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getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 9:54:43 AM

LadyEllen

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Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
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I have a problem - I just cant get motivated. I'm getting up too late, sitting around doing next to nothing all day (except posting here), missing meals because I cant be bothered to make them and I'm not that hungry anyway, and going to bed late because I cant be bothered to get changed and washed for bed.

Sounds like depression? Well, perhaps it does and thats what I thought - SAD or some such - except that I'm not at all down, I just cant get motivated. And this is a problem because not only is housework stacking up but workwork is stacking up too - OK I own the company so I can set my own schedules, but right now there is no schedule because I have no motivation!

I'm thinking, there are only two real motivators available in my situation. One is fear - but then apart from a few things, I have no one to answer to and things are running along nicely through my employees - no real threat of losing everything if I do little or nothing. Another is desire/ greed, but I have all I want - I'm not a greedy person; I'm quite happy with the paradise I have - a home, food if I want it, warmth, a bed to sleep in, a car and free healthcare. The only thing I lack is a life partner - but then I dont really need one of those either.

I guess that I have achieved everything I wanted, and have security. I have no ambitions left to fulfil and no real fear of losing what I have. Yet I cant go on like this - its boring, non-productive and pointless. And I'm already involved in community stuff through the police, a political party and so on, so there's nothing there either.

So, what could I find to aim for - either to avoid or to achieve? It has to be something big but realistic I'm thinking. What could I find to motivate me when I appear to have achieved secure contentment?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

Post #: 1

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 10:05:56 AM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
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Hello, LadyEllen. First, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I've been through funks like this before and it can be very difficult to find the motivation to move, let alone find the 'next big thing' in your life to focus on.

A question - how long has this been going on? Could it be a 'simple' matter of SAD and if you absolutely forced yourself outside the house once or twice a day for 15 minute walks - might that help? I don't know the weather in England now, but I'm assuming it's gray and damp, same as here in NJ. I love those days I awake and actually see a gorgeous blue sky and the sun. Can't wait for spring.

One possibility - I know you said you are involved in the community - but perhaps you need to look outside of yourself and fulfilling your own needs by helping others more directly than a political party or working with the police. I don't know if you're interested in children or the elderly, but there are a lot of things you could do to help those who are much less fortunate than you. I have heard people talk of how their lives were changed when they were able to positively affect someone's life directly.

Another thing you could think of is - tap into your creative spirit. Is there some type craft or gardening or some such other interest that always interested you, but you never had the time for? For example, I've always wanted to learn piano, but haven't had the funds or time. Perhaps one day.

Or - is there another business you are interested in? Something else you could sink your teeth into and get involved with?

Oh, one more thought - are you getting the sleep you need? I know you said it's hard to get out of bed in the morning, but is it hard to get to sleep at night also? If you're experiencing insomnia, I'd talk to your doc about either meds, biofeedback, relaxation exercises, something to get your sleep onto a regular pattern. Otherwise, you may have a hard time even finding the energy to think about how to continue.

These suggestions may be way off base for you, but without knowing you these were the thoughts that came to mind. I wish you well.

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/17/2008 10:07:28 AM >

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 2

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 10:14:52 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
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Thanks Bound - its really since I went and got my surgery done in mid January; I spent a week in a very nice apartment, on my own with only CNN to keep me company, in a foreign country (albeit one I know quite well). When I returned, I took it easy for a while as two more weeks' recovery are directed - though my work is hardly strenuous. And there's the factor too I suppose that up until I left to get the surgery, I had been working doubly hard since October to cover the time when I wouldnt be able to do what needed to be done. But I dont think its exhaustion or anything like that - its more like I just cant be bothered.

And really, everything I always wanted to do - everything thats achievable that is, because some things just arent - I'm never going to be an astronaut for instance (not that I wanted to be, but just an illustration) - I have done and achieved in. I just cant find anything on which to focus as a new goal that might motivate me all round, and nothing that I can find to fear which might encourage me to get on with stuff that needs doing.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 3

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 11:31:15 AM

Rule

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Joined: 12/5/2005
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Lethargic like me. Can it be a consequence of the surgery?

The europeans are planning a civil war against the muslims. Interested?

You might do something creative.

Gather power.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 4

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 11:35:56 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
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I dont think its the surgery Rule - I had no pain from it (unless one counts itchy bandages as pain, which I dont!) and whilst there's a bit of an adjustment (sleeping positions mainly!) its nothing and I got over it within a few days. I'm now amazingly pleased at the results, whereas before I was merely amazed!

