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Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 8:17:23 PM

Morghan

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

How many of you have stayed friends with ex partners within the lifestyle? If you have, how did it go? Were you friends right away or did it take a while to get back in that groove?

For those who might not feel this applies, do you have many friends within the lifestyle?

I feel it is critical to our general happiness and welfare to have friendships within the kink world as well as vanilla. After all, you have to have *someone* you can blather to about how well your sub made the bed or took that beating! And when things do not go well, its also great to have friends.

Morghan

Post #: 1

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 8:20:59 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morghan

How many of you have stayed friends with ex partners within the lifestyle? If you have, how did it go? Were you friends right away or did it take a while to get back in that groove?

For those who might not feel this applies, do you have many friends within the lifestyle?

I feel it is critical to our general happiness and welfare to have friendships within the kink world as well as vanilla. After all, you have to have *someone* you can blather to about how well your sub made the bed or took that beating! And when things do not go well, its also great to have friends.

Morghan

I have a small circle of past girls and other Doms I am in contact with. But not all that many scene people locally-they kiss ass with "the powers that be" for acceptance-and I just don't go there.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 2

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 8:24:31 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

I still have friendly contact with over half the Mistresses I've served since 1984. A couple are very close friends.

While I don't have lots and lots of friends, but lots of acquaintances, I tend to keep friends.

Being totally open as to who I am, I don't separate or categorize my friends. Each one is individual and unique, and I simply appreciate the fact that each and every one of them are in my life.

_____________________________

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also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
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(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 3

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 8:27:50 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

I am still friends with all but one of my former submissives .. one of them is now my roommate even tho we no longer have a DS relationship at all .. and I am still in contact with another who wants to visit while on vacation. The only one I do not keep in contact with was released because of their lies ... however when I see her at events I still greet her courteously. Even those that I have considered and just didnt work out for one reason or another still contact me from time to time .....

I think haveing likeminded friends are important and miss the wide circle of friends I had in the NE before moving here. I am finally meeting people in this area and it makes it much more fun and comfortable for me.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 4

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 8:33:26 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

With the exception of my ex-husband (which ended 25 yrs ago), all my x's remained in my life.
Even though things do not work out the way I may hope, that doesn't mean they weren't wonderful men. I only choose great guys to lay with.
It may hurt to have them in my life for a time after the breakup but it is well worth keeping things good in the long run.
Kyst

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 5

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 8:56:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morghan
How many of you have stayed friends with ex partners within the lifestyle? If you have, how did it go? Were you friends right away or did it take a while to get back in that groove?

For those who might not feel this applies, do you have many friends within the lifestyle?

I feel it is critical to our general happiness and welfare to have friendships within the kink world as well as vanilla. After all, you have to have *someone* you can blather to about how well your sub made the bed or took that beating! And when things do not go well, its also great to have friends.

Morghan

I stay friendly, but not really friends. Many people I've dated and then drifted from, a few ended badly, but most of my serious relationships if we met somewhere we'd be fine and chat about what was going on, but nothing more. I don't invite them over.

My partner is still very good friends with his ex's and I fully support that. It's just the nature of how they ended things and wanted to stay close in that way.

I can and do talk to my vanilla friends about kink stuff, just like they talk to me about raising kids stuff even though I'm not a mom.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 6

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 9:26:39 PM

OnlyMels

Posts: 115
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

I sadly don't have any real life friends in the lifestyle i know one person thats into it and she is a friend of mine but its not a subject that we talk about.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 10:20:42 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Well, i haven't had many relationships on the s/M world. i've only been a member for a year and have met a few people. a couple i was fond of and one i feel very much related to but for distance reasons W/we both don't see ourselves living together. i will never forget the Mistress that i was online trained (even that i never believed it was possible). Our relationship was something that i always dreamed of (and maybe both our imaginations made it happen). After our meetings W/we both realize that W/we have differences that W/we need to become accustomed to due to our cultural differences and way of lives that W/we have been brought up to follow. i will always remember Her and consider Her a part of my life. The fact is i don't hold any grudges about any of my relationships no matter what they are labeled. There are good and bad times that i've been through with them and both factors have written and marked parts in my life. If i turn back on them its like i turn my back to my own life. i am only greatfull and thankful for the privilege i had to experience them and i always remain friends with the ones that i shared feelings with.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to OnlyMels)

Post #: 8

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/14/2008 10:41:32 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

For those that where relationships, there was a time of rest and healing. Then found our ways to be friends again.

I do have a circle of friends, and feel very blessed by this. I don't know if i would have stayed around if i didn't have level headed freinds who already had experience to help me during the bumps.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 9

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 1:04:34 AM

MrSuperior

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/15/2008
Status: offline

Mr. Superior says:

To be SUPERIOR, you have to accept your past for what it is. It's not always a happy ending, but life goes on! If that means you can be friends - great!

