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Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/18/2008 11:39:08 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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I would like to discuss the issues of Common Courtest on these boards and particullary among those who seem to not care that we are dealing with people and with lives.

I started a Thread about the common answer of "Run Don't Walk" Away and It did pretty well but I wonder about common courtesy period.

Do I expect the world to get along and have everyone wipe each others noses and coddle the world , No not at all, but I do think that when a person is down kicking them is really just a waste of energy.

How do you feel about the Snide and Snarky posts, the Rude and Condesending, the Arrogant and Asinine, and the down right NASTY ones. Do you feel they serve a purpose other than to put someone on the defensive or do you see it as a way to clear the field and set up a realistic view of the situation?

Do you see these opinions as things that Need to be said or just that someone had a witty comeback and jumped at the chance to make someone feel inferior?

I am curious as to how we feel about the comments that seem to often serve no purpose but to agitate the situation or the person they are directed to.

As Always

Steel

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/18/2008 11:46:00 PM

MissHarlet

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From: El Paso , TX US
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I do not see a need to " kick someone when they are down " ever ... that said .. I do see a trend of some OPs to start threads that are always about their being the victim of something or someone and no bit of advice that is given is ever heard or accepted .. it is always shot down because no one answering can possibly have any positive input or information.... it is hard not to become condesending to those ........I resolve every time that I just wont post to those threads and still get sucked into them at times ....

I do think that people need to hear what is realistic at times .. in hopes that it will allow them to "see thru the trees" and make better choices for themselves.

Is there a perfect way to make that happen ... no ... I see no reason for anyone to be nasty to others ever ...

Nor do I think ANYONE on the site has all the answers or is all knowing ....

Great question ... and I will be interested in others opinions

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 2

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/18/2008 11:46:05 PM

chaosforge

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Joined: 3/25/2007
From: The Abyss
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i am remembering the movie Road House, "be nice until it's time to not be nice,"
i get lazy with my grammer on line, but i try to be polite, Grammy tried to teach, i tried to learn.
but then, sometimes it seems that some people are just trying to rock the boat. i may not push, but i will smile if they fall over board.
-just phoenix

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All begins in chaos and all will end in chaos.
I am that which has always been and will always be.
CHAOS !!!

I am Legion, for we are many.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 3

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/18/2008 11:52:27 PM

velvetears

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Joined: 6/19/2006
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Sometimes it is just other peoples personalities and there isn't much you can do about that. It bothers me sometimes but there really isn't anything i can do about it, only to offer the advice that this is the internet, where everyone is free to say anything they want, so be prepared by growing a thick skin.

i don't think rude, snarky, condescending, or arrogant comments serve as a way to put up a realistic view of anything other than the persons own ego needs.

Some peoples approach to helping someone is to rattle them up - maybe this helps some people, it's not an approach i like - reminds me of Fritz Pearls approach to therapy lol. i think you can be honest and tell people what they need to hear - or at least what you think they need to hear in more constructive ways - once you get someone on the defensive people put up walls and communication comes to a halt - what good can that do anyone?

i am realistic though and realize on an message board the size of CM there will always be snarky, rude, mean posts... such is life on the internet.

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/18/2008 11:56:03 PM

sabirah

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It is truly sad when i see how rude or un-caring some replies are. There are real people, with real issues facing them that come here to seek help, if we can not look to each other in hopes of learning and sharing experiences, I might as well crawl into a hole and become ignorant with the rest of the world.

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sabirah

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It is a sound the girl will never forget.

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Post #: 5

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/18/2008 11:57:23 PM

mistoferin

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Unfortunately, the perception of what is "nasty" and "kicking a person when they are down" isn't cut and dried. There have been times that I have been accused of being "mean" and a "bitch" because I have pointed out that as an adult we have to take responsibility for ourselves and our situations in life. I don't see that as bitchy or mean...but apparently some do. Sometimes even the most heartfelt and well intended advice can be misinterpreted in this medium.

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/18/2008 11:58:35 PM

SteelofUtah

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I said these exact words in another thread.

Steel

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 1:42:23 AM

eyesopened

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From: Tampa, FL
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There's always the problem of interpretation. There is the mood of the writer while writing and the mood of the reader while reading. Those moods don't always match. One hopes that without voice inflection, nuance, and body language, both the reader and the writer can accept that not all frank and to-the-point comments are necessarily snide or snarky.

"We could solve part of the problem by writing like this." she said, with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face. "But that would be awkward."

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 1:51:31 AM

Justme696

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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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People are people... I don't see here on the forum no difference from real life.
I don't mind a rough discussion, aslong as it don't get personal.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/19/2008 1:52:10 AM >

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 2:08:10 AM

MD1Master

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Joined: 3/7/2008
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The beauty of this website is that it provides a forum to allow individuals to express themselves freely and anonymously, if they choose. Why disallow this freedom? By coming here we expose ourselves to thoughts, ideas, and motivations of others. What an individual does with a comment is up to them entirely. If people choose to provide weight to comments that is their choice. Negative comments can be given no weight or respect and therefore they harm absolutely no one. What is important is that you learn to control your own thoughts and not allow others to control them. Therefore, the negative and offensive comments should receive no weight.

Another wonderful aspect of this website is that people do express themselves on these boards. Before beginning conversations with an individual do people not search on their posts to best understand the individuals? If they are nasty and maltreat others, we all have the power to simply disassociate and provide these individuals with no audience. When they are not heard and realize they have no voice, either the behavior will change or they will leave. Either way, the negative behavior is not tolerated.

