More or Less Safe?

More or Less Safe? (Full Version)

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LadyHathor -> More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 5:36:56 AM)
It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc). *Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?*

sirsholly -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 5:41:14 AM)
this is a good topic, LadyH. It can involve the change in the "lifestyle" since the dawn of the internet if you are taking it back 20 years.

camille65 -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 5:48:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc). *Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?* Nope. But I do think that the advent of the computer makes it much easier to find people sometimes too quickly. That makes basic instincts a bit useless when only using text to gauge anothers genuine interest or motive. I think it is important to occasionally remind those that are newer that they need to stay alert and make sure the basics of personal safety are covered.Not every person that joins an online site is familiar with online dangers, some are completely new to the concept of 'meeting' someone online then making the transfer to offline. No longer is it the casual bar meeting where you see body language etc, we rely on other ways and they are not always infallible.

mistoferin -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 5:50:59 AM)
No, I don't think it's become more dangerous. I think that the numbers of people involved are way, way up from 10, 15 or 20 years ago. I also think that the advent of the internet has brought this into the conciousness of many people who would have otherwise never become involved in this.....and into the conciousness of many who should have never become involved in this.

colouredin -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 5:55:23 AM)
More dangerous? Probably not more reported yeah of course, we have media panic about everything now. Since the net more people are able to find BDSM or whatever word you wanna use, and this means there are more people more open about it and therefore you are more likely to hear about it. Also there will have been a growth in numbers and stuff so there are bound to be more people seeing it as an easy shag or whatever, there is far more infomation but unfortunatly this is not always a good idea, people read things and take it as gospel leading to the flux in uber -Dom/subs. Also having forums means you come into more contact with the bad stories, If a person has a good experiance they tell three people a bad they tell ten, you will be more inspired to write a rant when you are annoyed than write something positive when you are happy. When you are happy you are out being happy. I do think BDSM provides a good cover for abusive types, I have met men who hate women women who hate men people who hate themselves, D/s allows them to do this with an element of justification but im guessing that has always been the case and its not every single person.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 6:23:47 AM)
No I don't. I think our society in general is do it fast and do it now. With the internet anyone can be anything and some don't take the time to check someone out for their own safety.

Taboo4Two -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 6:35:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?* Pre-internet the chances of you discovering BDSM and learning enough about it to take it past fantasy required a lot of effort. It was a closed society and membership was not easily accessed. There was a vetting process for those who took tings beyond casual interest and the community was small enough that everyone knew everyone (not literally and not 100% but close enough). Fast forward to today. Someone sees Lady Heather on CSI or watches "The Secret Lives of Women" on WE and say to themselves, "that looks interesting, I think I'll check it out." Hop on the web, find 39,000,000+ (Google BDSM to see) sites that purport to tell you everything you need to know about BDSM without ever talking to a real person. Find an anonymous partner on CollarMe, B.Com, Craigslist or any of the hundreds of other hook up sites and have your first real time BDSM experience. The chances for disaster are so much higher today because of the numbers of people with an active interest and the ease of flying under the radar if your goal is to abuse someone. Domino

domahpet -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 6:55:14 AM)
i want it and i want it right now, no i dont need no stinking lessons, i real all about it on the internet last night! now why cant i find a don/sub/switch/monkey that'll do what i want! i want it right now!

angelikaJ -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 7:01:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domahpet i want it and i want it right now, no i dont need no stinking lessons, i real all about it on the internet last night! now why cant i find a don/sub/switch/monkey that'll do what i want! i want it right now! *nods Instant_relationship...just_add_stupidity ...we_have_forgotten_the_value_of_taking_our_time... for_the_most_part_we_have_become_an_instant_gratification_society... we_take_everything_on_credit. (sorry_guys..blame_the_cat)

HerLord -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 7:17:42 AM)
I say it has become the scapegoat. The internet and every thing on it represents all the evils of the world. At least that's what I heard yougun say she's being taught. I also see this in the news... Not too long ago it was the explicit lyrics in music, then when the powers that be decided that censorship was good, and that still didn't work... It must be the internet. So I expect to see censorship even here... Thanx mod 11... HAHAHA. No that really was just a joke! But I think it'll prob be more like mod69 or something... as in WAY down the line... you know a couple years?

Aileen1968 -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 7:24:52 AM)
I don't think it's more dangerous. I think we've become a society that takes away personal responsibility for our choices and actions. Ten years ago if you hooked up with someone abusive it was your fuckup. Now it's every one else's fault and you get to go boohoo...Poor me, instead of sucking it up and learning so that it doesn't happen again.

