The person in the Domme (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> The person in the Domme (3/7/2008 7:24:17 PM)

I had quite a bit of time to waste on CM today.  It's something that I do every once in a while, when all I want to do is focus on those things other than work, paying bills, being responsible for everyone else, and just be Myself.

I started a thread eariler today about a recurring theme that I kept typing up about not being interested in doing things by phone.  It turned out to be a good thread, to Me anyway.  Still there was another comment from Myself that kept coming back over and over.

More often than not, I find certain answers are almost universal to various questions.  One of these being that I am a person first, and then a Domme.  It goes hand in hand with My often said that My lifestyle is part of My life.  I can't have the first without the latter.  Should tomorrow, I give up the play, the leather, the toys in the bag, I would still be Me.   Those who don't know Me might not necessarily think that's a huge deal, but  for Me, it is. For those in My life, I tend to think it is.  In some small way, I also tend to think it matters to those folks who meet Me after noticing Me on the boards.  I'll never forget being at a major event last year, and hearing a particular sub female shriek, "Oh my G*d.  That's Lady Pact!"

Yet, the compliment that I appreciate most isn't that people know Me.  It isn't even on My style of play.  The best compliment that I receive, is that I'm approachable.  Anyone can talk to Me just like they can talk to anyone else.  I've heard, once in a while, that I scare some folks, but that's only until they say hello and strike up a conversation with Me.

Enough of the manifesto.  The question is this:

What is your most human quality and how does it co-mingle in the world of BDSM?



KatsClaws12 -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/7/2008 7:33:39 PM)

I would have to say that my most human quality is taking care of others needs. Weither it be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a aounding board for someone to vent to, or to just be the best friend that I can be.
Then way that it comingles in the world of BDSM is that my Mistress will never want for anything. If i can give it to Her or help Her in any way I do. It is truely who i am and i do my best to be that person everyday no matter if im in the vanilla world or the BDSM world.

Kat



MaamJay -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/7/2008 8:05:37 PM)

I think it is that I genuinely care. I care to be kind ... and I care enough to be cruel to be kind sometimes. And My caring endures ... there are subs I spoke to very early on in My explorations, a whole cyberworld of them ... and I still think of many of them from time to time and wonder how they're doing. Caring is a big part of My life, I've always cared for My students, for My friends, for My family, My 2 ex-husbands (even the one who gave Me so much grief!). I care for My pets. I care for My Avon customers ... not just the ones here but the ones I had back in Perth. It's part of the essence of who I am and I don't think it's likely to change. And I don't want it to.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



ownedgirlie -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/7/2008 8:08:12 PM)

I don't consider myself "human first" or "slave first".  I consider myself a human slave, so your question is difficult for me to answer, since the person is one in the same.

I had a conversation with a friend a couple of months ago, in which I was explaining that I don't relate to "human first" because my training as his slave have become my new instincts.  Many instincts which I may have learned along the path of my life have been circumvented.  So if an issue in my world comes up, my automatic reaction is as his slave first.  And with him, those things which I may have instinctively responded to prior to his training no longer get the same reaction they would have.  

This is why I receive skepticism and criticism from some, because I am not prone to "protect myself from him" because he is my Master and doesn't need protection from.  This is why he takes great care in his use of me, because he knows my instinctive response to him as his slave is likely to kick in before any "human instinct."

Interestingly enough, many of these new instincts are actually healthier for me than how I used to be, but he does have a huge responsibility now, because at times my life is literally in his hands.

However, to answer the "quality" question, I will say it is something I learned a great deal about recently:  "Compassion."  For myself as well as for others. And this applies to all facets of my life.



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/7/2008 8:20:36 PM)

I'm a human being first and foremost.   In terms of my nature for kink, that is part of who and what I am.   In terms of my personality, it's on the dominant side.  However the kink, BDSM and D/s don't define and shape me as a human being.  If that makes any sense to anybody.

In short BDSM is just one part of many things to my life.  I'm not so caught up in being a DOM that I seek to become ruler of the universe and everything around me.   There are limits to what I can and can not be in control of.   Some things honestly, I have no desire to take control of nor desire to be responsible for.   If that makes any sense to anybody as well.

I am me, regardless of what I am or am not doing.  I'm still the same human being regardless if I am pulling hair and spanking ass or not doing it at all. 