Yes, I suppose joining the neo-nazis might provide a more exciting life - or indeed joining Al Queda. But I fancy neither of them would have me. Kill me perhaps, but not have me.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 5

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 11:40:13 AM

RealityLicks

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This too shall pass.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 6

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 11:49:07 AM

Kalista07

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Joined: 7/1/2007
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Lady Ellen,
While it may sound a bit out there it still may be the surgery...i know some people it takes about a month for the anestesia (sp) to wear itself out of your body and can mimic depression symptoms....
i wish i had some magical suggestions for You..The only ones i think are even remotely helpful would be to: not be too hard on Yourself, allow Yourself to slowly get back into a routine, watch Your expectations of Yourself, set some small goals, maybe ask a friend or someone to hold You accountable, things like that? And treat Yourself..Remember that You are the only You there is.....
Kali
(who suddenly feels like a bad infomercial)

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 7

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 11:56:58 AM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

I have a problem - I just cant get motivated.

The only thing I lack is a life partner - but then I dont really need one of those either.

A fundamental question in existentialism: is it enough to survive?

I posit that to live, one must love with a whole heart.

I suggest you re-examine the question of love.

Of what good are our accomplishments if we have none with whom we can share it?

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 8

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 12:07:19 PM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

A fundamental question in existentialism: is it enough to survive?

I posit that to live, one must love with a whole heart.

I suggest you re-examine the question of love.

Of what good are our accomplishments if we have none with whom we can share it?

I do so much better than survive, but you do raise some interesting points (as usual). I live in manufactured western paradise which whilst its not perfect, is really absolutely wonderful - and I cant help thinking thats part of the problem.

I've done the whole love thing; a twenty year relationship straight out of school, which ended because I changed sex. Very upsetting for all at the time, but we're still best friends and both over it. Whilst it would be nice to have someone to share with and so on, its not something that I miss at all - if the right person came along that would be great, but I dont yearn for it; I did once, but no more.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Loveisallyouneed)

Post #: 9

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 1:15:36 PM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
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quote:

Sounds like depression? Well, perhaps it does and thats what I thought - SAD or some such - except that I'm not at all down, I just cant get motivated.

Even absent feelings of sadness, you need to let a doctor decide if it is a treatable condition or not.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 10

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 1:20:11 PM

angelikaJ

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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Here are some thoughts:

From my own experience with anesthesia I think itmight be connected to that.
I have had minor procedures that have mucked me up a bit..ie left me unable to concentrate enough to read.....

Give yourself some time.

Also... do you think that perhaps it is the feeling of what else is left there to do?...since things are going well??
Discontent need not be brought on by things not going well.

You had alot of your energies tied up into preparing for the surgery...not just physically and mentally in the concrete sense but also what the surgery represented.

jenn

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 11

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 1:38:37 PM

Bound2One

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Joined: 1/11/2008
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[But I dont think its exhaustion or anything like that - its more like I just cant be bothered. ]

I didn't realize about your surgery in my original response. It really sounds like it could be residual depression from the surgery. I don't know the extent of the surgical procedure, but I do know from dealing with my mother's open heart surgery a couple of years ago and other things with family members that docs are always on the lookout for depression in patients after they've had any kind operations, especially major, sometimes life-changing ones. Your body may feel much better, but your subconscious may still be dealing with the residual effects of anesthesia, the stress of the operation, etc. Heck, it could be that you're so relieved to have the surgery over you're just in a 'me' mode and can't focus on anything other than the fact that the operation cured whatever was ailing you and nothing else appeals except for burying your head for a few more weeks. Perhaps you're asking too much of yourself at this time?

I'd definitely recommend talking to a doc about it if it lingers for another week or two.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 12

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 1:39:56 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Give yourself some time.

Also... do you think that perhaps it is the feeling of what else is left there to do?...since things are going well??
Discontent need not be brought on by things not going well.

You had alot of your energies tied up into preparing for the surgery...not just physically and mentally in the concrete sense but also what the surgery represented.

Yes, what she said! lol

There's good stress and bad stress. Even good stress (new home, new baby, surgery to cure an ill) is stress and the body needs to process that.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 13

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 1:55:29 PM

luckydog1

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Joined: 1/16/2006
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Perhaps you had a huge amount of energy invested in your surgery, it was the culmination of a huge dream you really worked to happen, and there is some sort of let psychological let down. The quest has been completed... now what do you do, sort of thing. A new adventure will come soon. Your comment about not wanting to share with anyone seems a bit un healthy.

