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My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 12:57:00 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		I experienced something wonderful this past year.  My eldest daughter turned 18.  I successfully managed to bring a child all the way from birth to adulthood, and to top it off I have managed to produce a reasonably decent human being, with the help of others, of course.   She's also smart, beautiful, funny, and mouthy as hell.   (I had to take a moment to brag.)

There is one thing, though.  She and her boyfriend live here.  She and her boyfriend are sexually active.  She has been frank with me from the beginning, and has taken the appropriate precautions.  Here's the thing.

She's begun talking to me about her sex life in a very frank and honest way.  It's a little uncomfortable, but I have to admit, I'm also a little flattered.  I'm glad she's getting the information from me and not her high school friends, and that she is comfortable saying things that I would not in a million YEARS have said to my mother.  It's a little weird, but I've decided to pull the wedgie out of my ass and keep trying to be the source of reason and, I hope, wisdom in her life that I have tried to be for 18 years.

Has anyone else had this experience?  Did it make you feel weird at first, too?  Did you just get over it, or did you actively make a decision about it?  And last, is this WAY more information than anyone would have given their mothers?

edited for typos

< Message edited by StormsSlave -- 3/14/2008 1:00:08 AM >

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 1:07:30 AM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		Mine aren't even halfway there yet, but I do kinda know what you're talking about.
As for the information she gave you, if you don't feel you can handle it, you should say it's making you a bit uncomfortable.  But if you can hear it without cringing too badly, and she does want to share with you, then imo you should let her share.  There are boundaries that should be in place between a mother and daughter, but I feel you're far from crossing them at this point.

BTW, congratulations on your baby being 18 :D

(in reply to StormsSlave)
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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 1:25:18 AM   
Foititis


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline 		I don't see anything wrong with it; I’m frank with my parents about who I’m with. I mean if she starts describing the actions in disturbing detail perhaps you've something to worry about.

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 4:24:43 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		My daughter is 25.  It was a wonderful thing when our relationship shifted from parent/child to an adult mother/daugher friendship.  It was a little weird making the mental shift in processing what I heard from her - to react as a friend and fellow adult rather than as a mom - but it's wonderful knowing that I'll have the close grown-up relationship with her that I had with my mom.  It makes me feel proud of the job that I did as a parent, and grateful for the example I got from my mom.

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 4:39:48 AM   
KenDckey


Posts: 4121
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		I think that you have a wonderful thing going there.   I raised a step grand daughter that was sexually active and talked to me about it.  Her mother and Grandmother were to embarassed to discuss anything.   They wouldn't even tell her about midol for her cramps or birth control.   So grandpa had to do all the talks and education.   I like you was a tad bit uncomfortable discussing it with her.   I even went to a counselor to see what I could do.   But in the end, I think it strengthened our relationship because whe knew that she could talk to me about anything without me being judgemental.

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 5:15:12 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think you have a fantastic relationship going on there. I have a 17 year old who not only won't discuss sex, but if its mentioned on tv/radio etc she turns it off. I don't know why she seems so embarrassed by it, I didn't raise her that way at all. I've always taught her sex is a natural, fun experience with the right person. I am hoping that one day she will grow out of this and feel comfortable with the subject.

~Lashra


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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 5:41:43 AM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I think you have a fantastic relationship going on there. I have a 17 year old who not only won't discuss sex, but if its mentioned on tv/radio etc she turns it off. I don't know why she seems so embarrassed by it, I didn't raise her that way at all. I've always taught her sex is a natural, fun experience with the right person. I am hoping that one day she will grow out of this and feel comfortable with the subject.

~Lashra



She probably is comfortable, but just not in front of Mom.    My oldest is only 15, but we've had sex talks, etc.  Relatively brief ones when we're driving in the car and both looking straight ahead (grin) but he knows he can come to me with questions.  He won't, I know it - he's too embarrassed.

I'm not sure whether I'd want to know details about my 18yo's sex life.  If he/she had questions, sure - but not about things like positions or 'how to's'.  I'd rather field the questions about safety and health.  I don't need to explain to her the various ways to '69'.  lol

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 6:31:36 AM   
BlueHnS


Posts: 166
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline 		My oldest, 23, and I have an agreement. I don't want the nitty gritty details and he doesn't volunteer them. (Thank heaven and hell). We tend to have discussions that are more practical, based on speculative questions. I've also spent a great deal of time not only telling him to be safe and use some common sense, should he chose to even go there, but also being sure he and the rest of the football gang had protection just in case. Of course his friends think I rock! He finds it strange that his friends have to go outside thier homes to ask.
My own upbringing was a tad different than Leave it to Beaver. My mom wrote erotica. I could talk to her about anything as well, but sometimes she wanted to share a lil to much.
I think it's great that you all have this aspect to your relationship. If there's something you'd rather not know tell her. Let her know that you can support her without all the details, or even generalizations in some cases. Good luck.

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 7:27:19 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		My 27 yo daughter blabs more than I am sometimes ready to hear. My 28 yo son is very private like his mother.

I am so lucky to have a very close relationship with both of my kids. I enjoy being around them, I like them, and I respect them.


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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 7:42:45 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		My wife and I just had our little baby girl, do you have to bring this up now?

Seriouly, I think this is a great relationship you are having with your grown kids. On the flip side, I do know that there may be a feeling of oddness should you attend the same clubs or BDSM events together. I remember a 19 year old sub who went to an event with her 42 year old mother. The mother participated in a scene in which the daughter really freaked out. She had never seen her mother in that sort of position and didn't handle it very well.

However the relationship goes with my daughter, I'm not going to be surprised if a pair of cuffs or a collar falls out of her purse one day while having lunch together.

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 7:56:02 AM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

However the relationship goes with my daughter, I'm not going to be surprised if a pair of cuffs or a collar falls out of her purse one day while having lunch together.


