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Is this just me or do most switches in their profiles ... - 1/21/2008 10:03:19 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Come off as submissives mostly or bottoms...and then they throw in they can be Dominant in the end...i have just found this to be the rule the last few years and wonder how others think about this or am i perceiving things in a weird way..i guess what i am asking is that is someone who is a true "switch" if there is such a thing mostly submissive but can go the other way if it comes up.....thanks!

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RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/21/2008 10:13:04 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

When I had a full profile which I do not now. I had a profile of what I was looking for first, as in I want a sub and here is how I envision my relationship etc. and then I also had a section for the other role. I think knowing both sides of a person is helpful personally and I know there are many out there that have an aversion to switches so I never want to appear dishonest about it and would actually like to avoid those people.

Edited to add: What I have found from many switches is that we have a primary role. I am primarily submissive. It's not something I could ever give up. However, dominating is also enjoyable to me, but if I had to chose to forgo it, I could in order to be a submissive. I'm not sure that answers your question and I can't pretend to speak for all switches, but it's not uncommon for the switches I have encountered to have a primary role.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/21/2008 10:18:14 PM >

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RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/21/2008 10:18:55 PM

literaryfairy

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline

Looking back, yes, I can see that. Odd.

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/21/2008 10:22:48 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

And I'm the opposite from what Laurell described: I'm a switch who has a primary role of dominant. It's very rare and only to one person who I submit as a "relief valve" sort of thing to my personality. My main way of being is dominant.

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Post #: 4

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/21/2008 11:16:12 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

In my opinion, it's a trend due to societal constraints. It seems to be 'better" to be a sub who can Top than a Dom who wants to bottom in the lifestyle at the moment. Somehow, a Dominant or Master who wants to bottom isn't seen as "real", but it's ok for a bottom, sub or slave to "service Top". I don't think it really makes sense, but that's my observation.

Master Fire

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(in reply to playfulotter)

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RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/21/2008 11:34:31 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

I think most switches I know have a primary identity..the side of them that truly fuels their souls..while the other side is added gravy..therefore some folks ID as submissive Switches or Dominant Switches. I have found that mostly submissive Switches admit to being switches and will state that in their profiles, while Dominant Switches tend to have two separate profiles, one sub profile and one Dom profile due to the bias that does exist in this community.

I'm a sub Switch, which to me means that while I can see myself possibly never having a long term relationship with a submissive, I cannot see myself living without a relationship in which I am in the submissive role. Now if I found another switch who met both of my needs and vice versa, that could be ideal..i had that once, but it is very rare.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 2:08:09 AM

lucern

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline

I've seen it too playfulotter. Though I don't want to presume some sort of balance of switches to one side or the other, perhaps this says a lot about ways of being dominant and submissive as much as it says about switches. Maybe switches come off as more submissive because of their appearing flexible. This could also imply uncertainty. I'm thinking that these traits fit commonly held ways of being submissive and do not fit common ideas about dominance, so switches might give you that vibe despite the lack of an indication in those profiles that the switches favor submission.

It's worth noting that with ambiguous categories - particularly those between two sides defined in opposition to one another, those displaying ambiguity are often shifted to the lower category whenever they're hierarchical. In this case Subs<------->Dom(me)s is an extraordinarily hierarchical binary. It would be my hypothesis as a social scientist that switches may, somewhere deep inside many of us, be regularly shuffled into the lower category until they prove themselves unambiguous or the meanings associated with the two extremes are slackened. I'm in favor of the latter, creating more of a spectrum of bdsm practice, but that's just me.

I personally love each side, and I hope people don't think me less dominant because of my switching, but I can see how they would.

