Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

More or Less Safe?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> More or Less Safe? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 5:36:56 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc).
 
Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?
 

 

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 5:41:14 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		this is a good topic, LadyH. It can involve the change in the "lifestyle" since the dawn of the internet if you are taking it back 20 years.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 5:48:05 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc).
 
Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?
 

 
 Nope. But I do think that the advent of the computer makes it much easier to find people sometimes too quickly. That makes basic instincts a bit useless when only using text to gauge anothers genuine interest or motive. I think it is important to occasionally remind those that are newer that they need to stay alert and make sure the basics of personal safety are covered.Not every person that joins an online site is familiar with online dangers, some are completely new to the concept of 'meeting' someone online then making the transfer to offline. No longer is it the casual bar meeting where you see body language etc, we rely on other ways and they are not always infallible.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 5:50:59 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		No, I don't think it's become more dangerous. I think that the numbers of people involved are way, way up from 10, 15 or 20 years ago. I also think that the advent of the internet has brought this into the conciousness of many people who would have otherwise never become involved in this.....and into the conciousness of many who should have never become involved in this.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 5:55:23 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		More dangerous? Probably not more reported yeah of course, we have media panic about everything now. Since the net more people are able to find BDSM or whatever word you wanna use, and this means there are more people more open about it and therefore you are more likely to hear about it. Also there will have been a growth in numbers and stuff so there are bound to be more people seeing it as an easy shag or whatever, there is far more infomation but unfortunatly this is not always a good idea, people read things and take it as gospel leading to the flux in uber -Dom/subs. Also having forums means you come into more contact with the bad stories, If a person has a good experiance they tell three people a bad they tell ten, you will be more inspired to write a rant when you are annoyed than write something positive when you are happy. When you are happy you are out being happy.

I do think BDSM provides a good cover for abusive types, I have met men who hate women women who hate men people who hate themselves, D/s allows them to do this with an element of justification but im guessing that has always been the case and its not every single person.


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 6:23:47 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		No I don't. I think our society in general is do it fast and do it now. With the internet anyone can be anything and some don't take the time to check someone out for their own safety.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 6:35:45 AM   
Taboo4Two


Posts: 170
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: NH, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor
Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?
 


Pre-internet the chances of you discovering BDSM and learning enough about it to take it past fantasy required a lot of effort. It was a closed society and membership was not easily accessed. There was a vetting process for those who took tings beyond casual interest and the community was small enough that everyone knew everyone (not literally and not 100% but close enough).

Fast forward to today. Someone sees Lady Heather on CSI or watches "The Secret Lives of Women" on WE and say to themselves, "that looks interesting, I think I'll check it out." Hop on the web, find 39,000,000+ (Google BDSM to see) sites that purport to tell you everything you need to know about BDSM without ever talking to a real person. Find an anonymous partner on CollarMe, B.Com, Craigslist or any of the hundreds of other hook up sites and have your first real time BDSM experience.

The chances for disaster are so much higher today because of the numbers of people with an active interest and the ease of flying under the radar if your goal is to abuse someone.

Domino

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 6:55:14 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		i want it and i want it right now, no i dont need no stinking lessons, i real all about it on the internet last night!
now why cant i find a don/sub/switch/monkey that'll do what i want! i want it right now!

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to Taboo4Two)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 7:01:44 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

i want it and i want it right now, no i dont need no stinking lessons, i real all about it on the internet last night!
now why cant i find a don/sub/switch/monkey that'll do what i want! i want it right now!


*nods
Instant_relationship...just_add_stupidity
...we_have_forgotten_the_value_of_taking_our_time...
for_the_most_part_we_have_become_an_instant_gratification_society...
we_take_everything_on_credit.

(sorry_guys..blame_the_cat)

(in reply to domahpet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 7:17:42 AM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		I say it has become the scapegoat. The internet and every thing on it represents all the evils of the world. At least that's what I heard yougun say she's being taught. I also see this in the news... Not too long ago it was the explicit lyrics in music, then when the powers that be decided that censorship was good, and that still didn't work... It must be the internet. So I expect to see censorship even here... Thanx mod 11... HAHAHA. No that really was just a joke! But I think it'll prob be more like mod69 or something... as in WAY down the line... you know a couple years?

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 7:24:52 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I don't think it's more dangerous.  I think we've become a society that takes away personal responsibility for our choices and actions.  Ten years ago if you hooked up with someone abusive it was your fuckup.  Now it's every one else's fault and you get to go boohoo...Poor me, instead of sucking it up and learning so that it doesn't happen again.

_____________________________



(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 7:27:52 AM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
*snip*  Now it's every one else's fault and you get to go boohoo...Poor me, instead of sucking it up and learning so that it doesn't happen again.


Thank you again for your encouraging words. I love a girl with her wits about her...

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 9:12:28 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc).
 
Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?



