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Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 9:43:57 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
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From: This month? Maryland
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Something just occurred to me a moment ago: I've never been in a vanilla relationship. You would think I'd have realized it before but for some reason it just struck me as a funny thought out of nowhere. I started thinking about how odd this was but also how lucky I've been in some ways that I have never had to struggle with why a vanilla relationship wasn't right for me since I've never had one. I started wondering how common this is or am I actually quite in the minority?

To clarify, yes, everything from my first kiss onward has been in the context of a D/s relationship. My relationship with my current partner is most definitely the closest thing to vanilla I've ever experienced and we've got a Daddy/girl dynamic (I'm the Daddy for those who were wondering.)

Anyone else have similar experiences?

edited...typos

< Message edited by DominaSmartass -- 2/20/2008 9:53:57 PM >

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 9:46:53 PM

breatheasone

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No sorry...I didn't even find out about this until about 2 1/2 years ago

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 9:58:37 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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me neither.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:01:20 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
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From: This month? Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

me neither.

To clarify, you have only recently found out about this? Or you have never been in a vanilla relationship? I don't think it's the former, judging by your posts but the reply to Breatheasone confused me.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:05:52 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

My whole life is a similar experience. I've NEVER been in a non-bdsm relationship. Even when I started out in non-bdsm relationships, they turned into bdsm relationships.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:42:59 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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Not all my relationships, but the vast majority of them have been with submissives. I seem to accidentally find these types and they are also attracted to me, but I’m sure there is something at work in me making this happen as it is in them.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:51:13 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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quote:

To clarify, you have only recently found out about this? Or you have never been in a vanilla relationship?

i have never been in a vanillia relationship....not for lack of trying my damndest, but it never worked....it was like wearing my dads suit...it did not fit and i looked like a fool. latex fits me, leather fits me, and god knows rope fits me...

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:58:47 PM

obagaar

Posts: 46
Joined: 1/22/2008
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I'm exactly the same. Screw Vanilla. Its a boring flavour anyhoo.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 11:19:38 PM

MurfB

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Joined: 4/10/2006
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I tend to draw the relationship away from the "vanilla," since it bores me that way. But most of the relationships I have would still probably be considered vanilla by some people.

(in reply to obagaar)

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:44:33 AM

PrincessEllie

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I don't think I have either. I'm not counting the boys I "dated" in middle/high school though. I dont suppose them really count.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:53:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I was definitely in a vanilla relationship before this- even got engaged for awhile. Then it was all Ms, all the way.

Until my partner, we're kinky switches who happen to be in a vanilla relationship together :)

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:55:02 AM

Shawn1066

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I've never been in a vanilla relationship either. Everything...everything from my first kiss all the way up has been courtesy of my Owner. Which is exactly what I was waiting for. I decided a long, long time ago I was going to wait for the right relationship for any of that. A touch strange, I know.

DV's Fox

(in reply to PrincessEllie)

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:57:07 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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I find it odd that people have never ever been in a vanilla relationship. I did not have a boyfriend in junior or high school but when I did date it was nearly always vanilla.My dating experience did not leap out of the gate with a dominant, that didn't happen until my very late teens.The build up, the beginning dates such as homecoming or prom (fine fine fine I wasn't invited to those) would have been vanilla as well. It could be due in part to the era, there was no internet and absolutely no sort of community or public resource to learn about BDSM. It was a solitary pursuit for years.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:58:13 AM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
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All of my relationships as an adult have been BDSM related. It is so nice to have not had to deal with the struggles. Personally, I would rather be single and alone than in a vanilla relationship. Luckily for me, I was never single long. :-)

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:10:31 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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i can offer nothing to a person in vanilla. so never had one and never will. bdsm only.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:15:08 AM

greyangelus

Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

I'm in the "Never had a vanilla relationship" category too. Never had a serious relationship at all come to think of it.

I did go out on a few dates with vanilla's in high school, including one extremely confused catholic girl who couldn't decide if she wanted to be a nun or give it her rather high libido (Note to others; never go out with a woman who professes serious interest in becoming a nun).

(in reply to MsIncontrol)

Post #: 16

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:17:58 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Something just occurred to me a moment ago: I've never been in a vanilla relationship. You would think I'd have realized it before but for some reason it just struck me as a funny thought out of nowhere. I started thinking about how odd this was but also how lucky I've been in some ways that I have never had to struggle with why a vanilla relationship wasn't right for me since I've never had one. I started wondering how common this is or am I actually quite in the minority?

To clarify, yes, everything from my first kiss onward has been in the context of a D/s relationship. My relationship with my current partner is most definitely the closest thing to vanilla I've ever experienced and we've got a Daddy/girl dynamic (I'm the Daddy for those who were wondering.)

Anyone else have similar experiences?

edited...typos

I did some really casual dating when I was in high school but I was way to focused for any relationships - and I discovered BDSM at 18 so my first relationship and subsequent relationships have all been BDSM or M/s based. So no, you aren't alone.

C~

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:24:14 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Never had a serious relationship that was regular but had relationships until I came into this life at almost twenty-one.

I did have a casual fling after my former Master and I broke up but before I was ready to be in a serious relationship. I would freak her out a little bit by certain actions just ingrained in me and often found myself very frustrated.

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:36:24 AM

burningdesires47

Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
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I've never been in a relationship that did not, at some point, offer some level of kink.... but then I seriously doubt that anyone ever has. If you looked at every relationship in the history of ever, I sincerely doubt there would ever be a single one in which you could not pull out at least ONE moment that a majority of people would think was kinky. That is to say, every relationship has its moments of kink. If ever there was a relationship between two people that was romantic and sexual where at least one person didn't feel at least once that feeling of "ooh, dirty" and grinned... or at least thought that what they were doing was wrong/abnormal and did it anyway to mutual enjoyment... I will eat my hat. Seriously. Altho admittedly there's no way to prove that, so my fedora is safe.

That being said, I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than two dates that started out kinky. All my lasting relationships have been fairly vanilla, in the sense that there was no D/s aspect for more than mere moments at a time. It took me a while to figure out that these bondage fantasies and inclinations were not "normal" though... and I thought spanking was just a part of sex (a very enjoyable part of sex). Even anal (at least, PIA sex) is considered pretty vanilla these days, because it lets girls pretend they're not REALLY having sex/losing their virginity, but letting guys feel like the girls are still putting out. But most people would describe anal as kinky, still, despite it being pretty normal. (Altho as a side thought, the fact that most of these same girls who are virgins still but will have anal sex, will also NOT have anal sex once they're married/no longer virgins. It blows my mind.)

But I also never struggled with the feeling of these desires being wrong. When the realization came that what I'd been doing or fantasizing about for years was not actually normal, I shrugged and moved on. Haven't yet met a person who wasn't open to them. So the only part that makes it a "kinky relationship" in my mind is the D/s. And I haven't had a lasting relationship with that yet.

(in reply to greyangelus)

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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 10:24:27 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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I've never had a completely vanilla partner, but I have been in relationships that only included s/m, not D/s.

I think there are probably more people who tried vanilla relationships first than those who have not. It seems like those who missed growing up with the internet tend to find kink relationships later in life.

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