Wickad -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 12:18:56 AM)

(fast reply)

Greetings,

I am non-judgemental and open.  People who have never talked about their D/s, SM, BDSM thoughts find themselves just opening up to me and telling me all their dirty little secrets.  I usually tell them my take on things as well.  Maybe that's why they feel comfortable enough to tell me those things.

I'm brutally honest.  I'm a straight shooter and I tell it like I see it.  I usually ask people if they want my real opinion or just someone to listen before I say anything so as to give them a chance to really decide if they are just venting or what.  If you ask for my opinion ... I'll tell it to you ... and you might not like it. 

Those are the things I am known for.  Sometimes I balk at them but ... overall, I think they are pretty good traits to be known for.

Wickad



Justme696 -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 1:07:05 AM)

Bit hard to say what is best about yourself......but I think..I see people just for what they are humans. I can listen to them..and talk with them...with out judging them instantly.
That counts for vanilla and lifestyle...because it is just me..the same person.... I don't change when I come here.



Xylph -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 2:56:42 AM)

Interesting post and hello to your you-ness and your domme-ness
 
My most apparent quality is warmth and care. I take two here because I don't believe you can have one without the other.
 
Something I am wary of with online communication is the separation some get between reality and fantasy. Both are well and good but at least keep a toe on the ground!

 



BitchGoddessD -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 3:11:47 AM)

mine would be my eternal curiousity - learning about people, trying new things, leading me into ???   [;)] 

applying this quality to BDSM serves me well in every aspect



Justme696 -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 4:32:02 AM)

My appology..that I replied above... Didn't notice it was for DomME only.




LaTigresse -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 5:48:12 AM)

I am trying to answer but this sentence is just giving me fits.

"What is your most human quality and how does it co-mingle in the world of BDSM?"

Because, well, I am 100% human. So, it's kinda that all my qualities are human.......the good, the bad and the ugly.

I don't view being a dominant kinky woman as being less, or more, than human. Just a variation of one.

Now, if I am going to think about as I THINK you meant it. What one human quality do I have that defines me as an individual best, and how does co-mingle in the world of BDSM? That I can answer.

I would say it is the unique way I view things. Life, people, myself, everything. It is odd, different than many, and strongly affects all aspects of my life.



TysGalilah -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 7:43:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I had quite a bit of time to waste on CM today.  It's something that I do every once in a while, when all I want to do is focus on those things other than work, paying bills, being responsible for everyone else, and just be Myself.

I started a thread eariler today about a recurring theme that I kept typing up about not being interested in doing things by phone.  It turned out to be a good thread, to Me anyway.  Still there was another comment from Myself that kept coming back over and over.

More often than not, I find certain answers are almost universal to various questions.  One of these being that I am a person first, and then a Domme.  It goes hand in hand with My often said that My lifestyle is part of My life.  I can't have the first without the latter.  Should tomorrow, I give up the play, the leather, the toys in the bag, I would still be Me.   Those who don't know Me might not necessarily think that's a huge deal, but  for Me, it is. For those in My life, I tend to think it is.  In some small way, I also tend to think it matters to those folks who meet Me after noticing Me on the boards.  I'll never forget being at a major event last year, and hearing a particular sub female shriek, "Oh my G*d.  That's Lady Pact!"

Yet, the compliment that I appreciate most isn't that people know Me.  It isn't even on My style of play.  The best compliment that I receive, is that I'm approachable.  Anyone can talk to Me just like they can talk to anyone else.  I've heard, once in a while, that I scare some folks, but that's only until they say hello and strike up a conversation with Me.

Enough of the manifesto.  The question is this:

What is your most human quality and how does it co-mingle in the world of BDSM?


 
It is interesting, I always seem to find myself smiling when I read your postings. 
{What is your most human quality and how does it co-mingle in the world of BDSM?}

I feel happy and full -(filled) when I am helping and caring about others.  Give me a project, or a goal, filled with attention to detail and the ability to help you ,or to help you help yourself > and I am a happy camper.
 
At one point in my life > it was done in a way that was emeshed and co-dependant.  Once I became aware of that and made some important healthy boundary changes>  it became a positive and strength in my character ( I believe ).
 
In my late 30's I found there was a ying to my yang.  my "yang" being my need to give and give more...my yang was being called my submission to a dominant one ( the ying ).
 
great topic : )
 
Cyndi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(only continue reading if you don't mind rambling....it seems to be my lot in life that I talk too much.. and share my feelings and thoughts..........sigh and gigglin.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You mention being a certain way or acting a certain way..and I can relate to what you shared about being approachable..
 
