RE: Polite Society?

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MasterWilliam55 -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 1:25:06 AM)
Where were you when I needed you? God knows your right. I am a extreem player and love to push the envelope and I do take some criticiim for that. I'm also, as I suspect you are, a rational, semi-organised but very bright person, whom I believe is "savvy", and also honest in your life's persuits. We may disagree on many issues, But in this case, I agree. I may have a propensity for protocol, you may not. I and whom I'm with, may indeed enjoy watersports or extreem activities, but that has nothing to do with representing the community at large or I might add, preventing anyone from being polite.

eyesopened -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 1:46:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia Anyone who thinks that they can act like a pig in ANY company is not a rebel, just a pig. That says it all. Benjamin Franklin is an example of how one really kinky person can be so acceptable in 'polite society' that he was chosen to be an ambassador for a new country. Granted, he was ambassador to France, but i'm just sayin'......

RCdc -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 2:09:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross However, and I know we've been down this discussion before, I don't see any reason why my personal relationship orientation, and my kinky activities should have anything to do with being a polite mature person who can handle herself well in social situations. I have no problem with someone being an asshole, a cruel person who really gets off on hurting others and beating the crap out of them and making them cry and freezing them outside for an hour just to beat them some more and make them drive home immediately after- that WAS my ex owner and he's a great guy. I have a problem with someone doing those things in general company without a mutual understanding in place or using it as an excuse to act improperly in other social contexts. Being kinky or sadistic has no bearing on how people should act or react in nuetral social situations. Your thoughts? I do agree with you Em to an extent, but then again, everyone has a different idea on what is polite. And I draw the line at being less of myself just because I am 'supposed' to be polite in the eyes of another. If I am happy in myself with the way I am behaving, and aware of the possible consequences that is way more important to me than anothers personal view of how I should be. the.dark.

sirguym -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 3:05:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord We can't all get along, right? When values and principles vary, so will what's acceptable. I'm sure the range isn't only different, but much wider when you take your average kinkster versus, say, ultra-conversative Quaker guy. Still, as you've been apt in pointing out before, having a range which includes kinky area doesn't necessarily mean that such a range is unusually expansive. It's a long and complex subject. Any particular direction you wanted to go with it? As a side note, I'm of the elitest approach. Polite people are acceptable and allowed near; everyone else can live as they will, but they're not human in the same respect. I'm one who likes gated communities, both literally and metaphorically. Not that I necessarily think others are out to hurt me, but I just enjoy the freedom of not having to care. I just had to pick up on something there; I've known a lot of quakers in my time in UK politics; and as pacifists with a very highly developed social conscience and awareness, the last thing I'd call them is conservative! Yes, they profess a faith I can't share, but they've ditched all the mumbo-jumbo doctrine and dogma that brings hypocrisy and evil prejudice and misogyny into the heart of all other superstitions. I don't know how kinky they are in general, but I do know a few who were. Now, if you're talking about baptists, or some of the other non-mainstream protestant christian sects, yes, they are generally conservative, as are most inward looking small closed groups, though I have known some to be surprisingly radical, anti-establishment and open to new social insights. I look on manners as a code of conduct that evolved when life was nasty brutish and short, and just about everybody carried a sharp blade. Men at the top carried very long sharp swords, knew how to use them and had few compunctions about doing so. Those at the bottom carried concealed blades and survived by being ready and willing to use them if cornered. So everybody was very polite to everyone else, by a mutually agreed set of manners, comprising verbal rules and non-verbal body-language that conveyed the message that, 'I'm not a threat to you.' Because if they weren't they'd end up dead, disgraced or nastily disfigured, etc. Good manners is about not giving offence accidentally, without compromising your pride. So if I find your language and behaviour offensive, then I will remove myself from your company if I can if I can. (Though I will review my behaviour towards you just to consider if I have given reason for you to be offended). What I will not do it to lecture you on your bad manners - that to me would be very much worse! I consider you've every right to be rude to me; but if you are, you must accept the consequence - social isolation from me.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 3:38:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I have no problem with someone being an asshole, a cruel person who really gets off on hurting others and beating the crap out of them and making them cry and freezing them outside for an hour just to beat them some more and make them drive home immediately after- that WAS my ex owner and he's a great guy. Hells bells, after I got past that I was able to think about it a bit. Heh. I'll go you one further, someone can also be well mannered and still be an asshole. Being nice to others permeates through evey social nuance or D/s status. No matter how much I am whipping a submissive, I'll be nice to her. No matter the group I'm in, I'll be respectful of everyone and I do mean even the "smallest" individual present. It is not my goal to show that I'm the perfect, well mannered, tuxedo wearing, champagne sipping man at the dinner table on The Titanic. I want to be Jack Dawson, the artist, the rogue who cares about others and is adept enough to capture the table of snobs with honesty while later partying and being respected by the ship's crew down below.

