RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else?

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 9:52:43 PM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lennoxx
What I want to find out is what other peoples thoughts are on this. Do you see yourself and your significant other as equals? Be they Dom, sub, slave, Daddy, lil' girl or what have you.

Daddy is Daddy, Sir, Master, my King. i'm his lil girl, his Lady, his Queen....equal in importance, yang to his yin, his balance and his comfort.

kitten

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 10:13:47 PM

MaamJay

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Master and violet are equal as humans ... W/we choose to be unequal in power and control. However, He also chooses to exercise that power and control in ways that make Him a partner and a friend and a lover as well as a Master. Not every Dom would help His sub with her Avon LOL ... but that doesn't remotely lessen Him in my eyes ... in fact, it elevates Him further for i see it as an expression of His love for me and His desire to share with me in all that W/we do.

As a Domme, I am seeking a sub who will also be equal as a human but who will choose to yield their power and control to Me ... and in much the same way, I will seek to be a partner to them in their life's journey.

While undoubtedly subs are a responsibility ... my subby heart kinda bled for the OP's lass when she got that answer! For in today's world, responsibilities are often portrayed as burdens ... and I am sure the OP didn't mean it in that way. So I second the idea of them having a good talk about words like partner, equal, responsibility etc! It would be awful for such a misunderstanding to come in the way of the relationship.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/23/2008 10:30:04 PM

SimplyMichael

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This is an issue I struggle with, my brain wants an equal, my heart wants an equal but my loins want a slave. I like to use and debase my partner, I also love to get up early and make her breakfast in bed. I get hard thinking of her chained to the foot of the bed sleeping on the floor but I wouldn't go to sleep without the love of my life in my arms lying beside me.

That is why being a daddy works for me, I can craft a space where I can blend all of this together in a way that works for the two of us.

However, bottom line for me is my woman is my partner and equal even though we don't treat each other as equals. It should never be us struggling with each other, it should instead be us struggling together against the world.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 12:52:02 AM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

This is an issue I struggle with, my brain wants an equal, my heart wants an equal but my loins want a slave. I like to use and debase my partner, I also love to get up early and make her breakfast in bed. I get hard thinking of her chained to the foot of the bed sleeping on the floor but I wouldn't go to sleep without the love of my life in my arms lying beside me.

That is why being a daddy works for me, I can craft a space where I can blend all of this together in a way that works for the two of us.

However, bottom line for me is my woman is my partner and equal even though we don't treat each other as equals. It should never be us struggling with each other, it should instead be us struggling together against the world.

That approach works for me as well.

While as a submissive I really wouldn't want to be in a situation where I was truly considered equal in all things, I would also never be in a situation where I didn't have equal bargaining power on relationship issues. (if that makes sense). I guess a better way to put it is the person that will always know me the best will always be me. Any approach that fails to take into consideration that factor isn't one I think would work for me.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 2:48:59 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

I tend to think of think of my S/O as my equal, my lover, my partner, my dom and my friend.

This is how I felt with my last kajira. With out all of these I feel incomplete in Ms.
I just don't want "power'exchange only..also thoughts.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 10:08:42 AM

breatheasone

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For me aquatic's sig line says it best....(paraphrasing) "Without your submission I cannot dominate, without my dominance you cannot submit. We are equals in this, though our roles be different.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 1:51:27 PM

DesFIP

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I'm better in somethings than he is and worse in others. Trust me, the only cooking he's capable of is on a grill. Pancakes required a box of Bisquick and he still made a huge mess in the kitchen.

If I wasn't his equal, then he couldn't delegate responsibility to me. I've started organizing some of his business stuff, if I were incompetent, or less competent than him, then he couldn't let me do it. I relieve him of responsibility as much as I give him more to handle. We're partners. But as I've said before, the model for our relationship is CEO and Exercutive Assistant. When Jack Welsh was CEO at GE, his Exec Ass't earned $150,000 a year. At that price, she wasn't just another responsibility she was a highly valuable asset, she handled a lot of his responsibilities so he could devote himself to the rest.

