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RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 5:36:36 AM   
Luciferica


Posts: 231
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		I think many of them are just damn cruel..

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 6:06:20 AM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline 		You know what's funny?  The other day there was a lengthy thread arguing whether or not "online" was part of the BDSM community.  There are quite a few posters on the board who are rude or snide, all the time, and claim it's just their personality.  I highly doubt their personality would be welcome, at say, a munch.  So while I very much agree that "online" is part of the community, I don't necessarily think it's a realistic interpretation of acceptable real time relations.  The anonymity of the internet gives us such freedom to drop our inhibitions, and unfortunately, social graces as well.

Of course, it's not everyone on the boards, just more than I feel exists, in my real time kink community.

(in reply to Luciferica)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 6:12:45 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		After a while, you will selectively STOP reading posts by certain posters, when it
 
get's to be a bit too much, remember......

The ignore button is your friend!
and using it will allow you to stay here and enjoy Collar Me.
 
Can anyone explain why some REFUSE to use the ignore feature and prefer to get into verbal
sparing matches or consistent run-in's with the same people?

I will admit to being "bitchy" now and then, but many on here are just plain mean and
cruel, period.
It is obvious when people are being nasty, mean and cruel on a consistent basis here.
Great OP, Steel.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 3/19/2008 6:39:30 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 6:13:19 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		There have been times when I have felt sorry for someone pouring out their heart and then seen a totally nasty reply.  I posted a problem once and got several replies that I didn't care for so much but they were heartfelt advice.  Then, all of a sudden, one person throws in that (in his mind) since I am a switch that I really need to figure out which part of the lifestyle I want to be in and maybe I should just completely leave it.  For one thing, that had nothing at all to do with the topic that I posted.  For another thing I don't think that switches are confused about what they want but are open to being in either role.

One thing that drew me strongly to the lifestyle was the open communication.  Many of the people seem genuinely interested in helping others.  There will always be the snide and immature, or those that think that they are conveying a sense of humor when what they say is hurtful.  There are some names that come up now and I catch myself rolling my eyes thinking, oh no, what's she going to say this time?  But even those people can prove to have very helpful comments. 

Maybe posts like this one will help to remind people how much a good post can mean to someone.  Thank you for bringing it up.

_____________________________



(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 6:16:17 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah


How do you feel about the Snide and Snarky posts, the Rude and Condesending, the Arrogant and Asinine, and the down right NASTY ones. Do you feel they serve a purpose other than to put someone on the defensive or do you see it as a way to clear the field and set up a realistic view of the situation?  I don't think the snide and snarky posts are meant to help the OP whatsoever. I don't think they care if it puts the OP on the defensive or makes them feel awful.What I see, is the SnS (snide n snarky) being used simply to make the poster feel special and oh so witty 'lookie at me!'. It seems too that once one SnS emerges then more follow. As if a gate has been opened and it becomes a competition to see who can be the most clever in their unkindness. I just love (not) the excuse of 'if you can't take the comments then maybe you shouldn't be online' to cover their nastiness. Most of them I consider to be hypocritical as well.  Obviously I have strong feelings about this but alas I am one of those that 'shouldn't post online' because I am unable to call them on it for fear of having it directed at me. Yes I think of all posters as people even though I cannot see them. Steel, I have admired you and some others that do have the ability to call them on it. I really do and I wish I could do the same. But battles of wit that involve casual cruelty make me freeze up and my words disappear. So thank you and thank you to the others that step up to the plate. I mean that in all sincerity.



_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 6:20:04 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I think people need to lighten up and use the ignore feature.

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 7:13:32 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		*shrugs* 

There are posters here who don't seem to ever make earnest contributions to a topic, but only reply with one liners in an attempt to be humorous...

There are some who don't reply to the OP but always appear to try to engage other posters with idle chit-chat or flirting...

There are posters whose comments always appear to be a vehicle to promote their misogynistic or misandristic views...

Some seem to take every new thread as an opportunity to display their own BDSM/relationship/intellectual/whatevertheythinktheirstrengthis prowess...

Some appear to only want to pick fights...

Some seem to only want attention...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

... I do think that when a person is down kicking them is really just a waste of energy.


I agree.  But then again, some people seem to have energy to waste.  

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 7:19:16 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master

The beauty of this website is that it provides a forum to allow individuals to express themselves freely and anonymously, if they choose.  Why disallow this freedom?  By coming here we expose ourselves to thoughts, ideas, and motivations of others.  What an individual does with a comment is up to them entirely.  If people choose to provide weight to comments that is their choice.  Negative comments can be given no weight or respect and therefore they harm absolutely no one.  What is important is that you learn to control your own thoughts and not allow others to control them.  Therefore, the negative and offensive comments should receive no weight.

Another wonderful aspect of this website is that people do express themselves on these boards.  Before beginning conversations with an individual do people not search on their posts to best understand the individuals?  If they are nasty and maltreat others, we all have the power to simply disassociate and provide these individuals with no audience.  When they are not heard and realize they have no voice, either the behavior will change or they will leave.  Either way, the negative behavior is not tolerated.

