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RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 7:20:51 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

There's a thread running now about some games for a play party, and the one thing that struck me was the idea of "playing" with anyone other than Master. I have Zero interest in that. I don't wish to be someone toothpick dart target, be auctioned off with play money to another Dom or so on. Master and I have a Personal relationship that is based on more than the D/s alone. I want my relationship and my "game playing" to be with him- not a room full of people I don't know or care about.



The play parties I have been to have never had games like these played at them, so I can't really comment on that. They've also had separate areas for food and socializing so that those who want to talk and socialize don't interrupt the scenes going on, and visa versa.

That's another thing that is important at a good play party: some decent food. And a non-depressing atmosphere. Okay, I'm a snob, and I'll stop now!

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 7:46:37 AM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		I've attended one munch, a handful of parties and a couple larger functions.  Since I never was much of voyuer and have lost my exhibitionist tendencies, I don't get much out the dungeon play.  What we've really enjoyed and would do again are workshops, learning stuff that we can take home.

(in reply to MissDaisy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 2:41:01 PM   
MissDaisy


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline 		I am not sure why the link comes back as no page found. I will chat with the webmaster and see if anything has changed.

S

(in reply to greyangelus)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 2:44:43 PM   
MissDaisy


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline 		greyangelus,

This link might help you.

http://www.bess-md.org/sigs/tng.shtml

I just checked it and am looking at the page now. There is contact info on there and I checked that as well. Should prove helpful to you, when you have the time.
S

(in reply to greyangelus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 2:44:44 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		The other people really. I'm not very interested in the party games I see suggested on the forums, though I enjoy playing some of the naughty board games where you don't actually do anything. I don't always feel like playing or there might not be someone I'm comfortable with so I like to be able to sit around and chat.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MissDaisy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 2:52:40 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDaisy

I would like to know the opinions of others.  What is it about a play party that interests you enough that you want to attend? If you do not attend play parties or never have attended, what is the reason? If you are a regular party goer and stopped attending, why?

I am the Social Team Leader for BESS and am trying to learn more about why people attend or don't attend. I am hoping that a lot of you will take the time to consider this topic and provide your opinion.

Thank you,
Susan C


I love play parties!  When the party goers are mature adults and behave as such, parties can be a lot of fun!  I don't get to make it to many of them, but I snap up any opportunity presented that my schedule will permit.  I'm lucky to have a good community both here and in nearby Indianapolis.  Columbus and Louisville both have great groups, too, and they aren't terribly far away.

As for why people don't go, I suppose there is always the intimidation factor.  Many people, especially those who haven't been before or been in a long time, don't know what to expect and are intimidated by joining a group with established members and friendships.  It's natural and to be expected.  It happens in vanilla groups, as well.  There are also those people who simply don't enjoy playing in public.  The fear of the unknown and my apprehension for walking into a group where I don't know anyone is what held me back from going to local events for a long time.  I'm really glad I got over it.  We have a fantastic group of lifestylers in my area and I'm thrilled that I've gotten to know many of them.

As for what I like about parties, I enjoy the play, of course.  Honestly, though, I really enjoy meeting others in the lifestyle, catching up with friends and acquaintances, drooling over other people's toys and watching how others play.  It really is just a grown up play-date with lots of leather. 

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to MissDaisy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 3:16:03 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		i really miss play parties. i miss socializing and learning new things. Going to a munch is nice but there is really only so much socializing you  can do at a munch and much fewer things can be demoed in a public restraunt even being in a private room

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 4:18:02 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		in the past i have been a much more vocal advocate of socials and play parties...i am now turning towards a much more neutral position...

when a personal fight gets turned political and your name gets smeared to people you don't even know it kind of turns your stomach against attending anything local, and then when that person who did the smearing attends everything local it doesn't give you a chance to rebuild your reputation because when you've been told that attending an event is selfish because it would keep them from attending the event - even when you know it is manipulative - it is your reputation that has been smeared, not theirs, because you kept your mouth shut durring the fight....

at the same time, i know it was personal...so if others can find the positive things that i know are there, i am all for them finding it...

chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 5:05:46 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I met my Master at my very first play party. 

