Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas?

Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (Full Version)

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MstrssScarlet -> Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 9:48:36 PM)
My husband and I went shopping this afternoon. I lost some stones from my wedding/engagement ring and the company I bought it from won't repair or replace it unless I can produce the original receipt. Yea, right. Seven years and two moves later, it's not likely but I'll give it a hell of a try. Anyway, while fighting with the company I've been looking at new rings because it will cost more to repair the old ring than to buy a new one. Even more to re-set the stones because there are a lot of bagette diamonds which are (I'm told) difficult to find the right size setting for. I went into another one of those mall jewelry stores today and the young lady started off with a lot of questions about the cane I'm currently using. Was it an antique? Her mom collected them of course. I mentioned my husband and I had been through a lot since we'd been married. She tried to pry details from me in an effort to forge some sort of bond. I know the game and I can smell it a mile away when they try it. On the way home, I mentioned to my husband that she didn't realize she was dealing with a domme. I say that because my husband and I feel that probably the most important thing to learn about becoming a domme is learning to "read" people. He mentioned that I wasn't always this way, and when I thought about it I knew he was right. Years ago I would probably have answered all her questions and she would have known half my life story before I left. Now don't get the impression that I was rude to her. I was very pleasant and she ended up telling me all about herself, her husband, the new harley he bought, the jewelry she bought while working at the store -especially after her husband bought the harley. LOL After a while she called the manager over to 'help us look'. I believe she sensed she wasn't getting anywhere. I've had this sort of thing happen before and I was just wondering if any of you have. And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this. Mistress Scarlet

LadyPact -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:02:08 PM)
Casual occurances, no, I'm not often tempted. I do understand where you are coming from though. There's that middle of the road area, isn't there? Sometimes, it takes gace to overcome the first ideas of what might be fun. In most cases, I've scraped them off. Though, I do admit, it's a great way to get rid of telemarketers, Jehovah's Witnesses, and similar situations. Sometimes, I think, wouldn't it be wonderful to show this twit what life in other people's existances is really like? Then, I realize that the poor imbicle probably couldn't comprehend it, so I leave them alone.

MissHarlet -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:06:52 PM)
Im still very courteous .. but much less patient .. and they sense it somehow .. I love the idea of useing the lifestyle to discourage Jehovahwitnesses etc <EG>

StormsSlave -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:19:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet My husband and I went shopping this afternoon. I lost some stones from my wedding/engagement ring and the company I bought it from won't repair or replace it unless I can produce the original receipt. Yea, right. Seven years and two moves later, it's not likely but I'll give it a hell of a try. Anyway, while fighting with the company I've been looking at new rings because it will cost more to repair the old ring than to buy a new one. Even more to re-set the stones because there are a lot of bagette diamonds which are (I'm told) difficult to find the right size setting for. I went into another one of those mall jewelry stores today and the young lady started off with a lot of questions about the cane I'm currently using. Was it an antique? Her mom collected them of course. I mentioned my husband and I had been through a lot since we'd been married. She tried to pry details from me in an effort to forge some sort of bond. I know the game and I can smell it a mile away when they try it. On the way home, I mentioned to my husband that she didn't realize she was dealing with a domme. I say that because my husband and I feel that probably the most important thing to learn about becoming a domme is learning to "read" people. He mentioned that I wasn't always this way, and when I thought about it I knew he was right. Years ago I would probably have answered all her questions and she would have known half my life story before I left. Now don't get the impression that I was rude to her. I was very pleasant and she ended up telling me all about herself, her husband, the new harley he bought, the jewelry she bought while working at the store -especially after her husband bought the harley. LOL After a while she called the manager over to 'help us look'. I believe she sensed she wasn't getting anywhere. I've had this sort of thing happen before and I was just wondering if any of you have. And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this. Mistress Scarlet I have close to twenty years of customer service experience. When I encounter women like this, they annoy the hell out of me. I always try to let the customer lead the encounter without allowing them to completely control it. Their personal life is none of my business, but I will listen to whatever they chose to tell me, and respond appropriately. I have a gift, or so I've been told, and I'm great with people. If one of you ladies were to come into my place of work, I would sense immediately that you weren't someone to be toyed with. I'd try to keep it business, pleasantly polite, but not delving into your life, or offering too much of mine. You're not there to make friends, you're there to buy jewelry. Right? On the other side, I, too, like to turn it around when clerks do this to me. It's easy enough to do, and I am of the opinion that if let a person talk long enough, they'll tell you anything you want to know. I don't know if any of it has anything to do with bdsm. For my part, when I meet a vanilla sort of man, I have begun to feel an urge to give them an education. [:D] My Lord thinks this is a brilliant plan.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:25:54 PM)
nope; they're people just like me, and judging by the story you just told, i would have read it more as someone that meant every word they said to you, and then referred you to someone else once they thought they may had crossed a line and offended you. i also feel that females tend to try to read more into things that aren't really there, such as in your case, though i've been wrong before.

