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Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/1/2008 7:03:25 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

There are plenty of posts around asking if one would switch sides for one reason or another, presumably to understand what the other side is like and to thus become a better whatever-side-you're-actually-on.

That's not what my question is. I want to know who actually has started out as one thing and morphed into another - not the same as "I tried out what it was like to be a ___ for a day but it wasn't right." I want to know who, if anyone, has actually experienced an evolution of identity throughout their time in this lifestyle, for lack of better word.

If so, are you honest and upfront about your history as a (whatever) when meeting a new person? Have you found that your history is harmful to your present identity? Or perhaps helpful?

Thanks for sharing!

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

Post #: 1

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/1/2008 7:20:03 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

i admit to being a submissive first for a couple years. a rather lousy submissive actually, i was not cut out for submission. of course i went thru alot of life changes at the same time, so it wasn't all bad, i learned alot about myself in the process.

PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 2

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/1/2008 7:21:52 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I am Painfully honest to all those close to me , and most times i am an open book everywhere else too .When i started all those years ago i was a submissive never thought i would be a Top , nor a Mentor and educator to others .No way did i ever think i would ever be a slave yet i had that pleasure for a time too .I really Switched out of sheer boredom as most were paired up while at a party and though i knew how to flog i thought it would do nothing for me to give a well placed flogging .I am a sub ... Yet when a very attractive female came over and started chatting with me and asked if i could please flog her I said sure and was shocked at the result .To me this whole Switch box i have been checked for sometime now has also been that of growth ,self discovery and more .Thankful now for that boring time in my life where i broke a mold and said sure with a smile .
I do not feel it has caused any problems perhaps the other way around , I have been seeking out a Domme for me in my life to share time with etc etc , yet none appeared .So i stopped looking and now enjoying just who i am .When i met people some ask so Your a Master ? ! or your a Top right others can see the subbie bottom side of me and ask if that is me .I often smile and just say yes and then some adding i am just me .And until they wish to know me further thats just fine , if they do not wish to get to know me due to me being Switchy thats fine too .Some people are seeking their ideal whatever and thats fine too .
In the end i am so greatful for the chance to be ever growing and ever evolving gathering learning and experience and fun times upon my journey .

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 3

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/1/2008 7:23:18 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

i went from dominant/top to submissive/bottom. i never saw myself as submissive (well i saw the potential but didn't really think it would happen) until i met Him. He's well aware of it and refers to Himself as my dominant hetero experiment.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 4

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/1/2008 7:32:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass
That's not what my question is. I want to know who actually has started out as one thing and morphed into another - not the same as "I tried out what it was like to be a ___ for a day but it wasn't right." I want to know who, if anyone, has actually experienced an evolution of identity throughout their time in this lifestyle, for lack of better word.

Yup, the only reason I started topping was that my ex master ordered me to start learning and developing relationships as a top. He's the one who insisted I was going to be a dominant as well- to which I said pshaw.

Of course he was completely right.

quote:

If so, are you honest and upfront about your history as a (whatever) when meeting a new person?

Heck yeah, makes a great story.

quote:

Have you found that your history is harmful to your present identity? Or perhaps helpful?

Thanks for sharing!

Sometimes it's irksome when people who don't know me or know my history will try to educate me on what being a "real slave" is like- since they've only known me as a switch, it can be tough to balance letting them know that I was an owned slave for years without sounding annoyed (which I am) or know it all.

But otherwise, it's just part of who I am. The people I connect to are the ones who recognize that we all form unique relationships with people and that our orientation is fairly meaningless unless they want to get into a relationship with me. Works out well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 5

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/1/2008 7:42:56 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

When i was a pro Domme i made it clear what i had done in my past, atleast to what i thought it was....turned out i thought i had been a slave but had really been a bottom.

When i met my Master/Daddy he totally knew all about my past, both sides and has shown me what it means to actually submit to someone on a deep level and to be a slave and not doing the role play stuff i thought was submitting.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 6

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/1/2008 9:10:06 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I was talked into submitting for my "growth" and I sure learned a few things! The person was an officer in the Society of Janus and after the scene I had to give HER aftercare because she was shocked I didn't respond to pain or her "amazing" technique.

I have also bottomed to BSB a couple of times as well and it made our D/s stronger and her submission deeper by an order of magnitude. However, it wasn't the bottoming per say that did it, it was me showing her how important both she and our relationship is to me that made the difference.

I have met a few grande old Dommes who evoked submissive feelings in me, the one I approached took me on as an apprentice and instead mentored me. This was many years ago and I am not sure how I would feel about her today, some of the things she did were WAY out there (changing sexual orientations, etc) that I don't know how I would react to knowing what I do today.

If bottoming or whatever works for you great, if it doesn't great. There are lots of paths to growth, I don't think it is any better or worse than others.