HerLord -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 7:27:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 snip Now it's every one else's fault and you get to go boohoo...Poor me, instead of sucking it up and learning so that it doesn't happen again. Thank you again for your encouraging words. I love a girl with her wits about her...

junecleaver -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 9:12:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc). *Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?* Imo, the more people you bring in the more likely you are to bring in someone who will abuse the system. It's one of the drawbacks, but I think there are more benefits than drawbacks. Maybe this is just people my age...but the majority of vanillas don't seem to think our lifestlye is dangerous, they just don't take it seriously. The idea of a dominatrix does not scare people, it makes them laugh because they think it is bizarre and a little pathetic. When people want a scapegoat, they will reach for whatever is closest. Sometimes that's BDSM, sometimes not.

tahlly -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 9:31:29 AM)
I could not tell you. I have only been in this relationship for 5 years; my owner was my first serious relationship that I had ever had. Despite my relative ‘youth’ in regards to what you are asking; I do not think that WIITWD, or BDSM ( however you choose to label it ) is any more safe or dangerous than any other activity that consenting adults participate in. I do not believe that in 10 , 20 or 30 years from now that it will be any more safer, or dangerous than it is at this exact moment in time. Are the people who participate in such activities more dangerous or more safe? That answer could go either way; from where I sit, it’s a pretty even split.

mistoferin -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 9:51:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Now it's every one else's fault and you get to go boohoo...Poor me, instead of sucking it up and learning so that it doesn't happen again. Thanks Aileen, at least I know I am not the only one noticing. I've seen so much of that mentality lately that I've been working up a post on it.

DesFIP -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 11:56:12 AM)
Rates of false claims tend to hover around 5% for most things. I'd like to know how you decided half the people are liars. Now you might think a caning isn't anything to get upset about, but if your play negotiation was limited to spanking and flogging, then being caned was abusive simply because the sub didn't agree to it. I think what's going on is less shame, so people are more likely to speak up after something like this happens. 30 years ago, abused spouses never called the cops, today they do. Does this mean there's more abuse? Nope, means people have been educated to understand that it isn't their fault, and the best thing they can do is call for help immediately.

mistoferin -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 11:59:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Rates of false claims tend to hover around 5% for most things. I'd like to know how you decided half the people are liars. Now you might think a caning isn't anything to get upset about, but if your play negotiation was limited to spanking and flogging, then being caned was abusive simply because the sub didn't agree to it. I think what's going on is less shame, so people are more likely to speak up after something like this happens. 30 years ago, abused spouses never called the cops, today they do. Does this mean there's more abuse? Nope, means people have been educated to understand that it isn't their fault, and the best thing they can do is call for help immediately. Huh? Was this a response to me?

HerLord -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 12:02:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Rates of false claims tend to hover around 5% for most things. I'd like to know how you decided half the people are liars. Now you might think a caning isn't anything to get upset about, but if your play negotiation was limited to spanking and flogging, then being caned was abusive simply because the sub didn't agree to it. I think what's going on is less shame, so people are more likely to speak up after something like this happens. 30 years ago, abused spouses never called the cops, today they do. Does this mean there's more abuse? Nope, means people have been educated to understand that it isn't their fault, and the best thing they can do is call for help immediately. So... Is anything anyones fault? Or has blame been reduced to the omnipresent THEY?

LilMissHaven -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 12:08:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor It seems that at least twice a week, we see posts about abuse, lack of respect for safe words, etc etc, so if you poopoo half of those as whiners anyway--ok lets say we have maybe 2 a month that are legitimate overkills ( an abuser versus an intelligent skilled toy craftsman, a rapist, etc). *Do you really think WIITWD is more dangerous than it was 10,15 20 years ago? Do you think it just gets more press? Do you think its become the scapegoat?* I believe the internet has a lot to do with it...easier access to like minded people which can when used correctly and wisely can be a beautiful thing but I'm constantly emailed by "InstaDoms" they want my submission this very second no ifs and or buts about it SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT!!!! Now most of us who have associated within a BDSM community or network KNOW it doesn't work like that. And I get to worrying about those who go for the first Dom that contacts them so hungry for something they don't understand yet. I'm sorry I lost my train of thought...basically it all comes down to people being in such a rush that they forget to take safety precautions. And the news loves a good drama...your never gonna hear about this great "play party" where everyone left happy.

LadyPaige -> RE: More or Less Safe? (3/31/2008 12:26:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Taboo4Two Pre-internet the chances of you discovering BDSM and learning enough about it to take it past fantasy required a lot of effort. It was a closed society and membership was not easily accessed. There was a vetting process for those who took tings beyond casual interest and the community was small enough that everyone knew everyone (not literally and not 100% but close enough). Fast forward to today. Someone sees Lady Heather on CSI or watches "The Secret Lives of Women" on WE and say to themselves, "that looks interesting, I think I'll check it out." Hop on the web, find 39,000,000+ (Google BDSM to see) sites that purport to tell you everything you need to know about BDSM without ever talking to a real person. Find an anonymous partner on CollarMe, B.Com, Craigslist or any of the hundreds of other hook up sites and have your first real time BDSM experience. The chances for disaster are so much higher today because of the numbers of people with an active interest and the ease of flying under the radar if your goal is to abuse someone. Domino Ditto. This is why I don't post more. Seems by the time I see it whatever I wanted to say has already been said.

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