RE: Trust Techniques

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Trust Techniques

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Trust Techniques

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:35:57 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

As others have said.......it comes with time and getting to know one another.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 21

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:39:10 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Pay their bills on time, show up on time, say no when they can't, yes when they can, follow through, and most importantly, own their mistakes.

THAT is what real trust is built on.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 22

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 11:51:43 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Badone: very fun, hoods run 4-500 bucks for good ones and if you are going to do it to your girl dont leave her alone, even if you want to make her think that you are, freak outs can come on suddenly and thrashing can make you hurt your self badly.

if a freak out occurs, stay calm and in a very stern voice tell them you will NOT cut a 400 dollar hood off them, , slap them if that is part of your dynamic, but dont panic, that will only exacerbate their panic...

Thanks for the tips.

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 23

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 11:54:20 AM

OnyxDelphi

Posts: 138
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

Thank you all so very much for your awseome advice.

However, I do want to say, that "trust" in and of itself is not a problem for me. I'm very patient and logical, so no wories there.

What I'm looking for are scene suggestions in which the "gaining of trust" would be an added bonus.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 24

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 12:19:58 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

if its a new play partner. I often start by Talking/walking them through everything I am doing. I add in anything i notice. Precautions I'm taking considerations that I'm making based on that particular person as an individual.

it has worked wonders to put the sub at ease helping me get them into Subspace quite quickly. bare in mind almost of these scenes involved me performing some form of Rope bondage so that gives me some time before I start any hitting or anything.
usually after all the rope is in place a quick jerk around a bit keeping them just barely off balance... it starts taking me out of my nurturing nature and brings out the devilish/sadistic/playful side.

but the point being that I ease them into the scene with reassurance of facts not just "its going to be ok" "you can trust me"
"I'm going to tie you this way because you obviously work out alot and if i put your arms back in this position you might wind up loosing circulation and I don't want to end the scene early for something that could be so easily fixed" works much better for me.
Cheers
Skully

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 25

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 12:31:37 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I feel you were very clear that you wnted techniques and folks ignored that

I also think blades inspire trust ESP if the sub can watch

Intergation scenes seem to activate the primal need to trust in me but I always trust the person I do that with a lot first

Isolation goes both ways for me

Any time I am brought tears. That symbolizes huge trust for me
Animal play and age play also are yummy for developing trust

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 26

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 12:54:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
I feel you were very clear that you wnted techniques and folks ignored that

No, I just know what works and what doesn't. Building trust in a scene doesn't help build trust in a relationship.

There can be great moments in a scene where you reflect and go "Wow, we really are there baby" but I've never known that to happen through planning- it's always a spontaneous reflection on what IS between those involved.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 27

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 12:59:35 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

Take a ropes course together (the vanilla kind). :)
It's a lot of fun!

That kind of team building activity is going to build trust - the Adventure Bound kinds of stuff. And, did I mention that it's really, really fun?

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 28

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 4:27:15 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi

So, you have a sub/slave and you want to do scenes or give them orders/tasks that will help develop her/his trust (and reliance) in (on) you.

What would be some things you would do?

I heard of an interesting thing on CM a long time ago about you could as blindfold them for a day and have them rely on you to guide them, therefore planting the seed of trust.

-Master Fiik

Introduce her to some wonderful, formidable, good-hearted people who have been your friends for many years. Let her get to know these people and let them to get to know her.

Help her investigate aspects of herself or the world which she may view as currently out of reach (which have nothing to do with kink.) And let her help you in similar ways.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 29

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 4:30:43 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi

Thank you all so very much for your awseome advice.

However, I do want to say, that "trust" in and of itself is not a problem for me. I'm very patient and logical, so no wories there.

What I'm looking for are scene suggestions in which the "gaining of trust" would be an added bonus.

Well for any scene trust would be bonus of course. This question is very much like all your other questions on punishment. You seek an answer you will not get here and don't listen when the overwhelming response isn't what you want to hear. You can't build trust with a scene. You build trust by being trustworthy, period. There are no gimmicks or shortcuts to human emotions.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 30

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 4:58:23 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi

So, you have a sub/slave and you want to do scenes or give them orders/tasks that will help develop her/his trust (and reliance) in (on) you.

What would be some things you would do?

I heard of an interesting thing on CM a long time ago about you could as blindfold them for a day and have them rely on you to guide them, therefore planting the seed of trust.

-Master Fiik

My Master plans on blind folding me for a whole day and night in the not too distant future...I am looking forward to the opportunity to grow with Him. It seems most things He and I do together brings Us something more than We had before.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 31

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 5:05:44 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi

What would be some things you would do?