While we all have the Freedom of Speech we also have the Freedom to Listen or NOT to Listen. Perhaps we need to invoke our Freedom to NOT Listen more often?!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 10

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 2:08:50 AM

Gemini1766

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I believe that, that is what Steel is talking about. The rude, condecending, and hurtful posts made at an OP of a thread, or other answering a thread, for whatever reason.

I'll admit, I can rip into someone without remorse, if I realize that they are being fraudulent in how they represent themselves or a situation. I give a benefit of doubt at first, unless it is truely incredulous, but otherwise I will close that thread and leave it or give my not so humble opinion, it just depends.

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 11

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:12:15 AM

verysweet

Posts: 128
Status: offline

I try very hard to always be polite when I respond to an OP -- "of manners born..." and all that jazz. There really is no point, IMHO, on purposefully being 'snarky' or 'assinine', especially if I sense the issue is a serious one or at the very least a genuine inquiry. I've noticed on here and on other boards (both fetish and 'vanilla'), that there are posters (the charming smart alecs) whose modus operandi is to insert levity or silliness --- this doesn't offend me in the slightest and more often than not it happens after a thread has become derailed. For the most part it's done in good fun, however I do see how this might seem offensive to some.

Having said that, I don't find it rude or otherwise snippy to give an honest opinion about an issue, even if it might sound abrupt or caustic. Sometimes, there is really no other way to answer without cutting to the chase. There will always be the OP who, despite your best intentions, asks a question but really doesn't want to hear the answer.

Some people inflate their own ego by coming down on others. What's new? It's just that the computer screen offers a certain amount of bravado some wouldn't have in a face to face situation.

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:21:42 AM

colouredin

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Of course for most there are mitigating factors, but there are some people who seem to purely put dont nasty replies. These tend to be the "jaded, we know all" clan who believe that their opinion is best that they are the only ones who know how to D/s and really the rest of us are just taking up their space. Ive seen nasty replies not just to 'help me' threads, but also when people ask questions they are looked down on.

Well I think its rather pathetic, the whole attitude stems from their own insecurity, they are like those annoying people who like a band until they get a record deal then say "oh i knew them ages ago, they are so commercial now" Its the arrogance of I was here first and you being here is making it less special. Sometimes it seems that all they want to do is go around shitting on everyone else.

I mean I have been known to take the piss on some threads (I think the last one was one saying where can I find an Indian Mistress, and I said IndianMistress'R'us has a Bogof offer" but mostly I will give genuiene responses, if I dont have anything constructive to say I will leave the post alone for the most part.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:24:27 AM

LilMissHaven

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Joined: 12/19/2007
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I simply leave the thread and do not return when I see rude behavior being exhibited. I don't care what potential the thread has to teach me or how interesting it is...I have enough drama in my life I don't need to watch people tear each other apart.

If a snide comment is directed towards myself the first thing I do before becoming offended is to ask for clarification because most the time I have simply misread the intent behind the post.

It all comes down to "effective" communication. Nobody is going to listen to "your an ass" but they might just listen if said "do you think that behavior could have made you come off as an ass?"

Just my two cents

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:25:12 AM

OldBastardly1

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From: Atlanta, GA
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common courtesy, much like common sense, is not that common.

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Post #: 15

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:32:06 AM

MontrealPhoenix

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I certainly agree that sometimes something the OP doesn't want to hear needs to be said. However, the use of tact is the best way to go about it and is much less likely to put the OP on the defensive.

I have noticed that there are some on here who live to post nasty remarks. I guess it's easier to do when not faced with a real live person. I think ppl wouldn't post half the things they do if we were face-to-face.

Phoenix

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Post #: 16

RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:33:20 AM

LadyHathor

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Joined: 1/2/2008
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I see them for what they are, humanity---right? perhaps not, wrong? perhaps---yet it is the way of the world---we need to change how we behave out there first--and as long as there are two people breathing on the earth, there will always be opposing poles at some given time--

we are after all--sadly human.

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:38:52 AM

StormsSlave

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So, I have a purpose in coming here, and whatever I post, whenever, I try to stick to that purpose. I admit to occassional failures, but for the most part, I keep my objectives in sight.

That having been said {puttin on flame retardant suit.}

My purpose is not everyone's purpose, just like my kink is not everyone's kink. If a person wants to come on here, be a horse's ass, well, not my problem. I find it hard to actually become offended by someone I haven't even met. People are who they are, and I am who I am. I find I occasionally get annoyed when people are right, but mostly because that means I'm wrong.

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 4:40:26 AM

HerLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

So, I have a purpose in coming here, and whatever I post, whenever, I try to stick to that purpose. I admit to occassional failures, but for the most part, I keep my objectives in sight.

That having been said {puttin on flame retardant suit.}

My purpose is not everyone's purpose, just like my kink is not everyone's kink. If a person wants to come on here, be a horse's ass, well, not my problem. I find it hard to actually become offended by someone I haven't even met. People are who they are, and I am who I am. I find I occasionally get annoyed when people are right, but mostly because that means I'm wrong.

I won't take offense.

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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 5:33:58 AM

Dnomyar

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Don't worry the Mod police are watching. I have been given enough tickets. I do try not to attack anyone. But Im not going to baby anyone either. This place is a catch 22. You can dissagree with someone but keep it to yourself.

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 20

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