MadRabbit -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 4:30:46 AM)
What about play parties or a social event that doesnt qualify as "normal", but rather one where the point is for people to get "kinky"? Kinks get censored all the time or are not just flat out not allowed for the sake of "acceptable public behavior" or the sake of not offending someone. In that sense, doesn't the notion of "polite society" conflict with the notion of encouraging other people's kinks and "Your Kink is Ok"? "Hey, look....I think that it's great and wonderful that you want to piss on each other. Just don't do it here. We only do kinks here that aren't sick."

Dnomyar -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:01:23 AM)
The optimistic view on this. Are'nt you glad that we are'nt clones.

MistressVnus -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:07:26 AM)
quote: but we don't let a rip snorter go in public. We dont? You mean my brother taught me wrong all these years?[:o] It might be a good way to disperse all those other a-holes hanging around in a social setting who might be causing me grief...chuckle [:D] oink oink Couldn't help it. That comment gave me a great visual. Here you are, at a munch or something, and your standing around with a few people who are doing the one-upman, arrogant banter...it's getting on your neverves...solution? LET ONE RIP!! chuckle

Taboo4Two -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:16:04 AM)
To me the problem is more global and reaches far beyond our lifestyle. We've become too much of a "me" society and a lot of people forget, ignore or never learned how to politely intereact in a social context. As you say the context is all important and it seems that so many ignore it. Its perfectly fine to call your sub a "cum swallowing whore" in a scene when both parties understand that context. Its quite another thing to use that as a description of someone who you have a disagreement with over the price of a loaf of bread or who cut you off in traffic. Domino

MistressVnus -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:20:48 AM)
quote: Then again, you find serial killers, rapists and psychos who come across as very polite, well-adjusted individuals... strange world aint it? Excellent point!!! I was just thinking how there have been a few people in this lifestlye, especially when I was first getting involved and didn't know better, who had the BEST in protocols and manners. Ends up they were NOT what they represented. Wolves in sheeps clothing so to speak. Beginner beware. Someone asked me once during a spiritually gearded discussion..."Do you think we will ever have peace on earth?" I thought about it for a moment and replied.."No." They asked why and I said .."Because we will never all be at the same place in spiritual growth at the same time and that is what would be required for that to happen." I know it's hard somtimes, but I try to be tolerant of all, even the jerks. MAN, is it hard sometimes. I'm not always successful.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:37:35 AM)
I agree. I think it all comes down to respect, there was an understanding between you and your ex owner about what kind of relationship Y/you were in and there were boundries which were not crossed-out of respect and a mutual understanding that B/both of Y/you should get what you need out of the relationship. I think some act in a way that can be described as "posturing" and I think those people have little respect for the rules of respecting people's personal space or their right to not be drawn into another person's kink.

TotalState -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:42:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit "Hey, look....I think that it's great and wonderful that you want to piss on each other. Just don't do it here. We only do kinks here that aren't sick." If certain forms of play interfere with the other guests at the party (or leave the floor all wet for the next person to use the dungeon), they are usually censored in my community, and I believe rightly so. Clean up after yourself, don't interfere, and you shouldn't be censored for whatever it is you want to do, within the usual sanity clause (no illegal behaviour, full consent, etc). Of course, cliques always form within a community, but the bdsm world is united by tolerance alone, since our differences are generally too great for everyone to be turned on by the same things. In those cases, it's all about non-interferance with the enjoyment of others. I don't know if I would call that politeness, or if it even has anything to do with it. I'd like to know what exactly was the impoliteness referred to by the OP.