Here in Baton Rouge, we have a very active and friendly group called RSVP.  Our dungeon is amazing.  It's in area that has little to no activity at night or on the weekends, and the building looks just like all of the others in the area. 

We have a variety of themed rooms with a variety of equipment fit for all sorts of play.  A fire room, harem room, medical room, dark forest, library, etc...  We also have a huge open social room where we regularly hold educational events and demos, as well as toy making days.  We have the equipment for folks to use for making leather/wood toys, and people to help those who aren't sure how to make the stuff they want.

We have a kitchen and our members always bring food and snacks for parties/events.  We also have rooms that can be used as guest rooms for out of town guests who are staying overnight, and a big bathroom with bath/shower facilities.

The cost to attend is very reasonable.

Munches are held at area restaurants that have private rooms.  We try to stick to restaurants that are not cost prohibitive because everyone can't afford a pricey meal out.  We always have good turnouts at munches, with numbers varying depending on the restaurant.  We usually go to coffee afterwards.

We also have ladies only coffee nights for females or those who identify as female, to sit around and visit.  Often females are more shy about coming out to munches and such when they don't know anyone.  So this gives them a chance to just visit with the girls first.

Negatives - well I guess there aren't any really, other than people you may not care for, but heck, that's just a given in anything you do. Heh!

(in reply to MissDaisy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 5:09:27 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		lol chelle, been there, done that. Life is too short for some of the drama and crap that comes with some groups.

We do belong to a couple of groups that are some distance away from where we live and we do go to the odd munch. We choose not to play in public, its just not our scene.

C & c

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 5:15:40 PM   
MissDaisy


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline 		wanted to pop on briefly to say thank you to all of you. I am very grateful for your input and I hope it continues.
Learning more about how other people feel is important. It gives me valuable insight and I am sure I will be referring to all of these posts again from time to time.
I appreciate the comment about intimidation and newcomers. I think a way to help newcomers is to resume an old tradition we used to have in which we would have a newcomers munch. This is a great way to meet in public, have a good meal, talk openly and freely, feel safe... a sense of camarderie is established, then on to the party...I think the munch creates a space in which the new folks begin to feel comfortable, realizing bdsm folks are not so awful after all... then once they come to the dungeon for the party, they can go on a tour, ask questions, etc.

Again, thanks everyone for your input.

Susan C

(in reply to completenz)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 8:48:12 PM   
CNJDom


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline 		When going to a play party, there's a few things that come to mind:  A newbie going there will hopefully come across a good representation of what the public and a hint of the private BDSM experience in a safe manner, since there is usually people there concerned with safety and monitor play there, and this persons will usually be watched over closely if they ask due to being a novice and are worried about safety.  It's a good place to learn of techniques and mannerisms  good and bad.  What I have seen that turns me off is the size of a place.  Paddles NYC, is a great place but a little small for my taste (I'm am a large Dominant that needs a little swinging room, and some areas are a bit on the minute side.  Another thing that turns me off is the number of stations present or the over-bearing egos of others (rare, but happens like those who will try to win over your submissive behind your back).  Gawkers and wankers like in the old NYC club Hellfire would also be something that could un-nerve some couples, as well as the lack of space.   I love going to places to play in public, but I also find that sometimes costs is a factor for me.  That slant on we all pay to join a membership and then from that moment on, the pecking order is re-established with the totem pole as fallows:  Females on top with no entrance fees from here to eternity, then couples (entrance fees adjusted due to one being a female), and at the bottom of the stack is males with the brunt of the entrance fees comparatively (weather your a single male or apart of a couple).  Now do CDs and TVs get half-off?  Hope this helps. 
span.jajahWrapper { font-size:1em; color:#B11196; text-decoration:underline; } a.jajahLink { color:#000000; text-decoration:none; } span.jajahInLink:hover { background-color:#B11196; }

