Performance based D/s

Performance based D/s (Full Version)

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Leatherist -> Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:13:15 AM)
I'm curious as to what folks here think of D/s situations based more on performance than kink. In other words, your value is what you can do-not just as a sex toy. These sorts of relationships tend to be driven by realistic planning, and meeting goals.

kittinSol -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:15:50 AM)
I've no idea what you're talking about - I'm a dilletante, I suppose :-) . I mean, I don't see D/s as a performance orientated activity. Matter of fact, it's not an activity at all; it's a personal wiring (no kink meant :-) .

LadyLynx -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:16:38 AM)
Would you mind clarifying that? smiles

Leatherist -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:18:13 AM)
Life is about more than what you do in the bedroom. It's about working as a team and accomplishing things of worth. Performance.

colouredin -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:18:44 AM)
Isnt that a relationship? or am i missing something

MeanMommieDommie -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:23:03 AM)
Do you mean service-based/TPE relationship where sex may not even be part of the package? I would think people naturally tailor their D/s relationships to include/exclude/minimize/maximize factor X or activity Y.

toservez -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:23:26 AM)
I echo colouredin. I would think most on here work as a team in their reltionship.

IrishMist -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:27:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist I'm curious as to what folks here think of D/s situations based more on performance than kink. In other words, your value is what you can do-not just as a sex toy. These sorts of relationships tend to be driven by realistic planning, and meeting goals. Since 'sexual performance' does not rule my relationships, I am one that instead looks for the performance side. I would rather be useful in ways outside of a sexual context; to me, it just brings more to the relationship.

Leatherist -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:29:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MeanMommieDommie Do you mean service-based/TPE relationship where sex may not even be part of the package? I would think people naturally tailor their D/s relationships to include/exclude/minimize/maximize factor X or activity Y. No,I mean they base it with the sex as a secondary concern.

Archer -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:30:49 AM)
I think Leatherist is trying to draw on the idea of total value of service being the measure used to evaluae the value of the person to the specific D type in question. Not in the sole area of sexual matters but also in other areas and goals in life. (ie you're value as a sex toy + your value as a personal assistant+ your values as a house manager+ your value as a book keeper + etc makes you valuable to me.)

MeanMommieDommie -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:34:12 AM)
shrug whatever floats that person's boat. I tend to be more interested in service and behavior modification than sex, but that's just what appeals to me. I think the value of a D/s relationship is determined by the satisfaction and happiness of both parties, rather than what they focus on. Admittedly, I do like to feel like I've effected a change and improved the submissive in some way. I might get a sense of pleasure out of a sex-based D/s exchange (with the right person), but not a sense of accomplishment.

Scheherazade -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:35:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol I've no idea what you're talking about - I'm a dilletante, I suppose :-) . I mean, I don't see D/s as a performance orientated activity. Matter of fact, it's not an activity at all; it's a personal wiring (no kink meant :-) . I agree, dominance is in the personality or nature of a person and is the dominance that...insires submission. That's the only 'performance' I need.

RCdc -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:41:13 AM)
I believe that in any long term relationship, 'performance' as you call it is integral. the.dark.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 8:57:12 AM)
I very much enjoy having a level of performance involved. Usually in practical skill sets. Some less practical things can be fun too. Learning eastern tea service, and then being put to the test with guests over. I expect my level of performance to matter to my partner, and would be disappointed if they were not interested in encouraging me to improve my performance in skills and abilities that ultimately benefit us both in our life. Afterall, I want to be more than just the 'sex toy' right?

verysweet -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 9:02:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Life is about more than what you do in the bedroom. It's about working as a team and accomplishing things of worth. Performance. Thank g-d. I have a tendancy to notice what needs to get done, and I do it. And it's not because he expects them, it's because I take pride in contributing all I can to our relationship. It might be something as small as cooking for him and making sure there are leftovers, or something as involved as making draperies. Does this make me more 'valuable' as a submissive, who knows? I do think, however, it makes me a great partner. I can't imagine being in a long term relationship and not bringing every skill I have to the table. I think Darcyandthedark.'s sig line pretty much sums it up.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 9:26:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist I'm curious as to what folks here think of D/s situations based more on performance than kink. In other words, your value is what you can do-not just as a sex toy. These sorts of relationships tend to be driven by realistic planning, and meeting goals. I think you're splitting hairs. As has already been stated, relationships are predicated on "performance". They work when there are common goals, common directions, and a willingness to work jointly towards those goals. A TPE dynamic within a relationship is merely the structure partners select for themselves. Similarly, a kink dynamic is another structure, one which may coexist or not with the TPE dynamic. For myself, I value my slave not for what she can do, nor for how I can play with her flesh, but for who she is. She serves me well in big ways and little ways, but the best way is simply by being in my life.

SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 9:38:21 AM)
Are you talking about Results Oriented Work Evaluation? I echo what others have said. Why evaluate a BDSM relationship any differently than we evaluate a vanilla relationship? Are the members of the relationship both (or all) happy in the relationship? Are they all striving to improve themselves, one another, and the relationship as a whole? No relationship is perfect, and they are always evolving. What may satisfy us today may not be acceptable in a month or a year. We live in the moment and work towards the future.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 9:39:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Life is about more than what you do in the bedroom. It's about working as a team and accomplishing things of worth. Performance. Personally, I think playing with my slave's flesh and making her moan with passion is very worthwhile. Of course, I'm a debased debauched hedonist, so my perspective here is slightly skewed.

LadyLolly -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 10:18:05 AM)
It sounds like you are referring to service orientated D/s. The primary "pleasure" is found in the performance of the service for the D, what ever it may be, chopping wood, cleaning toilets, accounting services what ever. Such service may or may not include sexual use or indulgence in kink - these are just other types of service to be rendered if desired by the D and within the limits of service offered by the s. What do I think of it? I personally have no use for sex toys. There are very few I would desire or care to allow sexual intimacies with my person - just the way I'm wired. I find pleasure in being served in ways I find practical and fortunately for me, there are those that derive pleasure from this also.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Performance based D/s (3/4/2008 10:46:03 AM)
Sex is a big part of my slavery to him. It is not in any way the only part of my slavery to him. I am his travel agent. I am his personal assistant/personal shopper I manage his website - his webmaster I am his personal story-writer I am his massage therapist I am his secretary I'm his (insert job title/job description here). In short, I am his slave. We don't really call it performance-based, although if I don't perform well I see different results than when I do. There are no written goals, there is no written job description, and I don't have written reviews. There are, however, clear expectations set and I am counted on to meet or exceed them.

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