RE: More or Less Safe?

RE: More or Less Safe? (Full Version)

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HerLord -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 12:29:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPaige Ditto. This is why I don't post more. Seems by the time I see it whatever I wanted to say has already been said. Then do like me... say it with more cussing. Or you could start a thread... or be on more... or... read faster or... What it all comes down to... I want to read more of your fucking posts! LP roks

BitaTruble -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 12:40:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc). *Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?* I do think it's a bit more dangerous and for a couple of reasons. First, we have access to a lot of new toys that just weren't available 10 or 20 years ago and bigger, stronger, faster means higher risk with more chance of equipment failure. Second, the Internet has spawned a plethora of new blood, mostly those who are curious and will never take things off-line, and while it might not be physically dangerous to the vast majority, there is a higher risk of being impacted by such people in areas of trust, self-esteem etc by folks who don't realize (and/or don't care) lying, disappearing and bravado can do to others because they are safe from repercussions. Destroy someone's world? No problem, just make a new screenname and start over again. Then you have the folks who do take things offline. With all that's available in terms of munch groups, national events, classes, books etc. there is still going to be a percentage of people who just don't go the educational route before taking the plunge. That's not, in and of itself, a bad thing, but when you start to multiply that by the sheer numbers who have access now and who didn't 10 or 20 years ago, that is increasing the risk thereby increasing the danger. Much of what I've written though is going to be balanced by the increase in educational opportunites, forums such as these, the fad factor, more self-awareness and, as time goes by, less stigma attached to alternative ways of living - which is why I stated in the beginning, I do think things are a bit more dangerous as opposed to being much more dangerous. YMMV Celeste

Madame4a -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 1:01:30 PM)
I think its all about meeting people from the internet and assuming that the chatting and phone calls means you know who they are...

faithfulfemme -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 1:28:10 PM)
What BitaTruble said......

CarrieO -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 1:41:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a I think its all about meeting people from the internet and assuming that the chatting and phone calls means you know who they are... Agreed.

AquaticSub -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 1:50:00 PM)
When the size of the group increases, the number of assholes and injuries will increase as well. I'd suspect the ratio of total population to jerks or total population to people who have been injured is still relatively the same.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 6:42:09 PM)
Frankly I think deep sea divers and mountain climbers and hang gliders have it over on most kinky people about ten times in terms of physical danger and risk. I think we hear a lot about the bad stuff because it's more dramatic and attention seeking and interesting than people just living normal life.

catize -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 8:39:06 PM)
quote: Frankly I think deep sea divers and mountain climbers and hang gliders have it over on most kinky people about ten times in terms of physical danger and risk. Yeah, but they don’t talk about it as sexually gratifying which somehow makes it more acceptable. "Jacques Cousto finds the big O?"

themischievous1 -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/1/2008 12:18:46 AM)
I think that when dating on any site, vanilla, BDSM, or otherwise that one needs to excercise great caution and follow standard safety procedures. It's never been particularly wise to just go off with strangers, much less go off alone and allow them to tie you up, etc., it is probably a more violent, less morally sound society we're living in these days, in my opinion. Sociopathic/psychopathic personalities abound and are flourishing. And I don't think they are specific to the alternative lifestyle either. I think they can be found on just about any .com dating website, looking for weak prey. The smart newbie is one who gets educated quick. And older, more experienced players should not become complacent in their safety practices when meeting new people.

IronBear -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/1/2008 12:50:48 AM)
More dangerous because: Because of the Internet mored people are trying to meet quicker and few probably think and some don't even know about safe calls, back up and meeting at places like munches where you have a chance to check the person out. Today's society and the younger generation have become a "Want it now" society and many are not interested on learning with experiemnced people but are happy to ledarn from books etc. If you take at face value (not a good rule agreed) the posters here, see how many either are smart asses or have no respect or manners for others, you think those people will be so different outside? Maybe, maybe not who knows but do you want to stake your safety on their being nice and safe? I wouldn't. Iron Bear Master of Bruin Cottage (A Victorian Lifestyle poly home) "I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

MissHarlet -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/1/2008 1:04:30 AM)
I do think it has become more dangerous .. only in that people have become less cautious and more " I want it now" and think that chatting online means they KNOW someone ... and that they dont need safe calls etc .. and this goes for experienced people as well as newbies... It always amazes me at how many that have been in the lifestyle for a long time ...and think they know how to judge people and throw caution to the wind..... It all boils down to personal responsibility.....

