male psychology question (Full Version)

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LadyEllen -> male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:12:55 AM)

OK - this is for the guys out there, and for those who love them.

I have this theory, that men need to have a sense of independence and freedom which is in direct conflict with the love they feel for their wives and the pair bonding of a relationship, which make them dependent on her love and support and limits their sense of freedom.

As such, men find themselves in a position where this conflict is often displaced into other expressions which regardless of the expressions themselves, are attempts at asserting a sense of independence and freedom within the context of the relationship with their wives. They value their wife and her love highly, so they are unable to express the conflict they feel to her directly for fear of hurting her, and yet the displaced expression of that conflict is at least confusing for her and sometimes hurtful nevertheless.

Anyone have any thoughts, comments or insights?

E



Rule -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:24:56 AM)

It is a matter of perpendicularity.



LadyEllen -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:26:45 AM)

interesting angle, Rule

E



atursvcMaam -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:33:41 AM)

Lady Ellen, i believe that You are correct, the upshot being that men do not like to admit that anyone would have dominion over them, and are certainly hesitant to let the one that holds the reins know the amount of control they might have.  one tends to growl and roar in all directions as personal control is relinquished or lost.



celticlord2112 -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:36:26 AM)

There is no conflict....at least, there should not be. After the honeymoon, neither man nor wife wants the other hanging on them 24/7. All human beings need at least some time to themselves, and need a variety of social interactions. Wanting an independent dimension in one's life is only healthy.

If a man cannot express that to his significant other--he needs to grow a pair.



LadyEllen -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:41:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

There is no conflict....at least, there should not be. After the honeymoon, neither man nor wife wants the other hanging on them 24/7. All human beings need at least some time to themselves, and need a variety of social interactions. Wanting an independent dimension in one's life is only healthy.

If a man cannot express that to his significant other--he needs to grow a pair.


Thanks - but thats not really what I'm talking about.

I'm really trying to get a handle on this, and in particular with respect to a certain situation. He has his own life and interests and goes out to work all week, so he certainly has time and opportunity and inclination to have that independent dimension - its more in his own head I believe, that he feels hemmed in and is expressing that in problem behaviour and attitude towards his wife, whom he loves very much - if he didnt then he has more than enough means to go his own way.

I'm interested in that inner psychological sense of independence, rather than the actual outer state of independence or lack thereof.

E



Jeffff -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:45:41 AM)

I have no conflict. I have been married and to me the biggest problem is living together. It is the day to day crap that wears me out. So while I believe in monogamy, I would never live with a woman again. All those things that seems so cute, " she snorts when she laughs", can become so annoying. For myself, I prefer to skip it.

Jeff

More specificly is is the mental, emotional aspect of "her" always being "there". That makes me crazy.



pahunkboy -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:50:00 AM)

Men are often way more sensitive then they let on.  But they have an iron wall up around them. Get past the wall and it is marshmellow.

at times the woman is the decoration, a prize, a trohpy w no real partnership.

at times the lady is a servant, there to cook and clean.


most of all- the lady is the mommy replacement.



The problem arises when a lady set out to change a man. it doesnt happen.



SubbieOnWheels -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:52:23 AM)

If a man feels that way, he shouldn't have gotten married. When a person makes that commitment, they should make it with every fiber of their being. It is a serious undertaking, and every wedding I've attended included the phrase "forsaking all others." A man who feels the way you describe needs to re-examine his motives in getting married in the first place.

Or perhaps the couple should re-examine their friendship - because a partners in a marriage (or any committed relationship) should, first and foremost, be best friends.



Jeffff -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:52:53 AM)

LOL....My mother is deranged. The lady is never a mommy replacement.

Jeff



Rule -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:54:39 AM)

He requires either therapy or a divorce.



Jeffff -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:55:55 AM)

I chose the latter, after a fair amount of the former

Jeff



seeksfemslave -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 6:58:52 AM)

Just to say I think you are competely wrong in saying that a job gives a man a sense of independance, in the personal sense any way. Why? Because for most men in their jobs they are drones who dance to tunes orchestrated by others.

I wonder if monogamy is at root the problem. Is it natural or even possible ?
Me being the Lone Ranger I dont know but I suspect it might be, the problem that is.
I really dont know.



celticlord2112 -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 7:00:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

There is no conflict....at least, there should not be. After the honeymoon, neither man nor wife wants the other hanging on them 24/7. All human beings need at least some time to themselves, and need a variety of social interactions. Wanting an independent dimension in one's life is only healthy.

If a man cannot express that to his significant other--he needs to grow a pair.


Thanks - but thats not really what I'm talking about.

I'm really trying to get a handle on this, and in particular with respect to a certain situation. He has his own life and interests and goes out to work all week, so he certainly has time and opportunity and inclination to have that independent dimension - its more in his own head I believe, that he feels hemmed in and is expressing that in problem behaviour and attitude towards his wife, whom he loves very much - if he didnt then he has more than enough means to go his own way.

I'm interested in that inner psychological sense of independence, rather than the actual outer state of independence or lack thereof.

E


What you describe to my mind appears to be a problem of communication. If he feels "hemmed in," that suggests he is unable to tell his wife that there are things he wishes to do that do not involve her, or that he has told her and she has expressed reluctance or flat out rejection of those desires.

Either way, the conflict you describe is not intrinsic to being male. It is intrinsic to a lack of communication between partners.



Lashra -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 7:08:07 AM)

I think men are taught that they need to be independent and to be free. Yet society also wants them to settle down with a nice wife and have a brood of children.  Its all rather conflicting how on the one hand society tells men to be free and copulate with any available female but on the other hand wants them to pick a female(s) to settle down with. Of course this is going to cause feelings of confusion. I sometimes think our dual standard society was designed just to cause confusion. Goddess forbid if someone should live their life the way that they want to without society having a say in it.[&:]

~Lashra



pahunkboy -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 7:16:15 AM)

 Woman SAY they want a sensitive man but in reality they want a macho man.  tho not too macho at the wron time



LadyEllen -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 7:18:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112


What you describe to my mind appears to be a problem of communication. If he feels "hemmed in," that suggests he is unable to tell his wife that there are things he wishes to do that do not involve her, or that he has told her and she has expressed reluctance or flat out rejection of those desires.

Either way, the conflict you describe is not intrinsic to being male. It is intrinsic to a lack of communication between partners.


I'm inclined to agree - its the lack of ability/ inner self-permission to communicate that is resulting in displacement expressions.

E



Jeffff -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 7:29:32 AM)

Communication does not necessarily solve the problem, it just exposes it. At some point solutions are required. I am not doubt odd in my feelings...:) but I am aware

Jeff



LadyEllen -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 7:32:23 AM)

indeed, Jeffffff fffff

I'm interested in understanding the problem, so that solutions might present themselves more readily - the solution may be divorce, but hopefully not

E



Rule -> RE: male psychology question (2/14/2008 7:34:37 AM)

An analysis of the specific conflict and behavioural situations is required. We do not have sufficient information to do so.



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