RE: Polite Society?

RE: Polite Society? (Full Version)

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NorthernGent -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 4:42:17 PM)
You can be polite and sadistic; they're not mutually exclusive. Surely, any man worth his salt is always polite.

MadRabbit -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:18:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe Greetings MadRabbit, The topic which is being discussed has nothing to do with a particular kink. It is about someone being an impolite asshole in a social situation and interaction. That's not what I read at all. The question was posed that since the kink community encourages a huge number of deviant behaviors, then how can we be considered as "polite society"? "Polite society", in this context, is not solely about being an asshole, but rather where behaviors are restricted for the sake of "being appropriate". Hence, there is a time and a place for everything. Being an asshole is "inappropriate". Being naked in a restaurant is "inappropriate". Fucking your wife on the front lawn on a sunday afternoon is "inappropiate". Don't get me wrong. I am all about manners and decency and following the rules. But let's take a different social situation...a play party...which serves the purpose of allowing kinky people to be kinky around other kinky people. In that social context, if someone were to censor a kink for the sake of "polite society" or "appropriate behavior", isn't that in opposition to the mantra of "Your Kink Isn't My Kink, but your Kink is Ok". I'm not talking about "Please piss in the shower" type of censoring, but rather "No pissing at all at the party" or "No sexual intercourse at a party", BECAUSE it offends or disturbs people. I find it somewhat of a contradiction when someone says "Hey, your kink is ok and this is a play party where consenting adults can get kinky, but your kink is unfortanely disgusting and therefore, we can't have it at our party." In that sense, the notion of "polite society" is discouraging kink. Perhaps play parties should never happen for the sake of not offending anyone in "polite society". Everyone should just sit around, drink tea, eat crumpets, and talk about BDSM. I don't know. Somebody asked for thoughts and these are my thoughts on how the notion of "polite society" does have to be forgotten a bit if your going to create an enviroment where people can practice kink without intolerance and censorship.

TracyTaken -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:24:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Everyone should just sit around, drink tea, eat crumpets, and talk about BDSM. I find crumpets offensive.

MadRabbit -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:33:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirguym Even if when someone takes offence and you consider it unreasonable that they do, politeness suggests you still do not continue with whatever offends them, in front of them, because that would be deliberately provocative. Fair enough. I understand that and respect that. If something I did at a party offended someone, I would be polite and stop. But...for the sake of discussion.... Let's say someone showed up who was offended by all kink. Would you stop the play party for the sake of not offending this person or ask the person to leave, because this after all is a party where people get kinky. I took offence to needle play the first time I saw it at a public party. I have a thing about needles and it really shook me up. Would it have been proper for me to ask the gentlemen enjoying needle play to stop his kink, because I was offended? Would it have been inappropriate for him to say to me "Hey, look this is a play party and the point is to do this stuff" in response? The common behaviors performed at a play party are by definition, inappropriate behaviors to perform in a social and public setting. The very nature of the parties are contary to the appropriate behaviors that are associated with "polite society". Sexual behavior (even kissing and hugging to a degree) is not appropriate to perform in front of other people according to "polite society". So where is the line drawn between allowing some socially unacceptable and offense behaviors and censoring others?

MadRabbit -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:36:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TracyTaken quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Everyone should just sit around, drink tea, eat crumpets, and talk about BDSM. I find crumpets offensive. My apologies, ma'am. Allow me to put my offensive crumpets away as I do not want to distress you in anyway.