BitaTruble -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/1/2008 1:35:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Frankly I think deep sea divers and mountain climbers and hang gliders have it over on most kinky people about ten times in terms of physical danger and risk. You're comparing specific activities to a general population of kinky people. People who engage in hook suspension, breath play and blood letting have a much higher risk of physical danger than those who knit, play chess and read. Not really an accurate way to compare. Take 100 average non-kinky people and the vast majority of them don't engage in hang gliding, deep sea diving or mountain climbing while taking an equivilant number of kinky people and the vast majority do engage in dangerous activities. Additionally, the vast majority of hang gliders, deep sea divers and mountain climbers have had extensive training in their chosen hobbies while the vast majority of kinky people have not. quote: I think we hear a lot about the bad stuff because it's more dramatic and attention seeking and interesting than people just living normal life. We don't hear much about deep sea diving when it all goes well either .. only when something goes horribly wrong. ::shrugs:: Celeste

UncleNasty -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/4/2008 9:10:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Frankly I think deep sea divers and mountain climbers and hang gliders have it over on most kinky people about ten times in terms of physical danger and risk. I was a climber and hang glider pilot. I snatched life from the jaws of death on several occaisions. Plenty of risk. Real risk- not imagined. To forget about it made it all the more possible and likely. Loads of personal accountability too. If you weren't willing to accept it then you were just an accidental death waiting to happen. Uncle Nasty

Leatherist -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/4/2008 9:14:29 PM)
Plan for the worst-hope for the best-have a back up plan or three. Take nothing for granted. That solves most issues-but pure ignorance is what trips most people up. If you think you know it all-that's when you are the MOST dangerous to yourself and others.

tasha_tart -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/5/2008 1:26:08 PM)
Lady Hathor Excellent question. I don't think it's any more dangerous, but I do think we hear the horror stories much more readily due to the net. Before the advent of sites such as Collarme, and various other online forums, we would hear only those bad stories from our immediate circle. There might also be the occasional news story that caught our attention. Now, every little boo-boo (along with more serious inscidents) is posted for the world to see within minutes of its conclusion. This can certainly give the impresion that there is far more danger than ever before. There are likely more people involved in the "lifestyle", though that might be hard to quantify. If so, there would be a greater number of bad incidents, but not necessarily a greater proportion of negative vs positive. I also have a gut feeling that some people that are doing some incredibly risky and/or criminal things (the idiot that shocked his partner to death with 120VAC straight from a lampcord comes to mind) getting lumped in with people who practice responsible BDSM. This can result from sensationalist reporting (get "S&M" in big letters over the story) and from the guilty looking to blame "S&M" for somehow driving them to this (kind of reminds me of the Twinkie® defence). Obviously there are abusers and predators, as well as the dangerously stupid, in the "lifestyle", but I would contend that they would be this way if they were totally "vanilla". BDSM has just given them something to hang their hats on, as well as a new group of potential victims. No one can guarantee total safety in interactions with others, kinky or not. Taking reasonable precautions will go a long way toward that goal, but sadly their are always predators with us in all walks of life. Tasha

metalmiss -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/5/2008 1:31:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ quote: ORIGINAL: domahpet i want it and i want it right now, no i dont need no stinking lessons, i real all about it on the internet last night! now why cant i find a don/sub/switch/monkey that'll do what i want! i want it right now! nods Instant_relationship...just_add_stupidity ...we_have_forgotten_the_value_of_taking_our_time... for_the_most_part_we_have_become_an_instant_gratification_society... we_take_everything_on_credit. (sorry_guys..blame_the_cat) Agrees* It's sad to think of it..

RedAnhedonia -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/5/2008 2:07:06 PM)
As someone who is new to CM ... but not new to online dating, I believe the instant gratification is a huge draw to hook up sites. Everyone wants to meet five minutes ago. I have been a member of Adult Friend Finder for quite a while, and have always used caution when going to meet someone new. I have yet to meet anyone from CM, and as I posted on another thread, I planned to.... tonight ... until he notified me of his expectations. I'd like to believe that I have my wits about me, and that through talking with trusted friends about a potential meet I can sort of if this is the type of person I want to spend time with at all. A vanilla friend of mine met a guy on Match .. and the guy turned out to be a complete looney. Following her to work, and home... stalking her. She said their conversations we always "normal" and this is an intelligent, strong, independant woman. She had no idea the guy would turn out to be a freak. Sometimes, the excitment of meeting someone new takes over and clouds over "red" flags. So I don't believe ANY form of meeting new people is more or less safe than another. There are risks everytime you meet someone new, be it here... or Match. I always take precautions.

KnightofMists -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/5/2008 5:53:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago?* No

windchymes -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/5/2008 7:17:21 PM)
My thinking is along the same line's as Bita's, in that there's a certain natural progression...We get bored with the activities, equipment and toys that we do and have, so we're always looking for bigger and better thrills. Plus, technology advances, so equipment and toys can become larger, more powerful, more versatile, and potentially more dangerous. Plus, there's always a tendency to want to "top that", make the next play session (or whatever) bigger, better and more thrilling than the last one. So, in that respect, yes, I think it could be more dangerous than it was 20 years ago. As always, it's all about the common sense.

Leatherist -> RE: More or Less Safe? (4/5/2008 7:56:23 PM)
The real fun is when you can make it seems dangerous as hell-with little or no real risk involved. Takes some intelligence and creativity to go there-and skill.

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