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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 2:32:00 PM

tinoketsheli

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so far for me all the doms i know, including my old one, much preferred inexperienced. I think it also depends on age a bit and patients.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 2:32:03 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewPleasures
Have you encountered a lot of women who were inexperienced and wanted to learn about this lifestyle only to then decide it wasn't for them after the experience?

I have certainly encountered my share that were inexperienced and wanted to try lots of things and then found out certain things were not for them. Very few who feel an initial attraction to some parts of BDSM ever throw away all of it. Usually they just keep the parts that work for them and disregard the rest.

As an example there is this old story about the newbie girl who met a dominant for the first time and the went to a play party. Midway through their first scene she starts screaming "RED" and everything in the club comes to a screeching halt. After they finally calm her down she explains "flogging doesn't hurt like that online".

Take your time and enjoy the ride. You'll have plenty of time to be experienced, but you only get once chance at being innocent. *smile*

Taggard

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 2:39:11 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lablancsecret
Okay, that may be true, but I figure I'm taking a calculated risk by investing in a Dom, who may have "been there, done that" and knows how to do it safely. Maybe he can't do it not amazingly well, but aren't submissives improvement properties??

Anyways, I'm not 100% sure anyways. I just figure this is a good way of gauging.

What I was trying to say is that on the topic of experience it is not quite cut and dried. Does a Dominant who has 10 years experience at home with 1 submissive have more experience than a Dominant who has 3 years regularly attending various lifestyle clubs and communities, going to demos and playing with and practicing many techniques on multiple submissives? Or how about the Dominant who got into this lifestyle 30 years ago when he was overseas in the military, then came home and married a vanilla women who he divorced 2 years ago. Legitimately he tells people he found the lifestyle 30 years ago, but technically he has 3 years of experience. Unless you understand the full scope of that "experience" the time means little.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 3:05:20 PM

cherrypez

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I think experience lies in the eyes of the beholder. One can be experienced in just one area and not others. For me I think looking at the person as a whole is more important than experience or lack of experience.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 3:12:11 PM

LotusSong

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I prefer experience. That way they at least KNOW what they want, have a clue and can appreciate a good Domme :)

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 3:24:44 PM

lateralist1

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I prefer someone who has had enough experience to stick around the scene but not enough to have a complete mindset of what they think it is all about and therefore try to impose that on me.
I had one experienced sub tell me that because I wear glasses I could begin to look like a Domme if I tried hard enough lol.
Later he told me I wanted too much control over him.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 3:42:08 PM

ksub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Take your time and enjoy the ride. You'll have plenty of time to be experienced, but you only get once chance at being innocent. *smile*

Taggard

That is such a cool, sexy thought... and may explain why some Doms really enjoy inexperienced subs/slaves. Thanks!

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 3:46:43 PM

bipolarber

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I'm switch. And the answer remains the same if I'm in sub role or Dom: I consider the person first. Their experience level really doesn't enter into it. If someone attracts me, and we seem to have good chemistry, that is infinitely more important to me than if they were some superstar in the community, or had been playing for decades....

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 4:34:04 PM

KindLadyGrey

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I'm going to put in a plug for experienced submissives. The general consensus seems to be that experience shouldn't matter that much, so I wanted to offer an alternative view.

Finding an experienced sub is something of a treat. A sub who says "Hello ma'am, I've been trained by Mistress Awesome to serve you in any of the following ways. . ." and then proceeds to recite a list that includes everything from massage to domestic chores to trade skills is really a lucky find. (And believe me, there is a BIG difference between a new sub who is *willing* to do those things, and one who actually has experience doing them) I have yet to get lucky enough to claim one, but every time I talk to such a sub or see them in action I wonder if their next Dom/me is ever tempted to call up Mistress Awesome and thank her profusely for giving the sub so much experience.

I don't have any issues getting involved with inexperienced subs either (popping someone's cherry has it's appeal too), but sometimes it is nice to play with someone else who knows the ropes, so to speak.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 6:09:16 PM

Rover

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That presumes that you want things done just the way that Mistress Awesome does. In which case, you'd be better off training under Mistress Awesome yourself in order to learn what she trains, and her training methods.

For those of us who may have need for training and skills that are more personalized to our tastes, Mistress Awesome's training can be a hinderance that must be untrained.

Just a view from the other side of the coin.

John

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 7:31:26 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

That presumes that you want things done just the way that Mistress Awesome does. In which case, you'd be better off training under Mistress Awesome yourself in order to learn what she trains, and her training methods.