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 14

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 2:07:40 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Too soon to say Lady Ellen. Too soon. Youve just told us you got all caught up with everything, knowing the surgery was coming. So perhaps the pressing need is just not yet there.

I know in my own life I do that. There are times during the year when it seems like nothing gets done. Eventually, it turns around and the productivity level goes back up. Maybe what you're going thru is actually pretty common.

Im 48. soph xo

(in reply to luckydog1)

Post #: 15

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 2:12:28 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I'm probably repeating some of the responses here, but yes surgery really does have a weird longterm effect to it. I thought something was terribly wrong with me because no one had ever told me about the possibility of residual depression or the just plain weird emotional feelings after major surgery. For me it lasted nearly a year.It is real. Too, you have been doing swimmingly in many areas. You've been striving and working very hard. I think there can be a let down effect when you've achieved goals, a bit of a 'what now' sort of thing. Is there a new goal that you can set for yourself? A new prize that will get you off your butt and back in motion? If you don't feel unhappy then I wouldn't overthink it unless it interfers with your workwork.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 16

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 3:03:42 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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Oh Dear Lady Ellen--

I have just come through something similar--burn out--after the many months after Moms death and then a manager from hell, I got a position with a new manager and I slowed to a crawl, not so as to jeopardize anything, but slowed to a creep--days went by and all I did was move emails around--then I got into a project that I really had to focus on and required as a Senior Manager, expert work----baby found her groove again, guess the brain needed a vacation for a time---this too shall pass---smiles. force yourself to do something tomorrow--get up get dressed go out, somewhere new and different--but just go---and enjoy---this will pass Dear.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 17

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/17/2008 3:18:23 PM

summerblossom

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/17/2007
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i wish i lived where you live...it sounds like a nice life.......unlike mine

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''The greatest thing you will ever learn in life is just to love and be loved in return.'' Moulin Rouge

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 18

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/18/2008 3:24:24 AM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: summerblossom

''The greatest thing you will ever learn in life is just to love and be loved in return.'' Moulin Rouge

Thank you for this, summerblossom. It is so true and would be a worthy addition to my journal.

Ellen, I stand by what I said earlier, but I will offer a few more thoughts to consider.

It sounds like you've reached a point where your personal survival/prosperity is not in any real danger.

In other words, the needs of the body are taken care of.

This has liberated your time and attention to focus on other things, which is where you are now: trying to decide what else requires your focus.

It sounds like you are seeking a mission in life, and haven't found one yet.

I know how that is as my mission in life is to share love, and when I am not able to do that I lack the motivation to do much else but look for it. For me, sharing love gives life meaning.

You need to find that which gives your life meaning, and then pursue it heart and soul.

And it sounds like this is your time for soul-searching.

(in reply to summerblossom)

Post #: 19

RE: getting motivated.... - 2/18/2008 3:57:04 AM

MissMorrigan

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Lady Ellen, you have recently undergone a huge change in your life. Some have thought the malaise you are experiencing could be residue from the anaesthetic, I think it's much more simplier than that - anxiety coupled with 'coming down' emotionally from the final phase in your wonderful development.

My mother, bless her eccentric heart, has always been a tremendous business lady, very sharp brain and was always outgoing. She worked her arse off, doubly so, never having any peace of mind with her business b/c she was 'on call' 24/7 and quite often got a call in the middle of the night where she'd have to respond, so it affected her sleep pattern. Her business was her life. Then she retired, she couldn't wait for her retirement, she made so many plans for it and eagerly awaited it. Then it happened, she retired. What of her plans? She never realised any of them, she sat at home on the pc nearly all day until late at night, doesn't really eat very much, it's hard to have a conversation with her these days and her home has become a fortress with visitors knowing they are unwelcome as she no longer likes the intrusion. She will not eat unless someone cooks it and puts it infront of her, her appetite is non-existent, she no longer does any housework and used to be very houseproud. The bottom line is, she has no structure to her life, nothing (she sees) as being motivated over. If she HAS to go out these days (for doctor's appointments only and she has never made the effort to come and see my new home despite numerous invitations) it's viewed as a major inconvenience to her and unless they are 'have to' appointments, she will make excuses to cancel.

While your lives are entirely different, I do see a similarity. It's important that you do take steps to initiate a structure, ie setting a time to get up, have a list of things you need to do and refuse to 'put off til later'. May I ask what support you have offline, ie friends? You are an amazing lady, you owe it to yourself to let the world see that in you.

< Message edited by MissMorrigan -- 2/18/2008 4:02:17 AM >

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The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 20

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