Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Sharing of advice


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sharing of advice Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 7:20:28 AM   
SCExecutiveSub


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline 		Hello everyone,
If you had 5 pieces of advice/comments to make to a fairly new submissive what would they be?
Thank you in advance for any responses - girlie
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 7:28:27 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		be cautious
be aware
be safe
be yourself
be honest (communicate)

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 7:56:30 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Take your time
Develop trust
Learn what a safe word is
Never be afraid to ask questions
Don't be afraid if you don't fit a stereotype.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 8:00:04 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		don't trust people easily
learn about yourself and what you really want and need first
don't listen to the advice of people on a message board or take it as gospel
don't get caught up in sub frenzy and get crazy over the attention you will get
don't think that being a submissive means you deserve no respect or means you do not expect to have you own needs met

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 8:03:39 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		know your boundaries and enforce them no matter how wrapped up emotionally you might get.

Trust someone thoroughly before allowing them to put you into bondage or do anything that could be damaging/harnful

Realize that safewords do not replace common sense and building trust

If he hides in any way he's probably married - run and run fast (doesn't give you his phone number to his house, you can only call him certain times, he logs out the same time and quickly each time you and he are online, etc)

Don't be intimidated, if you're not comfortable with something and say so - don't let phrases like - Well your not really submissive if you don't (xyz)...... That's just manipluation.

i could go on but you asked for 5

< Message edited by velvetears -- 1/12/2008 8:05:10 AM >

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 8:10:03 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		1) Until you've made the conscious decision to become someone's submissive, you belong to no one but yourself. Which means you make the decision on what you do and what you say. You do not have to follow the orders of every Tom, Dick and Harry that labels himself as a dominant.

2) Don't do things that you're uncomfortable with simply because someone tells you that you're "not a real submissive" if you don't.

3) Patience. You can't do everything in the BDSM D/s realm in a weekend. Good relationships take time and effort. They don't just magically happen.

4) Things happen in BDSM D/s that are just like dating in the vanilla world.

5) Negotiate and communicate. You have that right. Excercise it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 8:10:18 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. Be careful
2. Believe non of what you hear and half of what you see
3. You are not someone's submissive until YOU agree to be
4. Keep your self in tact
5. Don't be afraid so say thanks but no thanks

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 8:31:13 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SCExecutiveSub

Hello everyone,
If you had 5 pieces of advice/comments to make to a fairly new submissive what would they be?
Thank you in advance for any responses - girlie


1) Talk to a lot of dominants before submitting to any of them, take your time.
2) Define yourself, do not let anyone else define you without your permission (ie, wankers telling you a "real" submissive would do things you do not want to do).
3) Do not settle for less than you want, your happiness is important, otherwise why bother?
4) These sorts of relationships take the same skills your vanilla ones did (communication, eventual trust, honesty and openness).
5) Most important Trust yourself and your intuition and run from anyone that tells you not to.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 8:44:05 AM   
SCExecutiveSub


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for responding!

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 8:50:35 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Enjoy!

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 9:06:21 AM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		this is more to the male subs, but there will be crossover

1)  when dealing with a dominant woman, don't forget the woman in the the dominant
2)  she's likely not going to be interested in a picture of your cock
3)  saying you're "no limits" can be a very bad idea, at best you won't be taken seriously and at worst, you will
4)  get to know her and let her get to know you before you get straight to your fantasies... small talk counts big
5)  and like everyone else says. be yourself; this just plain cannot be said enough


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 9:54:51 AM   
tinoketsheli


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/9/2007
Status: offline 		Everyone else gave great advice (I like your number 3 DC)

no matter what though dont forget that this is about two people potentially connecting in one most intimate and special ways possible. And be sure to have fun!!!!! Its a wonderful thing to be new at in my opinion and when you find someone who matches your needs and is the right person for the job you will have the time of your life!

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 10:04:35 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		1. You have limits.
2. You have rights.
3. You don't have to be released. You can just leave.
4. You are hopefully a grown man or woman with some life experience and common sense. Don't forget that.
5. You have hopefully had relationships and dated before. Don't forget that. There isn't a huge difference between those and these.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 10:15:21 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		1) Wait six months before making a commitment to anyone

2) "these links"

My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 10:42:41 AM   
cherrypez


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline 		1.) Patience in finding the partner
2.) Keep you mind open a closed mind never learns and grows
3.) Be tolerant of other's ideas, just because it's not your kink doesn't make it wrong
4.) SSC can include asking a Dom to wear a condom
5.) A safe word is won't work if the Dom chooses to continue, trust works better than the safe word.

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 11:19:21 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		1. Know yourself
2. Listen to your instincts
3. Pay no atention to labels, go with what you feel
4. Don't get sucked into someone else's agenda (until you're sure their agenda is compatible with yours and is what you want.)
5. Be as cautious as you can with your safety and your heart.  But realize that you first have to trust yourself (and your judgment), and then trust another, to get the most out of this.  So don't play games.  And if and when you get hurt anyway, dust yourself off and give it another go, a little wiser this time.



_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 11:35:20 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		1. Come to Domiguy

2. Come to Domiguy

3. Come to Domiguy

4. Come to Domiguy

5. If you are wearing something silly on your head please remove it before acting on 1-4.

_____________________________



(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 11:37:59 AM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		1. Do not allow your chosen role to prevent you from exploring or engaging in anything kinky or fun because someone else thinks a submissive should not do it.
2. Remember you role is only part of you it is not your identity.
3. Do not allow and/or expect others to speak to you or treat you like they own you without your & their consent.
4. Keep your expectations of yourself and others realistc.
5. Attend munches, groups and events in the real world.

Edit: Missing word



< Message edited by TigressFL -- 1/12/2008 11:38:50 AM >

_____________________________

Live your own truth, Life is short

(in reply to SCExecutiveSub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 11:38:49 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		Not 5 pieces of advise, but 1 important
IF you meet some one in real. Meet first several times in public to just talk and get eachother known. Then i would suggest a hotel were more people are..but then you have to bring your toys.
Just don't go emmediately to the house of a stranger..unless you can leave behind an address

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sharing of advice - 1/12/2008 12:25:38 PM   
SayaNereida


Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline 		1.  This 'type' of relationship is no different than any other type; most of the same 'rules' still apply...take time to get to know the person.
2.  Trust, like any other relationship is a corner stone.
3.  Communication
4.  Respect yourself, your partner and your relationship
5.  If a relationship doesn't work, it may have no bearing on whether you are a good sub or he/she a good Dom, it is more likely the 2 of you just don't fit; there is someone out there that is a good fit for everyone, keep looking as don't settle.  (hmm would that be 6??)

Saya



_____________________________

Anais Nin: Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. ...


(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sharing of advice Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.391