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RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 10:29:58 AM   
bleusparkles


Posts: 168
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline 		The girl I just broke up with was vanilla. And the last serious guy before her was vanilla, though he desperately wanted to be otherwise. (He had the silly idea that the only way to be a MAN would be if he owned a woman ...)

Before them, I'd only dated D/s ... And I really believed that I could only be with a D/s kinky person ... Now, I believe otherwise. I fall in love with a person's soul, not their packaging and not their kink.


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bleu's a bit whimsical in the brainpan ...

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 12:19:09 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Every relationship I have had has involved this in some way.  Including innocent dating when I was a child had a basis of power and control to it.  I thought everyone did this until I discovered I was perverted when I found the internet.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 2:42:48 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Yeah...my first two marriages we Ds...or at least I was trying to make the Ds...but I was on the wrong side of the slash. However, it wasn't a conscious decision for the relationship to be Ds, only my attempts to be a submissive Christian wife.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 2:59:41 PM   
sublibrarian


Posts: 96
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		I've been in plenty of vanilla relationships, although some of them involved at least some play with things like bondage, spanking, etc. I've known that kink turned me on from a young age, but I didn't think in terms of developing a relationship based on that. I'm currently in a vanilla relationship with my boyfriend, but I get the D/s side of me satisfied with my Dom (the joys of being polyamorous!) Granted, I can get pretty frustrated by the vanilla sex at times. (I think it's because my boyfriend would make a great sub, so you get two people in bed neither of whom wants to take control of the situation!) The only other relationship I've had with notable bdsm components to it was with a guy who wanted to be sub, and alas, I'm definitely sub myself. We played around at switching but it wasn't very satisfying. For the most part, bdsm has been something I play at, rather than something I am. Only over the past several months have I experienced being dommed on a regular basis. (And I'm loving it.)

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 3:02:52 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Been in both. You probably have to do a little more sorting on this side of the fence.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 6:07:54 PM   
YourDomNow


Posts: 4170
Joined: 1/24/2008
From: originally TX, now PA
Status: offline 		Is interesting to see how many women have never had Vanilla relationships....I tend to agree with someone earlier that said......before we had internet, there werent too many resources or outlets to learn about this....I spent my military years in Germany in the early 90s, learning from some Europeans what the BDSM life was like..then carried it over once I came stateside, and have been involved in it in some respect ever since.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 6:19:33 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: obagaar

I'm exactly the same. Screw Vanilla. Its a boring flavour anyhoo.


Funny. If you talk people not inclined towards BDSM, they say the same thing about BDSM.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to obagaar)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 6:21:26 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

All my relationships have had an unspoken element of power exchange. The problem is that I was the one in control. I don't how things would have turned out if that hadn't been case - It caused me to realize that I was frustrated in that kind of relationship.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 6:45:30 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I've dated "vanilla" ladies, but I always seem to wake up some buried feelings in them or scare them away. Throwing them over my shoulder and ravishing them is one clue. My fascination with their ass as they lay over my lap (boy do some ladies freak out when you spank them the first time). Oh yea, your suppose to negotiate that first (damn barbarians). Grabbing their hair and ripping off their clothes is another I guess. (I've had to replace a lot of outfits). I just can't help what I am.

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I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 7:06:50 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

I've dated "vanilla" ladies, but I always seem to wake up some buried feelings in them or scare them away. Throwing them over my shoulder and ravishing them is one clue. My fascination with their ass as they lay over my lap (boy do some ladies freak out when you spank them the first time). Oh yea, your suppose to negotiate that first (damn barbarians). Grabbing their hair and ripping off their clothes is another I guess. (I've had to replace a lot of outfits). I just can't help what I am.


Did that post disturb anyone else?

Anyway, thanks for all the responses. I am probably one of the more rare cases because I really did not date in high school and like Shawn, had everything from first kiss onward be in the context of a D/s relationship to one extent or another. I should have clarified however that my definition of "vanilla" includes both lacking in BDSM play and lacking in a D/s or power exchange dynamic. I've had relationships where one is present or both but never a relationship without either. Not even casual dating (since I never did that.) If my current relationship where to (gods forbid) end, I don't believe I would ever seek out a partner in a vanilla context. But then again, I also fall in love with people in their entirety and not cause of their kink, as someone mentioned above. Good point there.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 7:24:12 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass
Did that post disturb anyone else?


It bothers me. But, one must learn to live with the voices in one's head.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:00:42 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		Since you didn't really ask a definition or anything like that but more personal experiences, I will reply before I read all the responses, so as not to confuse myself.

While I have been in vanilla rel. many times, they all seemed to get streched to at least strawberry. I have known, if not understood, that I am dominant by nature. All the relationships I have been in were "experimental" towards this, without the titles of BDSM. I always seemed to lure/coax my partners into new and adventurous things. This is what I do. The new. The different. The untested. It has always worked for me, as it is surely working DAMN well for us now!
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Something just occurred to me a moment ago: I've never been in a vanilla relationship. You would think I'd have realized it before but for some reason it just struck me as a funny thought out of nowhere. I started thinking about how odd this was but also how lucky I've been in some ways that I have never had to struggle with why a vanilla relationship wasn't right for me since I've never had one. I started wondering how common this is or am I actually quite in the minority?

To clarify, yes, everything from my first kiss onward has been in the context of a D/s relationship. My relationship with my current partner is most definitely the closest thing to vanilla I've ever experienced and we've got a Daddy/girl dynamic (I'm the Daddy for those who were wondering.)

Anyone else have similar experiences?


edited...typos


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"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 32
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