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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 10:34:35 AM

Aileen1968

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That's a lot of salad greens going on in your house.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 10:37:23 AM

Poetryinpain

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OP - there have been such good posts here I hesitate to add my paltry opinion, but here goes anyway.

To me, it's kind of like my job search. I call myself an Administrative Assistant, but what does that mean? Is it the same thing a potential employer means when they say they are looking for an Administrative Assistant? I have held that position in several different companies, and the tasks were different in each position. In fact, in the last position, which I held for eight years, the job evolved so much it was at the end almost unrecognizable as the same one for which I was hired.

I've heard it said that some have a "slave mentality," whatever that means. Others have a "submissive personality," but in what context? Again using my career choice as an example, I am willing to follow the direction and take orders from my employer, but I am confident in my skills and talents and proud to be using them in the service of my employer. And I am able to make decisions and be a self-starter within the framework of my position, thinking outside the box, outside the job description if need be. Am I a submissive personality as far as my job is concerned? That is a moot point, so long as I am of value to my employer and our relationship remains on a fairly even keel.

I have babbled on long enough - go forth and seek the Dom/me who fits your personality, and make a strong relationship that satisfies both of you. And good luck in your journey.

pip

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 11:23:08 AM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I eventually figured ou that whatever had crawled up in her cooze and died, she was still a person with feelings, dreams, goals, and what not. I didn't have to like her, agree with her, or even give her the time of day to realize that she had the same right to be happy (or miserable) if she wishes as I do. If that bloated mass of deadfish carcass wants to be a slave, it doesn't bother or hurt me; but I certainly don't have to be her buddy, or foul my leather with her stink.

Stephan

Good afternoon Stephan,

i am sure your statement was meant to be a postive reinforcement for the "dysfunctional people in all walks of life, and they have the same right to engage in relationships (healthy or otherwise) as everyone elseless confident". However, it looses it's good will (in my opinion) when such disrespectful adjectives are used when describing them or in the case of the wal-mart woman - her.

" bloated mass of deadfish carcass "...if that is how you really feel, i don't think they "need" YOU defending their rights to be a slave~

just a thought

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 12:16:54 PM

Stephann

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To be fair, I really disliked that woman. I can have an intense dislike for someone, while understanding they have the same right to be happy in their lives as I do. My stepmother falls into this category as well.

Stephan

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 1:18:49 PM

DesFIP

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I think you're biting off more than you can chew. You may want to search the term sub frenzy. The truth is, that until you experience it, you don't know what your reaction will be. A lot of it sounds great but in action can grate on you, and you can't predict which it will be until after you've tried it.

In fantasy, micromanagement sounds hot. In actuality I get pissed off while cooking dinner if he's constantly over my shoulder or interrupting me to go do something else.

Then there was hot wax which he liked the idea of and I was blah about. He found it less fun than he thought it would be and I found it was WOW. Neither of us could have predicted the experience would be the opposite of our expectations.

I think a newbie does better to say they're a total newbie who is interested in exploring and learning because then people who are looking for micromanagement for an example will know that you may not be it, rather than start a relationship and call you a liar because your profile wrote a check that your experience refused to cash.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 2:01:54 PM

faithfulfemme

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Beware! Beware! Thread derailment follows...!

".....your profile wrote a check your experience couldn't cash".

Wow.....great analogy. i'd like to steal that, if you don't mind.....

Now, back to your regularly scheduled thread.......

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 2:21:35 PM

slaveintraning

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I am been asking a lot of questions, and also asking myself, what I am. Finding out what is inside of me, and come to see, what I think of myself in this lifestyle, and in life. We do learn, and relearn from everyone, and everything. I am finding that I do think of myself as a slave, mostly because that how I feel inside. I could be wrong, but don't think so. I am not trying to sell myself, or fool anyone, just learning to be me.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 2:49:02 PM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning
just learning to be me.

do that..that is the best start ever.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 4:50:31 PM

slavemaia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

Would like to know what other think when someone is new (like me), and I call myself a slave, or do I need the time put into it, then call myself a slave? Just wonding what people think

It's true no one can tell you whether you are or are not a slave. i do feel that there are some things that do differentiate a slave from a submissve and tend to find that basic diffentiation defined in the following quote" "A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her/him. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is incumbent upon her/him to obey."

