Deciding what you wanted

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LadyHathor -> Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 10:54:26 AM)
*ok so we talk allot about profiles, trollers, 52 pickup, not reading profiles and what we have now--so here are questions to all--* *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* *2. How long did it take?* *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?*

laurell3 -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 11:06:22 AM)
I have found for me, finding someone that I like as a person that I believe I can spend time with and then going from there is much more important than looking at a laundry list of activities and trying to find compatibility. My views on both myself and my role in the lifestyle have changed dramatically including limits which are only a handful now and yes, some of them were explored and discarded because of the bond and trust of a relationship.

Arrrchibald -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 11:07:51 AM)
1. I add to the list every day. 2. I hope I never stop finding new things I like. 3. No. 4. Ideal stuff? Open-mindedness, thick skin, ambition, a sick sense of humor, and not wanting to reproduce. 5. Yes. I'm pickier...tends to happen when you deal with more and more people.

atursvcMaam -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 11:09:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *ok so we talk allot about profiles, trollers, 52 pickup, not reading profiles and what we have now--so here are questions to all--* *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* *2. How long did it take?* *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?* 1. i have made a lot of mistakes, Ma'am, and each one has guided me to smarter better choices as i have progressed. it is a combination of intelligence, strength of purpose, like-mindedness, and complementary desires and needs. looks were never an issue, but i seem to have lucked out there in finding She Who seems to be Ideal. 2. so far 31 years, Ma'am. 3. i got distracted once or a few times, but i have had some very long term detours. i have never run from anyone for a minor difference of opinion. 4. that is always in progress. everyone has their own fotes and weaknesses, but with each wrong turn there is so much possibility for new discovery. 5. Yes Ma'am, when i started i was hoping to spice up my vanilla life. now i might see if i can't mix in a bit of vanilla into a very spicy world. yes i still maintain a vanilla veneer when needed or appropriate.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 11:12:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* I didn't. I was one of those "lost" and "broken" submissives that so quickly get a bad rap. I submitted to a lot of abuse because I didn't know, like, or trust myself. When I found the real deal for myself, it hit me across the head like a 2x4, realizing this was exactly what I had needed all along. quote: *2. How long did it take?* Not to sound cheesy, but all my life. I met him when I was 38. quote: *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* This doesn't apply to me. quote: *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* That list has since been shredded, but for a couple of items which are also on his list and will remain there. All those other things I was never going to do....well....they've been done. quote: *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?* Interesting question. I'd say yes, because now my desire is to serve him, and for his pleasure. Since I didn't know him when I started, those were not my desires then. Back then, my desire was to fill the void. But until I knew what that void was and why it was there, I was only filling it with more crap.

Shawn1066 -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 11:14:27 AM)
1. I wanted somebody of equal or superior intelligence. I wanted somebody with a sense of humor, and a caring soul. I wanted somebody who was strong and dominant in all aspects of her life. I wanted somebody who knew how to control and dominate me without sacrificing the equal parts of our relationship. I wanted somebody I could laugh with, cry with, and talk with about anything. I came to the conclusions from a bit of introspective thought. 2. 20 years or a day, depending on your definion. 3. No. I turned to mush because I found all of it when I wasn't even looking. 4. I couldn't really bend on any of it. They're very connected and broad needs. 5. My overall desire isn't different. My viewpoints are, however. DV's Fox

greyangelus -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 11:34:39 AM)
1. Bedroom/play wise I decided this fairly well years ago. Unfortunately, my desires when it comes to anything else in the relationship has remained stubbornly vague, undefined, and refuses to clear up, even down to what kind of relationship I want to be in. I'm stuck in the 'chicken or egg' conundrum. Personal introspection has pretty much well exhausted all options. 2. Current day and beyond. I can't really answer the rest, as it requires more of the answers to 1 and 2 than I have right now.

