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Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 3:39:40 PM   
OmahaSub4U


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline 		Hi, new to the site and am curious.  While being a sub has it's attractions I normally have a dominant personality as well.  From the little I've read so far it seems like the site assumes you're either dom/domme or sub.  Is there a middle ground for those that would like to explore both sides?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 3:40:18 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		yes

switch

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 4:08:37 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		For those that are comfortable with sorting things under labels, Dominant, Submissive and Switch seem to be the big 3, as in the profile choices offered by the website.

If you care to do a search, you can then read the many, many, many words expended on why people either embrace or reject those labels...

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 4:14:32 PM   
paynestar


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline 		I prefer the term, 'leatherTop'.

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 4:22:51 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		As in 'Take off that...'?

(in reply to paynestar)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 5:02:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Many people who are dominant in everyday life crave giving up control in their interpersonal relationships. It is almost axiomatic, the stereotype of the CEO going to a domme after work as an antidote to the high pressure job.  Being strong in your family and business life does not mean you can't enjoy giving your power to someone else in private.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 5:17:01 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Many people who are dominant in everyday life crave giving up control in their interpersonal relationships. It is almost axiomatic, the stereotype of the CEO going to a domme after work as an antidote to the high pressure job.  Being strong in your family and business life does not mean you can't enjoy giving your power to someone else in private.


And conversely, being submissive in your everyday life (office clerk, etc.) does not mean that you are incapable of dominating someone else in private.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 5:26:10 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		No.

(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 5:33:42 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Sexuality is a wide spectrum......many colors and shades....and everyone slides around either a little, or a lot on that spectrum....which is not to be confused with a wide spectulum...although a lot of folks slide up and down those too...

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 3/8/2008 5:43:28 PM >

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 5:42:02 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave's point of view is that there are three things to consider:  personality type, sexual orientation and preferred role in a relationship structure.
 
three separate areas in which to explore either side of the D/s slash, or any combination of the three, either simultaneously, or at regular or negotiated intervals.
 
this slave identifies as a submissive personality type, who surrenders all to her relationship partner, both in and out of the bedroom/dungeon.  for her, there is no middle ground, but many find joy and satisfaction with any/all combinations of dominance or submission within the three aforementioned areas.
 
Most importantly, have fun!!!

(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 6:34:53 PM   
OmahaSub4U


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline 		Appreciate the feedback.  Now that it's explained 'switch' seems to be common sense, but hindsight is 20/20. 

Don't want to offend but giving up 100% control 24/7 just seems dangerous.  Even on a limited basis I have to wonder about the risks.  Meeting at a neutral site, finding common chemistry, going somewhere, getting tied up (does sound good, as does tieing up my partner) but worried that I might remain tied up while vehicle, wallet and everything else drives away leaving me in embarassment.  Am I just overly paranoid?  How do you deal with this?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 7:38:52 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmahaSub4U

Appreciate the feedback. Now that it's explained 'switch' seems to be common sense, but hindsight is 20/20.

Don't want to offend but giving up 100% control 24/7 just seems dangerous. Even on a limited basis I have to wonder about the risks. Meeting at a neutral site, finding common chemistry, going somewhere, getting tied up (does sound good, as does tieing up my partner) but worried that I might remain tied up while vehicle, wallet and everything else drives away leaving me in embarassment. Am I just overly paranoid? How do you deal with this?

The best way I can think of to avoid (or at least minimize) that risk is by taking your time in giving over control.

(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 7:43:23 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		That's what safewords and safe calls are for.

If you don't know, a safeword is what you say when the play is going farther than you expected and you feel in danger or extremely uncomfortable. (I'm sure I'm gonna see corrections to this, and definitions that are more exact - please feel free.)

A safe call is where you set it up with a friend that you will call at a certain time. Have a code word set up that if you say that code word the friend knows you're in trouble. If you don't call at that time, or if you give the code word, the friend calls in the Cavalry.

Whatever you do, be sure someone knows where you are going so that if the safe call is needed, they know where to find you. Also, don't play with someone without having name, address, phone number - some way that he/she can be located if needed.

Sounds terribly untrusting and unsub-like, but it's your safety we're talking about.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 7:50:22 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		24/7 is just one end of the spectrum. The point is to work out what is mutually acceptable/beneficial for yourself and your partner. A lot of couples are D/s in a sexual sense only - the bedroom kink is what they're drawn to. Others extend it outwards a little or a lot into non-sexual areas.

Best piece of advice I can give you is read, listen, participate locally if possible, and categorically stay away from making assumptions about the lifestyle. You'll find a half dozen sides at least to just about every situation or topic in BDSM.

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 9:13:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You don't start 24/7 anymore than you get married on the blind date your brother inlaw's coworker set you up on. You start by meeting for coffee, just like real people. You date, just like everyone else. If at some point you both feel like having sex, with or without other play activities, you do so, just like everyone else. And eventually you become sure enough of each other to move on to a serious, committed relationship. Sometimes ending up 24/7. sometimes ending up in marriage, and sometimes ending badly. You know, just like normal people.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ThinkingKitten)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 9:56:44 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yes its called a switch or a top or bottom. Only you can label yourself as to which you are. I wouldn't sweat it too much people do tend to get hung up on labels. Just have fun.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/8/2008 10:59:03 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Don't assume that because you have a dominant personality that you 1) have to be Dominant and 2) can't be a sub.

I believe there is a "switch" catergory under orientation.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to OmahaSub4U)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/9/2008 1:51:46 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		i have to appreciate all the answers i've read and also thank Omaha for the question he has posed. i find that i have similar worries myself as a submissive can easily be taken for marry go round rides. i have found also through my time that if your a submissive and dare to be with a strong personality some of the D's like to challenge that by playing with your mind. Many subs that have been somewhat with a choice have had to become defensive and bratty to avoid such parasites of our community for one reason or another not being able to get there way with submissives. Our personalities are our identification. At times and maybe in the past it may have been suppressed but one day before we all die it surely comes out. That happens when we finally realize that we are free and independent to face the world with our real face.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/9/2008 6:45:07 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Sexuality is a wide spectrum......many colors and shades....and everyone slides around either a little, or a lot on that spectrum....which is not to be confused with a wide spectulum...although a lot of folks slide up and down those too...


my thoughts exactly! i love you amy!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Middle Ground? - 3/9/2008 9:41:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Omaha- you're right, there are risks.  But take into account that a lot of us are talking about live-in situations, or relationships which have developed over time.  Not just a kinky one nighter (which is still oodles of fun, just not the same context).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 20
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