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RE: Deciding what you wanted - 2/2/2008 5:16:38 PM

SayaNereida

Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
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1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?

By learning and knowing myself, of course there were a few not so good choices along the way that helped as well.

2. How long did it take?

Umm...I'm 40, so about 40 years.

3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?

Well, I've relinquished what I thought I sought for the sake of my Um and I've relinquished for the sake of what I thought was saftey and security; both of these ended up being the not so good choices I learned from.

Thankfully, Ryu turns me to mush and he fits with what I sought in a partner.

4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?

Part of my 'ideal stuff" is based on finding and being with one that fits that ideal.
The ability to enjoy life: while circumstances and life can require being serious, being able to not take themselves or life so seriously that they become a shell of a person going through life.
A willingness and ability to comminicate clearly and admit when communication isn't clear.
The willingness and ability to commit to the relationship.
The willingness to dream and the ability to accept reality.
The willingness and ability to show and accept affection: kisses, hugs, etc.
Knowing ones comfort zone and having the willingness and ability to step out of it to learn and grow.
Being willing to think, act, speak, feel, in terms of 'we' not "I"; as partners what affects one affects both.

5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?

For a partner, no, my desires remain the same. The things I'm willing to compromise on have changed.
In the past I was willing to accept feeling 'less than' for my partners sake. I've learned that I cannot be a full partner if I do not feel like a full person.

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RE: Deciding what you wanted - 2/2/2008 6:36:36 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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Well its now My turn:

1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?
           Time, age and wisdom, and a lot of thought, lists, define, redefine, look, talk--then I relaxed and became Me the real Me--smiles, then it all came together.

2. How long did it take?
            To be Me? A lifetime, to acknowledge Me? about 10 years--to get to that I want---5 years and a long 6 months.


3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?
               No, I hate mush. LoL

4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?
               The List. Been there. done that, bought the tshirt and returned it.

5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?
             Oh hell yeah, thank heavens for wisdom

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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Post #: 22

RE: Deciding what you wanted - 2/2/2008 7:02:37 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?

At first, I didn't know what I was seeking in a partner. I wasn't actually seeking anything other than a play partner. Meeting MasterK, and getting to know him over a period of 6 months or so made me realize what I desired in a partner.

quote:

2. How long did it take?

It took about 6 years from my discovery of being a submissive to when I met Master K.

quote:

3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?

No, things became more clear to me after meeting and getting to know MasterK.

quote:

4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?

Nothing I can think of at this time.

quote:

5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?

Yes, I initially did not desire a committed relationship, nor did I think I was slave material. Now, that's what i truly want. I was fearful of getting seriously involved with anyone due to a bad marriage with someone I was not compatible with in the least. Being with someone I am compatible with makes things so much easier.

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Post #: 23

RE: Deciding what you wanted - 2/2/2008 7:12:04 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?

It has been a gradual process.

quote:

2. How long did it take?

48 years so far.

quote:

3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?

I didn't relinquish anything but did date when we were separated for a while. It was great fun, but not the stuff life a full life is made of.

quote:

4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?

Honesty, kindness to people and critters, etc.

quote:

5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?

When I started would be a hard date to pin down. It is different today from what it was just two years ago, and it might be different next year than it is now. Physical changes account for some of that; emotional changes for others. Learning about myself changed some things. Learning about my parnter changed others. Pretty much like the rest of life, it's not a static thing.

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Post #: 24

RE: Deciding what you wanted - 2/2/2008 7:23:07 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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1. How did you decide what you sought in a P/partner?

I always knew what I wanted in one; it was harder to discover what I needed in one.

2. How long did it take?

It is still a search in progress...

3. Have you relinquished that for someone who made your reason turn to mush?

Yes, for 10 years my reason was turned to mush and now my reason has returned to full throttle, though my heart is all the harder for it.

4. What of your list of ideal "stuff" would you never ever bend on?

In the past, I bent, meaning I put up with less than what I needed in the other areas of the relationship because the chemistry was so amazing. Now, I will not bend on the essentials, that being compatibilty on every level.

5. Is your desire today different than it was when you started and why?

My desire for BDSM is as strong now as ever; however my decision on whether to stay with someone simply because of BDSM is different; I will never again sacrifice the other areas in which I need compatibility simply to sate the desire.

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Post #: 25

RE: Deciding what you wanted - 2/3/2008 8:46:16 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Bump 'cause this is interesting!

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Post #: 26

RE: Deciding what you wanted - 2/3/2008 11:18:41 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
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1. I used the same basis of what I wanted/desired in a mainstream partner. I needed to be able to have a relationship with them not just on a play level but on a day to day life.

2. It took a while but was worth it. I have had three significan relationships, One is my husband of 17 years, he may not be my Top/Master but he is my partner and has to be understanding of who I am with. The first person I played with became a very big part of our life, I met them over three years ago and tho I needed something more we are still friends. Who I am with now, I met a year ago and it was probably ten months before I finally decided to take the next step, we both had a few things to work through and I'm glad I waited since he is everything and more than I could have ever dreamt of.

3. see answer for #2 *s* Wolf turned me to mush and I knew that there was something about him but I was afraid to take a step closer,We were both nursing some emotional woulds from prior relationships.

4. nothing really changed there, I couldn't ask for a better person, he offer's me everthing of himself and more.

5. It changed somewhat because I didn't know what I was looking for, I just knew there was something missing and when I found it it was like realising you were holding your breath and can finally breath. Desires change with time, the trick is being on the same path.

Wolf's denika

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Post #: 27