Jeffff -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 5:56:36 AM)
To me this goes to the point that some people feel special because they are kinky. Being kinky doesn't give a person any right to act differently in mixed company. You could compare it to a fervent Christian, Muslim, Jew. how many would enjoy being preached to in an inappropriate setting? Just because you believe in what you do, does not give you a licenses to spew it anywhere. Calling a woman your slut at Grannies dinner table is wrong even if it is true. Jeff an iconoclast.......or a dick, depending who you ask

Padriag -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 7:40:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Your thoughts? Much of what I would have to say already has been. Like others, I think this "lifestyle" or any lifestyle is a poor excuse for bad manners. I would agree with the observation that some use it as an excuse for their rebellion against whatever, or for attention seeking, or for a simple bad attitude, etc.

IrishMist -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 9:19:08 AM)
Hmmm…not sure about this one. I think that my idea of ‘polite society’ is a bit warped; I hang with people who don’t think twice about using the word fuck in public, who don’t think twice about grabbing a girl between the legs as she walks by, who don’t think twice about beating the shit out of someone simply because they looked at another in a way that they found wrong. Hell, I have been in the company of others who would not give a flying fuck if they were caught fucking against a wall in a bar. And that’s just with those who I do not work with. The people I work with are just as bad, if not worse. So, I think my idea of polite society is a bit different from others. When I think of it, I picture situations more along the lines of royalty, or upper class….VERY upper class. And even then, I doubt that I could curb my instincts enough to behave differently.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 9:29:07 AM)
Context. What you say, and what you do can be appropriate in one context, and completely offensive and inappropriate in another context. Anyone who can't grasp the concept of context making the difference, doesn't have the social maturity to sit at the adult table in my thoughts.

sirguym -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 9:51:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit What about play parties or a social event that doesnt qualify as "normal", but rather one where the point is for people to get "kinky"? Kinks get censored all the time or are not just flat out not allowed for the sake of "acceptable public behavior" or the sake of not offending someone. In that sense, doesn't the notion of "polite society" conflict with the notion of encouraging other people's kinks and "Your Kink is Ok"? "Hey, look....I think that it's great and wonderful that you want to piss on each other. Just don't do it here. We only do kinks here that aren't sick." Surely the polite response is, 'By all means piss on each other, if that's what you want to do, but please do it in the bath, shower or out on the lawn, unless you're prepared to buy us a new carpet and fit it tomorrow?' Even if you want to do kinky things, you should also respect other's property, and their right to enjoy their own life in their own way. Even if when someone takes offence and you consider it unreasonable that they do, politeness suggests you still do not continue with whatever offends them, in front of them, because that would be deliberately provocative.

fairerthanshe -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 10:24:31 AM)
Greetings MadRabbit, The topic which is being discussed has nothing to do with a particular kink. It is about someone being an impolite asshole in a social situation and interaction. The group in which he decided to be an impolite asshole happens to be a pansexual umbrella group for the kink community. We aren't talking about restricting anybody in the practice of their kink, rather have you experienced a situation where a lack of manners (read acting like a 6th grader) caused problems within a group and why do some people use 'kinked' as an excuse to be an asshole. well wishes ~ fairer than she quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit What about play parties or a social event that doesnt qualify as "normal", but rather one where the point is for people to get "kinky"? Kinks get censored all the time or are not just flat out not allowed for the sake of "acceptable public behavior" or the sake of not offending someone. In that sense, doesn't the notion of "polite society" conflict with the notion of encouraging other people's kinks and "Your Kink is Ok"? "Hey, look....I think that it's great and wonderful that you want to piss on each other. Just don't do it here. We only do kinks here that aren't sick."

Leatherist -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 10:27:00 AM)
Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins.

IrishMist -> RE: Polite Society? (2/7/2008 2:08:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins. LMAO How true that is

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