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is it ok to be disloyal - 3/20/2008 10:29:46 PM   
LATEXBABY64


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Status: offline 		is it ok to be disloyal to the one your owned by
I have seen post about people cheating and being dishonest to the ones they are collard or belong or married to is there such a thing as self control or are people just so flawed that is just a myth anymore
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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/20/2008 10:37:10 PM   
swtnsparkling


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quote:

is it ok to be disloyal to the one your owned by


No.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/20/2008 10:37:32 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
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Status: offline 		Girls who cheated on me always got as foot in the ass on thier way out the door. No second chances. Why are you so stuck on this issue-did someone fuck your girlfriend behind your back?

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/20/2008 10:38:27 PM   
MissMagnolia


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Status: offline 		No, it's not OK.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/20/2008 10:43:25 PM   
Poetryinpain


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Status: offline 		No. Not in BDSM or any other relationship.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/20/2008 11:41:55 PM   
LadyPact


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Status: offline 		I'm sure we're about to get into it, because we obviously have some different life views.

No, disloyalty is never ok.  It means there is something basically wrong with the relationship that is shared.  That there is something wrong with the trust, honesty, and integrity that should exist within a bond.  These things don't only exist within monogomy, but poly as well.  It comes down to terms and conditions.  Limits and respect of those limits.  Boundries, clearly established, and what they really mean.


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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/20/2008 11:47:03 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		disloyalty?
fucking around on your partner? trash-talking them, even if you dont actually 'do the deed'?
NEVER OK.



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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 12:27:43 AM   
susie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

is it ok to be disloyal to the one your owned by
I have seen post about people cheating and being dishonest to the ones they are collard or belong or married to is there such a thing as self control or are people just so flawed that is just a myth anymore


When you say disloyal, are you sure that is what you mean?

I too have seen posts here by people that are collared, married or owned by someone but it does not mean they are being disloyal to those people. I know many Masters/Doms or subs that look outside their relationship for "entertainment". Please do not assume that because someone is already in a relationship they are being disloyal. You obviously have a problem with this kind of thing and cannot see past the fact that there are relationships where this would work. Stay away from this kind of relationship and stick to what you are comfortable with.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 2:03:55 AM   
Justme696


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

is it ok to be disloyal to the one your owned by
I have seen post about people cheating and being dishonest to the ones they are collard or belong or married to is there such a thing as self control or are people just so flawed that is just a myth anymore


depends on what you agree on in a relation.
but if you agree, it isn't exactly beeing disloyal..so in the end..the answer would be no.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 2:26:01 AM   
BitaTruble


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

is it ok to be disloyal to the one your owned by
I have seen post about people cheating and being dishonest to the ones they are collard or belong or married to is there such a thing as self control or are people just so flawed that is just a myth anymore


Going by vanilla statistics (and how often is it said we are all the same except for the kink/authority part?), about half the country is okay with it and the other half isn't.

Celeste

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 2:37:49 AM   
MD1Master


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Status: offline 		In general I agree with the consensus regarding that it is not ok to be disloyal.  However, I stop prior to making an absolute statement, "No."  In long-term situations it is significantly easier to make the statement, "No."  In short-term situations it is more difficult.  I will provide an extreme example in the form of a rhetorical, "Do you tell your terminally ill partner of years that you are being disloyal?"

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 2:56:06 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I wouldn't be being disloyal in the first place. I can honestly say I personally have never, ever cheated on a partner.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 2:59:43 AM   
Goddess2002


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Status: offline 		No, it's not ok. There is a difference between being polyamorous with consent, and disloyalty. Truth, regardless of whether it hurts is required both of myself and those I allow into my life....if I ever find that my slave has been disloyal there is no going back. I see no reason to compromise integrity just because half of society justifies it.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 4:24:53 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I am guessing latex, this is was sparked off the thread on marriage and being in an open relationship you were vocal on.  No - disloyalty is never right, but if a marriage or relationship is open then there is no disloyalty when everyone is consenting.  Poly exists and open marriages exist whether you agree with them or not.
 
the.dark.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 4:31:19 AM   
colouredin


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Status: offline 		I dont think that anyone would say that disloyalty is ok, the word in itself is a negative one. However if .the.dark is right then your idea of what loyalty constitutes may be differant to other people. For me loyalty goes hand in hand with honesty, you can be loyal in an open relationship, because those paramaters have been agreed upon, it would only be disloyalty if you did it behind your partners back. 