And I'm curious. You admit to having financial difficulties now, does that mean her earnings are supporting you? If so, then who is whose responsibility?

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 2:21:24 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lennoxx

I am relativly new to this lifestyle. Two years tops and that is being generous. I admit I am new and un-educated.
My pet came to me this evening with questions. Among these questions she asked,"How do you see me, do you see me as a partner?" My response was,"I see you as a responsibility." A responsibility I chose and I am happy with. I said this because I just moved to this city a few months ago and the job market sucks. We are moving in two weeks and my finances are less than satisfactory. A lot of things depend on me and I am working to get them setteled. My response was not what she was hoping to hear. I understand that
To me I think of partners as equals. Before this conversation in my mind Dom and sub were not equal except on a purely human level (basic rights/needs). I have not been able to verbalize my thoughts on this, but the way my pet explained it I understood where she was coming from and I agreed.
What I want to find out is what other peoples thoughts are on this. Do you see yourself and your significant other as equals? Be they Dom, sub, slave, Daddy, lil' girl or what have you.

This maybe rambling because I don't think of the "word" equal so much in terms of personal relationships as I do in terms of political rights and responsibilities.

In a general sense that everyone in a dynamic is responsible in maintaining that dynamic, yes, Fox and I are partners in the relationship.

However, if I'm pressed to define him as something other than Fox then I say he is my slave.

He is not my boyfriend; to me that or the title husband would be stating that we are equal.

We are not equal in terms of the authority in our dynamic -- we designed things to be this way.

We are equal of human beings and we each have responsibilities in the dynamic and the household.

As far as I (and he) are concerned though he is certainly anyone else's equal, his status as my slave and his identity as a switch heavily leaning sub/bottom does not make him unequal to anyone.

Of course this all depends on how you measure equality does it? He is not my equal in terms of his knowledge of ancient history but I'm not his equal in terms of knowledge of physics either (Tom bests him in that particular area).

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 1/24/2008 2:23:41 PM >

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 2:23:24 PM

LPslittleclip

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i have both a wife and a Dominant so have different positions for each. for my wife of 18 years we are equals in all things, for my Dominant i am the submissive and although i agree with aquatics signature line i feel i am the lesser as my M'Lady makes all the decisions. this is not based on workload or responsibilities its just how i view it for me and my situations.
happily collared by LadyPact

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 11:46:45 PM

ownedgirlie

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With a question such as this, I measure equality in terms of power and status. He is my superior and I am inferior to him. I can't imagine it any other way.

(in reply to lennoxx)

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/24/2008 11:56:51 PM

razon

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Hey

I am actually the exact opposite of IrishMist - I would not manage in a relationship that had me inferior to someone - ANYONE! I am a sub, happily and I am thrilled to be one. Although for me, I am a tough sub - and I mean that in a sense that it will take a really strong man - strong mentally, intellectually, and physically - to dominate me. I see myself with tons of potential for success in business, society, politics, education, everything that a dom/me can do. I want to be treated as an equal partner in a relationship and be given the rights that every human being has. And treated equally in public.

but when we play - you can tie me down, torture me, spank me, slap me, yell at me, make me cry at your feet, and tell me how much I belong to you and dominate me in every way, shape or form.

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/25/2008 2:14:22 AM

SailingBum

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One could argue quite convincingly that the dominate one by definition has the final word in the major and sometimes minor decisions would be superior to his submissive. Hence how can the submissive be equal when her voice is dimished as she doesn't have the final say. Food for thought. I get what most of you are saying "first among equals"

BadOne

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RE: Dominants and submissives, partners or something else? - 1/25/2008 6:00:54 AM

novice7

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Sir and others who replied...i think by the interesting variety of anwsers that have posted to your question you must see the true anwser.....and it is the very thing that makes bdsm and especially D/s so wonderfully beautiful in my opinion.....it can be what ever you want it to be.... as you and your sub are uniquely individual, so are all relationships...just love each other and hold on tight

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