Tantriqu -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:28:14 PM)
Lol, MissHarlet put it perfectly: I'm more courteous but less patient than most vanilla salesmen can take. They are stunned by a simple 'No' and a walking away or hanging up, or openly laughing at them when they're caught lying or disagreeing with their 'facts', or My personal favourite questions for 'em, 'Why?,' and 'What are you going to do about it?'

Termyn8or -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:32:50 PM)
Well, in my case I don't know if the lifestyle has anything to do with it but I handle salespeople waaaay differently than others. I never buy what they are selling. I was taught that a good product for the right price sells itself. I know the tricks of the trade, and if I were a salesman I probably would have sensed your dominance, and handled you a different way. I would've forgotten about smalltalk and stuck with strictly business. But then that's me. If he was with you I would not look at you to determine this, I would look at him. Dead giveaway, even without kink. If he were the dominant one, your eyes would flash to his, but float back to mine. This is not always kinky people. In some families the Woman "wears the pants" so to speak, it is not really all that different. Once you expressed that you would then maybe replace the ring, I would go get about three very similar ones and put them in front of you and asked "Do any of these strike your fancy ma'am ?". Dominant people have an air about them. It is not magical or anything like that, it is just in the words you choose and the way you use them. Your tone of voice and manner betrays your dominant personality to those who can tell. For example, does a customer such as you bring out the ring and say "This ring has importance to me", or did they look right in your eyes and say that, and then produce the ring ? I hate to psychoanalyse people, but you have to in business. I don't sell, I refuse to take a job selling. Maybe if I were starving, but ....... It is not an easy job if you want to be good at it. And there is just about no help. People who are really good at it are naturals, like it is born into them. In a way it is submissiveness if you think about it. Dominant salepeople can succeed as well, although they have to keep that out of it. Just an opinion, more dominant salespeople do better at selling big things, like houses and tracts of land. This is just personal observation in my little corner of the world. T

Paulsgirl -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:34:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet My husband and I went shopping this afternoon. I lost some stones from my wedding/engagement ring and the company I bought it from won't repair or replace it unless I can produce the original receipt. Yea, right. Seven years and two moves later, it's not likely but I'll give it a hell of a try. Anyway, while fighting with the company I've been looking at new rings because it will cost more to repair the old ring than to buy a new one. Even more to re-set the stones because there are a lot of bagette diamonds which are (I'm told) difficult to find the right size setting for. I went into another one of those mall jewelry stores today and the young lady started off with a lot of questions about the cane I'm currently using. Was it an antique? Her mom collected them of course. I mentioned my husband and I had been through a lot since we'd been married. She tried to pry details from me in an effort to forge some sort of bond. I know the game and I can smell it a mile away when they try it. On the way home, I mentioned to my husband that she didn't realize she was dealing with a domme. I say that because my husband and I feel that probably the most important thing to learn about becoming a domme is learning to "read" people. He mentioned that I wasn't always this way, and when I thought about it I knew he was right. Years ago I would probably have answered all her questions and she would have known half my life story before I left. Now don't get the impression that I was rude to her. I was very pleasant and she ended up telling me all about herself, her husband, the new harley he bought, the jewelry she bought while working at the store -especially after her husband bought the harley. LOL After a while she called the manager over to 'help us look'. I believe she sensed she wasn't getting anywhere. I've had this sort of thing happen before and I was just wondering if any of you have. And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this. Mistress Scarlet yes: my bdsm primary demeanor makes me understand that in general shop assisstants know nothing about service.

DMFParadox -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 10:54:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds nope; they're people just like me, and judging by the story you just told, i would have read it more as someone that meant every word they said to you, and then referred you to someone else once they thought they may had crossed a line and offended you. i also feel that females tend to try to read more into things that aren't really there, such as in your case, though i've been wrong before. The question wasn't whether her read of the salesgirl was correct; that is debatable, from both perspectives. The topic was, 'Did her BDSM experiences change MstrssScarlet's relations with vanilla, and do yours?' Which in her case definitely happened. In mine too. I definitely have a lower tolerance for some varieties of bullshit than I used to, and a higher level of patience for other kinds of things that used to bother me. And I'm also much more able to express my agressive side in public in a good way; sort of like having stronger muscles helps you to hold things more gently. I would say that BDSM has had a very positive effect on my ability to deal with anybody--vanilla or otherwise, but time will tell.

