and duration of colds, flues and chest infections, maintain some form of exercise including mental exercises, maintain the medication régime including, meditation and acupuncture. The rest is pure Celt/Norse boldly mindedness by refusing what I see as minor disabilities to interfere or dictate my lifestyle. I recognize the things I can no longer do and those which are harder to do and work out the most practical may of doing what I both need to do and what I want to do. (I just deal with pain that night). I will never hide behind any disability I have, that would make me a cripple.

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability? Never and it is unlikely I ever would. If a girl interested me enough, I have already taken into account any disabilities I can see and it is the person which interests me. I will then work out ways she can perform most of the normal duties and those she is unable to do, someone else can do them. I had a lass collared to me who suffered severe physical and emotional disabilities as the result of an MVA. As far as I was concerned she was an excellent girl.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/1/2008 12:58:16 PM >

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 10

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:02:56 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability? --yes..i cant have sex(a physical impossibility due to genitalia issues because im intersexed) ...and i have a heart condition.

How do you compensate for that disability? --there is no compensation...nobodys given me a chance.

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability? --see above

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 11

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:05:37 PM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

I'm a Dominant in a wheelchair,how I compensate for the disability isn't really the issue for Me;it's more about deciding what I want and going after it disabilty and all. If I let the disability beat Me,restrict Me, or in some way, control Me I've lost and I'll never get what I want from this or the vanilla lifestyle.

Have I ever overlooked a disabled submissive? not intentionally, in fact I once had a girl with the same disability as Me.

The bottom line for Me is I am the master of My disability, -it- -is not- the master of Me.

I like your attitude!

I've just gotten a few emails that leave a bad taste in my mouth. Both basically starting out addressing my being deaf and how I should be grateful for their attention in the first place.

I forget sometimes that being deaf is supposed to be a disability. Being able to read lips I'm honestly glad half the time that I can't actually hear what people are saying.

While I can speak I prefer to rely more on body language and can go days without saying a word verbally or by sign. I just forget to talk, and I've found that most people only mean half of what they say anyways.

One of the ways my X Master and I compensated for my deafness was by realizing and accepting I'm not a talker but rather a writer. While I'm not good with the written word at times I have a great love for it. So I kept a daily journal that was available for him to read at any given moment. Feelings, thoughts they were his to know.

Scenes especially where pain was involved were stopped the minute I said a word it didn't matter what word as long as it was understandably a word. My safe word was whatever word my brain and mouth could remember at that given time. Usually "slow" meaning whoa hold up a sec or "no" meaning stop.

I know how important communication is in any aspect of life but even more so in this lifestyle that I sometimes worry I won't find someone willing to work with me as much as J was.

Thanks, I suppose I've been really lucky-people have either contacted Me through My profile and been nice, or they haven't contacted Me at all. The people you've mentioned being rude to you through your profile sound like idiots who just aren't worth bothing about, they probably have few r/l freinds because they lack the ability to socialise, or are so far up their own asses they don't think they need to bother being civil because they think it's someone elses job since they ( the ones who attack you) are ooo superior....

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 12

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:05:55 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

We both have a lot of hearing problems. It is not so sexy to have to scream sweet nothings in your Dominant's ears or to say something funny and have to repeat yourself five times before being heard and by that point it's not funny anymore. Actually it's really fucking frustrating. It just takes more patience and more working together to get over it.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 13

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:07:42 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability? --yes..i cant have sex(a physical impossibility due to genitalia issues because im intersexed) ...and i have a heart condition.

How do you compensate for that disability? --there is no compensation...nobodys given me a chance.

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability? --see above

*big hugs*

Fuck people, seriously.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:17:41 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability? Yes. I am legally blind. I also have handicaps - I am an amputee (right leg above the knee), my left leg is in a brace, I have frozen shoulder. I think that's all of them. [grin]

How do you compensate for that disability? In the outside world, I have a plethora of adaptive equipment and software, thanks to the Department of Rehabilitation. I don't use a prosthesis, but I am quite adept with a wheelchair. As far as scening goes, there are positions that I simply can't get into, but we make adjustments and allowances, and in some cases I just practiced until I could do it. There are things we will avoid, such as anything that breaks the skin (wounds heal slowly on diabetics), and I suppose suspension might pose a challenge. But I am willing to consider activities and carefully plan how they can be done.

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability? Not intentionally, although I do have a preference for an able-bodied partner who can help me up if I fall in the shower. It would also be a plus if he is physically able to drive a car, as I can't.

I spent about a year and a half depressed over the loss of my sight (I was a voracious reader). Then I spent six months trying to get a job, followed by a year of trying to be in business for myself. Now I'm back to searching for employment. And I'm not going to let a little thing like blindness stand in my way. Hey, if a legally blind man can run a state, why can't a legally blind woman run an office?

pip, not on the ballot, though

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 15

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:26:31 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability?

No, other that the Human Condition which as is stated makes me Human and due to this means I make mistakes and Often times make an ass of myself, sometimes on accident too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

How do you compensate for that disability?

