Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case??

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Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this c... - 1/15/2008 2:25:20 PM

mystique2003

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/27/2006
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I have trouble asking Master for the things I want. Like a good flogging or fireplay or a number of other things. I know he can't read my mind, (though there are times I think he can). And maybe deep down I think it is his choice to do whatever he wants.
Now is it humbling for a slave to ask for what she wants? Does humility have a place in the asking?
Thank you ahead of time for helping me understand myself.

Post #: 1

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 2:30:27 PM

Justme696

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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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Are you behaving so well that you don't get punishment? Find it hard to answer, because I don't know how your relation is.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 2

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 2:35:53 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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Yes, a sub/slave asking a Master for such things can be a very humbling experience. Even more so if a sub/slave will beg for such things. Asking for such things is and can be a lesson in humility. Many people have issues asking for things, favors or whatnot. If you struggle with such things, then asking for such things can be a lesson in humility. Because it actually is a reflection in the power exchange dynamics. Where the Master/Mistress is in the position to either grant or deny such a request.

The opposite can be the case though, for those sub/slaves that seem to demand or ask for too much. Where they are forced to reflect upon how strongly they desire what they are asking for. hence where begging comes into play.

Ok, so if you have a hard time asking for anything period, begging may be to extreme for you. You are humbled just by asking for something. If you are more of a DO ME submissive, Begging may be your path toward being humbled.

hope this kind of makes sense.

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 3

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 2:38:55 PM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
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it all depends on how you and your Master have things set up for you as His slave. if He allows you to ask for these things than ask for them.otherwise it may very well(not judging) up to Him to do these things.

i only say this because a few weeks ago my Mistress and i were engaged in converstation so i asked Her wht O/our Lord might think if i brough Him the rope flogger and presented it to Him on my knees. well, needless to say it ended up in a 2 hour conversation of thing to do and things not to do.

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 4

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 2:39:57 PM

loveNdevotion

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I have had problems asking for what I need in past relationships, too. Had nothing to do with humility, though- and everything to do with my personality. I'm just not a very demanding person; and on occassion have a hard time admitting that I need (or want) something...

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 5

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 4:57:11 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: loveNdevotion

I have had problems asking for what I need in past relationships, too. Had nothing to do with humility, though- and everything to do with my personality. I'm just not a very demanding person; and on occassion have a hard time admitting that I need (or want) something...

One of the constant themes you'll see on CM is communication, communication, communication between Dom and sub. If you or the OP and your Masters can sit down and talk over what you desire -- don't express it as a "need," perhaps -- you can probably negotiate something that will work for both of you.

If you just keep it inside, I guarantee it'll bite your relationship in the ass eventually.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to loveNdevotion)

Post #: 6

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 5:05:36 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I found it particularly humbling to ask for something when in D/s when I faced the fact that whether I got it or not was entirely up to him. If I were to ask for things with the expectation of getting them it would be gratifying, or frustrating. But when I prepared myself to ask for something, knowing that the answer could very well be no, it was a very humbling experience.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 7

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 5:08:56 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

I found it particularly humbling to ask for something when in D/s when I faced the fact that whether I got it or not was entirely up to him. If I were to ask for things with the expectation of getting them it would be gratifying, or frustrating. But when I prepared myself to ask for something, knowing that the answer could very well be no, it was a very humbling experience.

Beautifully stated, Elorin

. I totally agree. For me, that is the big difference between simply asking and "topping from the bottom." It's all in the spirit of humility I have when I ask and the fact that, like you, I am totally aware the answer could be "no." And then - if it is - the respectful behavior I continue to exhibit. In our home, asking isn't controlling or "topping" because requests aren't demands and I have no expectations of always getting what I ask for when I ask for it...........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 8

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 6:15:56 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystique2003

I have trouble asking Master for the things I want. Like a good flogging or fireplay or a number of other things. I know he can't read my mind, (though there are times I think he can). And maybe deep down I think it is his choice to do whatever he wants.
Now is it humbling for a slave to ask for what she wants? Does humility have a place in the asking?
Thank you ahead of time for helping me understand myself.

I can always ask, knowing that if he says no, then it's no and to put the issue to bed. As has been said, asking without expectations is the key.

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 9

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 9:19:21 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It can be a humbling experience to expose yourself in that way and admit you can't or aren't allowed to get something yourself, or that you need help externally.

It's often more controlling and self centered to try and do it all yourself and keep information inside.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 10

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 9:26:03 PM

AllietheKitten

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

Asking for what you want does not equal demanding. Demanding is ordering someone to give you something. Asking always comes with the risk that the other person will say "no".
Its a vital difference. Are you being demanding by asking for something? I don't think so, as long as you accept a "no" with good grace.