MstrssScarlet -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 11:16:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Termyn8or Well, in my case I don't know if the lifestyle has anything to do with it but I handle salespeople waaaay differently than others. I never buy what they are selling. I was taught that a good product for the right price sells itself. I know the tricks of the trade, and if I were a salesman I probably would have sensed your dominance, and handled you a different way. I would've forgotten about smalltalk and stuck with strictly business. But then that's me. If he was with you I would not look at you to determine this, I would look at him. Dead giveaway, even without kink. If he were the dominant one, your eyes would flash to his, but float back to mine. This is not always kinky people. In some families the Woman "wears the pants" so to speak, it is not really all that different. Once you expressed that you would then maybe replace the ring, I would go get about three very similar ones and put them in front of you and asked "Do any of these strike your fancy ma'am ?". Dominant people have an air about them. It is not magical or anything like that, it is just in the words you choose and the way you use them. Your tone of voice and manner betrays your dominant personality to those who can tell. For example, does a customer such as you bring out the ring and say "This ring has importance to me", or did they look right in your eyes and say that, and then produce the ring ? I hate to psychoanalyse people, but you have to in business. I don't sell, I refuse to take a job selling. Maybe if I were starving, but ....... It is not an easy job if you want to be good at it. And there is just about no help. People who are really good at it are naturals, like it is born into them. In a way it is submissiveness if you think about it. Dominant salepeople can succeed as well, although they have to keep that out of it. Just an opinion, more dominant salespeople do better at selling big things, like houses and tracts of land. This is just personal observation in my little corner of the world. T All very interesting. My husband (also dominant) was wandering around the store while I looked. Eventually he even left the store because he knew I wanted room to shop for just the right one. She did at one point ask where he was, but by then he was gone. He only came back in when I asked if he would come over and show me his ring so I could see if it matched. My submissive is in sales for a moving firm. He's extremely good at what he does and is very good at reading people himself. One day I was sitting across from him in an overstuffed chair, trying not to let on that I was in a great deal of pain. We were both watching television. He suddenly looked over and asked me what was wrong and if I was hurting again. I lied and told him I was just fine. He called my bluff. I asked him why he didn't believe me. He told me "It's your body language. If I were trying to make a sale to you and you were sitting like that, I would close my briefcase and leave". Mistress Scarlet

petpete -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/1/2008 11:21:22 PM)
Well i found out that since i've joined this group and met some people i now view vanilla people from a different prospective. on relationship ways. BD&SM has changed me completely as a person

Justme696 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 2:19:31 AM)
I don't use the lifestyle. I am just who I am...in and outside. But I am beware others, "vanilla" , won't kneel for me. We choose this way, not them and we should respekt it. In my job..I use my strictness...I am resolute...to the point ( a bit to much) and more of those similar things. They work for me. at Op; I still hope your ring will be fixed :) It caused this nice topic ;)

Skully7000 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 3:01:36 AM)
I am much more aware of people trying to "top from the bottom" (in vanilla terms: manipulative?) I've alwasy been a good leader when given the responsibility. but now I'm a much better leader Knowing when to Take the responsibility. I've also learned to be much more direct and to the point when it comes to handling business. I've slipped into Dom headspace a few times while managing employees...luckily I didn't have any toys in my hands when it has happened...

christine1 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 3:33:22 AM)
since realizing i'm submissive and figuring more and more things about myself in that regard, i've become more strong willed in the vanilla world. finding the sumbissive niche for myself has helped me become more confident and i'm proud of that.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 3:51:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 since realizing i'm submissive and figuring more and more things about myself in that regard, i've become more strong willed in the vanilla world. finding the sumbissive niche for myself has helped me become more confident and i'm proud of that. I completely understand. I've found that becoming comfortable in my skin and in what's in my head shows as confidence and that confidence is like a magnet for people.

christine1 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 4:22:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 I completely understand. I've found that becoming comfortable in my skin and in what's in my head shows as confidence and that confidence is like a magnet for people. someone understands me? [sm=flowers.gif] ~~grabs aileens hand...c'mon, let's skip!~~

Aileen1968 -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 4:28:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 I completely understand. I've found that becoming comfortable in my skin and in what's in my head shows as confidence and that confidence is like a magnet for people. someone understands me? [sm=flowers.gif] ~~grabs aileens hand...c'mon, let's skip!~~ Yeah...every now and then I have a moment of clarity.