fairerthanshe -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 6:16:07 PM)
Greetings MadRabbit, I don't disagree with your assessment of the scene in general. One of the things that SJ and I regularly bring up is pushing the envelope in public play. We hear from other people about how penetration shouldn't be allowed at public parties, nor blood play, nor needle play, nor extreme breath play and yet we think just the opposite. We generally don't agree with 'mentoring' programs that teach people how to 'dom' as it creates cookie cutter scenes at each public party we attend. However, were we to address those who disagree with our view as stupid f*kin' used up saggy cunts in a public situation then we would be considered impolite and childish for calling names rather than behaving like adults. Discussing the matter at hand rather than resorting to name calling is kind of where this whole thing started... I was providing background information based on my knowledge of the situation which brought about the comments and therefore the thread. Wasn't trying to piss in your crumpets...[;)] well wishes ~ fairer than she quote:* ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe Greetings MadRabbit, The topic which is being discussed has nothing to do with a particular kink. It is about someone being an impolite asshole in a social situation and interaction. That's not what I read at all. The question was posed that since the kink community encourages a huge number of deviant behaviors, then how can we be considered as "polite society"? "Polite society", in this context, is not solely about being an asshole, but rather where behaviors are restricted for the sake of "being appropriate". Hence, there is a time and a place for everything. Being an asshole is "inappropriate". Being naked in a restaurant is "inappropriate". Fucking your wife on the front lawn on a sunday afternoon is "inappropiate". Don't get me wrong. I am all about manners and decency and following the rules. But let's take a different social situation...a play party...which serves the purpose of allowing kinky people to be kinky around other kinky people. In that social context, if someone were to censor a kink for the sake of "polite society" or "appropriate behavior", isn't that in opposition to the mantra of "Your Kink Isn't My Kink, but your Kink is Ok". I'm not talking about "Please piss in the shower" type of censoring, but rather "No pissing at all at the party" or "No sexual intercourse at a party", BECAUSE it offends or disturbs people. I find it somewhat of a contradiction when someone says "Hey, your kink is ok and this is a play party where consenting adults can get kinky, but your kink is unfortanely disgusting and therefore, we can't have it at our party." In that sense, the notion of "polite society" is discouraging kink. Perhaps play parties should never happen for the sake of not offending anyone in "polite society". Everyone should just sit around, drink tea, eat crumpets, and talk about BDSM. I don't know. Somebody asked for thoughts and these are my thoughts on how the notion of "polite society" does have to be forgotten a bit if your going to create an enviroment where people can practice kink without intolerance and censorship.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 6:27:56 PM)
MR- if you're talking about a play party which is advertised to be completely public and open to all kinks, then you are completely correct. Anything else- no. Whether it's a private group or a private person, the host gets to put whatever rules and restrictions on a party that they want and it's not rude at all. This can go into the realm of unreasonable and have the effect of making guests unhappy, but that's when guests can decline the invitation or leave early.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 8:50:55 PM)
You can be "kinky" and polite..neither is necessarily exclusionary..I think many people want to, in some way, stand out in a crowd...it is just that some do not know how to go about it in a desireable way..I often find it kind of funny that as much as we like to feel or be different in WIITWD..we also like to not be so different..Tempting

ownedgirlie -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 9:21:43 PM)
Who defines polite and decides where the line is drawn? Some people find kissing in public to be impolite. Some find public nakedness to be impolite. For others, it's crude language. We have laws already in place against lewd public behavior, so in that case it is up to the individuals to decide. In a world with over 6 1/2 billion residents, what is acceptable or not depends on cultures, standards, morals, and principles. And while there might be a moral majority (often known as right wing conservatives, lol), should such standards be universal? My Master is selectively polite or impolite, depending on his mood. Whether I like it or not is for me to deal with. Hell, just last night he walked me to the theatre a couple blocks from Times Square in NY with a collar and leash...in such a way that no one but he and I knew this was the case. And yet the night before, he was not so discreet in his activities with me. But I think it's a matter of personality and not "Hey we're perverse so let's be rude in general, too." The two don't go hand in hand. For him, he's rude when he wants to be, "kink" or not. I think it has more to do with a person's personality than their orientation, "kink" or "fetish."

