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Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 7:06:59 PM   
shysub0951


Posts: 132
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline 		i was watching Wife Swap just a few minutes ago, yea it was the only thing on tonight that at least interested me. Anyways, one family says that their husband is the one who has to work while his wife and daughters be the serviant women. Meaning, his daughters and wife are the ones who have to stay home and clean, cook, and wait on the husband/dad hand and foot. Where as the other family says just the opposite with the wife has to work and be the breadwinner and the husband stays home and does the cleaning and cooking, etc.
  What are your thoughts on this? Do you think that only one person is "designated" to be the breadwinner while the other stays home and does all household chores around the house? Or do you think that it should be a fair and equal that both people put in a day/nights work and that both share the household chores?
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 7:10:40 PM   
carlie310


Posts: 256
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline 		I think whether one is working for a paycheck at a place of employment or working for the benefits alone by staying at home raising a family varies, but both are work.  Every family is different, and there is no "one size fits all" or even most.  In my observation, there's not even a certain D/s dynamic that always plays out in who should fill what role.  It's all about the people in the relationships and what works for them.

(in reply to shysub0951)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 7:18:16 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub0951

i was watching Wife Swap just a few minutes ago, yea it was the only thing on tonight that at least interested me. Anyways, one family says that their husband is the one who has to work while his wife and daughters be the serviant women. Meaning, his daughters and wife are the ones who have to stay home and clean, cook, and wait on the husband/dad hand and foot. Where as the other family says just the opposite with the wife has to work and be the breadwinner and the husband stays home and does the cleaning and cooking, etc.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you think that only one person is "designated" to be the breadwinner while the other stays home and does all household chores around the house? Or do you think that it should be a fair and equal that both people put in a day/nights work and that both share the household chores?

Well it obviously depends on the people and what works for them.  Some people do not adhere to the social stereotype of men should be the breadwinner while the woman should be the homemaker and do the opposite; or everyone is in the workforce (out of the home)  I am one who believes in the societal stereotype of man being the breadwinner...which goes in hand of my beliefs of a relationship; atleast a relationship that works for me.  But I am fully capable and have no issues working out of the home either.  Regardless of who stays home and who goes out...it's all work in their own differing ways.  I have done both and they are both hard.  Being at home with my little guy was tons of fun because I woke up, and kept the house clean, did the laundry, went to the market etc...made me feel so womanly *sighs* but at the same time I was the one changing the diapers, doctors visits, staying up late with the lil one, and knowing that all the bills were paid (thought I didnt have to work for the bills to be paid)  Whereas my ex just went to work...and that was it.  Being the breadwinner right now...is really difficult because I have to do all of that on top of make the money to support myself and my lil one...so I have been on both sides of the coin and believe that people do what works for them.

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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 7:21:17 PM   
AAkasha


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If two people can afford to live on one income, I think the stress level is reduced and the quality time is improved if one person keeps the house in order and the other one works.  If both of us were working insane, long hours then coming home to split chores and do housework on the weekends that would be terrible.  Now, our quality time together is quality time. It also means less "eating out" and grabbing food on the run, and more time for quality, sit down meals.  In our relationship we could clearly be rolling in dough and driving sportscars and have a yacht being "dual income, no kids" - but I am happy to trade oodles of cash for quality time together.

Akasha


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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 7:48:19 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		I think it's better if at least one person can stay home at any given time when you have kids.  If both parents are working and have kids, at least one full-time nanny is a MUST.  I don't think it matters which sex does what..  But whoever feels useless not working and feels the need to should, and whoever hates working or earns crap should stay home.



p.s. If you don't have kids, get your ass to work! ;)

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 7:53:35 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		Master says we both work even though my goal had been to be a mommy. he didn't find that pleasing although he sure could afford it.

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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:07:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I love wife swap and the "you go do X work while I do Y work cuz that's how things are supposed to be because of the bits between our legs" is a very common theme.

Anyone who thinks dangly bits between legs should be what decides not only what work you are good/best at, but what work should be done for the betterment of the family unit is a bit off their rocker.

Now, if that's just how they want it, how they feel it's best for them, and following some beliefs and can admit it's irrational, then more power to them.  They can be as irrational as they want.

For me I'll go with "what works best for us all" and say that bits between legs is irrelevant.

Also- we watch Wife Swap so much that we've developed a drinking game for it (though we don't actually drink) and take bets at the start on who will cry first

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 2/13/2008 8:08:07 PM >

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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:08:29 PM   
AAkasha


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Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

I think it's better if at least one person can stay home at any given time when you have kids.  If both parents are working and have kids, at least one full-time nanny is a MUST.  I don't think it matters which sex does what..  But whoever feels useless not working and feels the need to should, and whoever hates working or earns crap should stay home.



p.s. If you don't have kids, get your ass to work! ;)


We don't have kids and have no plans to have kids. However, we are not greedy either.  I am happy just being very wealthy instead of insanely wealthy on my one meager income -- but you only live once, and you can't take material things with you.  I want my husband to be well rested, emotionally and physically available *on a whim*, and that means not competing with his "career" or "job" for mindshare.  Certainly this lifestyle is not for everyone, but we love it.  I see so many stressed, grumpy couples because one or the other is always tired, burnt out, overworked -- all for what?  So they can drive two BMWs? No thanks!