While we all have the Freedom of Speech we also have the Freedom to Listen or NOT to Listen.  Perhaps we need to invoke our Freedom to NOT Listen more often?!


Fully agreed.

I am not trying to restrict this behaviour but rather to discuss the need and what purpose it serves.

Freedom is something that should be expressed however what purpose is being served when that freedom is used to put another down or to intentionally hurt anothers feelings.

I believe that people should simply ignore the things that they don't like but on BOTH sides. I feel that the Nasty comment maker should ignore the person they are making the nasty comment to just as the person who gets the nasty comment made about shouold ignore the one who made it.

The question is about Common Courtsey and why it is so common to not find it in some particular threads.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to MD1Master)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 7:32:53 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I don't think the snide and snarky posts are meant to help the OP whatsoever. I don't think they care if it puts the OP on the defensive or makes them feel awful.What I see, is the SnS (snide n snarky) being used simply to make the poster feel special and oh so witty 'lookie at me!'. It seems too that once one SnS emerges then more follow. As if a gate has been opened and it becomes a competition to see who can be the most clever in their unkindness. I just love (not) the excuse of 'if you can't take the comments then maybe you shouldn't be online' to cover their nastiness. Most of them I consider to be hypocritical as well. Obviously I have strong feelings about this but alas I am one of those that 'shouldn't post online' because I am unable to call them on it for fear of having it directed at me. Yes I think of all posters as people even though I cannot see them. Steel, I have admired you and some others that do have the ability to call them on it. I really do and I wish I could do the same. But battles of wit that involve casual cruelty make me freeze up and my words disappear. So thank you and thank you to the others that step up to the plate. I mean that in all sincerity.



Camille65,

I agree with you on quite a few things.

I want to isolate the part that I underlined.

I Like Discussion and Debate without being rude or Nasty. I agree there have been threads that I may have "Lost My cool over" however I try not to be directly rude or mean to the person I am responding to.

I do not believe that I am directly trying to call someone on something as much as I feel I am trying to present a different point of view on what they are saying. That perhaps if they have something explained "This" way they might see it a little differently and clearify what they are trying to say.

However, I also get agitated like any other person and when I am attacked or feel like I have been attacked I get defensive and THAT is when people seem to think I am throwing the SnS around myself.

I see that sometimes when people construe me as being rude or mean in my mind what I am doing is defending myself.

Do you think this could be what happens with others only when they defend themselves the counterstrike those they are defending themselves against?

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 7:53:39 AM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		I've spent an awful lot of time lurking on the boards, I read lots of them to learn about different things, but I have to admit, there are certain posters that I won't even take the time to open the thread...mainly because they have shown certain behaviors in the past posts.  They play the victim, they "want" advice, yet refuse to accept what is given, or get defensive about the advice that is given.  Reading their posts is sort of like driving by an accident scene...you don't want to look, but God help you, you almost HAVE to.  I have recognized that there are certain posters who believe that the ONLY thing that is truth is their truth, and when they get called out on it, turn really ugly.  I have also recognized that there are certain posters that seem to live for flaming others, and getting very personal and nasty in their attacks. 

However, I have also learned which posters are very knowledgeable (yeah, it's not spelled right, but it's also early!), which ones have the best sense of humor,  which ones are sincere in their efforts to help others.  I try to think about my posts alot before hitting ok.....it is NOT my intention to be rude, crude or socially unacceptable, but I'm sure that there have been occasions in which what I've said may have been perceived as such.  My life does consist of much more than my cats, but hey, when the topic comes up, I'll stick my two cents in.  I've also learaned which posters have the same deviant sense of humor I have, and know when they are kidding.  It seems that the newer folks are the ones who get upset at that....that's why I lurked as long as I did, to sort of feel folks out.

This is the world of the Internet, and the anonimity it offers seems to harbor rudenss, snarkyness and just plain nasty folks.  I'm not going to get upset over pixels on a screen, or someone who I will more than likely never meet.  Everyone is entiltled to their own opinions, I just look at it as a case of live and let live. 

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 7:54:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I had the beautiful long reply all typed out then the thread got moved and my post rejected and lost.

Readers Digest Condensed version.

Personal responsibility. We are all adults. If you want to be perceived as an ignorant whiny twit, go for it. If you want to be perceived as a stupid snarky cunt, go for it. If you want to be a pompous ass, have a party. If you want to take some imaginary high road and postulate on all those you think less enlightened, that has it's own penalties and perceptions as well. If you go too far you will pay the price. Simple concept.

Someone from here wrote me this morning and asked if I thought a new, and rather stupidly prolific, poster was "real" or just someone yanking our collective chain. My answer was something along the lines that, while it certainly could be someone playing games there really are people that stupid and fucked up. So who knows.