I would be trustworthy. Does this really need to be more complicated than that?

If you want to be trusted, be someone she can trust.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 32

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 5:21:52 PM

quinnny

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Try stopping before you get to the edge of the cliff.

The alternatives tend to be messy...and don't seem to engender trust for some strange reason.

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 33

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/21/2008 1:34:39 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I really think the problem here stems from how people are reading the OP. To Me, it pretty clearly refers to trust in the sense of reliance, not overall trust in the person in terms of the relationship. The OP has said several times that He understands that r'ship trust cannot be rushed. However, having a sub truly rely on you for something ... being made to feel entirely vulnerable ... is a different thing. Many subs here say how self-reliant they can be ... and that's fine in everyday life. But sometimes a Dominant wants to give them the experience of being entirely vulnerable, of having to totally rely on the Dominant.

For that kind of experience, some of the trust and team-building exercises used in the vanilla world can be very helpful. i have a problem with heights, especially with swaying bridges. The only way Master could get me out onto one river bridge to see the view was to blindfold me and lead me out there on my collar and leash. Not only did i feel entirely safe (i already had a lot of personal trust in Him), i enjoyed the view ... and wow, it was hot and exciting! Best thing was, when some general public looked at Us a bit curiously, He just said "It's a trust exercise" and no one batted an eyelid! i was all for repeating it saying i needed more practise LOL ... but He said i was just cashing in

Blindfold walks are a good way of experiencing reliance. There are many variations on this theme, from being guided by a sighted partner verbally, perhaps pretending to walk through a "mine field" made up of scattered (soft!) objects, to being physically maneouvred in total silence to being guided only by a pre-determined pressure code of their fingers on your hand. Having once had a dog go blind (and he was amazingly smart, (taught himself the meaning of left, right, turn around, wrong way, stop and TREE!) and trusting he would dash round the park in a full run!) ... I was upset with My then hsub who was getting nastily impatient with him. So I took him (the hsub that is!) to a play party ... before he went in (very familiar venue and crowd) I blindfolded him. Then once inside I announced to all that he was going to be blindfolded for the night, so please give him whatever help they deemed appropriate. Well ... they were all so helpful they all began yelling at once LOL ... and boy, did hsub get pissed off. By the end of the night he was MEGA pissed off as it had severely curtailed his usual socialite (he was a CD ... Stand & Model type) activities. It wasn't till I got him home that I released the blindfold and pointed to Raffy the dog ... who had, as usual, found his way to the door to greet Us with happy smile and wagging tail. Boy was THAT a lesson! He complained bitterly that I should have told him before what My intention was, but I truly don't think it would have been anywhere near as effective if I had done so. And besides, it gave him lots of opportunity to get all his malicious thoughts about Me over and done with in one night LOL! I know what he was thinking ... I heard him muttering "fucking evil Bitch" under his breath when I was closer to him than he knew LOL! In that session I wasn't looking for him to build his reliance on Me of course ... I DID want him to experience the vulnerability and frustration of blindness. However, as a side effect, when debriefing later, he commented that he also learned a lot about who in the crowd to trust and who not to trust LOL! Some deliberately gave him a bum steer it seems ... oh those wicked sadists!

Another reliance-building experience is being in bondage comfortable enough to sustain over a long period, being given plenty of water to drink, then needing to pee and being told you won't be released but your everso kind sadist will bring you a bowl or a bucket! But I don't think you'll find that on a vanilla trust-building website

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to quinnny)

Post #: 34

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/21/2008 2:05:02 AM

SubmissiveAK

Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi

I heard of an interesting thing on CM a long time ago about you could as blindfold them for a day and have them rely on you to guide them, therefore planting the seed of trust.

-Master Fiik

Variation: Mock it up like they just had eye surgery (bandages, medical tape) and then you can take em out shopping for grocieries/whatever. Even go grab a bite to eat!

Maybe its too close to public humiliation for a early trust building excercise... but you can never build too much trust IMO

~submissiveAK~

P.S> and crouchingtigress... wow

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)

Post #: 35

RE: Trust Techniques - 2/24/2008 7:27:53 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

I know you are looking for techniques, but one thing I wanted to point out as a slave is that no matter what activity you use to instill trust and confidence in her, it is very important for you to follow-through with your words and actions. Stick to your word no matter what, so she will learn to have strong faith that you do what you say. Let her learn to rely on you through your actions.

Good luck!

i believe the word you are looking for is "integrity"

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 36

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Trust Techniques

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.143