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 7

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/2/2008 2:05:01 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I tried very hard to be the submissive Christian wife in my two marriages. All total, about 17 years of experience. The first three years of my involvement in the community, I lived a switch's life, being submissive at home and Dominant in the community. Now, I'm single and not submissive to anyone, happily. While I like to bottom for sex most of the time, I do it exactly how I want...so I definitely Top from the bottom to do it. :-)

I pretty much tell whomever (obviously) when they're getting to know me as a person.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 2/2/2008 2:09:24 AM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 8

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/2/2008 5:16:51 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I started out as a submissive, thinking that because my husband was dominant I must be a sub. Two mistakes - he wasn't dominant and my role isn't dependent on his.
I took a lot of time out to decide if there was a place for me in kink and BDSM and came out of that very confident in my role as a Dominant woman, which I remained until I met M, and finally truly learned what it was like to submit to someone.

Now I'm a happy switch, and I'm honest with everyone about my beginnings. I make sure that potential subs know that I'm a switch in case they can't handle a Domme that switches. Sometimes it's detrimental, but most of the time subs have said they appreciate knowing that I have an idea what they might go through.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 9

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/2/2008 5:52:07 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

My submission towards male dominance/authority is what feels right deep inside me.

About 4 years into my relationship with Tyson, I discovered I felt dominant around other female submissives, and explored that for a time. It is still a feeling that comes up within me, but I have never, successfully, been able to maintain a Ds relationship ( me being the D and her being the s ) While I am serving and submitting to Tyson. Topping a female submissive? yes : ) I still feel very nurturing though..soft and loving ~ rather than topping sadistically or with alot of implements.

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 10

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/2/2008 5:56:25 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i have my journey nut shelled on my profile....it has led to great conversations and i dont feel a bit ashamed.

there are two thing i am ashamed of from the last 22 years in D/s....one where i let myself down and the other where i let the man i serve down.....both were unique ops for growth...and though that should console me....it does not.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 11

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/2/2008 6:07:11 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I entered my first D/s relationship at the age of sixteen - as a submissive. Green, clueless and thinking this was something ALL women did. Until some years ago, still exploring a submissive/masochistic side, I always felt something was 'awry'. Never quite putting my finger on it, but recognising it existed. Some years ago I had the opportunity of topping someone as a sadist and I finally felt as if I had reawakened - to be me. I had always been dominant in my every day life, just not privately. Some people view my beginnings distastefully, I can't possibly be a 'true' domme - ack! I find that train of thought distasteful in any case. I am who I enjoy being - ME.

I identify as a Domme, it's for ease of reference for others and not the B & E of all I am, just a part of me that has a handprint in all other areas of my life.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 12

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/2/2008 7:32:24 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Well I'm a switch so obviously I have and I'm always honest about it especially because even open-minded people can find switches confusing. Those that give me speeches about not being "true" I'm happy to be able to discard sooner rather than later.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 13

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/2/2008 7:36:55 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

because even open-minded people can find switches confusing.

i know...i wonder why that is.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 14

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/6/2008 10:05:35 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

Oooooh, look at all the great replies! I got swept away with work and personal life for a bit but I'm glad that you guys were able to carry on without me! :)

I posted this just because I was tired of all the threads about people switching to experience what the other side is like because it makes them better at whatever they are - which is fine if it works for you - but as someone whose identity really has shifted over several years, I wanted to talk about that side of it.

Evolution has been on my mind a lot lately as I personally have evolved drastically over the past 4 years (note to self, never get involved with a 20 year old!) and my partner has undergone some pretty crazy evolution as well - from identifying as a slave to a little girl/top. I am very interested in identities and especially their progression and fluidity from one state to another or somewhere in between. Ok, it's 1am and I may not be coherent anymore...but interested to hear from others who think about this stuff too.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 15

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/7/2008 4:19:30 AM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

I was submissive in a previous relationship, but it was mainly to make the guy I was with happy. I really wanted to be dominant, but was afraid he'd leave me if I was. I changed a lot of who I was for him and it's something I still find myself beating myself up about it. Especially since he ended up being an ass. But now I'm with a man who loves my dominant side, he's just not as into the lifestyle as I am.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 16

RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? - 2/7/2008 7:28:50 AM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

I thought I was a submissive for years until I went out and did it and I found Dominance worked better for me and my playmates.

It is one reason I am very suspicious of 'online only' "experience" - it doesn't tell you a damn thing, because your deeper emotions below the conscious level aren't touched or your mettle tested.

I would guess there is more passing from being (or thinking they were) submissive into a Dominance role than vice versa - at least amongst men - but as some have said it is entirely possible to submit to one Master or Mistress and be a Dominant elsewhere.

(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 17

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