(in reply to michaels4evr)

Post #: 7

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 3:34:11 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

my profile is listed as a 'submissive' , because I am submissive to strong dominant males, that is what I seek...I can dominate when I sense weakness or indecision in my partner, and I only like taking the 'top' role with other women...why would you question if switches exhist? My role with each individiual is cast by my interaction with that individual...I had an encounter with a 'dominant' {pshaaaw} a few years back , he was indecisive and couldn't keep 'control' of the scene, even asked me 'now what' ...this man professed 15 years experience...yeah, I ended up topping him (and not from the bottom, tied his ass up and blistered his cheeks}...no I get no 'top space' from that, and no real satisfaction...but hopefully he learned his lesson

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Post #: 8

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 5:42:19 AM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Hey, sometimes you want to rip the clothes off with the teeth. Other times you want to be tripped and pounced on.

Stefan

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 9

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 6:09:40 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I never really thought about it before but since you brought it up - yes, it does seem like quite often those profiles I have read of people who identify at switches tend to lean toward the bottom side.

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 10

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 7:08:37 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

In this case i would not fit in ANY of the above described labels or boxes .why is it switchy types must all be defined and figured out ?I was typing out a huge explanation of who and what i do etc . in the end who cares I am just me ,i relate to the switch label cuz it is the closest thing the masses can relate too .

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 11

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 7:43:15 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

well this may sound confusing, but I consider myself a Dominant Switch. However I have a strong urge to be owned. At one point, that made my eyes cross. Now it is just another fact about myself.

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Post #: 12

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 7:47:05 AM

GingerLou

Posts: 15
Status: offline

I have found that I have a truly dominant side altho a slave heart(which won't give up total control in the situations it has been in). The difficulty seems to be in finding one stronger than me to keep me on my knees.

I've been in charge of my life for a very long time and done a very good job of running the show for my family.

I originally started out in the lifestyle as a Domme but after a time realized my heart wasn't in it for anything longer than a bit of play here and there.

My sammy at the time thought I should have a hatred of men due to past abuse issues and would do marvelously at it.

I learned I can paddle an ass nice and red after chaining but it doesn't flick my switch ( no pun intended)for any length of time.\
I'm an alpha female in every regard except for I keep hoping to one day find one stronger than my wants or that will carry through the action with the deed and not just a bunch of words and truly Master me for I have learned there is a very big difference in just being owned and in being mastered.

Yet I have no trouble wrassling him down if he wants me too, lol, cause He would still be the one in charge

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RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 8:09:08 AM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

Well, you can take a look at my profile. I think it's decently balanced. I tend to go through phases where I prefer one role or the other (right now I'm in serious Domme mode), but at any time I am happy to respond to whatever dynamic a given partner brings out in me.

I started in the lifestyle as a submissive, which I originally thought was my main preference because I am a masochist. They just seem to go together. Additionally, I am not much of a sadist at all, so I assumed dominance was not for me.

As I learned more about different kinds of D/s relationships, I realized that boxing myself into these categories was unnecessary, and started exploring other aspects of myself. Turns out, I am quite satisfied in a Dominant role too. The essential energy of power exchange is what moves me, regardless of what role I play in the exchange.

I think that last sentence will probably sound familiar to most switches on these forums. We take a lot of crap for not being "true" whatevers, but in many ways I think switches have a more holistic grasp of power exchange and can draw on their experience from both sides regardless of what role they are in at any given moment.

Frankly, I think any Dominant who hasn't had a taste of their own medicine is missing out on experience that could help them be a more empathic Dominant. Any submissive who hasn't tried controlling a scene has little appreciation for how damn HARD it can be sometimes.

Even if you do identify as only a Dominant or a submissive, it's still good to try to put yourself into the other's shoes once in a while, just to keep things in perspective.

(in reply to GingerLou)

Post #: 14

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 8:49:07 AM

givingin

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline

I could probably list myself as a switch, but choose not to. I think that I do have switchy tendencies, but the core of who I am in a relationship is more submissive or slave-like. I am known though to also be quite dominating in relationships when the one I am with doesn't have a more domineering personality.