TheLookingGirl -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 11:47:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *ok so we talk allot about profiles, trollers, 52 pickup, not reading profiles and what we have now--so here are questions to all--* 1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner? It just came to me. Kind of like what I want for breakfast. And it's ever changing. 2. How long did it take? It's still not done. 3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush? Nope. 4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on? Honesty, Sense of humor, passtionate...and kinky? 5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why? Yes. It's ever changing. Your questions seem to go circly for me.

thetammyjo -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 12:04:29 PM)
The key for me in terms of both husband and slaves has been a very similar vision of what we want for the future and a commitment to making the entire poly household work. In terms of how I got there, part of it was based on my family of origins and rejecting what I considered to be abusive (a lot) and stupid but keeping what realistically worked. Another part was getting to know me as an individual and being honest with myself about my abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. Clearly having someone with some different abilities, strengths and weaknesses will result in a stronger and more independent household. Finally the rest was a matter of trial and error. I'm a big believer in getting as much experience with different people as one can before one makes a lifetime commitment. I also believe in always learning.

kyraofMists -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 12:19:51 PM)
1. The school of hard knocks. I picked partners for the wrong reasons and learned from the emotional fallout of those choices. 2. 34 years. 3. Yep and paid a huge price for it. I also learned a lot from it as well. 4. All of it. My ideal is based on the character of the person. I was single for many years because I would not bend and now I am in a relationship with two people who have the character that I want. 5. Not sure I understand this question. Desires for what? I have never desired to be married and have children of my own. That desire hasn't changed. Some desires have changed over the years and others have not. Knight's Kyra

xxblushesxx -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 12:29:36 PM)
*ok so we talk allot about profiles, trollers, 52 pickup, not reading profiles and what we have now--so here are questions to all--* *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* I actually sat down and made a physical list of those qualities that HAD to be there, and those that SHOULD be there. *2. How long did it take?* I was totally single (read celibate) for two years, then discovered bdsm. I took the time to read and to learn, and to get past my sub fever. I’d say about six months. *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* Nope. Although I have made concessions I thought I would not in the beginning. *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* I would never be with someone who I can’t respect, have fun with, and enjoy life with. In and out of the dungeon. *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?* Not really. I’m a perv.

RCdc -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 12:43:31 PM)
1. I decided by having unreasonable expectations. Then I grew up and realised how immature I was being by deciding what I wanted before I had realised what I deserved and even met who I needed. 2. A few years to realise I was immature. 3. No. But Darcy does turn me to mush.[:)] 4. My integrity and being me. 5. Absolutely. Because I grew up and listened to myself. the.dark.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 1:04:20 PM)
1. I decide from experience, what I like and dislike in a partner. My list changes and evolves as I grow. 2. It will never be finished. 3. I amend my own choices and criteria as I see fit, not because someone else makes me. 4. I will never 'settle' for less than happiness. The list of unbendables remains rooted in things like Honesty, Integrity, and Intelligence. There are many other things I couldn't live without in a partner, but I won't make a long list here. 5. Very different, because I have learned more about myself, and about people in general. My goals change as I get older, priorities alter when life marches onward, nothing stays the same. Edited because I can't type for beans.

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 1:13:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *ok so we talk allot about profiles, trollers, 52 pickup, not reading profiles and what we have now--so here are questions to all--* *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* *2. How long did it take?* *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?* I'll just a narrative answer that addresses several of the questions. When I started this jouney actively about 2 1/2 years ago, I was the stereotypical "bedroom dom," looking for nothing more really than a kinky sex partner. My former sub basically satisfied those desires, and did it superbly. Since we parted D/s ways in late 2006, my needs have changed...because I have changed! I now want (eventually) a 24/7 D/s relationship wherein BDSM activities are the icing on the cake, rather than the raison d'etre. The partner I seek will submit fully and serve me willingly, yet still be strong enough to be her own person. And I don't have a list of "ideal stuff," because everyone is different. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

