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Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 11:53:15 AM   
fit2pleaseu


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to know more about this situation that i am in please.
Does being a sub for a Mistress who is married to a Dom husband that has his own subbie constitute being part of a poly relationship.
My contract does state that i may be required to assist "Hubby" on the odd occasion...he is also straight.
We all get on very well and seem to becoming good friends also
Mistress tend to think that this is not really a poly relationship but i was just wondering other peoples thoughts.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 11:54:26 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Seems like poly to me ... but as with everything else, it is open to interpretation by those who are living it.

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 11:55:30 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Why question it? So what if it is? Or what if it wasn't?

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 12:00:24 PM   
fr3ddy25


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Poly to me, is more than one loving relationship, that is AGREED upon by everyone involved.  If everyone is in agreement in these relationships, then it's poly.  But your mileage may vary, and there are so many different definitions of a poly relationship. 

I am currently involved in 2 long distance relationships that are poly.  My bf is also dating my girlfriend, so it's a bit of a triad going on.  My gf is also my Domme as well.  We share every bit of info between eachother regarding new people that come into our lives.  There's no hiding new friend/love interests, as that would be cheating, in OUR opinions. 

Hope that all works well for you.

fr3ddy25

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 12:23:53 PM   
MadameButterfly


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		There are varrying forms of poly relationships... however... I want to point out that lables in this lifestyle can be damaging and are not neccesary.  If your Mistress chooses to not lable the dynamics of your household then one should be accepting of that.  I know it is hard and when we first start out we tend to want to understand & "know" everything about our changing lives.  My suggestion is to ask your Mistress for clarification regarding the situation and once she has explained her views decide from their to accept or decline her views on the current lables of the household.

(in reply to fr3ddy25)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 1:50:07 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		In my book, you are not part of a poly household or unit.

You on a personal level may decide to be monogamous but as long as your mistress has other parters and is honest with you about that, then you are in a poly relationship.

Let me use a personal example.

Fox has zero interest in having sexual contact with anyone other than me so he considers himself to be personally monogamous however because he is part of this family he considers himself part of a poly family.

I would disagree by the way with his identity as monogamous -- I think that getting off when you are in bondage or helping another in bondage get off qualifies as sex but he was raised a very conservative boy and finds it a bit difficult to see anything that isn't penetration as "sex".

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 3:40:55 PM   
fr3ddy25


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		On further thought, I would say that it would definitely be considered a Leather Family, not necessarily poly.  I guess if all involved are ok with what is going on, then why the NEED for labels.  Just enjoy the togetherness.

fr3ddy25

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 3:49:18 PM   
Sexynmentalinkc


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline 		Leave the labels at the door. If it's workin' right....................it is.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't carefully consider this all and stay SSC/RACK, however.


In the spirit of good communication, seems to me that getting all 4 in the room and defining what 'this' will be is key and priority.


No matter what, best o' luck!


*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

P.S. Sure sounds poly-ish to me.


_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to fr3ddy25)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 4:11:14 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Agree with TammyJo- the wife and husband are poly, they have multiple simultaneous intimate relationships.

You are monogamous to the wife and have merely a casual connection to the husband.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 6:34:31 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fr3ddy25

I guess if all involved are ok with what is going on, then why the NEED for labels.  Just enjoy the togetherness.

fr3ddy25

you dont even need us, you got it right there

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to fr3ddy25)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/9/2008 8:41:58 PM   
submissvefeMALED


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Perhpas you are on to a more spirtual, more intimate relationship.  One of sacrafice and love.  Just a thought.

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 12:54:36 AM   
fit2pleaseu


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting thoughts..not hung up on labels just curious about how people interpret things.
Seems it is poly for my Mistress and her husband only!

