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The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 8:50:15 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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There have been some threads in the past that have talked about the positive and negative effects the internet has had on BDSM. I'm not rehashing that debate, but a similar thought came into My mind while participating on another thread.

Each of us has made it to this point in our journey through particular methods. While we are all on a BDSM site now, we didn't get here the same way. Some started by using the net, and some didn't.

What I am curious about is, what do you think you would have done if you would have had the need or opportunity to get here in the opposite method of the way your experience led you here? If you learned about BDSM through the net, I'd like to hear how you think you would have gone about it if you couldn't connect to it electronically. If you started out in ways other than the computer, I'd like to hear how you think you would have started out if the 'in-person' (trying to avoid the 'weal' and 'twue' tangents) experience wasn't available to you.

How do you think it would have worked out for you? Do you think it would have changed your perceptions? Do you think the opposite way would make you appreciate the way you really got here more or less?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 8:55:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Naa, I'd have tried it the vanilla way, been frustrated, cheated a lot, eventually ended up single and traveling alone. I'd still basically be me, but not really know of the options to be otherwise. And even if I did, I doubt I'd be cool enough or close enough to the underground groups available to be included.

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Post #: 2

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 9:00:26 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
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Like LA, I wouldn't know what my options were and would have been too shy to find them. I used to be extremely timid and very insecure. Instead I would have likely continued on my path of the unknown, thinking I was a freak of nature (no comments, please), ashamed of myself, and submitting to bullies who weren't healthy for me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 9:06:01 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
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I don't know if I would have found out about the lifestyle otherwise. I would have had my urges, my fantasies, and I would have been utterly terrified of them for a long while. I think a big part of accepting my submissive personality was finding out that there were other people like me. I really, really thought there was something terribly wrong with me for a while. I wouldn't have found that out without the internet. I really don't see how I could have.

The most I would have done would try to blend it into any vanilla relationships I might have had...and that would have probably had tragic results. I'm very glad I've never had to be in such a relationship.

DV's Fox

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 4

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 9:07:24 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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I think I might have been disgusted and turned off by BDSM if I was googling and trying to figure out why I liked to see pictures of guys tied up when I was young. I think the sexual images, the way women were portrayed, all of that would have grossed me out, basically. My interest in bdsm evolved slowly as my sexual identity evolved, and things became more tangible and attractive as I got older and more mature. Very light, playful bondage was where I started -- images of cocks tied up, dildos in asses, women with whips, all of that would have made me feel uncomfortable, I think, when I was young. It's so hard to say. I don't know if I would have only looked at the things that were appealing to me, or if the other imagery or information would have overwhelmed me.
Akasha

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Post #: 5

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 9:21:21 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
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Hmm, now this is an interesting question for me. Since I’m not sure how I heard about BDSM, I have guesses but in reality no clue.

I guess I started 50/50. I have a few friends that are into different levels of kinkiness and into different aspects of d/s. And I also always had the net, having grown up with it just seemed common to go google something to learn more about it. I think it’s a product of where I grow up and also the fact that the internet for me is a research tool.

Without the net, I most likely would have just brought up BDSM and d/s elements slowly in my relationships. Without being able to send a link going “this looks like fun, want to try it?” I’d have been a lot more careful in how I brought it up. For awhile in my life it was just natural conversation with a few friends.

The net did allow me to reach out to more people that share a similar interest and actually find local groups (which I can’t attend because of work) that I could join. It just speeds up the process for meeting people and making friends that I can talk to about this. Which is how I found CM.

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"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

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Post #: 6

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 9:34:42 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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~smile~..Wow!..glad to know that I am not in the minority on finding BDSM through the net...as others have said..I doubt I would of found it any other way. and thus would of been clueless and felt that something missing the rest of my life..If I had inadvertently found it through other means..I think I would of made a whole lot more mistakes than I have up to this point..knowledge of any kind can never be a bad thing!...Tempting

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Post #: 7

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 9:47:00 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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i would have gotten flamed for being a wankertroll

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Post #: 8

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 10:19:54 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
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quote:

f you learned about BDSM through the net, I'd like to hear how you think you would have gone about it if you couldn't connect to it electronically. If you started out in ways other than the computer, I'd like to hear how you think you would have started out if the 'in-person'

That would depend on what you mean by "starting out". I had BDSM sex when I was 18, although I did not know what that was. I did not know what a "submissive" was until I was in my 30s, although I was labeled one when I was 24... so I really do not know how to answer that question.

I suppose I became aware of a "larger" lifestyle, community, and what D/s was over the internet... but it is hard to define where my "start" was

julia

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 10:22:38 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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Cool thread idea!