_____________________________

I don't believe in Destiny
Or the guiding hand of Fate
I don't believe in forever
of love as a mystical state
But I believe there's a ghost of a chance
We can find someone to love and make it last.
~Rush

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 10:27:23 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllietheKitten

Asking for what you want does not equal demanding. Demanding is ordering someone to give you something. Asking always comes with the risk that the other person will say "no".
Its a vital difference. Are you being demanding by asking for something? I don't think so, as long as you accept a "no" with good grace.

Agreed. Communicating is not "topping from the bottom." In fact for many I think not communicating may be worse.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to AllietheKitten)

Post #: 12

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/15/2008 11:13:35 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

What does your Master think about it? Ask HIM. We can give you all sorts of opinions, but in the end, how he wants these things handled can only come from him.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 13

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/16/2008 7:19:46 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

There are several interesting aspects here.

In the beginning of your relationship with your Master, did you not discuss play activities that interested you? I would hope so. Otherwise, how did you determine any level of compatability. If new interests have developed they should be communicated and can be done so in a manner where you are just disclosing new things you have learned about yourself. He may just soak it in and incorporate it at some point without you having to ask.

On the other hand, if you are requesting certain activities you already participate in and just need to have some play time, yes, this can be a humbling experience to ask, or beg for. (I, personally, love the begging..*grin*) Why is it humbling? You have already stated. Becuase you can be turned away.

So, the next questions is, is it the asking you have a diversion for, or the fear of rejection?

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 14

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/16/2008 7:43:16 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I completely understand how it is difficult for you....It was for me too....its better now, but I'm still not completely at ease asking....beating and whippings are SO fun... Daddy and I decided in the very beginning that He and I would do that just because we wanted to....NOT as "punishment"....That way theres no danger of me acting out just to get a spanking I want....I think using punishment as an excuse to get what one wants on either side of the whip does the relationship a disservice.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 15

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/16/2008 7:47:53 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Are you behaving so well that you don't get punishment? Find it hard to answer, because I don't know how your relation is.

WHAT???? I believe she was asking about asking for what she wants... What in the world does being well behaved have to do with it?...Unless You are asking if she is behaving proprerly when she approches her "D" type about this. If a "s" type has to "act out" just to get a spanking(and NOT the fun kind) then there are some SERIOUS communication problems. (in my opinion)

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 16

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/16/2008 8:08:31 AM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

The person to ask - as others have stated - would be your Master, since we do not know your dynamic. However, a submissive asking or begging for something from me is very much a desired aspect of my D/s relationships. The opposite - just doing whatever you want without asking - is where I would have a problem, of course. Oh, and I love it when someone starts to demand stuff. Because that makes saying no much more sweet....

**edited for clarity**

< Message edited by ArgoGeorgia -- 1/16/2008 8:10:15 AM >

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 17

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/16/2008 8:09:03 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

It is your Master you should be asking, not strangers. We cannot speak for him.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 18

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/16/2008 9:27:22 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Are you behaving so well that you don't get punishment? Find it hard to answer, because I don't know how your relation is.

WHAT???? I believe she was asking about asking for what she wants... What in the world does being well behaved have to do with it?...Unless You are asking if she is behaving proprerly when she approches her "D" type about this. If a "s" type has to "act out" just to get a spanking(and NOT the fun kind) then there are some SERIOUS communication problems. (in my opinion)

I am glad i shocked your world ;)

When i read the OP I wondered why there was no attention of the Dom. So I wondered, doesn't she even get a spanking because of punishment?
IF both reasons to spank are not there...then something is wrong.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 19

RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in th... - 1/16/2008 9:28:13 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I find a few things interfere with the sub partner asking for what they desire and need.

Their own internal idea of what is proper. One way I've found around this is during training I keep emphasizing that keeping information from me is being disobedient. When you feel an urge you need to share it with me with the understanding that I will make the best decision for us.

Another problem is general shyness about sexuality. While ideally we in BDSM should be able to talk more honestly and openly about our sexuality the fact is we are still products, by and large, of cultures where this kind of discussion can be seem as improper. Again emphasizing that the dominant needs to know coupled with positive feedback for sharing is very helpful.

The last block I can think of is holding the dominant up to an impossible belief: He/She will know when/what I need just because of his/her scene role. It can be shattering to the fantasy of BDSM to learn that tops are human too but I think it's part of the experience and maturing process you go through over the years.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mystique2003)

Post #: 20

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