I compensate for this disability by always admiting my fault and doing it right away, as well as taking responsibility for the things that I do and trying not to do them over and over again. However Physical Disabilities and the Human Condition are two very different things. Things that make these past two answers nothing more that frivality. It's the next ones I really wanted to answer.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability?

NEVER!!! a Person is more than thier disability and in most cases lack of one ability is means greater ability in other things. I see a submissive as what they ARE not what they AREN'T.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

Being deaf I've always wondered how others compensate for their or their partners disabilities.

In a case of being Deaf I think I would want to learn ASL or USL depending on which you perfered and then we would have to work together on finding other ways to communicate. I knew a girl who even though she was deaf she felt Vibrations very well and so all you needed to do to get her attention if she wasn't facing you was stamp your foot on the floor twice and she would look straight at you. I was very impressed with this ability. If the girl was blind I think the same learning curve applies I think it is silly to think a girl is not able to be of service or even play just because she is Deaf, or Blind, or In a Wheelchair, or any other thing someone thinks is a disability the idea is to work around the issue to meet both people needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

There's more behind the questions but for now if we could just leave it at my being mildly curious I'd appreciate it.

When you are ready to offer the reason I would love to know why you asked.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 16

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:28:41 PM

moose

Posts: 29
Joined: 4/25/2004
Status: offline

If I didn't know better, I would say IronBear is but a secret profile of my Owner... add in a few finger/sensation issues and that about sums it up for him.

How does *he* deal with it? Ignorance is bliss. How do *I* deal with it? Unsubly nagging and tight-as-cheesewire control of the weekly menu plans. How does *he* deal with that? Masterful delegation of said tasks.

Although the diabetes is classed as a disability (and we have had issues at work where it is not respected as such), neither of us lives our lives any differently. We eat, drink and make merry. If anything, our lives are richer for it, for we eat healthier, (more varied foods made mostly from scratch which we didn't used to do before his diagnosis), drink healthier (we brew our own ale and wine, hence none of those nasty additions from the bulk-produced stuff) and spend time walking, camping, and generally being active. All stuff we wanted to do before but didn't really have the motivation to do.

Would he/we ever overlook anyone with a disability? No, we've been in contact/negotiation with a number (two's a number isn't it?) of people in the past with 'issues' where it has not worked out for its own reason, not because of their 'issues'.

_____________________________

Land Rovers don't leak oil, they just mark their territory.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 17

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 2:58:16 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

Are you a sub/Dom with a disability?

How do you compensate for that disability?

Have you in the past overlooked someone with a disability?

Being deaf I've always wondered how others compensate for their or their partners disabilities.

There's more behind the questions but for now if we could just leave it at my being mildly curious I'd appreciate it.

I don't qualify as legally disabled because I gave up on the process. Sort of interesting timing on this, I went to my doctors on Monday and talked about the things I just can't do anymore and how I am (not) adjusting well to that. I worked in a bookstore for over ten years, it was the most wonderful job I've held. I'm almost phobically shy but somehow in that store I actually bubbled. I woke up happy to go to work and customers actually liked me. Came specifically for me. Til I started to get really sick and miss days, then weeks finally leading to being fired. My cognitive thinking got too..messed up and there were too many days I couldn't speak because of my jaw. My auto immune system, connective tissues and joints have problems. Lupus, fibromyalgia TMJ and Monday learned he thinks I need retesting for MS and Macular Degeneration. There are things I physically can't do and others I need to avoid so I don't get backlash pain. My owner has been along side me every step of every diagnosis cept the TMJ and really, it's been me adjusting more than him. I'm lucky. I am really lucky to have him, daily he calls to make sure I've eaten and haven't forgotten any medication. I send him a daily schedule of things I need to get done or remember (oy my memory is dismal!) and he sets guidelines on what I can or can't do for the day. I need to sleep a lot, rest a lot. Sometimes my coordination is so bad he tells me to just lay down and be still for a bit. I hope I have never overlooked anyone, disability or not. I'm the sort to seek out the shy or uncomfortable ones and try to make them comfortable which makes me feel more in control of social stuff. I'd really hate to think I would ever overlook someone, being forgotten or not good enough is painful to feel. It's something I worry about happening to me. I worry that I'm not viable, that I can only maintain a long distance thing because I just don't function day to day. Every few months yeah, I can force it but then when home I'm usually fevered and in such pain for a few weeks. I call it 'play, then pay', for every bit I exert I know in advance I will be paying. So I worry that I can't give enough to um. To have someone want me. Every day.People that don't have to plan out groceries so they don't get exhausted sometimes have trouble with that concept. That is often my entire days activity then I'm in bed, so that means I can't do a lot.I'm talking too much.

It's just on my mind today. I miss working. I miss functioning.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 18

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 3:01:04 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I am a retard. Never stopped women from wanting to date me.

_____________________________

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 19

RE: Disabilities on the "scene" - 4/1/2008 3:25:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Some depression which is pretty much in remission, a fair bit of anxiety which is getting worse and I think I have to go get meds for, a little ADD which I've got fairly good coping strategies for. The difference is that I don't look handicapped and he has to take my word as to what I'm up for on any giving day. Because some days I can handle a lot, and others I can hardly handle anything. So I need someone who doesn't have cut and dried rules because I can't live like that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 20

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