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Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 3:45:08 PM   
lennoxx


Posts: 10
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		I am relativly new to this lifestyle. Two years tops and that is being generous.  I admit I am new and un-educated.
     My pet came to me this evening with questions. Among these questions she asked,"How do you see me, do you see me as a partner?" My response was,"I see you as a responsibility." A responsibility I chose and I am happy with. I said this because I just moved to this city a few months ago and the job market sucks.  We are moving in two weeks and my finances are less than satisfactory. A lot of things depend on me and I am working to get them setteled. My response was not what she was hoping to hear. I understand that
     To me I think of partners as equals. Before this conversation in my mind Dom and sub were not equal except on a purely human level (basic rights/needs). I have not been able to verbalize my thoughts on this, but the way my pet explained it I understood where she was coming from and I agreed.
       What I want to find out is what other peoples thoughts are on this. Do you see yourself and your significant other as equals? Be they Dom, sub, slave, Daddy, lil' girl or what have you.
 


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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 3:55:02 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Like many things, it varies a good bit.

In general, I haven't observed any instances of someone thinking the sub was superior.

I have observed a few cases in which equality was observed.  In one case which is particularly easy to bring up, one of our form regulars, AquaticSub quotes her Dom in her signature..
quote:

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different." - My Beloved (Valyraen)


In other cases, particularly those in which the submissive/slave is more of a pet, the Dom is often seen as superior.

Finally, in many other cases, I think the issue isn't really brought up as a point of concern.

(in reply to lennoxx)
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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:13:51 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I would never...never...be in a relationship with a man who saw me as an equal. No fricking way. It's not what I want; and it's not an enviornment that I thrive in. But then, that's just me and what works for me. You have to figure out what works for the two of you.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:13:54 PM   
Killishandra


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		What an interesting topic! Just to add my two cents, I think the first thing that should be examined is the nature of the word "equals." People are complex on so many levels... And D/s only further adds levels to a relationship. So on how many levels can two (or more) people be "equal"?

I am always equally deserving of respect, even if my dignity is taken away during a humiliation scene. So on a respect level, I am equal with anyone else, including my past/future Doms.

Are we equal in power? In decision-making? Surely not! If we were equals in that regard, what kind of D/s relationship would it be? (Not one *I'd* want to be in, LOL.)

I'm sure there are many other levels that I or others could think of and discuss.

Basically, I find the question personally unanswerable due to its multi-faceted nature.  lol

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:20:32 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I am his equal. Choosing to defer to him, and finding satisfaction in it, doesn't make me inferior.
But that's only our dynamic, it wouldn't work for many.
He would likely also say that I am his responsibility; his well-being is mine, as well.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:20:36 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I know Master sees me as His partner...That is also how I view Him. I'm just the Jr. partner LOL.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:27:26 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Yes. We are absolutely equal in this. He cannot dominate unless I submit, I cannot submit if he does not dominate. We also don't define ourselves  or our relationship solely by the terms "owner" and "submissive". I'm his girl - the probable future wife and future mother to his children, his lover, his friend, his partner, his personal clown, his gaming partner, etc. He is all that and more to me as well being my owner.

Which isn't to say that others should define their relationship the way we do - simply such relationships do exist. It's just another area that, in my opinion, a dominant and submissive should be compatible in.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:34:19 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I tend to think of think of my S/O as my equal, my lover, my partner, my dom and my friend. 

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:43:19 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		whether i'm a daughter (to Daddy) or submissive/fiancee (to SO), i'm also their equal, partner, and friend. i could never be compatiable with someone who didn't see me as his equal.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 4:51:52 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I know Master sees me as His partner...That is also how I view Him. I'm just the Jr. partner LOL.


Just right.

All sorts of partnerships exist. In some, partners are senior and junior. Among the senior partners are some Senior Managing Partners. Etc. Any number of variations exist.

I suppose that in any business or professional partnership, each party is entitled to some reward and responsible for some risk, but in every case there is some degree of commitment.

In interpersonal relationships risk is inevitably present for all, insofar as each opens himself up to it. I think that this degree of open-ness is related closely but not necessarily straightforwardly to degree of commitment. Anyhow I would see the analogy holding pretty well between business and professiobnal partnerships on one side and  relationship partnerships on the other, at least insofar as involving some (tiny or huge) degree of commitment and the matters of risk and reward as well.