_____________________________

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
 ~Ivan Panin

(in reply to mtnbutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/3/2008 11:48:50 PM   
EvilKitty


Posts: 148
Joined: 7/13/2006
From: Tampa Florida
Status: offline 		We're incredibly lucky here in Tampa to have a couple that has spent over 2 decades running swinger & fetish venues. They have swinger parties, fetish parties & "crossover" parties. I only attend the fetish events but am tickled that the others are being held. The "dungeon" includes play areas where one can be edgey, sexual, mild or anything in between. The smokers' area is well ventilated & totally separated from common areas. The food is good, soft drinks are provided & one can BYOB as long as they are responsible about it (& that gets closely monitored!). There's plenty of very private parking with a parking attendant sub every time. There are private areas, a hottub, quiet places to chat, seating areas for larger groupings & good music.
If I ever show up at one of their parties & find that my hosts have sprouted feathery wings & a sort of a glow, I'm not gonna be the least bit startled.

_____________________________

Save the Earth! It's the Only Planet with Chocolate!

(in reply to MissDaisy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/4/2008 12:28:07 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I enjoy play parties and used to host them. I should make clear that My suggestion of a slave auction on the other thread was a specific response to a request for party games ... it wasn't something that was regularly done at Our parties. Most of them had no theme, no party games ... it was just come along and play and have a good time! Probably 90+% of the time, everyone there was playing with their own partner. Only occasionally, after people really got to know each other well, were others invited into a scene, and that was entirely under their instigation.

For Me, what makes a good party and venue are:
* Access to a variety of equipment, especially dungeon furniture most people don't have at home
* Enough space to easily move around and use the equipment, plenty of swing room (Master is 6'4 and a BIG Man! and I'm 5'10)
* Lighting that is atmospheric BUT also bright enough over the equipment to be able to judge changes in skin colour, and do precision play such as needles etc
* Good background music (I hate techno & rap!) which is not too loud, so a Dom can hear a safeword if it is spoken (and can hear all those lovely moans and groans too)
* Suitable temp maintained for near-naked subbies ... not sweltering (Aussie summer may need air conditioning) but also not too cold
* A subbie chill-out area for aftercare after play which is within the play area (maintains the atmosphere) and not too near a social area
* Separate smoking area, preferably outside and well away from the main entrance
* Separate kitchen and supper areas, other social areas too where people can sit and chat without disturbing the play
* No alcohol on sale, but BYO is permissible for socialising but play after imbibing a lot is discouraged
* NO access to the general public, the address is only given out to people who have already attended a munch and therefore been "vetted" to a degree
* Members understand that they should check with the hosts before bringing along extra guests and they must vouch for them
* Plenty of offstreet parking, no near neighbours to gawp
* A good crowd of mixed ages, genders and sexualities, fun to chat to, open to showing off their skills to others within sensitive protocols so others aren't disturbed, maybe 30 - 50 people on any one night (so there are no long queues for equipment) as about half on average will be playing and the others socialising at any one time through the evening - this is also a number where it is easy to welcome newbies and isn't too threatening for them
* A system in place to identify newbies and help them get known and settle in ... a ribbon system worked well
* Reasonable cost, We used to run on a suggested $10 donation per person to cover expenses and that worked well, because We were not open to the general public there was no need to hike up the price for single males as you wouldn't get the "walk in wanker" problem. People also had to bring a plate of food for the shared supper (most people get the munchies after play!)

Yes, this IS something I have thought about a lot LOL!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]





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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to EvilKitty)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/4/2008 1:23:14 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDaisy

I would like to know the opinions of others.  What is it about a play party that interests you enough that you want to attend? If you do not attend play parties or never have attended, what is the reason? If you are a regular party goer and stopped attending, why?

I am the Social Team Leader for BESS and am trying to learn more about why people attend or don't attend. I am hoping that a lot of you will take the time to consider this topic and provide your opinion.