I take responsibility not only for my own words but how I allow other's to affect me. There are many regular posters who I generally just skip over for one reason or another. They have proven they have nothing to say that I want to read. No one is forcing me either way.

Those that know me personally, generally know the intent of my words. I tend to be rather honest in speaking, often times quiet when I know my opinion is not wanted. I do not sugar coat. People actually tend to like that about me. I am also a huge fan of humour, even if at my own expense, part of my ubercharm

Both of those qualities do not always translate well in type, especially since none of you know me personally. I am well aware that the nature of intent often gets lost. I don't mind if someone questions me on that, though it is rare, I do welcome it.

If someone posts their issues on here I have to assume, perhaps wrongly, that they are opening the topic up for opinions. I also have to assume, perhaps wrongly, that they have actually been reading the forums. Caveat emptor. Not everyone is going to agree with them or give them an opinion they like. Surprise!



< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/19/2008 7:56:46 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 9:11:44 AM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		There are a number of posters here that I used to think were mean, horrible, awful people. Then a funny thing happened - I began to see that instead of enabling, coddling, supporting people's dysfunction - they were actually calling them on it. And they were right. They are some of my favorite posters now.

Should I post an issue here, the responses I would value the most would contain the most truth. And truth, as I have learned, is sometimes buried in a seemingly snarky response.

And people who really are being unredeemingly unkind? I have the choice to not read their posts.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 9:27:00 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		The *Ignore* button is not my friend.
I have put one person on ignore, and normally, wouldn't even notice when she posts, (except when she posts about me), but now that she is on ignore, every time she posts I see her name with big red "Ignored" and big red asterisks flagging it down for me.
Sheesh...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to lauren0221)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 10:34:17 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

The *Ignore* button is not my friend.
I have put one person on ignore, and normally, wouldn't even notice when she posts, (except when she posts about me), but now that she is on ignore, every time she posts I see her name with big red "Ignored" and big red asterisks flagging it down for me.
Sheesh...


LMFAO!

Not me I have never ignored anyone on this side!  

This site is tame compared to many.   Pick your board, there are some boards that you cant say anything (literally), if you want white washed reading go for it.  You sort of have a couple choices and those choices will determine your level of freedom of speech.   The heavier a board is moderated the less is your freedom of speech.

The boards I frequent most are the totally unmoderated, (as far as free speech is concerned), and you hear exactly what people are really thinking rather than sweeping reality under the carpet and covering up the shit pile with nice smelling roses like the moderated boards do.

It comes down to pick your poison and no board is perfect in every way any more than people are.






< Message edited by Real0ne -- 3/19/2008 11:27:17 AM >

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 11:11:08 AM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		Hmmmm, snarky is often just an interpretation of what we are reading. I have noticed a lot of people being snarky in passive aggressive ways since the "no hi jacking" rule came into effect. In fact I think the rule just brought out something just slightly uglier than what used to exist here.

I will at times tell someone that I find their post snarky. Usually I get dog piled for that because I stated something that we just aren't supposed to do directly. We are supposed to passively aggressively state on the thread that some posters are snarky, and let everyone figure out who those snarky people are. I don't play that way, I suppose I am just more direct than that, even if it gets me flamed.

There are some people who post here that think little of me, find me insulting, etc. I really do not care because I am posting for me, and I know my own motivations for posting here.


As an aside, Steel, I have found you increasingly a nice "read" here on CM. I hope you do not disappear again....


julia

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 11:13:22 AM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Unfortunately, the perception of what is "nasty" and "kicking a person when they are down" isn't cut and dried. There have been times that I have been accused of being "mean" and a "bitch" because I have pointed out that as an adult we have to take responsibility for ourselves and our situations in life. I don't see that as bitchy or mean...but apparently some do. Sometimes even the most heartfelt and well intended advice can be misinterpreted in this medium.


I had not read the thread before responding..... you said what I meant more succinctly than I did


Nice to see you are back, erin.



julia

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 11:16:16 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet
We are supposed to passively aggressively state on the thread that some posters are snarky, and let everyone figure out who those snarky people are.


NOW you're learning!!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 11:46:43 AM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

People are people... I don't see here on the forum no difference from real life.


I see much more fantasy here than people present in real life - much, much, much more fantasy presented as real life than you would find within r/l BDSM. 

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 11:50:37 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

People are people... I don't see here on the forum no difference from real life.


I see much more fantasy here than people present in real life - much, much, much more fantasy presented as real life than you would find within r/l BDSM. 



or simply that here people are far more likely to talk about how they feel than talk about the weather, the internet gives us that freedom to express ourselves without the same element of recrimintion, of course it also gives us greater freedom to lie/dramatise but still


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to TracyTaken)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Common Courtesy and Friendly Fire - 3/19/2008 11:57:26 AM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet
We are supposed to passively aggressively state on the thread that some posters are snarky, and let everyone figure out who those snarky people are.


NOW you're learning!!

It takes me a while sometimes

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 40
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