Unlike others who say they found themselves in Ds....I really don't feel I am now someone I wasn't before I found "this".  I am me, as I have always been.  I just found a group of people who understand a part of me that I had trouble explaining or describing before LOL ...so its all kewl.
 
I don't think I act submissive.  I don't think I act dominant.  I don't "act" any certain way.  I am just me.
I have been in relationships where I have been in both roles according to the other persons desire to respond to me naturally.  Some people FEEL my dominance and some people feel my submissiveness.  In certain people I FEEL their dominance and in others I feel their submissiveness, and I seem to respond.
    
I don't know if that makes sense to you ..or to anyone.   It is something I am still trying to balance and understand about the dynamics of all this.    When I begin to attempt to "label" myself or find a category I feel I fit into> I get all bunged up...
When I just feel my feelings and let life and others come along with me naturally > I feel happy just being me.
 
It's a great topic choice LadyPact  : )  and I always appreciate your comments when you post.
 
Cyndi
 


 
 
 



catize -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 7:50:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

My appology..that I replied above... Didn't notice it was for DomME only.


I think the question applies to all, men/women/dominant/submissive.  Many people make the mistake of defining themselves or others by their orientation rather than keeping an open mind.  A few years ago I had a first (turned out to be last also) meet with a dominant man.  He treated me as if I were slow-witted; spoke slowly and carefully and repeated things as if I couldn’t possibly understand what he was talking about.  I was so stunned by this assumption that my behaviors probably reinforced his belief; in other words I stared at him and didn’t say much.  I excused myself to go to the restroom and ‘forgot’ to go back.
I don’t know how to pick out one thing about myself that defines me.  I have many assets as well as faults.  Every person I encounter will decide for themselves which qualities tip the scale in my favor or which imperfections dump me off their radar. 



petpete -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 2:19:08 PM)

LadyPact makes a very valid point here that W/we all have some sort of a life to live before having to fulfill our sexual fantasies and to who W/we want to be and treated as from the inside. Our inside personality as 's' or 'D' can only be visible with the right people and at times that our everyday life and affairs get to be taken care of first. Being labeled does not give a person any special consideration at work or at any other function of his public or personal exposure. Everyone needs and expects the same support and in treatment that any person expects to get without the consideration of what there sexual needs desire.



greeneyedreamer -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 4:00:03 PM)


quote:


What is your most human quality and how does it co-mingle in the world of BDSM?


My most human quality is that I am a natural nurturer. I feel things that other people feel also. I am extremely empathetic and try hard to see other's point of view. These qualities relate directly to my submissive nature. I love pleasing people. And understand their needs directly.

It's a good feeling to know not only that your Dom is pleased but understand why... Dreamer



KnightofMists -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 4:04:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What is your most human quality and how does it co-mingle in the world of BDSM?



I bleed like anyone else.



LadyHugs -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 4:16:01 PM)

Dear Justme696,
 
Personally, I think it is wonderful of you to post your thoughts and comments.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



domiguy -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 4:25:11 PM)

quote:

The person in the Domme


Well, since I have fucked a few...I guess it would be me.



LadyHugs -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 4:29:37 PM)

Dear LadyPact, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I can only say that in identifying the person 'in' the Dominant Woman, is that I am being 'me.'
 
I can identify with many Arch-types and inspired all my life by individuals in history, in historical power and authority, historical military and seek those influences which exhibit the traits I wish to maintain and manifest to and for others, as much as myself.
 
As heavily gifted in the arts of BDSM, Master/Mistress-slave--I am more than M/s and or BDSM.  I do not allow BDSM and or M/s run me--I run M/s and or BDSM.  I have many interests and talents to which keeps me from being totally enveloped into one aspect of life.
 
Although most of my personal life is currently being in service as a care giver/provider to a parent and do so alone; my strength comes from my total being--I am me.
 
However, I am of the hope--that I may be of help to my community and those who seek the knowledge and or skills I possess.  I have a lot to offer.  I do try my best to live by my title of "Lady;" which really is more of a 'state of behavior' more than an authority entitlement.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



Aileen1968 -> RE: The person in the Domme (3/8/2008 4:40:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

The person in the Domme


Well, since I have fucked a few...I guess it would be me.


Heh heh heh.



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