To the Original Poster: it might be interesting to ask your partner, er, your watchamacallit, to explore out loud for you what her sense of the word "partner" is. It may in fact be kind of vaguely defined for her and airing out her thoughts might help her to clarify it for herself as well as to share it with you.

It wouldn't be surprising to find out that when she asked the question about partnership she was hoping to learn about one one or more specific things which could be addressed just as well or better in other terms which might not be as problematic for you as a couple as "partner" may just happen to be.

Best of luck.



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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 5:22:33 PM   
DominaRapport


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline 		I don't see myself as greater than my partner. We started off as equals, and through our relationship, he has chosen to bow himself, placing me above him. It does not make him less, or me more. The only reason I am in control is because he puts me there.

(in reply to lennoxx)
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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 5:56:14 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		I hope that when I find the right Dom, we will see each other as partners. As for equality, well, in what area? There will be areas in which I excel, and areas in which he excels. I will choose to submit in some areas, to look to him for direction and guidance in some areas, and expect him to keep his mitts off other areas. Hmm - not much different from how I would be in a vanilla relationship.

BTW - I'm impressed by the erudite and articulate nature of the posts in this thread. Each of you is certainly anyone's equal in communication.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 6:56:50 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

I am his equal. Choosing to defer to him, and finding satisfaction in it, doesn't make me inferior.
But that's only our dynamic, it wouldn't work for many.
He would likely also say that I am his responsibility; his well-being is mine, as well.

this is essentially how our relationship is structured as well. i am be submissive to Him but i don't necessarily see Him as being higher than me, nor do i get the impression that my submission makes me inferior than Himself in his eyes. i think i might come across as fluffier than what i really am but besides that we're essentially equals.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 8:30:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I am my partners partner/girlfriend, but our relationship is not based on Ds.  In my previous relationship I was the owned property.

Really comes down to what works for you.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 8:39:37 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lennoxx

       What I want to find out is what other peoples thoughts are on this. Do you see yourself and your significant other as equals? Be they Dom, sub, slave, Daddy, lil' girl or what have you. 
 

No, I don't see them as either partners nor equals.  Its not due to any particular hubris on my part, but more the way things tend to work out for me.  That itself is partly a product of past experiences, personal characteristics, and how others have tended to interacted with me through out my life.  Certain patterns, long established, tend to repeat.

While I seek companions, I do not seek partners nor equals.  There have been times I've thought having a relationship with an equal partner would be nice (chiefly due to one singular such relationship, and virtually the only such I've ever had) and thus at times I've considered the possibility of a relationship with a domme.  That never worked out and I've never put much energy into exploring it.  By and large the companions I seek are not my equals and not my partners... they may become part of my life, part of my world, and take part in various aspects of my life... but they aren't partners.  My life, my world, is not a democracy... its a monarchy... and its good to be the king baby!  I'm not looking for a queen to share the throne with, more like serving wenches I can ravish!  LOL

That's just how things work for me... to each their own of course.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 9:02:25 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Nah, I don't see myself as an equal to him at all.  I like to see myself as downright inferior to him, but that's what works for me. 

I do however believe there has to be some level of mutuality in all of this, and I agree that a dominant is or should feel somewhat responsible for the well-being of his submissive/slave; I think that's kind of noble and sweet at the same time.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 9:09:46 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		I do see myself and my Master as equals.  I submit all to him, but I don't see that it makes me inferior to him.  We are lovers, friends, companions and Master/slave.  

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 9:11:49 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Yes. Daddy and I are equals in the relationship. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: lennoxx


       What I want to find out is what other peoples thoughts are on this. Do you see yourself and your significant other as equals? Be they Dom, sub, slave, Daddy, lil' girl or what have you.
 


(in reply to lennoxx)
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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 9:13:24 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am always equal, sometimes more than equal. I only choose to submit when inspired. That does not lessen the fact that I am on the same level or higher.

(in reply to Bound2One)
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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 9:15:27 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lennoxx

What I want to find out is what other peoples thoughts are on this. Do you see yourself and your significant other as equals?


Fox is my equal in as far as our relationship goes. He would be the significant other, Angel is more a part time playmate.
Fox is also owned property, a responablity, a pet and a plaything. We are equal but competely opposite, which is why we balance out nicely.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

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