RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas?

RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (Full Version)

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DragonLadysFire -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/3/2008 7:07:20 PM)
Having a name for how I have always acted and what I have always liked hasn't changed how I see others, cause I haven't changed.

fangedwolf -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/3/2008 8:24:46 PM)
Being into bdsm I think has not changed too much on how I deal with people, but it is hard to tell as I have been interested in it during the years when you grow and find yourself more. I would say however that it has made me more aware of the different power dynamics between all people, and the ways power dynamics are used for gains of many kinds, anything from sales people in a shop, to interaction in a bar. I still treat people as individuals, but I think I have a greater awareness of peoples interactions, and reactions.

Daddyslilpookie -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/4/2008 10:00:40 AM)
I treat everyone the same and with kindness if they are vanilla or not. It has nothing to do with BDSM.

probablyknowme -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/4/2008 2:13:36 PM)
I have to agree with what someone else said. Having found a healthy outlet for my submissive feelings, I am definately more empowered in my day to day dealings. Before I found a place to safely express my need to please and serve, I was deperately struggling with feelings of insecurity and victimization. Now, after several years of introspection, I feel stronger because I know where both my weaknesses and strengths are and embrace both of them. I'm not sure whether or not it is a by-product of my chosen role in the lifestyle, but I have become more aware of the energies coming from people that I deal with, almost empathetic, since I began this journey. I can often "feel" whatever a person is experiencing, whether they are vanilla or kinky.

AtlantisKing111 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/4/2008 9:43:27 PM)
Since accepting my lifestyle desires I've found that my Dominance has spilled over into my vanilla life to some extent. I'm more assertive in my life and less tolerant of manipulative people for example.

lovewithoutfear -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/4/2008 9:50:57 PM)
Oh yes. I am way more aware of power dynamics between/among people than I ever was before. And like to think I'm more self-aware too, through my experiences bottoming and serving and examining my responses to others in that context. I think that I'm also more assertive and less desperate for approval in my vanilla life.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/4/2008 10:23:27 PM)
Interesting topic here. I think anybody who is aware of power dynamics and manipulation or control tactics is tuned into this. You don't have to be in the lifestyle per se. I will say this, I think anybody who's into D/s clearly understands what is going on when it happens. My girl and I when we are out at the bars or dealing with other people, will talk about the things we notice. We even talk about our past encounters with people and laugh at what we call feable attempts. To make matters more interesting, her and I both get straight to the point with one another when it comes to the evoling power dynamics between us. Basically, get straight to the point of WTF is going on without the game playing. I don't mind if somebody stikes up a conversation about something with sincere interests, those who are simply grasping at staws well they just annoy the hell out of me. Basically, be sincere in what the hell you are doing. False flattery or BS really goes nowhere. Sales people that are not waiting on me and instead try to push or lead me plain out right piss me off and I've been known to tell a few to simply beat it and leave me alone. When I was younger, a friend of mine and I would go shopping at the Mall and have fun with fucking forceful sales people. Yes, Dare I admit it was a past-time recreational entertainment for both him and I. We even had a little song we made up and would sing together while walking down the Mall. "Fun with people, Fun with people..." Radio Shack was always a good source of entertainment. Even more so listen to some guy that knew next to nothing about computers trying to see us on some over priced piece of shit at the time. Back when they still made TANDY computers. Don't know, twisted eh? Hell, we even dismissed a few sales people harshless for being too pushy. One of my favorite memories was when we were out in San Diego. We went into one of those high price Rip off to own stores, and had some sales dude trying to sell us on rings or jewlery. I pulled out all stops with a heartbreak story. The dude was trying to get me to buy something for my girl friend. I said, I don't have a girl friend anymore, she died of cancer 6 monthes ago and pretended to get upset about it. He then tried to sales pitch things out for my mom, I said she was killed in a car accident a few years back by a drunk driver. He then asked if I had a aunt or somebody else. I told him that I had an aunt however she had alziemers and did not even recognize me anymore. Basically, I myself was lieing my ass to him and started to act all sad and depressed about it, and start acting like I was having a mental break down that I had nobody to buy any jewerly for. Sad thing is that the Dude bought into the Bullshit I was feeding back to him. He turned to my friend and asked if he was interested. He proceeded to Chew the sales rep out, with hell no you piece of shit, not after how bad you made my friend feel, we were having a great time until you fucking started talking to us. We left the store, when we got around the corner we were laughing our asses off... Does this make me a bad person for having Mind Fucked with sales people on a non consentual basis. Mmmmmmm.... this was years ago. It's been awhile since I've done this. I suppose with the right sales person, I might be tempted to do nearly anything. I have corrected a few sales people in my older age, basically, I'm the customer, I have money and I want to look at what I'm interested in and not what they think I should or should not buy. I don't mind the social bullshitting when dealing with sales people, however I never let that stir me off course from what I'm looking to get.

Justme696 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/5/2008 2:18:29 AM)
if you feel more secure in one life...your other one seems more bright

thetammyjo -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/5/2008 6:13:19 AM)
A friend once compared me to an "old mare in the stable". Let me explain. The old mare, he said, gets first choice in all things, she is the queen of her little world. One day a fine young stallion comes into the stable and he tries to push his weight around and boss around the other horses. The other horses move aside when the old mare approaches. The young stallion tries to block her but the old mare simply looks at him and moves around him to get what she wants. The others follow her and soon his attempt to become alpha has clearly failed. Now my friend didn't know I was kinky when he told me this story. He based on simply observing me in mundane interactions. I don't work on being a leader, in fact, I sometimes tire of it, but apparently in some contexts I simply am followed. Can't say why because I can't observe my behavior from outside myself.

whipthatass -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/5/2008 9:12:04 AM)
the way that some sales people are it seems like they ask to many questions Iknow that Ive been in this lifestyle longer than I care to remember and at first Ifixed cars and I sware have of what thay ask at the parts store some times I wanted to say hay stuped but bit my lip more the one time so I think at times being a dom you have learn when to show it and whennot to and believe me at times its not easy

amayos -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/5/2008 9:19:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this. I don't see myself as a member of a secret caste, and even if I did, I would treat all with respect anyway. Studying effective governance, one will always draw from this an understanding it is wise to be considerate of people until given a reason to do otherwise, and tactful where matters of privacy are concerned. That we must be opaque to preserve secrecy doesn't mean we must be rude, but perhaps, using what we've gathered about power and influence, to become more charming and always a step ahead. This allows us to make friendly associations and preserve our mystery without hurt feelings from either party, and so only adds to our influence. Perhaps if what I've learned in this regard was gleaned from the so-called lifestyle, I would be more inclined to say my inclusion in it has changed how I deal with others in day-to-day life, but in reality these are merely keys to civility, influence and power—learned more from tumbling and fumbling around in an everyday world that is anything but "vanilla."

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