For those of us who may have need for training and skills that are more personalized to our tastes, Mistress Awesome's training can be a hinderance that must be untrained.

Just a view from the other side of the coin.

John

... Or the new Dom/me can build on the previous training.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/9/2008 9:14:05 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Well, I have had the SUBS call and tell me how happy they were with the training they got from me... so that counts, too.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 10:25:16 AM

HandSolo

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Frankly, NewP, I took a quick look at your profile, and I think it will be difficult to keep hordes of Doms away! The age requirement might be a little tough, that's all.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 10:38:03 AM

DesFIP

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It depends. If you're looking for an edge player, then a newbie is not going to be that immediately. And in that case, someone with more experience is going to be more desirable.

The Man is my first D/s relationship. He said he had gotten turned off to experienced types not because of their experience but because they weren't over their ex. Apparently it got old real fast being told he didn't do an activity "just like their ex did".

But that's a problem in any relationship. I can't imagine any of us have not been forced to endure a dinner listening to someone talk about their ex. Never a good idea.

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 11:03:15 AM

NewPleasures

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HandSolo

Frankly, NewP, I took a quick look at your profile, and I think it will be difficult to keep hordes of Doms away! The age requirement might be a little tough, that's all.

Ty...do you think the age requirement is unreasonable or over the top?

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 11:05:31 AM

NewPleasures

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewPleasures
Have you encountered a lot of women who were inexperienced and wanted to learn about this lifestyle only to then decide it wasn't for them after the experience?

Take your time and enjoy the ride. You'll have plenty of time to be experienced, but you only get once chance at being innocent. *smile*

Taggard

Its hard not to rush things to get to the good part but I know it is necessary in order to avoid unnecessary mistakes. I'm not too sure if I like being innocent. It's getting kind of old..

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 11:07:40 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewPleasures
Ty...do you think the age requirement is unreasonable or over the top?

As someone firmly between the ages of 35 and 47, I must say that I think your age requirements are perfect and should be adopted by all submissives/slaves/and women in general for at least the next...uh...9 years!

But seriously, you like what you like. You will not need to settle, so if you want a dom between those ages, don't be afraid to say so. On the other hand, age can be just a number. I have met some very young 50 year olds and some very old 22 year olds. Have some guidelines, but be willing to bend the rules for that special exception...

Taggard

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 11:09:28 AM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It depends. If you're looking for an edge player, then a newbie is not going to be that immediately. And in that case, someone with more experience is going to be more desirable.

The Man is my first D/s relationship. He said he had gotten turned off to experienced types not because of their experience but because they weren't over their ex. Apparently it got old real fast being told he didn't do an activity "just like their ex did".

But that's a problem in any relationship. I can't imagine any of us have not been forced to endure a dinner listening to someone talk about their ex. Never a good idea.

Experience is fine-if you can get over the baggage that goes with it. Exes are exes for a reason, best to just "get over it".

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 11:13:07 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewPleasures
Its hard not to rush things to get to the good part but I know it is necessary in order to avoid unnecessary mistakes. I'm not too sure if I like being innocent. It's getting kind of old..

That is completely understandable and so very common. But you seem to have your head firmly on your shoulders and your attitude is, quite frankly, quite refreshing! You will be fine...just don't take this stuff too seriously.

And find yourself a good group of people (preferably local...I would look into DomSubFriends if you are close to NYC, I actually really enjoy the events they hold at paddles) before you pick a Dom.

One last piece of advice, before I shut up. Don't be afraid to date around, even in the BDSM world. No matter what your kink, a "temporary" version of it can be arranged. See what there is to offer. Though that doesn't always happen...sometimes the first one you meet just happens to be the right one.

Taggard

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RE: Experienced vs. Inexperienced - 1/10/2008 11:14:31 AM

NewPleasures

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Joined: 12/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewPleasures
Ty...do you think the age requirement is unreasonable or over the top?

As someone firmly between the ages of 35 and 47, I must say that I think your age requirements are perfect and should be adopted by all submissives/slaves/and women in general for at least the next...uh...9 years!

But seriously, you like what you like. You will not need to settle, so if you want a dom between those ages, don't be afraid to say so. On the other hand, age can be just a number. I have met some very young 50 year olds and some very old 22 year olds. Have some guidelines, but be willing to bend the rules for that special exception...

Taggard

I wrote the age requirement because I want someone who is mature but not totally sooo far from my age that we have nothing in common. It seems as if all it is doing it weeding out those who are respectful enough to respect my wises and encouraging those who are disrespectful enough to ignore them. *sigh* what's a girl to do?

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