Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 9:43:57 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

Something just occurred to me a moment ago: I've never been in a vanilla relationship. You would think I'd have realized it before but for some reason it just struck me as a funny thought out of nowhere. I started thinking about how odd this was but also how lucky I've been in some ways that I have never had to struggle with why a vanilla relationship wasn't right for me since I've never had one. I started wondering how common this is or am I actually quite in the minority?

To clarify, yes, everything from my first kiss onward has been in the context of a D/s relationship. My relationship with my current partner is most definitely the closest thing to vanilla I've ever experienced and we've got a Daddy/girl dynamic (I'm the Daddy for those who were wondering.)

Anyone else have similar experiences?

edited...typos

< Message edited by DominaSmartass -- 2/20/2008 9:53:57 PM >

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

Post #: 1

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 9:46:53 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

No sorry...I didn't even find out about this until about 2 1/2 years ago

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 2

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 9:58:37 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

me neither.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 3

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:01:20 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

me neither.

To clarify, you have only recently found out about this? Or you have never been in a vanilla relationship? I don't think it's the former, judging by your posts but the reply to Breatheasone confused me.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 4

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:05:52 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

My whole life is a similar experience. I've NEVER been in a non-bdsm relationship. Even when I started out in non-bdsm relationships, they turned into bdsm relationships.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 5

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:42:59 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Not all my relationships, but the vast majority of them have been with submissives. I seem to accidentally find these types and they are also attracted to me, but I’m sure there is something at work in me making this happen as it is in them.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 6

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:51:13 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

To clarify, you have only recently found out about this? Or you have never been in a vanilla relationship?

i have never been in a vanillia relationship....not for lack of trying my damndest, but it never worked....it was like wearing my dads suit...it did not fit and i looked like a fool. latex fits me, leather fits me, and god knows rope fits me...

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 7

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 10:58:47 PM

obagaar

Posts: 46
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

I'm exactly the same. Screw Vanilla. Its a boring flavour anyhoo.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 8

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/20/2008 11:19:38 PM

MurfB

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline

I tend to draw the relationship away from the "vanilla," since it bores me that way. But most of the relationships I have would still probably be considered vanilla by some people.

(in reply to obagaar)

Post #: 9

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:44:33 AM

PrincessEllie

Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline

I don't think I have either. I'm not counting the boys I "dated" in middle/high school though. I dont suppose them really count.

_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

http://www.cafepress.com/scenedayware
--Discreet BDSM day clothes--

(in reply to MurfB)

Post #: 10

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:53:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I was definitely in a vanilla relationship before this- even got engaged for awhile. Then it was all Ms, all the way.

Until my partner, we're kinky switches who happen to be in a vanilla relationship together :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PrincessEllie)

Post #: 11

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:55:02 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I've never been in a vanilla relationship either. Everything...everything from my first kiss all the way up has been courtesy of my Owner. Which is exactly what I was waiting for. I decided a long, long time ago I was going to wait for the right relationship for any of that. A touch strange, I know.

DV's Fox

(in reply to PrincessEllie)

Post #: 12

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:57:07 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I find it odd that people have never ever been in a vanilla relationship. I did not have a boyfriend in junior or high school but when I did date it was nearly always vanilla.My dating experience did not leap out of the gate with a dominant, that didn't happen until my very late teens.The build up, the beginning dates such as homecoming or prom (fine fine fine I wasn't invited to those) would have been vanilla as well. It could be due in part to the era, there was no internet and absolutely no sort of community or public resource to learn about BDSM. It was a solitary pursuit for years.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 13

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 8:58:13 AM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

All of my relationships as an adult have been BDSM related. It is so nice to have not had to deal with the struggles. Personally, I would rather be single and alone than in a vanilla relationship. Luckily for me, I was never single long. :-)

_____________________________

Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:10:31 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

i can offer nothing to a person in vanilla. so never had one and never will. bdsm only.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to MsIncontrol)

Post #: 15

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:15:08 AM

greyangelus

Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

I'm in the "Never had a vanilla relationship" category too. Never had a serious relationship at all come to think of it.

I did go out on a few dates with vanilla's in high school, including one extremely confused catholic girl who couldn't decide if she wanted to be a nun or give it her rather high libido (Note to others; never go out with a woman who professes serious interest in becoming a nun).

(in reply to MsIncontrol)

Post #: 16

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:17:58 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Something just occurred to me a moment ago: I've never been in a vanilla relationship. You would think I'd have realized it before but for some reason it just struck me as a funny thought out of nowhere. I started thinking about how odd this was but also how lucky I've been in some ways that I have never had to struggle with why a vanilla relationship wasn't right for me since I've never had one. I started wondering how common this is or am I actually quite in the minority?

To clarify, yes, everything from my first kiss onward has been in the context of a D/s relationship. My relationship with my current partner is most definitely the closest thing to vanilla I've ever experienced and we've got a Daddy/girl dynamic (I'm the Daddy for those who were wondering.)

Anyone else have similar experiences?

edited...typos

I did some really casual dating when I was in high school but I was way to focused for any relationships - and I discovered BDSM at 18 so my first relationship and subsequent relationships have all been BDSM or M/s based. So no, you aren't alone.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 17

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:24:14 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Never had a serious relationship that was regular but had relationships until I came into this life at almost twenty-one.

I did have a casual fling after my former Master and I broke up but before I was ready to be in a serious relationship. I would freak her out a little bit by certain actions just ingrained in me and often found myself very frustrated.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 18

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 9:36:24 AM

burningdesires47

Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

I've never been in a relationship that did not, at some point, offer some level of kink.... but then I seriously doubt that anyone ever has. If you looked at every relationship in the history of ever, I sincerely doubt there would ever be a single one in which you could not pull out at least ONE moment that a majority of people would think was kinky. That is to say, every relationship has its moments of kink. If ever there was a relationship between two people that was romantic and sexual where at least one person didn't feel at least once that feeling of "ooh, dirty" and grinned... or at least thought that what they were doing was wrong/abnormal and did it anyway to mutual enjoyment... I will eat my hat. Seriously. Altho admittedly there's no way to prove that, so my fedora is safe.

That being said, I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than two dates that started out kinky. All my lasting relationships have been fairly vanilla, in the sense that there was no D/s aspect for more than mere moments at a time. It took me a while to figure out that these bondage fantasies and inclinations were not "normal" though... and I thought spanking was just a part of sex (a very enjoyable part of sex). Even anal (at least, PIA sex) is considered pretty vanilla these days, because it lets girls pretend they're not REALLY having sex/losing their virginity, but letting guys feel like the girls are still putting out. But most people would describe anal as kinky, still, despite it being pretty normal. (Altho as a side thought, the fact that most of these same girls who are virgins still but will have anal sex, will also NOT have anal sex once they're married/no longer virgins. It blows my mind.)

But I also never struggled with the feeling of these desires being wrong. When the realization came that what I'd been doing or fantasizing about for years was not actually normal, I shrugged and moved on. Haven't yet met a person who wasn't open to them. So the only part that makes it a "kinky relationship" in my mind is the D/s. And I haven't had a lasting relationship with that yet.

(in reply to greyangelus)

Post #: 19

RE: Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship - 2/21/2008 10:24:27 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I've never had a completely vanilla partner, but I have been in relationships that only included s/m, not D/s.

I think there are probably more people who tried vanilla relationships first than those who have not. It seems like those who missed growing up with the internet tend to find kink relationships later in life.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Never Been in a Vanilla Relationship

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.096