My daughter kept cuffs on her rear-view mirror. 

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 8:07:42 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Here's an odd twist for ya.

My mother and I have always had a very close friendship.  My father had custody, so my sister and I would only visit her every other weekend, but that weekend would be spent with more time talking, laughing, and enjoying each other's company than I ever did with my father.  She's an extremely intelligent, sensible, dynamic woman.  When I was eleven, the sex and AIDS talk happened with her.  At 23, I'd been divorced and dated quite a bit.  At 25, I dated a girl who became a stripper.  My mom not only knew about it, but encouraged her.  Another point to add might be that my mother was an alchoholic, and often conversations with her would branch into directions that I doubt they would have, if she had always been sober.  At one point (I was 25), she was having troubles with her marriage, and asked me what advice I could give her on having a threesome with her husband (a nice enough guy she married when I was 19.)  While actual specific acts weren't discussed (or important) it was the idea of "how do I do something to please the guy I love?"  Not from a jealous issue, but rather a practical one.  She mentioned she'd tried a few ads on the internet, but had no luck.  I suggested a prostitute, something clicked for her, and she said "duh, of course!"  And that was that.  Another time, she was too embarressed to go to a sex shop to buy some toys to surprise him with.  She gave me a shopping list and $300, and asked me (quite redfaced) if I could pick some things up for her.

The topic, obviously, would probably make most parent/children relationships very complicated.  I was never bothered by the issue and I know that if I had been, she never would have brought it up.  I didn't do these things for my mom, as my mother, but rather the woman who is also my friend.  Seeing a person as just that, a person, instead of what we're supposed to represent them as in our minds, can be very empowering.

Stephan


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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 8:37:16 AM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		I can remember talking to my son when he was 17....he will be 22 in about 3 weeks.  We've always been able to talk about anything, and we were driving to the mall, and hte topic of sex came up.  He wasn't sexually active at that time, but I told him that should he decide to be, to make sure he ALWAYS used a condom.  I even told him that if he was too embarassed to buy them,I'd do it for him.  The look of shock on his face, and the shout of "MAAAAAHHHHHHHHMMM!!!!" was priceless!  But the last thing he needs is some girl showing up on the doorstep telling him she's late!   He's had a couple of girlfriends in college, not sure how serious they got, but I have faith that he took care of the protection.

I don't have that same kind of relationship with my mom....when we talk about sex, it's usually in a joking manner....we all know that everyone's doing it, it's just not something that comes up that often.  And no, I'm not "out" to my family.  There are some things that I know will blow her mind beyond all repair.  The birds and the bees talk was short and sweet, and she handed me a well-written book by a doctor to read.  She didn't really have to worry...I was a virgin til I was 21.....and I'm still not sure why I did it then......gess it sounded like something different to do!  :)

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 8:44:49 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Congratulations first off! 

i myself have two girls, and have expressed to them repeatedly that they can talk to me about anything and everything.

my own mother and i have had a very close relationship, and i was able to talk openly to her about sexual matters.  It helped that i had a source to go to that i loved and trust completely.  There were some deep dark things i kept secret of course, as all children will, but eventually even that came out.  The only thing i have never actually spoken to her candidly about are my kinks, but considering she has seen my 360 page with pictures of me bound and gagged, and her comments over the years in regards to my having a submissive personalilty quite opposite of hers, i tend to think she already knows. 

Your daughter obviously sees you as not only a mother, but a friend, someone she can confide in and trust.  That is a beautiful relationship to have with her.

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 9:18:24 AM   
bigdevs


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/14/2008
Status: offline 		As a parent, all I can say is that it's hard to talk to your kids, no matter how old they are, about the topic of sex. I would rather be the one to do it though than have them learn from a someone their own age who doesn't necessarily know what they are taking about. I thought I knew everything at 18-19-20....most young adults do. Boy, do I realize now, I had a lot to learn.

I think its great your daughter is coming to you to talk, but I can also see a few TMI moments. It's natural.

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 9:31:55 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		It's fantastic that the trusts you enough to be so frank with you!  I know of a lot of kids who would rather gouge their own eyes out than tell their parents anything, and so they try to "figure things out" on their own, and end up in a whole world of trouble... although I can certainly put myself in your shoes... after all, that's your baby girl talking to you about this stuff!

This thread is making me feel like hugging my own mother for all the "WTF" moments I've put her through... lol...

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 9:34:09 AM   
bigdevs


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

yes o
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

It's fantastic that the trusts you enough to be so frank with you!  I know of a lot of kids who would rather gouge their own eyes out than tell their parents anything, and so they try to "figure things out" on their own, and end up in a whole world of trouble... although I can certainly put myself in your shoes... after all, that's your baby girl talking to you about this stuff!

This thread is making me feel like hugging my own mother for all the "WTF" moments I've put her through... lol...



Yeah that's Me! I'd rather gouge My eyes out than talk to My mother about sex. Heck, I don't like talking to her about anything, but she's not a very nice person. Still, had she been sweet as pie, I wouldn't have told her anything. It's just not something I'd ever share with My mom.

-D

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 9:35:40 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		damn she has a bf....there goes my chance!




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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 9:44:11 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bigdevs
Yeah that's Me! I'd rather gouge My eyes out than talk to My mother about sex. Heck, I don't like talking to her about anything, but she's not a very nice person. Still, had she been sweet as pie, I wouldn't have told her anything. It's just not something I'd ever share with My mom.

-D



My mom's a little easier to talk to -- she's a domme.  XD  Heehee...

Which is probably part of the reason why she gets so freaked out to think of her only child following in her footsteps.

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RE: My Kid the Adult - 3/14/2008 9:51:43 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		crap you have a pet...dang... LOL  

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I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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