Akasha


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(in reply to chickpea)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:12:32 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think whoever is better suited and happier staying home should do it, as long as the other person is happier and better suited to go out and work. Case in point the man across the street is a stay at home Dad. He cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids while his wife works. It just made sense for them since the wife is capable of making more money and she hated being a stay at home Mom. He loves staying home doing what he is doing and their children are much happier since the change. 
Every family is different and what will work for some, will not work for others. So my vote goes to whoever (regardless of gender) is better suited and happier staying home.

~Lashra


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(in reply to shysub0951)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:20:52 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Hell, in today's society, if a family can afford for only one parent to work, who cares who it is? Also, the one who raises the children should be the one who's best at it. I've got a friends who is the most wonderful dad evah. If we were a couple, I'd really consider having him stay home, even if he COULD earn more.

Master Fire


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(in reply to shysub0951)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:30:18 PM   
babygirlblue


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		If only that would be so easy to do, but I think staying home would drive me insane. Kinda like having cabin fever.


LA- I so love your posts I needed a good laugh tonight and your talk of dangly bits had me nearly choking on a glass of soda. heh


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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:35:50 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think it just depends. However, I don't think the bits between your legs determines who does what.

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(in reply to shysub0951)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:38:42 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

I think it's better if at least one person can stay home at any given time when you have kids.  If both parents are working and have kids, at least one full-time nanny is a MUST.  I don't think it matters which sex does what..  But whoever feels useless not working and feels the need to should, and whoever hates working or earns crap should stay home.



p.s. If you don't have kids, get your ass to work! ;)


We don't have kids and have no plans to have kids. However, we are not greedy either.  I am happy just being very wealthy instead of insanely wealthy on my one meager income -- but you only live once, and you can't take material things with you.  I want my husband to be well rested, emotionally and physically available *on a whim*, and that means not competing with his "career" or "job" for mindshare.  Certainly this lifestyle is not for everyone, but we love it.  I see so many stressed, grumpy couples because one or the other is always tired, burnt out, overworked -- all for what?  So they can drive two BMWs? No thanks!

Akasha



My Husband/Dom is disabled and so I stay home to care for Him.  It's the second marriage for us both and all our kids are adults.  NO plans to have any more!

He gets a disability pension and I get a carer's pension - same amount each a fortnight. We manage, there are not many luxuries but all the bills get paid on time. 

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:51:13 PM   
flour


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/4/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe I'm just young and restless, but I don't think either person should stay at home (kids are an exception but meh I hate them). My Parents have both always worked and they never seemed to have had a problem keeping up the house, finding time for each other or what have you. I agree different circumstances call for different familial set ups. However the way I see it is that my partner would have worked hard for her degree(s) (I hold education in high esteem, sue me) I don't think it's fair for one to expect the other to throw away all that time and energy.  

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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 8:57:09 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flour

Maybe I'm just young and restless, but I don't think either person should stay at home (kids are an exception but meh I hate them). My Parents have both always worked and they never seemed to have had a problem keeping up the house, finding time for each other or what have you. I agree different circumstances call for different familial set ups. However the way I see it is that my partner would have worked hard for her degree(s) (I hold education in high esteem, sue me) I don't think it's fair for one to expect the other to throw away all that time and energy.  


Don't assume that time and energy is thrown away.  Being a stay-at-home person instead of having a career means more time for enrichment, growth, and volunteer work.  It's good for the soul. 

Akasha


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(in reply to flour)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 9:05:52 PM   
carlie310


Posts: 256
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline 		That's very true--in the last year of my SAH career, I was able to be more involved in community and local politics.  I believe the community benefited from it as much as it would have from me being employed, if not more so.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/13/2008 9:24:14 PM   
Foititis


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flour

Maybe I'm just young and restless, but I don't think either person should stay at home (kids are an exception but meh I hate them). My Parents have both always worked and they never seemed to have had a problem keeping up the house, finding time for each other or what have you. I agree different circumstances call for different familial set ups. However the way I see it is that my partner would have worked hard for her degree(s) (I hold education in high esteem, sue me) I don't think it's fair for one to expect the other to throw away all that time and energy.  


word, yo...  

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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/14/2008 12:41:29 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Foititis
word, yo...  


oh wow, we have the intelligent winner for today folks.. such a great addition thanks for sharing?

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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/14/2008 12:55:59 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Given our druthers, my wife and I like the one breadwinner/one homemaker combo. Taking care of a home is a lot of work, and honestly qualifies as a full time job. At the moment, we're not in a situation where our finances can really allow that, and we probably won't be for many years to come, but for a good ten years or so, it worked pretty well for us - even if I don't vacuum as much as she'd like.

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RE: Male or Female who stays home - 2/14/2008 1:27:26 AM   
Foititis


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul
oh wow, we have the intelligent winner for today folks.. such a great addition thanks for sharing?


Oh come now be reasonable, I was merely affirming my position as a supporter of her points which i believe are all quite valid. I do however feel the need to point out your blatant hypocrisy in that your post in its scorn for mine not only doesn't add anything to the discussion at hand but detracts from it by turning it into a needlessly inflammatory one.

Now as to not perpetuate the cycle of flame baiting. Akasha volunteer work is all well and good, but those student loans have to get paid off one way or the other.  

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
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