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RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 3:58:51 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
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quote:

I've heard people accused of drug abuse, child abuse, voting Republican, STDs, rape, predatory behavior, being ticklish...the list just goes on. The abuse allegations have gotten ridiculous enough that it's a running "joke" with my Captain that one can't be a Top -without- earning your 'Abuse 101' badge

As someone who has voted for republicans in the past, I would like to take a moment to object to this statement, as I'm a sure it is incredibly offensive to both rapists and drug abusers to be thrown in with people so morally and intellectually despicable as republicans. On their behalf, I demand an immediate apology.

On topic, however, virtually all social groups which grow larger than a handful of individuals are festering pits of gossip and sniping; this is human nature, on average. There are, of course, exceptions, but they are just that: exceptions.

Just always watch your back, and don't descend to it yourself. You will find that those who are worth dealing tend to realize very quickly what the score is when individuals gossip about a given person, but that person doesn't return the favor in any circumstance. Those who live by the rumor often die by the rumor, shall we say?

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RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 4:23:03 PM

lusciouslips19

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

Being a teacher, LL, you must deal with gossip about yourself a LOT. I have 3 kids in grades 1, 7 and 9... I've heard just about every kind of story you can imagine about various teachers - why one is good, why one is lousy, etc., etc. Ad nauseum. I learned to take everything I hear with a grain of salt and go with my experiences. I give you a lot of credit for teaching! I could deal with the kids ... the parents, OTOH... not so much. lol

I teach adult ed. everywhere from 17 to 65. the more mature ones are fine. the ones under 30 are at times difficult.

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RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 4:54:39 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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Ah colouredin it happened to me and it hurt. I'd been at the same chat site for 9 years, had run a hugely popular room for 3 of those.There was a girl I'd made friends with, had met down in her hometown hung out etc. A hurricane wiped out her home and I invited her to live with me with no rent, just a few chores. Needless to say the chores didn't get done ( I was post surgical /divorced and needed help) and she whined online about how demanding I was to ask her to get groceries on her way home from school.

It got worse and worse, I am not very good at verbal defense and I was probably hurt more easily than I should be I know.After 2 years I asked her for rent. (I'm slow, what else can I say lol). She claimed that I'd gone into the chat and said she was physically abusing me.She was believed, I was trashed and very confused. It was, for her a perfect way to leave without carrying the burden of responsibility.She still owes me a lot of money which the gods only know I desperately need. ...But she needed a place to live and in a way I don't regret it. She is back at school which is fantastic for her so in a roundabout way it is a good thing. Point is, people have all sorts of stupid reason for behaving certain ways and for believing certain things.It is more fun for some to believe nasty crap than try and see it clearly, I think it is a bit like the mob mentality where one follows another and soon there is no one left standing at your side. My suggestion? Find a new chat site.I'm sorry it happened to you but you are not alone. edited for clarification

< Message edited by camille65 -- 3/10/2008 5:25:26 PM >

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RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 5:15:03 PM

deliciousmorsel

Posts: 153
Joined: 9/22/2007
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I've had this attempt at blacklisting thing happen to me. The fact that I also have multiple torn tendons and ligaments in my hips from a Dom (wanna be) and told people struck me as pretty good evidence there was a problem- I'm waiting to see if I'll need reconstructive surgury. So the word out on me- I think- Is that I have this long history of mental illness. Apparently it's easier to trash talk someone than admit there's a serious problem in a private dungeon club.

I thought injury so bad I can't walk most of the time would be pretty good evidence of just what went on, but people will believe some strange things rather than obvious truth. You can't get this injury any way BUT a fierce beating with lumber.

Even here I was amazed that the subject immediately turned to me libeling the man. It isn't libel if it's true- but people with no idea what really may or may not have happened always want to pin on some utter BS. Especially when they don't know the definition of libel.

So I'm blacklisted around this area, mostly because somebodies ex flirted with me a year ago or somebodies Master oggled my tits in a corset one night...
Some people just never get past eighth grade. It's astonishing to us who did grow up!

< Message edited by deliciousmorsel -- 3/10/2008 5:16:22 PM >

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Post #: 44

RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 5:21:01 PM

MissMagnolia

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I admit, I did once listen to some gossip and made a judgement on a person because of it. Luckily for me, I eventually got to know this girl and found that none of the gossip was true. It was spread around by a man she had rejected, who just turned really nasty. I later became friends with her and told her that I had listened to the gossip and that I was sorry for taking someone elses word about her. She forgave me and we remain friends to this day.

Gossip happens everywhere, but it's up to us to not pass it on or to find out the truth.

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RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 5:23:08 PM

spanklette

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I've actually had more of a problem with this in real life...maybe it's because I don't chat as much anymore. Even then (when I chatted more) it really wasn't a problem. The troublemakers and gossips showed themselves fairly early on and were easy enough to avoid. It's a little harder to disengage yourself from someone in real life than it is in chat...at least in my experience.

But my gossip ran along the lines of abuse...facial marking and bruising seem to be fodder for those who like to add fuel to a fire. All of a sudden my former Master was accused of abuse, even amongst those who played on the "edge". I finally realized that every person's edge is different and that the line between information and gossip is sometimes grey.

Those are just my thoughts based on my own experience, of course.

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Post #: 46

RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 6:57:35 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

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Joined: 2/26/2008
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quote:

On topic, however, virtually all social groups which grow larger than a handful of individuals are festering pits of gossip and sniping; this is human nature, on average. There are, of course, exceptions, but they are just that: exceptions.

I would agree with this.

Accept what ya can't change...

I have heard two bits of advice my mom used to tell me about gossip as someone that grew up in a small town...

1) if they are talking about you, then they are not talking about some other poor SOB that can't take it....

2) it is better to be hated than ignored

julia

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Post #: 47

RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 7:09:52 PM

angelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Yeah I agree, its not about bitching or whatever its an attempt to have you almost discredited so no one touches you with a ten foot pole.

I used to have a sig line that said "My ego is not dependent upon your opinion of me".

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Post #: 48

RE: Gossip - 3/10/2008 8:14:09 PM

SubbieOnWheels

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Joined: 12/14/2007
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The old saying, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," applies just as well to talking about others as it does to talking to others.

(I'd say more, but I had a shot in my knuckle for arthritis today, and the ring finger on my left hand is completely numb.)

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Post #: 49