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Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:41:38 AM   
OnyxDelphi


Posts: 138
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		So, you have a sub/slave and you want to do scenes or give them orders/tasks that will help develop her/his trust (and reliance) in (on) you.

What would be some things you would do?

I heard of an interesting thing on CM a long time ago about you could as blindfold them for a day and have them rely on you to guide them, therefore planting the seed of trust.

-Master Fiik
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:44:53 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Trust starts with communication.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:47:21 AM   
OnyxDelphi


Posts: 138
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		I agree completely. And that should be something that should already have come before any type of play has begun in an M/s relationship.

So in that degree, I'm good! Ty.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:51:16 AM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		I know you are looking for techniques, but one thing I wanted to point out as a slave is that no matter what activity you use to instill trust and confidence in her, it is very important for you to follow-through with your words and actions.  Stick to your word no matter what, so she will learn to have strong faith that you do what you say.  Let her learn to rely on you through your actions. 

Good luck!

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:52:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Time and experience together are the best ways.  You cannot force lasting trust. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Bound2One)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:53:23 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

So, you have a sub/slave and you want to do scenes or give them orders/tasks that will help develop her/his trust (and reliance) in (on) you.

What would be some things you would do?

OD,
Nothing. I'd let time pass and talk. I allow the person to interact and observe me outside the realm of 'scenes' and let them conclude that I am trust-worthy. No "order/task" can accomplish this goal. There is no short cut.

Trust can't be forced, it has to be developed. I know there are many who would apply tricks and short cuts such as safe-words and documented limits; but unless there is confidence associated with trust they provide false sense of security, an artificial and/or false trust.

Valuing the person should allow for the passage of time to pass for confidence to develop in the trust required. Time serves both sides of the flogger, because its just as important for the Dominant to trust the represented desires of submissive as it is for the submissive to trust the Dominant. 

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:56:05 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I have a lot of trust issues.  I cannot imagine that giving ME something to do would make me trust YOU more.  (The generic "you")

My trust has built in my Dominant through HIS actions, not mine, through his taking things slowly, not pushing me too quickly.

Cali




_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:56:27 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		sensory dep hoods are amazing for that. the one i play with has nothing but a straw sized mouth hole. ears are padded and eyes are too...your entire world becomes you...you and your keeper...every tender action is maganified....bringing you water becomes a religious experiance if you have been in there for a while esp if you are gagged under there.

and should you freak out and not be taken out of it, and just held, and you learn to move through the fear with your keeper, it is transformational.

play safe

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:57:42 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Amy you skeeeer me sometimes.  LOL.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 9:58:21 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah I think trust is developed over time, I mean there are the old silly ones from school were you get the person to fall back into your arms etc etc but thats not real trust thats trust that you wont drop them. Trust grows when knowing that you respect boundries and limits and talk about things, being open and honest. I have always had trust issues if someone breaks my trust once I will never forgive them you learn to trust someone becuase they dont let you down. 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:16:26 AM   
OnyxDelphi


Posts: 138
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your motivating words! Trust is indeed something that genuinely takes time to develop.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

sensory dep hoods are amazing for that. the one i play with has nothing but a straw sized mouth hole. ears are padded and eyes are too...your entire world becomes you...you and your keeper...every tender action is maganified....bringing you water becomes a religious experiance if you have been in there for a while esp if you are gagged under there.

and should you freak out and not be taken out of it, and just held, and you learn to move through the fear with your keeper, it is transformational.

play safe


I love the idea of making a slave blind and "deaf" for x hours! lol

However, besides blindfolds for the eyes, what are some ways to cut off your slave's ability to hear?

Earplugs?

Hell, your ipod?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:20:06 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

and should you freak out and not be taken out of it, and just held, and you learn to move through the fear with your keeper, it is transformational.



Just reading that is amazing. Makes me want to freak, just to be led through it. After that , you could go anywhere. How could you ever worry about freaking out again with them nearby?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:20:25 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Sure time is the key. If you don't have a lot of time and want to play, develop trust by giving guidelines such as safe words, pain levels and NOT using blindfolds.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:21:20 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

sensory dep hoods are amazing for that. the one i play with has nothing but a straw sized mouth hole. ears are padded and eyes are too...your entire world becomes you...you and your keeper...every tender action is maganified....bringing you water becomes a religious experiance if you have been in there for a while esp if you are gagged under there.

and should you freak out and not be taken out of it, and just held, and you learn to move through the fear with your keeper, it is transformational.

play safe


Sounds like fun.  sign me up

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:23:17 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I really don't have much of anything to add that has not already been posted.
  • Honest Communication.
  • Follow through on what you say.
  • Be patient and don't rush or push it.

In terms of communication, be open to listening to what she thinks and feels without passing judgement.   Basically, if she knows she can share with you anything on her mind without fear this goes a very long way.

If you become angry because you are feeling hurt or dissapointed by her, refocus upon your disppointment and not angry.  Let he know when you are disppointed and try not to vent anger out at her.   Basically, keep things honest and straight to the point. It's no angry you are trying to express, it's disappointment.    Don't try to pretend to be happy when you are not.  In short, keep things honest and clean.  

All in all honest communication and make certain you have follow through with your actions.      

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:24:09 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Onyx: earplugs, earphones playing music, padded hoods, and you being silent and only talking in signs....all fun.

cali: *grin*...really? i would like to hear more about that if i could?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:27:22 AM   
michelemybelle


Posts: 8
Status: offline 		I think if you want them to rely on you, you must make yourself "reliable", and sometimes taking something away will only backfire and turn them even further away from you. Honest one on one communication is the only way!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:28:29 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Badone: very fun, hoods run 4-500 bucks for good ones and if you are going to do it to your girl dont leave her alone, even if you want to make her think that you are, freak outs can come on suddenly and thrashing can make you hurt your self badly.

if a freak out occurs, stay calm and in a very stern voice tell them you will NOT cut a 400 dollar hood off them, , slap them if that is part of your dynamic, but dont panic, that will only exacerbate their panic...

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:31:25 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		None of those would instill in me any trust or confidence. The fact that he had to resort to a pre-planned scene to build trust instead of being able to rely on his innate honesty and decency would tell me that it would be a bad idea to trust him outside the scene.

You think before you speak. You do what you promise to do. You don't make rash promises. And you do this everyday with everybody so she can observe and learn to trust you simply through seeing that you don't do stupid things without thinking, that you can control your temper when things are rough, and that you do caring things when she needs them without her needing to beg you for that care. You be the kind of person you want to present yourself as, nothing more and nothing less.

If you really are a trustworthy man, she will come to trust you more and more as she interacts with you more and more. But making a date for 7 and being an hour late because you were gaming won't do it. Neither will screaming and yelling in road rage while you claim to have patience.

There is no short cut. On either side of the slash.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Trust Techniques - 2/20/2008 10:32:59 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
cali: *grin*...really? i would like to hear more about that if i could?


No you can't missy , and don't go lending anything mentioned in this thread to any mutual friend of ours either. 

Cali



_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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