Most of all i believe it's more about looking deep within and answering honestly, who is it you really wish to serve? Whose desires do you wish to fulfill? Yours or your Master's/Mistress's. The illusion that i believe often exists is that slavery is so - uhm - romantic or something. And in some ways it is, but for me it amounts to obedience whether i agree, like the command, or whatever. As a slave i have surrendered my "right" to dictate anything - my job is to do as i'm told - period. In my obedience and surrender i find what i want and need. So slavery is no more or less nobel than anything else. i do what makes me the happiest - being a slave. It's that simple. Admittedly i did think for a time that being a slave was like the ultimate something or other - lol. But i know it's just a matter of individual preference. i think most importantly being excrutiatingly honest with yourself about your own motives is what matters most.

What's the difference between a sub and a slave to you? That's all that matters - then seek out someone who shares that basic premise. Good luck on your journey.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 4:53:54 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

I am been asking a lot of questions, and also asking myself, what I am. Finding out what is inside of me, and come to see, what I think of myself in this lifestyle, and in life. We do learn, and relearn from everyone, and everything. I am finding that I do think of myself as a slave, mostly because that how I feel inside. I could be wrong, but don't think so. I am not trying to sell myself, or fool anyone, just learning to be me.

Good idea. Know yourself. Find someone that fits. Labels...... well, maybe they don't mean so much, at least compared to having the life you want, and need. I tell you..... I can almost promise you, that there is someone out there that can make your heart sing, and they will not believe that slavery exists, and there is someone else out there, that can make you feel the same way, that is equally sure that there is slavery. Don't let the labels get in the way of your life.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 7:34:36 PM

Padriag

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

Would like to know what other think when someone is new (like me), and I call myself a slave, or do I need the time put into it, then call myself a slave? Just wonding what people think

First, just so you know... this is a much loathed topic because it is so often repeated. But hey, you're new so we'll not roast anything... this time.

To answer your question, this is what I think.

I think .oO(Hmmmm.... apparently this person is seeking a relationship in which they fill a role that they in some way associate with the word "slave" and possibly with the concept of being "owned" and probably controlled. I wonder if their ideas about it are even remotely similar to mine? )

To answer the second part of your question...

I think that before you call yourself a slave, a submissive, a pet, or any other such thing you ought to do two things first. One... consider what that term or terms mean to you... when you say "slave" what do you mean, what are the ideas, concepts and fantasies you associate with that. And second... be able to articulate that information to someone else when they ask.

You can call yourself anything you wish... and most people do. You'll find that there are very few standards at all regarding what a "slave" or a "submissive" or a "dominant" or a "master/mistress" are... and the few that exist occur mostly coincedentally as a bi-product of cultural conditioning rather than any conscious attempt to create such standards. Which is long winded way of saying the majority of people can't agree on much of anything where these "titles" are concerned and that really just makes them self imposed labels. That's fine.. but if you want your bit of self labeling to serve a useful and practical purpose... then just be able to explain what you mean by it. Once you do that then someone else can say "Oh... that's the sort of slave you want to be... well, now that we've got that cleared up I think I see where you're going with this..." and hopefully something good happens next. But at the very least there's a bit less confusion which itself is often a good thing... unless of course you were trying to confuse people in which case...

Okay... I'm tired, long day... I'll stop rambling now. Hope that made some sort of sense, if not I'll sort it out later when I'm not so tired.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 8:40:00 PM

awmslave

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There are slaves and there are submissives. Experience does not make a submissive automatically a slave. The distinction between a submissive and a slave has been discussed many times here. Sometimes submissives like to call themselves a slave but, as I undrstand, the question was about being a slave in generally agreed way (in BDSM circles).

