Not "would you" but "did you"...? (Full Version)

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DominaSmartass -> Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/1/2008 7:03:25 PM)

There are plenty of posts around asking if one would switch sides for one reason or another, presumably to understand what the other side is like and to thus become a better whatever-side-you're-actually-on.

That's not what my question is. I want to know who actually has started out as one thing and morphed into another - not the same as "I tried out what it was like to be a ___ for a day but it wasn't right." I want to know who, if anyone, has actually experienced an evolution of identity throughout their time in this lifestyle, for lack of better word.

If so, are you honest and upfront about your history as a (whatever) when meeting a new person? Have you found that your history is harmful to your present identity? Or perhaps helpful?

Thanks for sharing!



PanthersMom -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/1/2008 7:20:03 PM)

i admit to being a submissive first for a couple years.  a rather lousy submissive actually, i was not cut out for submission.  of course i went thru alot of life changes at the same time, so it wasn't all bad, i learned alot about myself in the process.

PM



azropedntied -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/1/2008 7:21:52 PM)

I am Painfully honest to all those close to me , and most times i am an open book  everywhere else too .When i started  all those years ago i was a submissive  never thought i would be a  Top , nor a Mentor and educator to others .No way did i ever think i would ever be a slave  yet i had that pleasure  for a time too .I really Switched out of sheer boredom as most were paired up while at a party and though i knew how to flog i thought it would do nothing for me to give a well placed flogging .I am a sub  ... Yet when a very attractive  female  came over and  started chatting with me and asked if i could please flog her I said sure  and was shocked at the result .To me this whole Switch  box i have been checked for sometime now has also been  that of growth ,self discovery  and more .Thankful now for that boring time in my life where i broke a mold and said sure  with a smile .
I do not feel it has caused any problems  perhaps the other way around , I have been seeking out a Domme for me in my life to share  time with  etc etc , yet none appeared .So i stopped looking and now enjoying just who i am .When i met people some ask so Your a Master ? ! or your a Top right  others can see the subbie bottom  side of me  and ask if that is me .I often smile and just say yes and then some  adding i am just me .And until  they wish to know me  further thats just fine , if they do not wish to get to know me due to me being Switchy  thats fine too .Some people are seeking  their ideal  whatever and thats fine too .
In the end i am so greatful for the chance to be ever growing and ever evolving gathering learning and experience  and  fun times upon my journey .



fluffyswitch -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/1/2008 7:23:18 PM)

i went from dominant/top to submissive/bottom. i never saw myself as submissive (well i saw the potential but didn't really think it would happen) until i met Him. He's well aware of it and refers to Himself as my dominant hetero experiment.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/1/2008 7:32:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass
That's not what my question is. I want to know who actually has started out as one thing and morphed into another - not the same as "I tried out what it was like to be a ___ for a day but it wasn't right." I want to know who, if anyone, has actually experienced an evolution of identity throughout their time in this lifestyle, for lack of better word.

Yup, the only reason I started topping was that my ex master ordered me to start learning and developing relationships as a top.  He's the one who insisted I was going to be a dominant as well- to which I said pshaw.

Of course he was completely right.
quote:


If so, are you honest and upfront about your history as a (whatever) when meeting a new person?

Heck yeah, makes a great story.

quote:

 Have you found that your history is harmful to your present identity? Or perhaps helpful?

Thanks for sharing!

Sometimes it's irksome when people who don't know me or know my history will try to educate me on what being a "real slave" is like- since they've only known me as a switch, it can be tough to balance letting them know that I was an owned slave for years without sounding annoyed (which I am) or know it all.

But otherwise, it's just part of who I am.  The people I connect to are the ones who recognize that we all form unique relationships with people and that our orientation is fairly meaningless unless they want to get into a relationship with me.  Works out well.



daddyncherry -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/1/2008 7:42:56 PM)

When i was a pro Domme i made it clear what i had done in my past, atleast to what i thought it was....turned out i thought i had been a slave but had really been a bottom.

When i met my Master/Daddy he totally knew all about my past, both sides and has shown me what it means to actually submit to someone on a deep level and to be a slave and not doing the role play stuff i thought was submitting.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/1/2008 9:10:06 PM)

I was talked into submitting for my "growth" and I sure learned a few things!    The person was an officer in the Society of Janus and after the scene I had to give HER aftercare because she was shocked I didn't respond to pain or her "amazing" technique. 

I have also bottomed to BSB a couple of times as well and it made our D/s stronger and her submission deeper by an order of magnitude.  However, it wasn't the bottoming per say that did it, it was me showing her how important both she and our relationship is to me that made the difference.

I have met a few grande old Dommes who evoked submissive feelings in me, the one I approached took me on as an apprentice and instead mentored me.   This was many years ago and I am not sure how I would feel about her today, some of the things she did were WAY out there (changing sexual orientations, etc) that I don't know how I would react to knowing what I do today.