I think I would have married a vanilla guy and tried to live a 'good' life. Then we would have gotten divorced and we'd both be stumped as to what fulfills me in a relationship.

I'm socially awkward. Plus, I can never remember secret handshakes.

The likelihood of me finding out about BDSM through social groups would be small.

LA and owned mentioned something about options. I think knowing your options is so important and as a child of the technology age I cannot comprehend how people even knew about half of their options without the internet and all that information just a google search away. So I'm not even sure if I can objectively answer the question because it's so far removed from my sphere of experience.

I would like to think that nothing about my perspective would have changed though.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 10:32:35 PM

Leatherist

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I would probably just have become a biker instead. They always had an inside track on this stuff.

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Post #: 11

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/18/2008 10:38:17 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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This is a difficult one to answer... I'd have to be an essentially different person to have come to it in another way.

Be someone who didn't have any interest until later in life sometime? Or not someone able/willing to try out the things that came to mind and naturally?

I think, to have had to come to BDSM only after seeing it somewhere online in adulthood (when online existed finally), I'd have had to be someone who wouldn't be interested once they found it...

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Post #: 12

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 1:17:25 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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I don't think I would have been much different. I advertised in an underground newspaper and generated a lot of responses so advertising on the net in the same way would probably have generated the same sorts of responses and dictated equivalant action on my part. I wasn't interested in education or self-knowledge back then ... I was interested in getting my rocks off. I think the internet might have cut my search down by a few months, but other than that, I don't think much else would have changed. I grew as I grew because I chose to do so and that would have come about regardless of the venue.

Great question, LP.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 13

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 1:36:48 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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It is so much a gamble..the "if...then...else" questions.
I was pretty early in the BDSM world (from when I was16 year)..propably because of the internet. It allowed me to understand what confused me first.
Perhaps without the internet..I still would be confused.

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Post #: 14

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 7:02:32 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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the internet, lables, books, support groups, et al have nothing to do with who I am and how I am wired.

However the knowlege gave me hope that I didn't have to choose a vanilla life of complacency and mediocricy(sp) or a life of casual sex and periods of celibacy (as I was getting to the point that if I couldn't have a mind blowing relationship, sexual or otherwise I might as well be alone).

Had a stumbled on it another way-- meaning had I had a relationship that blew up my skirt before I knew what it was I was looking for, I may have just remained blissfully unaware of the lables and terminology, or I may have found my way into the greater world, if I ever felt inclined to look outside the relationship.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 7:55:09 AM

sadomasokisti

Posts: 221
Joined: 10/20/2005
From: Iceland
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I started to play long before the net. Bought my first toys in a pet shop before this became sexual for me. Found out about BDSM through the FORUM magazines which included stories, letters, classifieds and articles about BDSM among other things.

The first time I put or actually tried to put an ad in the classified section in a newspaper, it was turned down because of it was too vulgar ("Searching for like minded people interested in S&M and leather"). That was in 1988.

The net and specially the chat through the irc channels opened a way to speak to lots of like minded people.

< Message edited by sadomasokisti -- 3/19/2008 8:28:53 AM >

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Post #: 16

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 8:00:29 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...I would have likely continued on my path of the unknown, thinking I was a freak of nature (no comments, please), ashamed of myself, and submitting to bullies who weren't healthy for me...

this slave agrees with ownedgirlie wholeheartedlyl!!!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 8:02:09 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

when i was at college a girl friend asked me if id like to go to a bdsm club, dress up in leather and have a laugh, she was a regular member. i said 'yeah' but my boyfriend at the time said 'no' and that was that. should have ditched him right then and gone, hindsight as they say is 20:20.

as it was the net filled me in properly about D/s and stuff. so same as everyone else.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 18

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 9:53:10 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Without the net I wouldn't be here. There are no listings in the local paper for a bdsm munch. And I live in a small town, no way would I have risked going into a bar and asking somebody to tie me up. Plus I'm not a barfly anyway.

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Post #: 19

RE: The BDSM Opposite Net - 3/19/2008 11:06:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I waited a bit to add My own personal experience, because I felt I would give away the answer too quickly.

Being the computer twit that I am, I think I would have been a bit lost. I think I would have spent a lot more time reading, than I did doing. I may have been overwhelmed. The thought of that is more than a little ominous. I think. if I would have come to the net first, I might have been a bit afraid. While there would have been a huge advantage to it, I have to wonder if I would have taken the bold steps that I did without it. The possibilities still boggle the mind.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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