(in reply to submissvefeMALED)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 8:53:03 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you only have sex with her, while she has sex with both of you, then she is poly and you are monogamous. That would be the appropriate label. But it certainly doesn't explain the relationship between all of you. It just refers to the sex part.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 10:52:29 AM   
shadowmate


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		To me poly is when there are three or more involved.  There was a time when I was collared to a married Man and I lived with Him and His wife.  I was His in -every- way and hers only in the domestic type of way, so in a sense I was not just His, I was hers too, but only domestically for her.


< Message edited by shadowmate -- 1/10/2008 10:54:25 AM >

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 1:17:06 PM   
adon58


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/5/2005
Status: offline 		In accordance with Article 17, Section 4 (3.1.10 ) (a):
It is a poly only if the Dom Husband's subbie is married  herself to a Dom Husband who has a subbie, and you occasionally stand-in for aformentioned subbie and furthemore, provided that afformentioned subbie also serves your Mistress .

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 1:28:11 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fit2pleaseu

I would like to know more about this situation that i am in please.
Does being a sub for a Mistress who is married to a Dom husband that has his own subbie constitute being part of a poly relationship.
My contract does state that i may be required to assist "Hubby" on the odd occasion...he is also straight.
We all get on very well and seem to becoming good friends also
Mistress tend to think that this is not really a poly relationship but i was just wondering other peoples thoughts.


this is exactly the situation i am in, and i personally see myself as a monogamous member (currently) od a poly family... but as polyamorous actually means "many loves" not "many lovers" and i do truly love every member of our family, it can also be easily argued that i am also polyamorous

in the end, these are labels and the only ones that matter are the ones that you and your family choose to stick to your lapels

by the way, if you ever want to talk or chat with someone in the same boat with you; feel free to send me some cm mail if your dominant allows it, i'm sure that we both have some insights and experience that may help each other


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 1:34:17 PM   
fr3ddy25


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you only have sex with her, while she has sex with both of you, then she is poly and you are monogamous. That would be the appropriate label. But it certainly doesn't explain the relationship between all of you. It just refers to the sex part.


The thing is that poly is not all about the sex.  It's about loving/committed relationships.  You can have mono or poly relationships that don't center around sex. 

< Message edited by fr3ddy25 -- 1/10/2008 1:35:11 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 1:38:19 PM   
fr3ddy25


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adon58

In accordance with Article 17, Section 4 (3.1.10 ) (a):
It is a poly only if the Dom Husband's subbie is married  herself to a Dom Husband who has a subbie, and you occasionally stand-in for aformentioned subbie and furthemore, provided that afformentioned subbie also serves your Mistress .


adon58, Where is this article located?  I've never heard of any rules or laws concerning it.  I'm curious to read what they say.  I always like keeping on top of stuff like this.

Thanks!

(in reply to adon58)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/10/2008 2:04:50 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fit2pleaseu

I would like to know more about this situation that i am in please.
Does being a sub for a Mistress who is married to a Dom husband that has his own subbie constitute being part of a poly relationship.
My contract does state that i may be required to assist "Hubby" on the odd occasion...he is also straight.
We all get on very well and seem to becoming good friends also
Mistress tend to think that this is not really a poly relationship but i was just wondering other peoples thoughts.


If it really has to be defined, then I would go with LA's definition of you and your relationship to the Mistress and the definition of your Mistress and her husband. 

I tend to view poly as any situation in which every member in the relationship is involved with more than one other partner in the relationship.  For me, there has to be a relationship that involves something other than the sex and/or BDSM aspects...there is a relationship at some other level, whether it be D/s or girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.  If I share my submissive with another dominant but only for an occasional scene while I play with his submissive and we have no other involvement with them, I don't consider the 4 of us to be a poly unit, I consider the 4 of us to be "swinging" within the dynamics of our individual D/s relationships.  But...that's MY view.  Your view may differ...

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is this what you call Poly? - 1/13/2008 9:12:04 PM   
fit2pleaseu


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hey thanks for all of your replies its cool to know people are interested enough to post some thoughts.
Speaking of which i have another...what if i am to play with my Mistress and her husband in a purely hetero sense and or the Husbands subbie as well?
Is that anymore poly?

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 20
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