If bottoming or whatever works for you great, if it doesn't great.  There are lots of paths to growth, I don't think it is any better or worse than others.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/2/2008 2:05:01 AM)

I tried very hard to be the submissive Christian wife in my two marriages. All total, about 17 years of experience. The first three years of my involvement in the community, I lived a switch's life, being submissive at home and Dominant in the community. Now, I'm single and not submissive to anyone, happily. While I like to bottom for sex most of the time, I do it exactly how I want...so I definitely Top from the bottom to do it. :-)

I pretty much tell whomever (obviously) when they're getting to know me as a person.

Master Fire



Elorin -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/2/2008 5:16:51 AM)

I started out as a submissive, thinking that because my husband was dominant I must be a sub. Two mistakes - he wasn't dominant and my role isn't dependent on his.
I took a lot of time out to decide if there was a place for me in kink and BDSM and came out of that very confident in my role as a Dominant woman, which I remained until I met M, and finally truly learned what it was like to submit to someone.

Now I'm a happy switch, and I'm honest with everyone about my beginnings. I make sure that potential subs know that I'm a switch in case they can't handle a Domme that switches. Sometimes it's detrimental, but most of the time subs have said they appreciate knowing that I have an idea what they might go through.



TysGalilah -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/2/2008 5:52:07 AM)

 
My submission towards male dominance/authority is what feels right deep inside me.
 
About 4 years into my relationship with Tyson, I discovered I felt dominant around other female submissives, and explored that for a time.  It is still a feeling that comes up within me, but I have never, successfully, been able to maintain a Ds relationship ( me being the D  and her being the s )   While I am serving and submitting to Tyson.                                                                                      Topping a female submissive? yes : )  I still feel very nurturing though..soft and loving ~ rather than topping sadistically or with alot of implements. 
 



crouchingtigress -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/2/2008 5:56:25 AM)

i have my journey nut shelled on my profile....it has led to great conversations and i dont feel a bit ashamed.

there are two thing i am ashamed of from the last 22 years in D/s....one where i let myself down and the other where i let the man i serve down.....both were unique ops for growth...and though that should console me....it does not.



MissMorrigan -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/2/2008 6:07:11 AM)

I entered my first D/s relationship at the age of sixteen - as a submissive. Green, clueless and thinking this was something ALL women did. Until some years ago, still exploring a submissive/masochistic side, I always felt something was 'awry'. Never quite putting my finger on it, but recognising it existed. Some years ago I had the opportunity of topping someone as a sadist and I finally felt as if I had reawakened - to be me. I had always been dominant in my every day life, just not privately. Some people view my beginnings distastefully, I can't possibly be a 'true' domme - ack! I find that train of thought distasteful in any case. I am who I enjoy being - ME.

I identify as a Domme, it's for ease of reference for others and not the B & E of all I am, just a part of me that has a handprint in all other areas of my life.



laurell3 -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/2/2008 7:32:24 AM)

Well I'm a switch so obviously I have and I'm always honest about it especially because even open-minded people can find switches confusing.  Those that give me speeches about not being "true" I'm happy to be able to discard sooner rather than later.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/2/2008 7:36:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

because even open-minded people can find switches confusing. 


i know...i wonder why that is.



DominaSmartass -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/6/2008 10:05:35 PM)

Oooooh, look at all the great replies! I got swept away with work and personal life for a bit but I'm glad that you guys were able to carry on without me! :)

I posted this just because I was tired of all the threads about people switching to experience what the other side is like because it makes them better at whatever they are - which is fine if it works for you - but as someone whose identity really has shifted over several years, I wanted to talk about that side of it.

Evolution has been on my mind a lot lately as I personally have evolved drastically over the past 4 years (note to self, never get involved with a 20 year old!) and my partner has undergone some pretty crazy evolution as well - from identifying as a slave to a little girl/top. I am very interested in identities and especially their progression and fluidity from one state to another or somewhere in between. Ok, it's 1am and I may not be coherent anymore...but interested to hear from others who think about this stuff too.



Faeorie -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/7/2008 4:19:30 AM)

I was submissive in a previous relationship, but it was mainly to make the guy I was with happy. I really wanted to be dominant, but was afraid he'd leave me if I was. I changed a lot of who I was for him and it's something I still find myself beating myself up about it. Especially since he ended up being an ass. But now I'm with a man who loves my dominant side, he's just not as into the lifestyle as I am. 



sirguym -> RE: Not "would you" but "did you"...? (2/7/2008 7:28:50 AM)

I thought I was a submissive for years until I went out and did it and I found Dominance worked better for me and my playmates.

It is one reason I am very suspicious of 'online only' "experience" - it doesn't tell you a damn thing, because your deeper emotions below the conscious level aren't touched or your mettle tested.

I would guess there is more passing from being (or thinking they were) submissive into a Dominance role than vice versa - at least amongst men - but as some have said it is entirely possible to submit to one Master or Mistress and be a Dominant elsewhere.





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