TysGalilah -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 4:50:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet I went into another one of those mall jewelry stores today and the young lady started off with a lot of questions about the cane I'm currently using. Was it an antique? Her mom collected them of course. You say "of course" like you doubt her truthfulness...perhaps she was just interested in something stikingly beautiful..she does work in a jewelery store after all. I mentioned my husband and I had been through a lot since we'd been married. She tried to pry details from me in an effort to forge some sort of bond. Well YOU did bring it up by "mentioning that you and your husband had been through alot" ...perhaps she was just attempting to be interested ...why do you immediately assume it was to forge a bond or manipulate your head???? I know the game and I can smell it a mile away when they try it. ORRRR she could have just been a friendly person who's a bit talkative....I imagine that position ( sales in a mall jewelry strore) is pretty competitive and one needs an edge..perhaps hers is friendliness and getting to know the customer and make them feel individual ( if nothing else).... On the way home, I mentioned to my husband that she didn't realize she was dealing with a domme. I don't think I understand this comment................?? You were wanting her her treat you a certain way because you have a preference in the role(domme) your have in your chosen relationships??? why would that be important for anyone on the street to understand or detect????????? I say that because my husband and I feel that probably the most important thing to learn about becoming a domme is learning to "read" people.Interesting...because in my relationship with Tyson > I am his submissive..>> and he says I have quite a knack for reading people...perhaps it isn't limited to the Dtypes : ) He mentioned that I wasn't always this way, and when I thought about it I knew he was right. Years ago I would probably have answered all her questions and she would have known half my life story before I left. Now don't get the impression that I was rude to her. I was very pleasant and she ended up telling me all about herself, her husband, the new harley he bought, the jewelry she bought while working at the store -especially after her husband bought the harley. LOL Sounds like a friendly person who was adding to a conversation YOU kept going, by adding your own tidbits of information. After a while she called the manager over to 'help us look'. I believe she sensed she wasn't getting anywhere. Probably something she has been instructed to do by her boss, if she feels someone is going to leave without a sale. Might not have anything to do with her trying to manipulate you. I've had this sort of thing happen before and I was just wondering if any of you have. And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this. I had 15 years of customer service work myself. No, not in a mall store or retail, and so I cannot relate to her job personally BUT I do know it does takes a helpful, friendly, communicative person to be successful at it(customer service work). You know the saying> "walk a mile in my moccassins" ???Perhaps it IS from my years of CSR work, but I do treat people in those positions with extra patience and understanding> they have a tough job sometimes and take alot of flack and pressure from people. THEY are the ones on the front line and often times when its not "their fault or responsibility" they get front line fire. My 21 yr old daughter is like that with waiters or waitresses, having been one herself before she became a Pet Nurse. SHE is the one who strikes up the casual conversation and asks them "hows your day?"? gets them to talking..... Personally, I enjoy friendliness. And it really has never crossed my mind that its them trying to manipulate or challenge my dominance... We all have jobs ( well most of us ) and we all have to find a way to like what we do ( makes having one much easier) ...perhaps that was her way of enjoying her day while she was working... Mistress Scarlet

DesFIP -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 5:16:24 AM)
I don't see how becoming stronger and more private has anything to do with your sexuality. It usually just happens when you mature. Most of us become more able to set appropriate boundaries. I don't think the sales clerk will be doing the same in twenty years herself. And some people do collect canes. My stepmother bought some to put in an umbrella stand, she's obsessive decorating wise and doesn't like the look of empty umbrella stands. I'm sure they were never used for anything else since the same three have been there day in and day out for twenty years.

Padriag -> RE: Does being in the lifestyle affect how you deal with vanillas? (3/2/2008 5:31:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet I've had this sort of thing happen before and I was just wondering if any of you have. And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this. No. I'm pretty much the same person I've basically always been. I don't treat "vanillas" any differently than I have ever treated people. Neither do I generally treat "kinky" people any differently, whether submissive or dominant, kinky or vanilla... you are all still people. I take pretty much everyone as an individual in my personal dealings and approach more or less everyone with the same basic etiquette. That only changes after I know the person somewhat and how it changes depends directly on them. This "lifestyle" hasn't changed that.

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