Thank you,
Susan C


Himself and I used to attend a lot of play parties. Over the years, as we've gotten more intense and in to one another, a lot of the scenes in which we like to participate aren't welcomed so much in public venues and, generally speaking, there is less to learn at events which are strictly party in nature. Classes or other educational venues are just more appealing to us at this point.We don't need (nor have the desire) to go watch others do the fluff stuff that we're just not into at this point in our relationship.

On the plus side, play parties are usually a blast, lots of fun and over all 'party' is the operative word and prevailing atmosphere. Also, it's fun to go socialize with old acquaintances who you may not get to see that often but honestly, I'd rather go out with a selective few for coffee and cozy chat.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MissDaisy)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/4/2008 1:26:39 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Oh I don't mind gawkers so much--as long as they keep their dick in their pants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

- annoying know it alls/equipment hogs/all gawkers

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/4/2008 5:05:07 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Oh I don't mind gawkers so much--as long as they keep their dick in their pants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

- annoying know it alls/equipment hogs/all gawkers


 
serious question:
 
  could you explain what you feel would constitute someone being considered a gawker ?
 
 
thanks for any imput.
 
Cyndi
 

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/4/2008 6:15:10 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Some people prefer wine to beer, some prefer blonds, it is all about choice and what floats your boat.

Parties are mostly just events to be around people who "get it", the things that get asked about here rarely happen.  Most parties are uneventful, everyone just having a good time.

There is nothing like having a conversation, not yet being "in the mood" and hearing the low moan of someone getting tormented, or the crisp WHACK of some implement on soft pliable flesh to get the blood flowing.

Its nice being able to use equipment most of us will never have, St. Catherine's Wheel's come to mind, but even a St. Andrews cross is more than many have.  I remember the first time I had bsb on one, I think that alone was enough to send her over the edge.

Like most things, some parties are better than others, same goes for hosts.  I have been to events with chocolate fountains, catered food that were boring (and some that were amazing) and I have been tiny get togethers that will forever be seared into memory.

Parties are often what you make of them but I do enjoy them.

(in reply to TysGalilah)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/4/2008 6:39:51 AM   
liketophoto


Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline 		I have been to many munchs and comunity training. I have gone to one event, a "Dark ages fest.". Loved it.
I am single I have met many people but most are attached. I am really not into poly anything at thins point in my life.
Have not gone to any play parties, one because I am yet to be personally invited.
Two I am single. The last thing I want to do is end up as a wall flower. Someday when I either have someone or get to know a single person I know would be a play partner with I'll go.
It is good that there is people like you that organize such events/groups.
Perhaps one day I will find myself a place helping organize.

(in reply to MissDaisy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Play Parties/Socials - 2/4/2008 7:00:38 AM   
MissAidan


Posts: 208
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		Parties and munches/socials have become a huge part of my life in the last few years.  It was friends made at my first munches that helped me through the break-up of my first D/s relationship in ways that none of my vanilla friends could.  If it wasn't for them, I may have fled the life all together.  The munches here are all held in the same venue that they have been in for years, in a private room.  We usually even have the same server, who has now begun to add to conversations he overhears.  Gee, imagine that, lol.  He seems totally comfortable with us, and we are with him, which is great.  The people who run the local groups are kind, welcoming people who make sure newbies are made to feel at home, and everyone is introduced around.  Sometimes, just watching the guy who runs one of the groups with a high number in attendance try to remember everyones names as he introduces them around can be the highlight of the evening.

Parties have been great in the past because when one lives in a small apartment, play can be tricky when it gets beyond light bondage and a little spanking.  I've had the chance to meet new people, hang out with old friends, see demos and watch others play.  For both myself and my other half, watching is a great way to learn and get ideas.  As of this afternoon, we will be in a house where he can make furniture and we can play without scaring our neighbors for life.  And since our local TNG groups (TNG-Lex for Lexington and Early Bloomers for Louisville) have never had a place to have parties or anything of that nature, we are very much looking forward to hosting our own in our home for the younger crowd.  Gee, I knew that bamboo furniture my parents gave me would come in handy some day...couch bondage anyone? *giggle*

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 40
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