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 5:20:31 AM   
Smythe


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

is it ok to be disloyal to the one your owned by
I have seen post about people cheating and being dishonest to the ones they are collard or belong or married to is there such a thing as self control or are people just so flawed that is just a myth anymore


Going by vanilla statistics (and how often is it said we are all the same except for the kink/authority part?), about half the country is okay with it and the other half isn't.

Celeste



Right, Celeste. But the reason so many people are "disloyal" is that we don't have enough flexibility in how we define our relationships. The fact that so many cheat means that monogamy is not necessarily the best solution for everyone. In fact, only for half the people. The knee-jerk simplistic response to these threads, i.e. cheating is always wrong really misses the point. The "other half" (and I am one of those) need to negotiate their relationships in some other paradigm so that they are not cheating or lying or being disloyal. Rather, they are sharing their real selves with their partners and not trying to force themselves into a shoe that doesn't fit.
Smythe



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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 5:23:00 AM   
Tavian


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Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		So then....what is disloyalty in your minds? It's obvious that if you are in a relationship and your significant other commits an act of infidelity they they have been disloyal.

If one person walks out of a relationship and is sleeping with someone else only days later are they being disloyal? Let's break it down into two different groups. Married and not. If two people are in a relationship but not married and one leaves and take up with someone else only days later...are they disloyal or did the relationship end when the one walked out?

Now...take the above situation but throw in marraige. Has the one been disloyal? By "traditional" definition..obviously they have...but what do YOU all think? Did the marraige end simply when the spouse walked out or is it not so simple? Does length of time matter? (i.e. it was disloyal because the act was only mere days after walking out but if a longer period of time had elapsed it would not have been an act of disloyalty?)

I appreciate your thoughts.






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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 5:24:00 AM   
Sundowner


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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I dont think that anyone would say that disloyalty is ok, the word in itself is a negative one. However if .the.dark is right then your idea of what loyalty constitutes may be differant to other people. For me loyalty goes hand in hand with honesty, you can be loyal in an open relationship, because those paramaters have been agreed upon, it would only be disloyalty if you did it behind your partners back. 


What she said.

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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 5:31:27 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Tavain

you can only be disloyal to something in which you have pledged loyalty. If you end a relationship and jump into bed with someone two seconds later its not disloyal because you have ended it therefore you dont pledge anything to that person. That doesnt mean its nice or considerate but its not disloyal.

You create an idea of what your loyalty is your job in a relationship is to make sure that you both view that loyalty in the same way, what one person considers disloyal another may not. For example if you were to slag off your partner to her mother, you may have thought that ok she may have thought that disloyal, you have to be aware of where the boundries are.

You can only feel disloyalty within those boundries and really you only feel it when you believe you have over stepped the mark, If you end a relationship all of the boundries have broken down, you owe them nothing in its purest sense, of course morally or ethically thats differant you may still want to not hurt them, or you may not.


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RE: is it ok to be disloyal - 3/21/2008 6:32:04 AM   
Prinsexx


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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

is it ok to be disloyal to the one your owned by
I have seen post about people cheating and being dishonest to the ones they are collard or belong or married to is there such a thing as self control or are people just so flawed that is just a myth anymore

i won't be disloyal this time. i have been in the past. My ego got a kick out of it and i felt i got some power from knowing something that 'he' didn't.
Anyway i am poly and realsie the real difference between being poly and 'trying' to be monogamous which really fucked my head up for many years.
i actually think it is even more necessary to be poyal when one is poly. my definition of loyalty is euquivalent to the meaning of truth. In other words to fully discuss what my needs are, both sexually and in terms of bdsm with the one who has collared me.
He has asked me to tell Him the truth and it is my duty (dharma) to do so.
As to whether my definition of loyalty is the same as Master's or anybody elses? It is only my understanding of loyalty which i haveknowledge of anyway.
No good karma can come from lying Baby.
And yes it is becoming, sadly, outmoded to be loyal.
Prin xxx

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 3/21/2008 6:34:28 AM >

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