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 8:47:00 PM

sassysexygirl

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Fast Reply ~~

greetings to E/everyone :)

maybe i am simply being thick, but this question comes up so often and there are always so many different answers. to me it seems very, very simple ~~

a slave is an owned person. granted we practice consentual slavery but, nonetheless, slaves are owned persons. period.

if you are not owned, the most a person can be is deeply submissive.

well wishes to A/all
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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 8:52:35 PM

Adelphus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
These sorts of slaves are made by the unique interaction of an individual dominant with their particular submissive/s. In short, one person's slave is rarely another's.

Oooh! I love that! I never saw anyone state that before.;-)

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 9:41:34 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sassysexygirl

a slave is an owned person. granted we practice consentual slavery but, nonetheless, slaves are owned persons. period.

if you are not owned, the most a person can be is deeply submissive.

True for you, perhaps, but certainly not a universal truth for all.

Celeste

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 9:44:06 PM

MisterStrongWill

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Well I think Michael has you of to a good start. Time will tell what level or grow into. I think saying you are a slave may express your personal desire or your goal.

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 10:51:54 PM

slavegirljoy

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Fact #1: Everything being posted on here, in response to your question, is OPINION, and nothing more, including this post. It may be the gospel, according to the person writing it, but that doesn't mean that it holds any truth to anyone else. Each person decides what's true for them. You may read something that touches a chord in you and that resonates within you and can be useful to you. Take what helps you to move in a positive direction toward your goal and don't worry about the rest. Fact #2: It's your life and you can decide, for yourself, what label suits you, your personality, your desires, your needs, your goals in life. You don't need to justify your choice of label to anyone, other than yourself and the person you choose to develop a relationship with. It's your life and you can 'write your own check'. After all, it's being drawn on your life's bank account and no one else's. Fact #3: You may be 'new' to BD/SM and/or to a D/s-type of relationship, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a clue as to who you are inside and what you are looking for and needing in a relationship. There are some of us (or, at least one, any way) who have been in multiple D/s relationships over the years, as well as vanilla ones, who knew that we needed more than that, but didn't know how to say it, didn't know there was a word for it and, therefor, went from one disappointing D/s relationship to another. Until, finally, realizing that there is a word for it and the word is "slave" (by choice), and that to have called myself a "submissive" all those years was incorrect and kept me from being in the right sort of relationship for me. Being the submissive partner in a D/s relationship was not right for me, ever. Being someone who needed to be owned and controlled and micromanaged to the nth degree is exactly who i have been, all along and being in a Master/slave relationship is what i needed, all along. While wishing that i had known, earlier in life, to refer to myself as a "slave" in search of a Master, and certain that it could have meant fewer years of frustration and loneliness for me if i had, i am still very thankful that i am now living a very fulfilling life as the property of a wonderful Master. Finally, every relationship is different and only the people involved in the relationship can say what is right for them and what works for them. Good luck to you in your journey and may you arrive there safely. joyOwned servant of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

Would like to know what other think when someone is new (like me), and I call myself a slave, or do I need the time put into it, then call myself a slave? Just wonding what people think

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RE: slave vs sub - 3/31/2008 11:01:24 PM

MissMagnolia

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As always, bravo Joy

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RE: slave vs sub - 4/1/2008 12:38:49 AM

IronBear

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Why not start the ball roling as a suybmissive and do some resedarch anout slaves in and out of BDSM. You could look at what is entailed to be a kajira (Gorean slave) for example and thay are not weak minded fools (Lifestyle ones in anycase). Do some studies and read comments about other Masters who are either in or have been in a Master/slave relationship. Do you want to be a BDSM slave or a service slave (possibly without BDSM) or a mixture of both? AZre you ready for a possible 24/7 TPE relationship. Every slave i know who is owned is sitting in a TPE dynamic, are you ready for that? 24/7 can come later of course and that will depend on the dynamic and other common factors... Aye lass think about starting off slow as a submissive and if being a slave, why, work towards that goal. No need to rush, get hurt por burn out on the way. Slow and steady.

Iron Bear
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(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

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