I think that my "role" is adaptive to who I am with, honestly. I don't know if that is how it works with other people or not, but it seems to be the pattern for me personally.

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(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 15

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 8:57:27 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

I never fully understood the mind of switches. I would not say most are more sub, but many are. As a DOM, I don't
have a problem with that.

(in reply to givingin)

Post #: 16

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 9:31:50 AM

vampiresscammy

Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Hey, sometimes you want to rip the clothes off with the teeth. Other times you want to be tripped and pounced on.

Stefan

exactly!! my partner at the moment greatly influences which role I feel like taking, or someitmes the urge simply jumps up and goes 'surprise, im here'. some days i long to be at his feet awaiting any and all commands, other days i want him to tremble under my hands, quivering with delight as i set about reminding him whom his Mistress is.

its seems as simple to me as saying hey i woke up today and wanted eggs, then tomorrow ill get up and want pancakes, one never knows til that moment arrives.

edited for speeling errors, did i get 'em all, opps

< Message edited by vampiresscammy -- 1/22/2008 9:33:02 AM >

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 17

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 5:55:51 PM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

I have recently changed my status to switch in my profile. The reason being that I am a collared sub, and my Mistress wishes for me to find another playmate. She does not want me to sub for them, but to be the top. As the term Domme does not really apply to me, I use switch to help assist others when they are searching for potential playmates.

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(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 18

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 6:31:56 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: playfulotter

Come off as submissives mostly or bottoms...and then they throw in they can be Dominant in the end...i have just found this to be the rule the last few years and wonder how others think about this or am i perceiving things in a weird way..i guess what i am asking is that is someone who is a true "switch" if there is such a thing mostly submissive but can go the other way if it comes up.....thanks!

Switches are truly misunderstood: unless you are one, or are in relationship to a switch, or have been a switch or feel you are in a transition and enjoying both roles.

i am a switch. And i have many friends in the lifetsyle who are switches. We are all different just as every Dom or Domme or Sub or Slave is different.

I have a friend who was a cuckholded slave to a couple when he was very young and now is one of the most devilish and stylsih Dominants i know.

I have a friend who is what i would call an intra-switch and he will switch within one relationship. i have had an intra switch relationship with him and it was like a relatiosip of four people.
i know a couple and He is the Dom in their rleationship but submissive to me.

i am a slave and have a Master who enpowers me to play with others, hands over the power of arranging play with others. Master and i are polyamourous and i am always deeply enslaved to Him.
I have a long diftance friendship with a switch which has existed for four years. Our relationship exists of mails, chatting, web cam and phonecalls. i can usually deduce which 'role' he is in by the first dew lines of chat. his entire demeanour (and attire) and voice changes when he is submissive to when he is dominant. he feels sincere and as deeply invovolved in both roles. If we catch each other when we are in complimantary roles then it id hot! When we are both 'subby' we tend to cry on each others' shoulders. When we are both assertive we tend to struggle, bitch and fight.

At the moment i am only dominant with women. i have often thought that i might tire of being in the submissive role and i am to a certain extent but it is deepening as i understand the meaning of slave, in my way and as it is being shaped by Master P.

I admire the role of Dominant completely as i understand its responsibilities. my need to switch is as important to me as my bisexual orientation: it is who i am and might sound amorphous, it might sound undecided: it most certainly is at times and at others times it feels very clear.

i don't see power exchange, for me, as divided into clearly defined boxes or existing in a world of opposites. i discovered the terms dom, sub, switch...long after i was doing simply what i was doing.

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 19

RE: Is this just me or do most switches in their profil... - 1/22/2008 6:33:23 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

I have recently changed my status to switch in my profile. The reason being that I am a collared sub, and my Mistress wishes for me to find another playmate. She does not want me to sub for them, but to be the top. As the term Domme does not really apply to me, I use switch to help assist others when they are searching for potential playmates.

Congratulations on your switch xx

(in reply to Kitte9)

Post #: 20

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