Mr. Superior is moving on!

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 10

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 1:35:58 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My First Dominant and I are still very close good friends and have love for each other. He is a wonderful man/friend it has been 10 yrs
My Last Dominant and I are now roommates - we met and began a friendship which turned into more family than friend 8 yrs
The Married Dom couple I was sub too- I have not spoken a single word to since our relationship ended. F Dom was so jealous and paranoid she would keep info from him- delete emails I'd send and tell me not to say anything. Cant be honest when one of your doms is telling you to keep secrets from the other and your a witness to her lies to him.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to MrSuperior)

Post #: 11

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 1:44:56 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I only have one ex here in the area. We happen to be on decent terms, but not 'friends'. I can't really even call him an ex, because he wasn't really Mine.

Like LuckyA, I also talk to My nilla friends about the kink stuff. It's just who I am. Quite a few of them have met My sub. Yes, any time something I'm proud of happens, they hear about it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 12

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 2:39:19 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Well since I don't do munches or events it is hard to make friends with other kinksters or power exchange people.As for ex'es? My ex husband (20 yr marriage) is my best friend, we got divorced just over 2 years ago and now get along far far better, as good as pre marriage days. I'm not so sure it is healthy though, sometimes I think it is simply because we know each other so dang well there is no getting to know you period or surprises. <begin hijack, with an upfront apology added when finished writing lol>Too, it was the sort of marriage where one is nasty and abusive which drives away other friends. In the end I was all he had, he was all I had. It gets so hard explaining to new people why I can't do stuff or why I get sick/tired and cancel things so I tend to be isolated.He often spends the night here and furbaby sits for me when I need it. I worked harder on maintaining a civil divorce than anything in my life, it is (it is v early and I can't spell this next word lol) it is an anethema to have people walk away from me in unhappiness. So I comprised right and left to make sure there would still be the seeds of friendship, and it worked. I love him but I will never let him into the 'bedroom' part of my life because he is beyond vanilla. Missionary in the dark is his style. Heh I cannot add more because there is crap going on and I'm lost in what to do concerning him. Again the isolation and lack of people in my immediate life is causing a problem. Who do you turn to when you only have one real physical person to call friend and there is a serious problem with them?Seriously.. where?My owner can try. He can talk to me until he is blue but this is a time when I just need to talk to a friend, but my friend is toxic, in trouble and I dunno what to do. Crap I am sorry for the hijack but I'm not going to edit it out.I think I do that far too much and I'm making an effort to stop.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 13

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 3:05:39 AM

liketophoto

Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

Same here, 20 year marrage. About the most we had in common was our kids.
She is very vanilla also and I have no best friend to talk about kink to, but we are very good friends.
LTP

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 14

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 3:58:38 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

My ex and I had a lot of problems when we first broke up, but now we are very good friends. Not sure how it happened, but I am very glad it did.

edited to add: I am also still friends with the first girl I ever went out with back in '78 and the one after that. I don't have contact with my ex's from when I lived in Florida, but with the exception of one, I was friendly after the breakup, until I moved from the area and we lost touch.

< Message edited by orfunboi -- 3/15/2008 4:03:38 AM >

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 15

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 5:05:35 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

I suck at beeing friends with exes, because the reason we split up is mostly not the nicest way. (else I wouldn't quit the relation)
I have 1 good friend in the lifestyle living close, the others I see as friends but sadly live far away.

ps..think friendship just happens.. I vallue in and outside the lifestyle as much..because...they are in my life..that means..they participate in both sides of my life. I don't want seperate friends for each.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/15/2008 5:07:30 AM >

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to orfunboi)

Post #: 16

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 5:26:05 AM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morghan

How many of you have stayed friends with ex partners within the lifestyle? If you have, how did it go? Were you friends right away or did it take a while to get back in that groove?

For those who might not feel this applies, do you have many friends within the lifestyle?

I feel it is critical to our general happiness and welfare to have friendships within the kink world as well as vanilla. After all, you have to have *someone* you can blather to about how well your sub made the bed or took that beating! And when things do not go well, its also great to have friends.

Morghan

My ex-submissive and I are still close friends, and we talk once or twice a week. Matter of fact, she made for me the flogger I used when sceneing with the lovely submissive I'm now courting. I appreciated that very much.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 17

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 5:28:17 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

lol and she likes your new girl in pain ;) ?

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 18

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 6:12:20 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I can be friends with someone after a failed relationship as long as I was given honesty, fairness, and respect during the relationship. I tend to be leery of those that want to start out as friends first before moving to a relationship though. In many cases, by friends first, what they really mean is friends with benefits.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 19

RE: Exes and Friends - 3/15/2008 8:26:50 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I've only had one Dom before HM, and all three of us are friends. Mostly on the phone or internet due to the distance. He's great, and I feel very lucky to have had the great fortune of knowing not one, but two, wonderful Doms.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 20

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