kitttty
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Joined: 10/10/2007
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quote:
The fact that she didn't talk to anyone else during the day nor did she do anything during the day doesn't mean all SAH parents are like that. Nor do all pounce on the um the second they walked through the door demanding interaction. Some are capable of being in the background until needed.
My mom actually had a life too, but she was inevitably bored by the end of the day since she was just the type of person who needed a genuine challenge that led somewhere. for some reason, people don't tend to be very good at creating this for themselves at home. ex, i know so many landlords who have crazy ideas of being photographers or musicians or entrpreneurs and it just never goes anywhere because they can't really impose their own structure in a consistent manner.
quote:
Ever have a parent come in and help in class? Make copies for the teacher, help on field trips, run the book fair? I'm sorry you had bad experiences with it, but you're tarring with a pretty wide brush there.
Yeah. I remember one time when my mom came in when I was 9 and helped the gifted teacher out. She said she actually saw me roll my eyes at her even though I smiled at gave her a hug. I remember, even at 9, wondering why my mom didn't have anything more useful to do.
I also remember when I volunteered as a middle school's teacher's assistant when I was 14. I can't say I found the experience immensely gratifying although the teacher was very appreciative. And that's exactly what I did- made copies and helped with field trips and so on.
I recall that later as an adult, one of my friends who is a working mom with unusual hours said she was volunteering at school, "doing some completely mindless activity like folding paper hats while watching the kids do PE" (that's what she said) and a SAHM said to her, "isn't it so great that we can be here to see this instead of being at a job." and my working mom friend was thinking not really, meh.
That sentiment sort of describes how I felt about making copies and whatnot for the teacher. Clearly she was tired and needed the help though, so I'm glad I could be there for her. We were friends for years afterwards but I was 14- the equivalent to a HS dropout and carless and broke. Otherwise I surely could have found something more productive to do.
And I'm really not the one tarring with the wide brush here. The brush usually goes the other way. It's just assumed that children benefit from a SAHM. It's not only my experience that this is not true- there is not even any evidence that this is true. I had previously assumed that pre-k aged children with a SAHM would probably be better off, but I've yet to find any reputable study that shows even that. Every source I read says that there are no significant differences in performance or psychological well adjustment. I saw that there are some differences between children of SAHPs and children of working parents such as children from day care can be more agressive and children from SAHPs can have a harder time adjusting to groups, but overall there seems to be no meaningful difference in how the kid turns out.
And it's mostly impossible when people say that by staying at home they are more valuable to their community than they would be at a job. Ok, if this has any real liklihood of being true, then why do we not encourage poor parents to stay at home and collect welfare instead of going to work? If by spending more direct time with their kids and by volunteering otherwise, they were being more productive to society, then why wouldn't we pay them to do this?
The govt pays me to do what I do. I do not make that much money and I do something they define as being worth funding. The govt does not pay people to do things like assist the teacher with copies and volunteer wherever it is people volunteer because those things are not high enough priority to be paid for. Generally speaking, the govt pays people to do something if it is actually needed and they pay for some positions that are probably not needed as well. And there are *a lot* of people competing for that position of what counts as worth govt funding. There are millions of non profits and non profit roles that apply for govt funding or foundation money and only a fraction of a percentage are actually deemed worth funding. So, all these people that claim that there volunteer work is worth so much to society are the same as the people who claim they can be professional artists or musicians and get by. If you are not, it is very very unlikely that its the case.
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 
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