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CanisMajor -> RE: Our First Conflict (10/3/2005 6:47:12 AM)
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I think what Lordandmaster said makes a good deal of sense. His last paragraph is particularly cogent.
I know exactly what I would do if my partner did this. She would spend several hours of quiet time with a pen and paper, away from interactions with others and isolated from potential sources of distraction. I'd order her to make notes about and be prepared to discuss certain things at the end of this period. What exactly those things were would depend upon details of the episode that I don't have in your case; but from what you've already said, they would probably include:
- Why you have been silently dreading a conflict. (My partner is under standing orders to discuss with me anything that she is uncomfortable about or disturbed by, and to do so as soon as she becomes aware of it or at least before it becomes an emotional drama.)
- Why you failed to pace yourself.
- Whether you feel you could have and/or should have anticipated any problems from that failure to pace yourself.
- Your general opinions about drunken behaviour and drunken violence.
- In what way, exactly, and in great detail, the following are inappropriate behaviour: complaining, flipping the bird, and assaulting the Dom.
I understand the nipple clamp concession was a conciliatory gesture. It would have seemed like bribery to me, and I think my partner would have anticipated that and not made that move. If she had, "why is bribery OK" would have gone on the list above, as well. Regardless of the ultimate contents of the list, at the end of the period she would kneel before my chair while we had a long and serious discussion about her findings. This discussion would definitely have been oriented in part toward discerning what emotions have been kept hidden. A punishment might well follow. I wouldn't punish a person while they were drunk, but I'd not hesitate to do so afterward, and neither does society - drunk drivers do not get off just because they were inebriated.
Vancouver_cinful brings up a good point about scening while drunk - bad idea IMO. But if that "after I was unbound" comment indicates scening was occurring (which is what I thought too), I'd give the Dom the benefit of the doubt here. Depending on circumstances, some people can get drunk with unexpected rapidity, and sometimes it can be hard to tell at first whether someone is three sheets to the wind. I consider it entirely possible for a Dom to start a scene thinking things are normal and coming to a realization a few minutes later that they are not, and calling things off as a result. I base this on my own extensive experiences as an observer of drunken people (I went to college, and didn't touch a drop due to paranoia that I'd end up like my alcoholic father - both were excellent opportunities to observe drunks in action).
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