DaggerDom -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 10:10:18 PM)
Rudeness has its place in social discourse. There are times when no other means will suffice to get the point across. After all, the mere presence of a nose in no way affects the right to swing a fist, it merely affects the velocity of the fist when it impacts it.

girlygurl -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 10:55:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy We live in a society where we are forced to interact with each other. With all the differences between us, it is our manners and respect that keep the social fabric from tearing and anarchy from ruling. I agree with you MMC. [:)] Such a wise man. Unfortunately, there are some that are challenged when it comes to social skills. Society is governed by rules, and as such we need to abide by these rules in order to function in a healthy manner. I suppose being rude and disrespectful can be a conscious decision or the result of having an unfortunate disability, which in many cases actually exists and we just know it. Egocentricity, poor social skills, lacking in expressive language are all characteristics that may result in someone coming off as an asshole... when in actuality, they are clueless of how they are viewed by others. What do we do as a society to interact with these people? Tolerate it? Speak up and expect to change who they are? Nope.... we as adults should act like adults and use those rules we were taught as children.... use your manners for crying out loud.... oh, unless you get off on being an asshole and in that case have at it! I just choose not to have you in my life. girly (mean people suck)

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Polite Society? (2/8/2008 4:26:12 AM)
I have a somewhat mixed thought about this.. such as is Exhibitionism being part of polite society or not? When going to the men's room is it polite to allow your female partner in crime to go in with you, because there's line in the womens room. Mind you it was small bath room for one person at a time, with a lock on the door. None the less, people were giving us both "some looks". Is it being part of "polite Society" sitting in a Dinner afterhours on a weekend, after the bars let out, and there's a lot a drunk and even sobber people hanging out, and your female partner pulls down her top and flashes the guy from some Band. Basically, the whole world getting a view of her beautiful tits? Would any of this be considered Socially polite and appropriate behavior? I understand the points you were trying to make about SadoMaso play and being able to be still a kind and warm human being towards other people in society. I don't have a problem with that. I would fall into the socially polite category there, just in terms of other things. Well not so polite depending upon the place and time. I would never allow nor permit my girl to flash others in A Dinner on sunday right after church services were getting out. To me that would be well not so polite thing to do. However, late fri or sat night... sure why not! Even at the risk of being kicked out of the joint. So was I part of the Socially polite group or not this last weekend. Hmmmmm.. somehow I really don't think so. Her and I both were doing things that Geee.. just fall outside of the so called "socially accepted" norm of behaviors. Everybody around us had a blast though. Those that did not, well.. frankly fuck 'em. Not going to live my life to please the world and society itself.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Polite Society? (2/8/2008 5:34:56 AM)
I'm still at odds with Exhibitionism and being socially polite, it appears to be somewhat of a conflict here. It's one thing to go to a party where it's expected for people to get naked, another thing to do it out at a bar or club. fairerthanshe really struck some chords in her post the resonate with my thoughts and my current partners thoughts. What is the big deal about peneration at a party, it's not like nobody has ever sat around and watched porno with peneration going on. I could see blood play making other people a little squicked out and some other activities. I enjoyed the remarks about creating cookie cutters DOMs, think the same can be said about creating Cookie Cutter submissives or slaves too. I've personally not been much for Cookie cutter anything besides cookies. My relationship I have is really new, and her and I have talked about a lot of things. She's one dirty girl and I'm one dirty boy. Most of the things she enjoys fall on the BDSM activitity check lists. She knows fully that I'm into BDSM and that I'm a DOM. I've been trying to get her caught up to speed with some of the labels. One thing is for certain we have a shit load of things in common. We actually talked about how much we both have enjoyed fucking in front of other people. So back to Exhibitionism and public play again. Mind you, this is an activity that is Eyebrow raiser for what is sociable acceptable and polite. It's been awhile since I was involved with somebody who actually loved and enjoyed exhibitionism and public play. So, if somebody checks their mail wearing nothing but their panties, is this the polite social thing to do, or will Mr. Rodgers have a heart attack next door?

DesFIP -> RE: Polite Society? (2/8/2008 11:52:13 AM)
I don't see any relationship between the activities listed and the ability to be polite in a group setting. Your SO has consented to you peeing on him, the woman sitting next to you at the munch has not. Therefore it is not polite to pee on her, It is polite to ask her to please pass the salt and say thank you before returning to the conversation with her on needle play.

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