shellzbythesea -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 1:27:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *ok so we talk allot about profiles, trollers, 52 pickup, not reading profiles and what we have now--so here are questions to all--* *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* i'm still determining part of this, but most has been defined for a very long time (i've always sought someone i could respect, someone trustworthy and with integrity, someone with a great sense of humour). However, it was only within the last year that i decided i would not be comfortable with someone who didn't have at least some inclinations towards D/s. *2. How long did it take?* See above...i know more about the "how long" than the "how", i guess. *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* On the D/s side of things i came close to doing that last year...end result...i am still alone. Currently, i do have feelings for a friend that seem to be building at a steady pace. He would be considered "vanilla" but has some serious D qualities. i'm not sure what to do. Perhaps there's a compromise in there somewhere...even though i truly feel i need certain aspects of this lifestyle...perhaps there is someone "out there" important enough, that i have enough chemistry with, to forgo it. Funny thing is, it's happening just as i've really begun to accept what it is i truly have always wanted. *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* Integrity, respect, honesty, and humour. *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?* my desires are ever-evolving but i'm coming to terms with what i've craved since i was quite young.

Rover -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 1:36:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* Years of trial and error, brutal honesty (with myself), and more than a bit of contemplation. quote: *2. How long did it take?* Let's see, I'm forty-six years old so.... forty-six years and counting. Though in truth, I started to get a handle on it when I stumbled upon BDSM and some of the missing pieces to the puzzle started began into place. quote: *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* Yep, and predictably things turned to crap. I haven't made that mistake in nearly a decade now. quote: *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* I don't have a list of "ideal stuff". Pretty much all I have is the non-negotiables. Given that all the rest is negotiable, I don't see the point in making things unnecissarily complex. If she meets all the non-negotiable criteria, I'll assess the negotiable stuff as a total package. *quote:* *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?* My desire is no different. My ability to recognize how to achieve it is. John

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 2:35:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* Mostly through trial and error. I knew I wanted a huge service component early on. I thought I wanted a huge SM component, but with anne, that's secondary...we're actually not really well matched in that area. When I discovered the spiritual aspects of this, I knew THAT was what I wanted above all else. quote: 2. How long did it take? Once I broke into the spiritual aspects, about a month. anne and I met at a spiritual SM/Ms/leather event. she was 'assigned' to me and it grew from there. quote: 3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush? Almost. Fortunately the Universe created circumstances that allowed (and still allows) me to have some objectivity. I feel when I have control of my emotions better and understand my role a bit better, I'll be ready. Then, so will they. quote: 4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on? There's little that I don't have SOME bend in. Even my deal breakers of lying and abandonment are not without compassion. But basically, my ideal stuff for an Ms relationship is the same as any relationship. quote: 5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why? Not so much different as evolved. But, the two biggest things that have changed are the importance of SM (it's lessened) and the spirtual component (non-existant when I started). The service component is still very strong. How the sex will change, I'm not sure. Master Fire

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 2:43:41 PM)
the result of my latest profile is from many years of experience of being treated like pure crap because i am born different and all the ignorance of the lifestyle that others(note that i dont mean everyone) have thinking they know what they want when they really dont. i dont think i have changed anything from what i origionally wanted in the beginning. things ill never bend on??? --well i wont be treated like property or doormat. if i am even for a little bit...i'll run far away very fast.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 3:10:26 PM)
Yes, it has changed for me, because now i have it in real life. It's also changed, because things i thought i would never like or even want to try. i am doing nbow and loving it, and it's only the begining.

MaamJay -> RE: Deciding what you wanted (2/2/2008 3:50:37 PM)
*1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?* Trial and error and the "result" is still evolving as far as a sub for Me is concerned. Set as far as my Master is concerned, violet's happy. *2. How long did it take?* Well, all my adult life so that's about 30 years ... but have been into D/s for the past 8 years. *3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?* Almost ... it didn't work did it! *4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?* Things such as non-smoker, minimal alcohol use, must love pets, must be able to relocate to live 24/7 with Myself and Master, qualities such as intelligence, integrity, honesty, trustworthiness, obedience, they are all non-negotiables. Pretty much anything else is negotiable. *5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?* When I started out, I wasn't thinking 24/7 ... that evolved over time, but I know now that is what I want. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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