Imo, the more people you bring in the more likely you are to bring in someone who will abuse the system.  It's one of the drawbacks, but I think there are more benefits than drawbacks.

Maybe this is just people my age...but the majority of vanillas don't seem to think our lifestlye is dangerous, they just don't take it seriously.  The idea of a dominatrix does not scare people, it makes them laugh because they think it is bizarre and a little pathetic. 

When people want a scapegoat, they will reach for whatever is closest.  Sometimes that's BDSM, sometimes not.


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 9:31:29 AM   
tahlly


Posts: 57
Status: offline
I could not tell you. I have only been in this relationship for 5 years; my owner was my first serious relationship that I had ever had.

Despite my relative ‘youth’ in regards to what you are asking; I do not think that WIITWD, or BDSM ( however you choose to label it ) is any more safe or dangerous than any other activity that consenting adults participate in. I do not believe that in 10 , 20 or 30 years from now that it will be any more safer, or dangerous than it is at this exact moment in time.

Are the people who participate in such activities more dangerous or more safe? That answer could go either way; from where I sit, it’s a pretty even split.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 9:51:59 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
Now it's every one else's fault and you get to go boohoo...Poor me, instead of sucking it up and learning so that it doesn't happen again.


Thanks Aileen, at least I know I am not the only one noticing. I've seen so much of that mentality lately that I've been working up a post on it.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 11:56:12 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Rates of false claims tend to hover around 5% for most things. I'd like to know how you decided half the people are liars.

Now you might think a caning isn't anything to get upset about, but if your play negotiation was limited to spanking and flogging, then being caned was abusive simply because the sub didn't agree to it.

I think what's going on is less shame, so people are more likely to speak up after something like this happens. 30 years ago, abused spouses never called the cops, today they do. Does this mean there's more abuse? Nope, means people have been educated to understand that it isn't their fault, and the best thing they can do is call for help immediately.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 11:59:21 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Rates of false claims tend to hover around 5% for most things. I'd like to know how you decided half the people are liars.

Now you might think a caning isn't anything to get upset about, but if your play negotiation was limited to spanking and flogging, then being caned was abusive simply because the sub didn't agree to it.

I think what's going on is less shame, so people are more likely to speak up after something like this happens. 30 years ago, abused spouses never called the cops, today they do. Does this mean there's more abuse? Nope, means people have been educated to understand that it isn't their fault, and the best thing they can do is call for help immediately.


Huh? Was this a response to me?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 12:02:22 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Rates of false claims tend to hover around 5% for most things. I'd like to know how you decided half the people are liars.

Now you might think a caning isn't anything to get upset about, but if your play negotiation was limited to spanking and flogging, then being caned was abusive simply because the sub didn't agree to it.

I think what's going on is less shame, so people are more likely to speak up after something like this happens. 30 years ago, abused spouses never called the cops, today they do. Does this mean there's more abuse? Nope, means people have been educated to understand that it isn't their fault, and the best thing they can do is call for help immediately.

So... Is anything anyones fault? Or has blame been reduced to the omnipresent THEY?

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 12:08:44 PM   
LilMissHaven


Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc).
 
Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?
 

 


I believe the internet has a lot to do with it...easier access to like minded people which can when used correctly and wisely can be a beautiful thing but I'm constantly emailed by "InstaDoms" they want my submission this very second no ifs and or buts about it SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT!!!!

Now most of us who have associated within a BDSM community or network KNOW it doesn't work like that.  And I get to worrying about those who go for the first Dom that contacts them so hungry for something they don't understand yet.

I'm sorry I lost my train of thought...basically it all comes down to people being in such a rush that they forget to take safety precautions.

And the news loves a good drama...your never gonna hear about this great "play party" where everyone left happy.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: More or Less Safe? - 3/31/2008 12:26:45 PM   
LadyPaige


Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Taboo4Two

Pre-internet the chances of you discovering BDSM and learning enough about it to take it past fantasy required a lot of effort. It was a closed society and membership was not easily accessed. There was a vetting process for those who took tings beyond casual interest and the community was small enough that everyone knew everyone (not literally and not 100% but close enough).

Fast forward to today. Someone sees Lady Heather on CSI or watches "The Secret Lives of Women" on WE and say to themselves, "that looks interesting, I think I'll check it out." Hop on the web, find 39,000,000+ (Google BDSM to see) sites that purport to tell you everything you need to know about BDSM without ever talking to a real person. Find an anonymous partner on CollarMe, B.Com, Craigslist or any of the hundreds of other hook up sites and have your first real time BDSM experience.

The chances for disaster are so much higher today because of the numbers of people with an active interest and the ease of flying under the radar if your goal is to abuse someone.

Domino


Ditto.  This is why I don't post more.  Seems by the time I see it whatever I wanted to say has already been said.

(in reply to Taboo4Two)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> More or Less Safe? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.160